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How to Make your Players Groan in Harmony

- Cop NPC named Dai Harde

- Kill him off in a horrible way

- Bring him back as a revenant

- Have them kill him

- Pause and then quietly say “Dai Harde with a Vengeance”

How tall are gnomes?

As we went on search for a missing animal, we came across a gnome town. Our party consists of a transgender Male Monk Houri who is 5'11", a 5'4" female elf fighter, and a 6'7" Male dragonborn Ranger. 

GM: “As you walk out of the woods following the tracks you see a small gnome town”

Houri (OOC): How tall is it?

GM: well its small because they aren’t very tall.

Dragonborn (OOC): but how tall are they?

GM: they are smaller than dwarves.

Elf (OOC) : are they small enough to accidentally step on.

GM: *looks up characteristics of gnomes* as adults they are between 3 to 3 and a half feet. 

Houri (OOC): so you are saying that if i wanted to i could punt the gnomes… *everyone laughs* … I’m not saying im going to but im just asking if i could. 

GM: if you wanted to you could punt the gnomes, but you get the feeling you would have the whole town of about 50 gnomes after you. 

Elf and Dragonborn (OOC): Don’t punt the gnome.

Nissa’s Dad is the leader of an assassin guild... and she has every intention of carrying on the family business.

What job does your character have, if any?

[submitted by @mooniwolfkomoki]

local girl fights public bathhouse and loses

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Nissa would drink so much hot cider.

What is your OC’s winter drink of choice?

Minor sickness in D&D

Note: this is specifically written for D&D 5E.

The illnesses in the DMG mostly seem to be written as a hazard for the PCs, or a way to legally screw them over if they fail an ill-timed Constitution save. However, sickness in real life is more than that, as exhibited by everyone who’s ever gotten a cold. And as I am currently sick, I felt ideally suited to write about this.

Sickness comes in a lot of different forms, and even the exact same condition can have different symptoms depending on the day. If everything given here applies to a character, then that character is having a VERY bad time and should probably just have stayed home and rested and not gone adventuring. If it’s just one or two things though, that would be someone who’s slightly sick but “I’m fine it’s not that bad I can still go and fight”.

You’re not required to select everything listed under a symptom. They’re all different ways in which something might be expressed, and some are more intense than others.

Everything here is intended to be optional, like if you want to play as someone who is kind of sick, or have an NPC with a cold, or even as a mild curse on a magic item.

BODY ACHES: everything hurts from the neck down.

You have disadvantage on all Acrobatics and Athletics checks.

Every hour, make a DC 12 Constitution save. On a failure, if you are wearing armour or heavy clothing, you gain a level of exhaustion until you take it off; if you are not wearing armour or heavy clothing, you gain a level of exhaustion until you put some on. Note that this does not grant proficiency with any armour, nor remove any armour-related restrictions.

COUGHING: we all know and hate it.

You have disadvantage on Stealth checks that require you to be quiet. In an area of magical silence, or in a noisy environment, for example, this penalty does not apply.

Whenever you attempt to cast a spell with a verbal component, make a DC 10 Concentration check. On a failure, you are unable to properly perform the verbal component due to coughing; the action taken to cast the spell is wasted, but the spell slot is not used.

DECREASED IMMUNE SYSTEM: as if being sick wasn’t bad enough, now you’re more likely to get even more sick.

You have disadvantage on Constitution saves against contracting a disease or suffering the poisoned condition.

DISTORTED APPETITE: you need to eat, but it’s hard to eat.

Any time you attempt to eat or drink something, it has a 25% chance to seem utterly disgusting to you, and require a DC 12 Wisdom save to actually eat or drink it.

Unless you succeed on a DC 10 Constitution save, you can only ingest half the normal amount of food per day; anything more than that gets brought back up. Note that this does not change how much food you actually require.

EARS CLOGGED UP: how are ears even connected to the nose and throat, it just seems unfair.

You have disadvantage on Perception checks that rely on hearing.

You take a -2 penalty on any skill checks that require producing or hearing music.

FOGGY BRAIN: it’s hard to think when your head feels like it’s full of cotton.

You have disadvantage on all ability checks to recall information.

You have disadvantage on all ability checks to learn new information.

Your passive Perception is treated as 5 lower than usual.

If you succeed in your saving throw against an effect that would induce the charmed or frightened conditions, and which has no effect on a successful save, you don’t even notice. Unless the caster was very obvious about directing the spell at you, you have no idea that you were a target.

GENERAL BLAHS: uuuugghh.

You take a -1 penalty to all skill checks.

You take a -1 penalty to all attack rolls.

You take a -1 penalty to all saving throws.

LETHARGY: you wish you’d stayed in bed, and you probably should have stayed in bed.

Your speed is reduced by 5 feet.

You have disadvantage on saves against effects that would restrain you or render you unconscious.

Whenever you take a short rest, make a DC 10 Wisdom save. On a failure, you doze off and are unable to perform any other actions during that short rest, and can only spend one hit dice to recover.

You have disadvantage on initiative rolls.

RUINED VOICE: after extended bouts of intense coughing, you can barely speak.

You can’t verbally communicate with anyone farther than ten feet from you.

Any Performances checks to sing are both at disadvantage and have a -5 penalty.

Social checks that would involve speaking are made at disadvantage, due to how your voice sounds and/or your unfamiliarity at communicating without normal speech.

Whenever you attempt to cast a spell with a verbal component, roll a spellcasting ability check, against a DC of 8 + the spell’s level (cantrips count as zero-level). On a failure, you can’t get the magic to accept words formed with your wrecked voice, and the action used to cast the spell is wasted (but the spell slot is not used up).

Your voice is unrecognizable. You need alternate methods to confirm your identity. However, if you’re trying to pass yourself off as a different person to someone who only has your voice to go off of, you automatically succeed if they have no reason to be suspicious, and you have advantage on the Deception check otherwise.

STUFFED NOSE: if nothing can get in through your nose, it doesn’t seem right that so much mucus can come out from your nose.

You can’t smell anything. You automatically fail Perception or Investigation checks relying on scent.

You cannot breathe through your nose. If your mouth is covered, you risk suffocating.

Your voice sounds weird when N comes out as D and M comes out as B and other sounds are likewise distorted. You have a -2 penalty on verbal Persuasion, Deception, and Intimidation checks, as people have a hard time taking you seriously.

TEMPERATURE FLUCTUATIONS: you feel too hot, and then you feel too cold, and then you feel too hot….

You have disadvantages on saves against the effects of extreme heat or cold.

The only way you’ve found to stay comfortable is with an awkward and constricting array of blankets. You have disadvantage on all Dexterity-based skill checks and Dexterity saves. If you choose to not wear the blankets, you instead have disadvantage on attack rolls and on skill checks that take more than a single action to complete.

WATERY EYES: you legitimately are not crying from pain, but nobody will believe you on that.

You have disadvantage on Perception checks relying on sight.

You have disadvantage on Intimidation checks against someone who can see your eyes.

((Also posted on Pillowfort, here.))

“You’re too old for that.”

Is really a shitty concept. You’re too old for everything. Cartoons, sleepovers, candy, etc. Basically, you’re too old for fun. You shouldn’t be too old for fun ever in your life. If you want to watch cartoons, do it! If you want to have sleepovers, do it! 

this would have got 100k notes as a tumblr post in 2018