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I think "high value person" can be interpreted as "someone who is liked by everyone and perfectly adheres to social norms" but also as "someone who wants to find their core values and to this end tries many different approaches" and many other things. some of the things listed are pretty good, such as "take care of themselves" or "doesn't equate their worth to sex", some are unnecessary: "perfected first impressions" or "ALWAYS well-dressed". naah, who cares lol

the thing with self-improvement or other forms of conscious existing (I just invented this term, by that I mean something like chosing which parts of oneself to keep and which to change) is that one must start somewhere. it's nice, in general, to have social relationships, sex life or hobbies and I see this list as a guideline for increasing the probability of achieving those and other things in a certain way

in my opinion it's really important to keep in check with oneself, ask if the cost of being likeable and elegant is worth it. some people derive pleasure from wearing nice clothes and make-up, I am not one of them and for me that would be too much of a sacrifice. I guess most people would hate to have my lifestyle: I basically do math all day. it is my decision to so, it's fun, and I hate it when someone assumes that it's bad just because they wouldn't enjoy it

hence I see this controversial list as goals of someone who genuinely wants to be perfect. and yeah I do think that most of those things are completely unnecessary, I don't consider this set of characteristics as a "high value person" but maybe some people do. a part of self-improvement for me was realizing that I don't care about most things and this post reminded me that there might exist people who care about everything. have they not yet realized that they actually don't care? idk, maybe they do care

but yeah if someone came to me and said that this list objectively defines a high value person then I would laugh lol I will respect everyone's values if they respect mine

13-16 VIII 2021

much work recently gotta code

gonna monitor only my focus now, define the scale such that 1 means "can't concentrate at all" and 5 means "hyperfocus". today was

focus: 2

i am not doing as much math as i'd like to as i have to focus on the python project i'm doing with bf. anyway, we can say that i did cartesian products of topo spaces, i do have some basic understanding of the concepts now. i started compact spaces. i also need to read some stuff on connectedness and put extra time into analyzing examples of what i've been learning about. so that's the next thing on my schedule, after i'm done with compact and connected spaces

but hey i have 1.5 month of the holidays left and i learned most of the theory planned for me on analysis and half of what i'm supposed to learn on topo. doing good

other than that i decided to write down the structure of how i study:

i find it to be a good way for studying math, it goes brrr like this:

general idea → details, connections and applications

i gained some followers already, i hope you guys enjoy this and possibly find it helpful. moreover, i'm very interested in your custom study algorithms if you have any

haha of course, how silly of me

you really can't

wha?

please explain what this message means or else the curiosioty will kill me

just had a reflection about perfectionism. today I had an exam for which I was prepared very well, but my stupid brain happened and I didn't get the highest grade. my boyfriend was comforting me and he asked since when I want to ace everything, this question made me think

indeed, I don't want to ace everything. I am taking 4 courses this semester, one of which I don't care about enough to strive for the best grade, one of which is way too hard to aim that far, two of which I thought were achievable. and now I didn't achieve that. it feels different to set unrealistic goals and then never achieve them than to set very realistic ones and still fail, that's what I realized today

I am not a perfectionist. I used to be, years ago, and then I learned to set realistic goals. now I'm thinking, isn't perfectionism a kind of a coping mechanism? deep down you know your goals are impossible, so it's not really surprising when you fail. you are never satisfied, sure, but maybe it does feel more safe this way than to not know if you will be satisfied or disappointed. if that's the case then setting realistic goals is absolutely not the way to heal perfectionism

oh, you misunderstood. when i said "applications" i didnt mean real world applications, i meant ways to use this in the context even more abstract nonsense

today I learned that for a surface with boundary, which I believe we can say a straw is, the genus is equal to that of a 2-manifold obtained from attaching disks to the boundary. hence the straw has genus equal to that of a 2-sphere, which is 0, therefore a straw has 0 holes

also a straw is not homotopic to a torus I think, but rather to S¹, as it's a product of S¹ and a closed interval, which is contractible. a torus has the fundamental group S¹×S¹, thus they cannot be homotopy equivalent. buuut that requires the straw to be infinitely thin so maybe I'm too idealistic for this claim to hold and it is in fact equivalent to a torus

lmao I love math but I can't stop laughing at the fact that it took me two years of university to be able to have this discussion

I’m really into internet discourse but only pointless and stupid internet discourse like how many holes there are in a straw (it’s 2)

yes, this. taking photos of the blackboard and writing down only the "sketch" of the lecture usually does the trick for me: I have all the details I need but I'm able to actually listen

a thing that i didn’t understand as a student, that many of my students don’t understand, and that i still sometimes struggle to put into practice: taking the most detailed notes is not always the best way to learn the material. trying to write down every single thing a teacher (or other person who is presenting auditory information to you) says is not only slow but it also can easily stop you from being mentally present during the lesson, internalizing the main ideas and how everything fits together, which is what will actually help you learn the material.

30 VIII 2023

aight it's been a while, time for an update

recently I've been doing mostly algebraic geometry, my advisor gave me some stuff to read, so I'm working through that. the goal is to familiarize myself with hilbert schemes – the topic is advanced, so there are many prerequisites coming up when I'm trying to read the book, that's kinda annoying

we are planning for my thesis to be about a certain generalization of the hilbert scheme, so basically the question is "investigate this space" and I've been having second thoughts whether I'm up for the challenge. I'm just getting to know how all that stuff works, so it's quite overwhelming to see how much I need to learn before I can do anything on my own

nevertheless, I'm pushing through as I will have to learn all of that anyway

I am working on finishing the proof from my bsc thesis and honestly I'm kinda losing hope lmao it turns out that what I probably have to do to complete it is a massive amount of extra reading and an even bigger amount of proving lemmas. the thing is that my work is about something like a generalization of results that have been proven by two people (one of which is khovanov, yes, that khovanov) and I feel it in my balls that the case I'm working on should be treated in a similar way. now the problem is that I can barely understand what they wrote for the "easier" case and I just can't see myself doing that for the more complicated one. oh and for my case I should probably use equivariant cohomology. but all I know about it is the definition, I have never even calculated anything for that + I will do a course on it this semester so it feels futile to study it now. idk I need to talk to my former advisor about this and ask him to be honest, does he even believe that this can be done?

other than that I'm applying for a scholarship. I don't think I will get it, but it is worth trying

I moved in with my boyfriend and our cat decided that my desk is way too big for one person, so now it's our desk

uni starts in a month so I should probably spend that time doing something other than math, which I will be doing all the time once uni starts, but I struggle with coming up with things to do that are not math-related. I should complete some tasks for work, but I would also like to have a hobby

there is a number of things that I could try, for instance reading, drawing, singing, grinding metas for geoguessr (apparently I'm a gamer now), but I can't commit to any of those, my interest comes in waves

maybe I could schedule about an hour per day to do one of those things so that my brain gets used to it. it is not like I can focus on math 24/7, I need to take breaks and I have days when my motivation is zero, so I just sit at my desk and watch stupid shit on youtube. but that's the point, days like that could be spent doing something meaningful and refreshing, instead I just procrastinate math lol

foolproof plan