“Choose Yourself This Time.”

pretty

nak repost this seribu kali

It’s The Way You Learn To Love

pairing: any (male) idol x you

word count: 1.1k

a/n: ik this is something very different and HYYH is gonna be updated a lil later I have just been in my feels so. here’s a short lil thing you can input your bias into (i originally wrote it for wonwoo actually haha) :) please. tell me what you think cuz tbh I am so insecure about my writing it’s been a hot minute since I did so regularly lol, also to my fellow abused babes whose view of love has been warped because of what they’ve been through you’re not alone and you deserve to have this! without further ado here is a very self indulgent drabble lol

It’s the way you thought he forgot your birthday. He comes home from work with a soft smile, excited to see you as always, and your heart sinks when you see his empty hands. He pulls you into a hug and tells you you’re going out for the night, and to wear whatever you like. You swallow the lump in your throat and do your makeup, and he takes you to the cinema; the fancy one you like, with the cushy sofas and drinks delivered to your seat. He buys a bottle of wine and pulls you back against his chest and presses a soft kiss into your hair, whispering “happy birthday, baby”, and you feel a wave of guilt wash over you.

“I thought you forgot, you didn’t get me anything”

“We just never did that in my family, so I didn’t really think to. I’m sorry, we can go shopping together after this if you want,” And you realise you hadn’t really discussed it, he wasn’t raised that way, and the memories you made that night meant more to you than any material possession could have. When your anniversary comes a few months later he arrives home holding a bouquet of roses and a box of chocolates.

It’s the way he holds your hand in crowds because he knows you get anxious and, while he wouldn’t admit it out loud, he is scared of losing you in the sea of people. He traces circles on the back of your hand absentmindedly; a subconscious way of calming you down. And when you glance back at him he grins and gives your hand three squeezes - your own nonverbal way of saying “I love you”. You squeeze back. One. Two. Three.

It’s the way you got all done up because you weren’t feeling great about yourself and he doesn’t mention it. You are in a bad mood all day and even you don’t realise why. You go to see him in the practice room and the members are all slightly teasing.

“You’re looking just as good as he’s been saying,”

“He hasn’t shut up about you all day!”

And he kisses you in front of them all, which he never usually does, eyes adoring and bright as he gazes down at you. He sees the vulnerability in yours. He’s absolutely lovesick, he’s just shy, and you blush as he cups your face in his hands.

“You look so good, always,” he whispers, shutting out the oohing and aahing of the other men watching you.

It’s the way he reads to you in a deep, gentle voice as you lie in his lap and look up to watch his concentrated face. Every so often he moves his hand to card it through your hair, or lean down to kiss you briefly, and when you’re lulled into a peaceful sleep by the husky susurrations he chuckles softly and pulls the blanket off the back of the couch to cover you with. “I knew that would work,” he murmurs. You have been struggling to sleep recently. He keeps his fingers running through your tresses idly, unable to take his eyes off of you.

It’s the way he brings you random clay figures and kitschy knick knacks from antique shops because they made him think of you, your favourite chocolate bar from the corner store near your apartment because you had a bad day, your coffee in the morning from the coffee shop down the street because you’re too busy. And he never asks anything in return, but he never has to, because you do the same for him. You’re always on each other’s minds. Your apartment is full of tiny things. Your favourite is a set of baby blue and grey porcelain cat salt and pepper shakers, because they are so reminiscent of you both.

It’s the way he sits on the floor and holds you tight to him as your body shakes, wracked with sobs, as the stress overwhelms you. And he tells you your anxiety, your depression, your stress - they are not going to make him leave no matter how much you’ve been made to feel like they’re flaws. He tells you love is not the dopamine rush that makes you addicted to someone and he is not chasing a high - his love is caring, his love is patient, his love is not only available to you when you are happy and doing everything he wants. He tells you he hates that you’ve been made to feel like you’re only lovable when you’re useful or ‘nice to be around’, and that you never have to hide your bad days or be afraid to be vulnerable with him. Your fists are balled into his shirt and you apologise incoherently for ruining it with your tears. He kisses your forehead and rocks you in his lap, fingers tracing random shapes on your back. At one point he draws “i ♡ you” on your skin and you can’t help giggling through the tears. He knows you would do the same. In fact you have, many times.

It’s the way he stays silent as you yell at him, random things that don’t mean anything but you’re just too pent up to care. And he knows you’re getting overly emotional and starting arguments over nothing because of how you were raised and your tense home environment, he never blames you, he just waits until you’re all cried out before asking if you need space to calm down or are okay to talk about it now. You never insult him, it is never personal, and he gets it. He doesn’t have to, but he does.

It’s the way you need to vent and he just sits and nods. He listens intently, and he isn’t waiting for his turn to speak. He isn’t thinking about what he could say. He’s genuinely listening, and when you’re finished he tells you it sounds stressful, and he’s proud of you, and he’s always there to hear you out, and you feel a million pounds lighter.

It’s the way you’re both screaming, the atmosphere is tense, and neither of you can really remember why you got so angry. His pride doesn’t get in the way though, and he makes sure every time you fight to tell you he loves you, because he knows you’re scared he’ll leave. And he reminds you it’s normal to fight, and you will talk it out and be okay, and no matter what he adores you and is not going anywhere just because you disagree on something. Because you’re two different people, of course you will have different opinions, but at the end of the day you are one. You tell him you love him too.

It’s the way you have to unlearn everything you were ever taught.

It’s the way he gives you the space to.

It’s the way he loves you.

He loves you.

morning with haechan *ੈ✩‧₊˚

🌻✨🌙🌿☁

pairing : idol haechan x f reader.

genre : tooth rutting fluff, domestic, established relationship.

summary : to be very straightforward, this was inspired by his ig live in hongkong.

word count : 1648 words.

warnings : reader has period cramps, make-out session, suggestive.

a/n : i wrote this mainly for myself 😔 i love haechan so much 😭

masterlist

buy me a coffee 🥹🫶🏼

if there is a way you could translate the perfect morning, it’d be the way haechan always wraps his arms securely around your body, holding you close to him. it would translate into the way he nuzzles his cute nose into the deepest crook of your neck and breathe in your scent calmly before he opens his eyes. it would be the way he hums softly as his hair tickles your nape and his eyes would notice the goosebumps that would prickle your skin.

but this time, your perfect morning doesn’t seem so perfect anymore when you wake up with atrocious cramps eating out at your lower belly. you can’t open your eyes as you try to control your breathing, your frail fingers catching on haechan’s to ease the pain, or barely try to as it gets stronger.

you curse inside your head and prepare yourself mentally for the hell of a week that’s ahead of you. before an accident would occur, you gently peel yourself away from haechan’s strong grip and hurry to the bathroom. with a deep sigh, you quickly put on a pad and go back to the warmth of the bed.

haechan’s eyes are still closed as he senses you back beside him and without wasting a second, he fumbles around the sheets to wrap his arms around you again, squeezing you into a hug and stretching his body at the same time. you instantly snuggle into his neck before guiding your lips to the mole sitting just below his neck and kissing it gently.

“good morning,” he softly whispers, voice gruff and still dripping with sleep. his morning voice never ceasing to give you butterflies deep inside your tummy.

you hum in response when his fingers start dancing around your lower back, gently massaging your achy muscles. you feel comfortable beside him and your body always seems to feel lighter whenever he’s cuddling into you.

“do you have practice this morning?” you ask with your eyes closed. haechan smiles down at you, a hand still massaging your back while the other slithers inside your hair. his fingers deliver the most tender touches around your ear, the gestures helping you relax even more and melt into him like a burning candle.

you secretly wish he’d have a late start of the day today, just so you can stay glued to him all morning.

“do you want me to stay longer with you?” haechan smiles, his eyes squeezing shut in the process.

your response is just you snuggling closer to his body, your legs wrapping around his.

“hm, clingy girl?” he chuckles as he ruffles your hair, waiting for a verbal answer this time.

you deeply breathe his scent that’s drifting to your nose with every movement of his body. placing another gentle kiss to his neck, you hum. “yes, i want you to stay longer. don’t want you to leave me just yet.”

“okay baby, anything for you,” his thumb dances on your face, the pad kneading around your forehead, temple and the space between your ear and cheek.

“you’re gonna cancel practice?” you pop your eyes open, lifting your face to come closer to his.

“you know i can’t do that, baby,” he pouts, kissing the bridge of your nose before kissing your lips. “but it won’t hurt if i go a bit late.”

you can’t hide your disappointment but you also can’t be greedy while dating an idol. you try to wipe the pout off your face and end up smiling up at him. a stubble has started to from on his chin, giving him a vary sexy look and his lips are beautifully puffy and so kissable, hypnotizing you into pushing your arm up from the sheets and placing your fingers on his pillow-like lips. on instinct, he pressed the tip of his tongue on the corner of his mouth before biting his lower lip and giggling at your sweet actions.

with the pad of his finger still caressing your cheek and yours running through his lower lip, you couldn’t believe that this is true. how he’s here by your side and he loves you way too much for his his own good. and you…your whole existence now has meaning with his name written all over the corners of your body and mind, with touches and kisses and words and hugs imprinted on the map of your skin that he knows oh so well.

you’re not afraid of being an open book to him because he’s so gentle and generous with you. he knows you so well and you don’t mind it one bit. and the same goes for him. he’s never afraid to be vulnerable with you and to unveil his deepest thoughts and feelings because he knows that you’d always have his back, and would love him the way he deserves.

“i’m so in love with you, i can physically feel it.” you confess, taking haechan by surprise.

“yeah?” he whispers, the corners of his lips stretching into a wide smile. with his thumb traveling down to caress your lips, his face gets closer to yours before he places the tenderest, most gently powerful kiss on your lips. your heart skips two beats at a time as he seems to take you into a place far from reality with only his lips dancing around yours.

his soft lips push into yours and mold together to create the perfect pace. your fingers grip his waist, legs pulling him closer into you as if it’s possible to merge into one. your body exudes warmth that can burn his bones down to ashes down your feet, but you would bring him to life over and over again with just one pinch of your fingers. haechan’s heart drums crazily over the curves of his ribcage as his fingers take their usual path to lodge into the swell of your hips, and going down to strongly grip on your butt.

the smallest yet most sinful whine escapes the back of your throat as you arch your back into him, your chest pressing into his, nipples hotly poking his naked chest and igniting a speedy rush of blood to pump angrily down his bundle of nerves. haechan’s breathing quickens and he latches on your lips as if it’s his last mission.

he makes you feel good with everything he does, from his passionate kisses to his sensual touches, he’s got your small heart full of him. and with one last bite on your lower lip, he gently pulls away with it still between his teeth, before it bounces back to its place, a visible thread of saliva stretching between your mouths.

“can you feel it now?” he breathes, hard on top of you. “how much i love you?”

your hazy eyes gaze at each other as if you guys were up in the clouds, your chests rise and fall through a crazy rhythm with fingers still gripping into each other because you can’t get enough.

“more.” you whisper.

“more?” haechan chuckles, pecking your lips softly. “more what, baby?” he tilts his head to the side, his childish side quickly making an appearance after he has just managed to swipe you off your feet, not quite literally since you guys were laying down on the bed.

“i can feel it more now,” you guide his hand to place it on top of your trembling heart, and he smiles proudly at that. “and i always want more of you, haechan. always, always, always.”

“i’m always yours baby, and you can take whatever you want from me, i’m all yours.” his arms wrap around you, giving you the warmest hug before softly pulling away.

“i’ll be back in a sec.” he quickly retreats from your embrace before getting back to bed with a tissue in his hand. you look at him confused before he starts wiping the droplets of sweat that have gathered on top of your cupid’s bow and all around your neck.

your heart swells at his actions and you can’t help the smile from reaching your lips as you notice the pout forming on his mouth from concentrating on wiping your sweat away from your skin.

“are you having bad cramps?” haechan asks, worrisome visible on his face. “you’re sweating so much…” he trails off, voice softening towards the end.

“yes,” you answer, only now realizing the state you’re in. “but you made me forget about them,” you smile tenderly at him.

“i love you so much,” he wraps both his hands around your face, before kissing your forehead. “my strong girl. let me go grab some painkillers for you, hm?” he kisses your forehead again.

you nod your head at him with a smile on your face. you see his silhouette disappear behind the door of the bedroom before you turn to lie on your back. the butterflies inside your tummy getting wilder by the second, with every kind touch and word coming from haechan, you seem to only drown in his love even deeper, especially when he knows what’s wrong with you without you saying anything to him.

you deeply inhale from your nose, when you see him enter the room again, a cup of water and painkillers in hand.

“here,” he helps you sit up, pulling your body up with a hand gently placed on the back of your neck. he then grabs the cup of water and guides it to your lips, smiling at you until you take a sip. “there you go.”

“thank you.”

“anything for my baby,” he smiles before turning his attention to the window behind you. “it seems like it’s gonna rain this morning, how about we put on a movie of your choice?”

“sounds like a perfect morning then.”

and with that, period cramps are long forgotten, and your perfect morning is back again.

back and better.

a/n : this was supposed to be a small haechan drabble…i got carried away SO MUCH!! but blame haechan, don’t blame me 😔 i hope you enjoyed what i wrote, please reblog if you did🫶🏼 my heart is still beating so fast!!🤭

chill

touch (mark lee)

lowercase intended

“stop touching me,” mark tells haechan, removing the said man’s arm from his shoulders. “y/n, how do you deal with your boyfriend being like this?” haechan asks. you giggle at the scene in front you. mark isn’t really fond of physical touches even with you, his girlfriend. you have been dating for 5 months now, and you were used to it. he wouldn’t even let you hold his hands for more than a minute. it made you sad at first, but he explained that he just doesn’t like being touched often, and you understood him. it doesn’t mean he loves you less.

a month after

you and mark were both sitting on his couch, watching a movie you weren’t paying attention to anymore. you were busy looking at mark, and how cuddly he looks. you know how it will end if you try to cuddle— him subtly pushing you off him after a few minutes— but you would take those few minutes in his arms any day, so you slowly position yourself, and cuddle him. he wraps his hands around you, and gives you kisses on your forehead. you smile at him, and seize the moment. after a minute, you slowly get off him knowing he would do it himself. “where are you going?” he asks. “hmm? just here beside you,” you smile at him. “come here, let’s cuddle,” he pouts. “getting used to my touches now?” you joke, “the only touch i want on me forever.”

20:24 // ❥ new alert! // mark, the sweetest boy alive

“look, i told you,” jeno says, shoving his phone in your face as he points aggressively at the picture he had taken a few hours ago. “there are eighteen of them, look!” he repeats, finger shifting about the screen in an attempt to point out all eighteen statues he was referring to.

“you missed four out,” you sigh, putting your chopsticks down. “i think i got a picture,” you mumble, entering your gallery, scrolling through the photos in search of the one that would prove jeno wrong. he inhales another spoonful of rice, commenting, “you can’t find it, right? because it doesn’t exist?”

you roll your eyes, trying your best to recall when it was that you had taken the photo. you jump in excitement when it hits you - you had taken it on your boyfriend’s phone.

“babe?” you call out, reaching out for mark’s phone and unlocking it swiftly. “is it okay if i scroll through your gallery? i need to find the photo of the statues we took last fall,” you continue, peeping over at mark who was still busy doing the dishes.

“sure,” he replies, giving you the green light. you enter his gallery, scrolling in a hurry, deadset on proving jeno wrong.

jeno waits for a few moments, but instead of a retort, he notices your halted thumb, and your quirked brow. he doesn’t want to intrude mark’s privacy, so instead of just looking over at whatever that is on the screen that has caught your attention, he asks, “what’s wrong?”

in your hurry, you had accidentally scrolled way past last fall. instead, you have entered (probably) summer of two years ago. you manage to tear your eyes away from the screen, shifting your gaze to return jeno’s, with, “what are these?”

you turn the screen to face jeno. he takes a glance, before stuffing down another spoonful of rice, with a nonchalant, “mark’s aglio olio.”

you already knew that. mark’s aglio olio. mark’s signature aglio olio that you have engraved in the deep depths of your heart. it was the first dish he made for you, seven months into your relationship after the one time you had casually remarked that it’s sweet to be surprised with a homecooked meal. you’d never even imagined mark would surprise you with one, given the known fact that he isn’t the most talented in the kitchen.

but he proved you wrong.

the real question is, why are there more than twenty pictures of the same aglio olio that you had only had once?

“why are there so many pictures of it? with so many different plating styles?” you question, clicking into the first photo, then swiping left to look through the rest of them. looking through the pictures this way makes it look like they’re a bunch of progression photos. as though every new picture, was an improved dish or plating style from the last.

“oh,” renjun exclaims, taking a sip of water. “we ate that for a whole month,” he states, faking a shiver. “yeah, we swore off italian for the longest time after that,” jeno adds on, making a disgusted face.

you can’t help the smile that brightens your features when the realisation dawns upon you.

mark had been practising to make sure it was the perfect aglio olio.

you get up, making your way to the kitchen. as you approach the familiar back view of your boyfriend, your smile only tugs wider. you snake your arms around his waist, pulling him close as you rest your cheek against his shoulder blade.

you can hear the smile in his voice when he speaks gently with, “why? bored of the guys?”

you take in his scent, shaking your head. “no, i just wanted to tell you i love you,” you gush, pressing your lips against his shoulder.

he turns off the tap, wipes his hands down with a dry towel, then turns around and rests his arms around your waist. “suddenly?” he says, raising a brow.

“i love you,” you repeat, your heart oozing with nothing but love and affection for the boy in front of you.

“i love you too,” he reciprocates, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

“Wanna feature me on your next mixtape?”

namjoon x reader (oc) genre: fluff word count: 600+

a/n: Hi lovelies! Here’s some Joon and Daisy/reader being cute and slightly obnoxious in a park during NYE. I hope you all enjoy and thanks so much for reading! :))

With your hand in your boyfriend’s, he spun you under his arm as giggles rang out from your smiling lips. Music hummed from your phone speaker in your opposite hand, Bill Withers soulful smooth voice echoing into the cold late-night air.

“And I want to be with you because you make me smile,” Namjoon sung lowly to you, causing you grin widely as he pulled you toward him, holding you close so your chest was pressed to his as he swayed you both back and forth. “Let it be me with you forever and a while,” he continued to sing as you pushed your lips to his dimpled cheek, lingering there for a moment.

The park was mostly empty as you began humming in a ultra-high pitched voice in accordance to the instrumental break in the song. Namjoon’s eyes squeezed shut as he laughed at you, dipping his face toward your neck where he nuzzled against your scarf.

“People are gonna think there’s a cat dying out here or something,” he teased as your hand wrapped around the back of his head, your fingers toying with the soft strands of his hair.

“I sound that good?” You asked with a smile, Namjoon’s chuckling continuing as he looked back to your face. “Wanna feature me on your next mixtape?” You joked, quirking your eyebrow.

Keep reading

well this hit home

i leave tonight

SUMMARY It’s just you and your soju under the night sky. Oh, and your ex that you haven’t moved on from.

PAIRING lee haechan x gender neutral! reader

GENRE exes au, angst, fluff?

WORD COUNT 1.9k

WARNINGS mentions of drinking, not proofread, my rusty writing

AUTHOR’S NOTE a little something i wrote to get rid of my creative block, some of it’s inspired by frank ocean’s self control. hope you all enjoy! <3

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But an unquenchable love for you has never left me...

{Quotes: Alejandra Pizarnik, Approximations/Simone de Beauvoir, from Diary of a Philosophy Student: Volume 2, 1928-9; Sunday, October 7/chen chen, nature poem in ‘when i grow up i want to be a list of further possibilities’/sue zhao/ Sylvia path / Maggie Nelson, Bluets/Richard siken/Ingeborg Bachmann, In the Storm of Roses from ‘The Poem for the Reader’, tr. Mark Anderson ,paintings: pinterest}

Jaemin now