I’m At A Sociology Conference And Just Attended A Memorial For One Of The Giants Of Our Field, And

Public comment has been opened on changing passport forms. It's important that people who aren't trans please take a minute and say "hey this is bad". Please help. :)

I don't know if I think this will change anything, but it's a 5 minute investment of time, and it can't hurt.

I’m sorry but if there is one thing the Tumblr left needs crucially, it’s the ability to celebrate.

I remember when marriage equality was called and there were waves of rainbows and love wins posts. When we successfully defeated Donald Trump, there was lukewarm relief, a reminder that you were only allowed one or maybe two days to celebrate and then it was back to work. That is if you were even a good person for voting Biden. We never did settle if he was better than Trump. (We did.). We didn’t celebrate student loan debt relief or any of the accomplishments of the Biden administration, or any of the times Trump was blocked, or other countries succeeding in keeping fascists out of office. Who cares if we had successes? It’s not good enough. Back to work!

And this anti-celebratory attitude stretches back to the past. On the 100th anniversary of female suffrage in America, we were reminded that not all women had the vote and so we weren’t allowed to celebrate. The only post I saw about Juneteenth was reminding us that there were enslaved people who were killed instead of freed and therefore celebrating the end of chattel slavery was wrong, and besides, we have prison labor so nothing really changed or got better and there’s nothing to celebrate anyway. Trans Day of Visibility comes with Trans Day of Remembrance so that people don’t fill the tags with hate crimes and death. So on and so forth. Nothing gets better. Nothing changes. Back to work!

So of course when we have a major setback, we fall apart and have to start frantic damage control. Frantic discourse ensues over how much people are allowed to unplug before it becomes bad and selfish. Yes, maybe you can have this one day off Mr. Cratchit but you better be here and miserable early the next morning. Like abusive bosses always insisting you squeeze out more, more, more, and any achievement is just proof you were lazy the other times and impetus for more work.

If we are never allowed to acknowledge any of our victories, how are we supposed to survive our defeats?

To put it very bluntly.

You will always make a better impact helping people who need it than trying to hurt people you think deserve it.

You've been carrying a lot lately. I'm proud of you for enduring, but remember you don't have to carry it all alone. It's okay to ask for help.

Goodluck Pikachu

a very good lesson my therapist helped me with was changing “should” to “want to”

example:

“I should shower.” -> moral, weighty, often an addition to the chorus of shit you are already struggling with. a dead end! guilt and shame are not sustainable motivators.

“I want to shower.” -> acknowledgement of a need and desire, now we can move forward!

often, when we’re stuck, it’s unlikely that we are choosing it. even if you have the “i could do this if i just got off my ass” running through your head, that doesn’t mean it’s correct. something is stopping you. something is preventing you. moving forward looks like figuring out what that blockage is.

there are infinite reasons we get stuck or don’t do something. often, these reasons have little places we can push back on.

with our example, here are some reasons that have interfered with my hygiene, and what i tell/ask myself when they come up. my therapist recommended getting curious with the feeling, not judgmental. genuinely, gently: why is this thing stopping you?

i don’t like my skin being damp, it’s really uncomfortable -> the discomfort will suck, and i’ll feel better once i’m dry. is the post-shower dampness more uncomfortable than feeling icky right now?

i can’t stand up that long and making it to the shower is too fucking hard -> i can sit on the side of the tub / i don’t have to shower right now, i can rest for a bit and see where i’m at after

i haven’t done that much, so i’m not that dirty -> i still don’t feel very good, maybe a shower would help reset. even if i don’t feel better, at least i don’t have to add sensory ick to the bad feeling.

i forgot and now it’s time for bed and i can’t sleep with wet hair -> i can shower in the morning! / i can do a body wash and take care of my hair in the morning

and listen, sometimes the reason for not doing something you want to do is very fucking compelling. sometimes you just can’t fucking shower. and you learn to stock hygiene wipes on the grocery list and keep a stack of clean washcloths by the sink, and you buy a shower chair for the days you need to sit down.

and if you get to a place where you want something and won’t give it to yourself (not can’t!), you need to ask why you’re depriving yourself of something you want.

i find that is often more helpful than railing against yourself for something you should be doing.

does anyone have that reddit exchange screenshot where someone is like "what colour is this mouse??" and posts a mouse who is like in some sort of purple world with confetti around it and the top comment is like "it would be easier to tell if your mouse wasn't at the club" . i keep thinking about & referencing mouse at the club and i cant find it

stolen from bluesky.

wish list for people who don’t want anything

aka possessions which are just possessions, but which have noticeably improved my quality of life: for when people ask you “what do you want for your birthday/Christmas/graduation” and you instantly transform into St Francis and pledge fealty to Lady Poverty because your mind went blank

nice. new. sheets. I cannot emphasize this one enough. if you’re still using the same sheets you had in college, you should probably get new ones. get yourself some 100% bamboo rayon sheets—they’re silky and perfect for summer and great for sensitive skin! or, if you’re cold all the time, flannel sheets!

kitchen knives. or even just one really good kitchen knife.

new curtains—blackout if you are a creature of the night like I am

fleece lined anything, but especially sweatpants and hoodies. wool lined socks are also good. if you don’t have the option of coming home after work and putting on an entire outfit that is loose and fuzzy, you should change that, because you deserve that option.

cookie sheets with a layer of air between the top and the bottom. the bottoms of your cookies will never burn again.

kitchen scale!!! no more leveling off flour with a knife and getting it all over the table!! now all your measuring is just shoveling stuff in and out of bowls like you’re at the beach. baking is both more accurate and also way more fun.

coffee bean grinder. if you want to upgrade your coffee experience, this is a great one-time purchase. just-ground beans have a much better flavor than pre-ground.

CDs!! ask for a gift card and expand your physical music collection! or a collection of the DVDs for your favorite show!