Denial

denial

pairing : force healer jedi! reader x anakin skywalker

word count : 1.3k

masterlist

summary

anakin skywalker confessed his love for you. except, you turned him down, reminding yourself of your duty to the jedi. weeks would have passed and you're reaching a breaking point where you can no longer deny how you felt about him.

tags : angst, mutual pining, fluff towards the end, i just love making myself miserable

warnings : pretty much just denial of how reader feels, and angst with a happy ending (!)

notes : hi lovely people! this is the first thing i'll post under this blog! thank u for taking interest in my little imagine, i hope you like it!

likes, reblogs, and comments are highly appreciated !

It has been a few weeks since Anakin Skywalker told you he loved you. For a moment, the cruelest thing to do seemed like the sweetest thing he could say.

For you both know that the Jedi Council will forbid you to delight in this feeling. No attachments, live to serve the good, clear lines. No devotions.

You didn't understand how loving someone can be so corrupting, after all, the Jedi Code taught you compassion for all things. That in itself is an act of love.

But now, ever since Anakin told you he wanted you, you felt the ravenous grip hold you by the throat, leaving you breathless. You wanted to hoard Anakin in your heart and keep him there. You wanted Anakin.

But caught by the abruptness, you could only tell him "We can't" before storming out of the room that one night. You were perplexed, because for the longest time you have resigned yourself to the idea that you were the only one feeling it.

Of course, you didn't mean it. Anakin Skywalker is the only one who truly knew you. He shredded down your walls to find you where you're most vulnerable and loved you anyway. He wasn't scared of the things about you he didn't understand. Things you, too, find difficult to accept.

He loved you.

He loved you despite, despite, despite...

And you turned him down.

Because you can't....

You were bound by duty first. And your duty is to serve the republic. You can't have Anakin, not if he is supposed to be the chosen one.

You can't take the republic's only chance of surviving this war. He was meant for something larger than you are. Larger than both of you. You understood this, but it didn't really make it hurt any less.

You still cried in your sleep; angry and tremendously sorry you turned the closest thing to love away.

It fell into this odd... silence between both of you.

You'd catch yourself looking for him in every room you find yourself in. A force of habit. His force signature used to be a warm beacon of light to anchor you, now every time you sense Anakin, your heart aches.

Haunted by the images in your mind of what could be if you allowed him to love you. Terrified that you've allowed yourself to want to share a lifetime with him.

You can't. You wouldn't.

You shuffle in your bed, unable to find a spot so you can comfortably rest. You were becoming more frustrated, for your mind just won't turn itself off.

With a sigh, you sit up. It would be futile to attempt any sleep, dawn was already breaking from the windows of the Jedi Temple.

You grabbed your robe and pulled your hair away from your face, tying it back.

The council had briefed you on your mission for today, you're stationed at the med-bay to overlook the casualties after the recent attack on Kamino.

Force healing is something that not every jedi practices, for it requires a deeper state of discipline and precision. Besides, there are medical droids that can take care of the wounded.

You valued healing; no matter how forgotten it may have been for the Jedi Order. So, this mission is equally important to you as fighting in the front lines.

The halls of the temple were still quiet, deep in sleep. You wander around, not really knowing where to head.

You halt at a balcony— entranced by the rising sun. You breathed deep, wondering when all became so complicated.

You hear a shuffle from behind, and instinctively, you turn.

A pair of blue eyes meet your doe-eyed gaze. You surveyed him, he looked like he just came from battle, his robes were covered in dirt, and you could tell that he had been awake for some time.

"Anakin" you breathed out, it had been the first time you addressed him after the night he confessed.

"Y/N" He answers, sounding tired.

Your heart thumps, unsure, and half-terrified that if he calls your name again, you might fall to pieces.

"How did the mission on Kamino go?" You say, trying to find any topic other than the one so thick in the air.

Anakin steps forward, leaning against the balcony. You hold your breath, Maker, even being close to him feels so...

"It went alright" Anakin answers, his gaze falling into the horizon.

Your eyes trail on his arm, noticing the dried blood, a gash maybe, you step forward, wanting to get a closer look, your healing instincts telling you something was off.

"You're hurt" You say, your hand carefully moving his robe.

Anakin sharply turns at your touch. Then his eyes bore into yours. You lifted your fingers, realizing you may have startled him.

Anakin always had you. Part of the reason you were persistent in learning healing. Because the anxiety of him hurting never settled, and you wanted to be equipped to take care of him.

"Let me do this, it won't take long" You insisted, because you knew Anakin too well, and he'd not get it checked until someone else forces him to sit down on the med-bay.

Anakin nods, his eyes never leave yours. You felt it, felt how much he was hurting. But you continued. Your fingers graze over his skin, then you channel the force, willing it to heal the gash.

The wound started closing and after a moment, it was like it wasn't there in the first place.

You withdrew your touch. The silence lingered. It's a silence that makes you feel mad, because it feels like this is how it'll always be for you and Anakin now. Delicately dancing around the elephant in the room. Like the wings of a butterfly, breathtakingly fragile.

The silence amplified the voice screaming in your heart.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

You may as well just say it out loud because your force signature is latched with it. It involuntarily pours your heart out.

"Anakin" you began, your lips opening and closing unable to find words to express how you felt.

He turns his head, standing straight, he had an expression you recognized. Some sort of braceness, like he was already anticipating for you to break his heart again.

"I'm sorry" was all you could say.

Even if you would've ran away with him if he asked you to. Clear lines. No attachments. You'd cross them all if he asked you to.

This was the right thing to do, you think...

"Don't" Anakin shakes his head "Don't... I know you don't mean it" His eyes fall to his feet.

"No, I do" You answer swiftly— no longer able to deny how much it had hurted you too.

You felt tears threatening to cascade down your face. You've heard it said that love turns people soft, but you have never felt more broken now that you have loved something you can't have.

"Anakin, when I said we can't, it's because I can't take you for myself. You're meant for larger things. Only with the Jedi can you fulfill your destiny" You rambled, verbalizing the thoughts you already heard from your mind late at night.

Anakin's eyebrows furrowed, but you continued "It doesn't mean I didn't, that I don't—" You halted, your heart and mind tearing you apart.

"Y/N" he calls, "You are no small thing in my life" He tucks a loose strand of hair to your ear.

"I meant it when I told you I love you." His palm presses on your cheeks.

You thought you could crumble beneath his touch.

These weeks, the small amount of time you spent trying to convince yourself that his feelings will eventually pass, never faltered the way how you felt. His absence felt like half of you was missing. And now, he was here, insisting softly.

You can't hold it in anymore.

So, in the absence of words, you pressed your lips against his— slowly, gently, slipping into the intimacy you only ever shared with him.

I love you.

You say between the kisses, hoping it'd suffice for you can't quite bring yourself to say it just yet.

Nothing in the world belonged to you, just this love you were overpouring with. And this kiss— it felt like the beginning of something eternal.

Whatever that may be.

Peace {Qui-Gon Jinn x Reader}

this image is from Lamb (1985) but for the purposes of the fic it is young Qui-Gon and young Obi-Wan

It was a long day. You had just laid little Obi to bed and the freshly appointed Master Jinn was learning just how hard it was to be a Master. He stayed with Obi as the boy drifted off into sweet dreams, and as you finished changing into pajamas in the ensuite.

You exited the bathroom in a simple white nightie, ending mid thigh with lace on the hem. He doesn't move from his upright position, but does open is right arm for you to snuggle into. He closes his journal and nurses a cup of hot tea to relax.

When he gets tired like this, you know he like to be alone in his thoughts, so you quietly rub circles onto his chest and he plays with your hair. After a while he stops his ministrations, causing you to look up at him, thinking he was ready to sleep and wanted to move positions.

Instead, he leans down to kiss you sweetly, and whispers, "how do you make it look so easy?" You send him a toothy smile and he slides his body down the length of the bed. You follow his lead and slide your frame to fit into his, resting your head on his chest, able to see Obi safe and sound. He kisses the top of your head and reaches over to the light and switches it off. Now, you all were at peace.

37 notes View Post

camiemorgan8

2 months ago

368 notes View Post

camiemorgan8

4 months ago

Gods that's so beautiful❤

Attack Of The Clones / Florence + The Machine / Return Of The Jedi / Revenge Of The Sith / The Empire

attack of the clones / florence + the machine / return of the jedi / revenge of the sith / the empire strikes back

443 notes View Post

camiemorgan8

1 year ago

10 posts!

✨May the Fourth Be With You: Things to Do (That Don’t Require a Jedi Council Meeting to Approve)!!!✨

BESTIES!!! HAPPY MAY THE FOURTH!! ✨🚀💥

Okay so LISTEN!!! I have been pacing my space-quarters (aka my room) for two days straight trying to figure out what to do for Star Wars Day besides the classics like:

“Watch all the movies” (which, duh, obviously you should do)

“Replay SWTOR or Battlefront” (please wreck people as Leia in my honor)

“Rewatch Rebels and cry over the Space Fam” (which I also highly recommend, especially if you need a good sob in the fetal position)

But THEN I was like... what about the UNHINGED STUFF. The crafting chaos. The snack-based roleplay. The 'I taped googly eyes to my broom and called it a droid' vibe. What about THAT.

So I have compiled for you—a fellow creature of the Force, glitter, and ADHD—this list of alternate, cursed, fun, creative, and very serious Star Wars Day activity propositions (because "ideas" sounds too chill and we are on a mission from the Maker today).

Some are crafty. Some are snacky. Some are just... rituals. Some involve pretending you're a Mandalorian babysitting Grogu at a Walgreens. Do all of them. Do one of them. Do them with friends, your cat, or your homemade Force-sensitive droid that’s just a blender with a mood.

Let this be the year you say “May the Fourth” and truly mean it.

Now go forth, Jedi trash gremlins, Sith chaos goblins, and Mandalorian art school dropouts—and make this the weirdest, sparkliest Star Wars Day yet.

(Also if you want recipes, printable sheets, Lulu plushie tutorials, or dramatic Star Wars quotes rewritten as Mad Libs about toast and therapy, hit me up because I am READY.)

Hide Loth-cats Around Your House Draw some goofy Loth-cats (bad art encouraged), cut them out, and sneak them into random places—bookshelves, cereal boxes, someone's sock drawer. Say there's been a smuggling mishap with an Imperial crate from Lothal and the cats are loose. Tell your roommates/kids/stray Mandalorians they’re on a secret mission to find them before they shred the furniture. Bonus: make one look suspiciously like Ezra.

Make Star Wars Friendship Bracelets Yes. Like it’s summer camp and you’re in a galaxy far, far away. Use colors for characters (black, brown, red, and blue = Anakin; orange, blue, white= Ahsoka, etc). Don’t you roll your eyes—Anakin would’ve absolutely made one for Obi-Wan in a tragic attempt at expressing feelings. Give one to your friend and say, “This is the way.”

Take Your Grogu Plush on Adventures Strap that baby in the car. Take him to the grocery store. Set him at your desk like he’s supervising. Snap photos and post them like you're Din Djarin and your green war criminal toddler is once again touching things he shouldn’t. Add captions like “Refused to nap, bit a cashier. Proud of him.”

Make a DIY Lightsaber... but Bad Paper towel rolls. Wrapping paper tubes. A broom handle. Light-up chopsticks. Go nuts. Decorate them with duct tape and delusion. Challenge someone to a duel at lunch. No real injuries, only bruised egos.

Galaxy-Inspired Art Time Paint a tiny galaxy with watercolors, chalk, nail polish—whatever chaos medium you choose. Doesn’t have to be accurate. In fact, make up a planet and give it a ridiculous name like “Glorpflak 7” and say that’s where your OC is from. Hang your art like you're decorating your X-wing locker.

Make Star Wars Bookmarks Get crafty. Draw Sabine graffiti art. Paint a moody Kylo Ren. Or, better yet, just print a picture of Obi-Wan looking disappointed and write “I find your lack of reading disturbing.” Stick it in your favorite book and let him silently judge you.

Host a “Council of Chaos” Snack Meeting Grab some friends (real or stuffed) and have a snack-based Jedi Council. Give everyone a Star Wars name. Eat blue snacks only. Elect the most dramatic person as Yoda. Argue about whether Anakin was right (he wasn’t). End in snacks and betrayal.

Write “Canon-But-Shouldn’t-Be” Headcanons Why did Obi-Wan name himself Ben? Do Ewoks have opinions on modern fashion? Would Rex listen to sad clone indie-pop? Write one-sentence headcanons and text them to your friends like it’s a cursed prophecy.

Build a “Trash Droid” Tape googly eyes onto a soup can. Add arms made of pipe cleaners and a weird personality. Boom. You’ve adopted a garbage droid named Blorp who thinks they’re fluent in Sith but is just swearing. Be nice to them.

Create a “Mandalorian Babysitter Log” Draw little journal entries or logs as if you’re a stressed Mandalorian writing down the chaos of babysitting Grogu. “Day 4: Child swallowed a frog. Denied it. I saw it. Frog is now hopping inside his mouth. Send help.”

Rename Everything in Your House With Star Wars Labels Toilet = Sarlacc Pit. Sink = Kamino Waterfall. Couch = Wampa Nest. Fridge = Carbonite Storage. Stick post-it notes on everything. Let the madness unfold.

Invent a New Sith Name Put “Darth” in front of something you fear or something mildly inconvenient. Darth PublicSpeaking. Darth SlowWiFi. Darth FlatSoda. Write it in your bio for the day.

Cook Like You’re on the Jedi Temple Cafeteria Staff Listen, do you think Jedi magically eat healthy? No. They have a cafeteria and Obi-Wan definitely brings a sad salad to meetings. But YOU? You're cooking today. You’re the head chef on the Death Star and you're putting BLUE MILK in everything like a menace. Make blue milk, Grogu’s bougie macarons, Anakin's “I burned this toast with the Force” sandwiches, or Obi-Wan’s Sadboy Stew™. Want recipes? I GOT YOU. You just say the word and I will summon them like a Holocron of chaos.

Make a Lula Plushie (Or Horrific Approximation) Yes, the Lula. It’s soft, it’s sacred. Can’t sew? Doesn’t matter. Use socks. Use felt. Use GLUE AND PRAYERS. Name it something increasingly unhinged like “Sir Scurrington of Lira San” and make it your emotional support chaos animal for the day. Take photos of it like it's your child. “First time touching grass.” “Learning to read.” “Biting a senator.”

Create a Star Wars Cooking Show Skit Put on an apron, grab a spoon, and become “Chef Vader.” Tell the camera (aka your phone propped up with a water bottle) that today you're making “Force-Flambéed Tatooine Toast” and “Boba's Boba.” Make up fake sponsor segments. “This episode is brought to you by Dex’s Diner Grease Wipes!™ - When the Force isn’t enough to clean up the mess.” Bonus: make your friends watch it. They can’t escape.

Build a TIE Fighter Out of Snacks Graham crackers, Oreos, marshmallows—yes, it’s time to construct a snack-sized star war. If it collapses, congrats, you're a true Imperial engineer. If it flies? You're terrifying and probably a war criminal. Eat your ship like the New Republic would want.

Design Your Own Sith Lord… Out of Random Craft Supplies Gather whatever cursed items you have: pipe cleaners, feathers, googly eyes, a toilet paper roll. Create a figure and name them something like Darth Confettius or Lady Crayola the Terrible. Write a tragic backstory. "Once a respected glue stick in the Jedi archives, now seeks revenge on all who denied her sparkles."

Make Lightsaber Snacks and Refuse to Share Dip pretzel rods in colored candy melts to make edible lightsabers. Then, aggressively wave them at anyone who asks for one and whisper, “Only a Sith deals in snacks.”

Host a Force Cooking Challenge Tell your roommates/family/imaginary clone squad that you must now cook—but only using “Force powers.” No hands. Wooden spoons in your mouth. Utensils taped to elbows. The food will be awful. You will feel powerful. This will be funny asf, sorry not sorry.

Create a Star Wars Playlist and Pretend You're DJ Rex at Oga's Cantina Make a playlist where half the songs are actual Star Wars scores, and the other half are just unreasonably chaotic picks like “Mr. Brightside” (for Anakin) or “WAP” (for Hondo Ohnaka, don’t ask). Put on sunglasses and introduce each song like, “This next one goes out to the Jedi who died in Order 66… it’s Stayin’ Alive.”

Make Star Wars Terrariums Go outside. Grab moss. Tiny rocks. A weird stick. Put them in a jar and say “this is Dagobah now.” Add a plastic frog and call it “Yoda’s real cousin, Broda.” Bonus points for narrating its tragic backstory like it’s a documentary.

Invent Your Own Star Wars Holiday Forget May the Fourth. Today is Boonta Pie Day. It’s about racing, betrayal, and excessive dessert. Make up a whole ritual. Chant. Bake a pie. Duel someone. Wear oven mitts like gauntlets.

Build a Shrine to Your Favorite Star Wars Character A corner. A shelf. A weird pile on your bed. Decorate it with random objects that “represent” them. A spoon = Anakin (edgy, useful, easily bent). A candle = Ahsoka (glows, but also burns). A rock = Zeb. Add weird fan art, a post-it that says “he’s trying his best,” and worship accordingly.

Unhinged Star Wars Mad Libs Take a serious Star Wars quote and make it ridiculous: _"Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to ____. ______ leads to suffering." Now read it with conviction like you’re in front of the Jedi Council. (Suggestions: “Fear leads to burnt toast. Burnt toast leads to therapy. Therapy leads to suffering.”)

And bestie—if you need more ideas, more crafts, more chaos, more weird Star Wars Day energy—drop a comment and I will RUN to you like Merrin sprinting full-speed to play tongue twisters with Cal Kestis after downing three espressos and a spite potion.

I got you. This is the Way. 💫💥

15 notes View Post

camiemorgan8

1 year ago