I'm Overcome With Nostalgia For A Life That May Or May Not Have Been A Dream.

Dark academia playlist

it has both lyrical and classical!

everyone gangster until you pull on your not so platonic friend's armor

so apparently it’s cool to wear your boyfriend’s clothes now?

but when i, patroclus-

i used to be such a skeptic whenever i came across any mental health advice asking you to “move your body” or “drink more water” or “eat nutritious food and get sunlight” because how can you narrow down my psyche to these physical constraints?

to me, these seemed like empty words ringing across a hallowed hall devoid of any warmth or feeling. only once i started implementing these have i realised what a power the state of your body and biological functions hold over you. i don’t feel that heavy burden of feelings dragging behind me like a phantom, choking me and consuming me and binding me in an inescapable vortex inside my head. physical liberation from that dictator of malaise and despondency has turned me into a changed woman.

i no longer recognise myself and i couldn’t be happier about it. i should learn to forgive those past versions of myself, i really know i should but perhaps i shall need more time. i don’t think it is in my nature to be forgiving yet. does god not require penance in order to unshackle you from the manacles of your sins? perhaps more atonement from my end is required to appease my grieved subconscious. or maybe im just meant to linger in the shades of what could’ve been. either way, i think im liking who im becoming.

Living the Dark academia life

Egyptian student edition

Locking yourself in your room for hours to analyze and study Ahmed Shawqi's poems.

Laughing at a pun present in the poem (also, known as "تورية ". Pronounced "Taw-re-ya") , just to follow it up with crying because of how hard the Analytical Grammer is.

Buying second hand items from tiny businesses present in flats.

Not being able to afford a dark academia aestheticaly pleasing wardrobe or having a full say in what you want to get because you still live with your parents.

Getting yelled at because you had "way too many" cups of qahwa/ready made coffee (qahwa is Arabic coffee. Ready made coffee like Nescafé).

Romantacizing studying physics (or any "hard" subject) , and focusing on it so much that you forget to study the easy subjects and now you have a load of said left out subjects.

Not being able to give enough fucks about a colonizers language to have someone correct you , but also needing to study it because it will be added up at the end of the year with the rest of your subjects.

Wanting to learn coptic (or what's supposed to be your native language) but not being able to due to the little to no time that you've got and feeling very guilty with not being in touch with your ancestry.

Not being able to get in touch with your ancestry due to the lack of information about them and knowing little about them, causing you to feel guilty again.

Having an identity crisis because "who do I belong to??" (in my case, 'am an Arab, a Copt or should I identify with both? What about the white washed part of my family?? ')

Listening to Fairouz, Chopin and hozier (and /or anyone in between) , in the morning, with a cup of coffee.

Trying to comprehend the white folks running 1st world countries with 2 paramecuims for brains, in the morning. Just to shake the thought out, because who needs to give themselves a headache, when you can simply watch a 4 hour long Arabic session and cry afterwards.

I'm an Egyptian, who lives in Egypt . And most of the posts that I see in this format, are written by folks living in 1st world countries. And of course, I don't quite relate to them. Feel free to reblog and add more to this post :)

starry decorations

i feel like a person again. i feel real as i taste the salt on my skin after a run. i feel the bitter winter current seeping through my bones. i feel the soft kiss of my quilt at every point it touches on my body as it embraces me in the cold, i see the cranberry and amber hues of the sunrise every morning as i wake to chase the sun, and i smell the fragrant aroma of the garlic cloves as they sizzle in olive oil in my pan while i cook dinner for my family. winter i love you.

Things That Make Me Feel Like I'm Living My Best Dark Academic Life:

- reading novels under candlelight all night simply because i can. feeling tired but satisfied the day after, mild dark circles under my eyes but head full of stories.

- wearing rings on any available finger, especially my silver snake ring or the gold ring with a green gemstone passed down from an older relative. Even typing on a computer becomes more DA when they reflect its light.

- the feeling of a warm mug of coffee in my cold hands on a rainy, dreary morning. Or a refreshing glass of chilled water when the sun has decided to pay a visit.

- writing letters and poetry for my boyfriend by hand, decorating them with pressed flowers and one spray of my signature perfume. Sealing the brown envelope with wax and then delivering them by hand, or by placing them in places he will surely find them.

- following on from the last point, the feeling of secrecy and pure romanticism when he does the same in return. the joys of seeing his words on paper or the paintings within those sealed envelopes, knowing that they are for my eyes only.

- sharing facts in conversation with friends when the topic calls for it, especially when i am able to reference my subject of study.

- the first breath of the outside when i open my window in the morning.

- stove kettles and perfectly brewed tea.

- late night debates and discussion about the meaning of it all.

- the euphoria of strangers complimenting my outfits.

- sitting in my local costa with my boyfriend and our best friend (when we could.)

- the knowledge of how old my university campus is, creating imaginary stories of all the people who, like me, have walked its corridors and marvelled at its beauty.

- the feeling of satisfaction after completing a wordsearch.

- warm baths lit only by candles, the floral smell of bath salts or bubble bath filling the air.

- the rush of adrenaline after finishing and handing in an assignment just in time.

- seeing my bookshelves overflowing with books, both new and old, unread and well loved.

- when i am able to casually quote poetry or literature flawlessly in conversation, the satisfaction when others notice, and the sense of mystery when they do not.

- long walks in autumn or the stereotypical english weather with my closest companions.

- staying up late, or all night, to write stories and poetry. reading out my words to the night sky in the privacy of my bedroom. the sense of pride in knowing that these words and moments are between myself, the moon and her stars. they are ours alone.

there are several more, but these are some of my favourite.

Anatomy is so fun I wish I could just spend hours studying only anatomy.

It takes that long, anyway.

Some dark academia things

textbooks filled with highlighted texts, doodles, annotations and coffee/tea stains from late night study sessions

dry roses on your desks, bookshelves and in random books which you open and discover several pressed flowers

using old cracked teacups as candle stick holders

textbooks being the only books you're not afraid to dogear

dozens of messy to-do lists, scratching the finished tasks and choosing to ignore the remaining ones because you're too busy celebrating your accomplishments

panic because you still have to do the remaining ones

finally taking a breath cuz ur to do list is completely scratched out and you can sleep peacefully

nvm you stayed up all night reading