Will You Ever Come Back?

Afloat

I'm in a perpetual state of numbness

Forgotten how to feel, how to be

I only have my pen as a witness

Stranded in this strange, bleak sea

I have been alone in this boat for so long

Plugging holes with paper

Coldness seeping to the pages and my bones

My oars swallowed by the water

Maybe I'd let this sink in the deeps below

Release the burdens of sorrow

And I'll be free, unencumbered by tomorrow.

Words, Words, Words

I write not because it make things better. I write because it's the only thing I know. And I know it's dumb. Words are very unreliable, yet it's the only thing I could hold on to. It's my rope. I know people tend to break them every time, but I don't care. I'll still hold on to it like its my last piece of thread. And maybe that's the reason behind my brokenness. Because I try to latched on the thing that people barely keep. But I can't help it. Words, writing them down, it doesn't always make everything clearer, but for me, it's the only thing that makes sense. The only constant in my life that I could turn to no matter what. And there's no word for everything. There are feelings and experiences that I cannot fathom into phrases or sentences. But somehow, when everything is fading too fast, and I'm alone and lost and confused, these breakable, limited words became enough for me. Not enough to be fine and happy, but enough to survive. And I hope it'll be enough for another day, because I honestly don't know what to do if it isn't.

Her

She's such a sweet rose

The bright spring, in a dark, cold winter

She's all I can remember

She has that angelic grace

That saved me from my demons and monsters

But maybe it'll be best to forget her

For all her smiles,

Her laugh, her voice that used to make me better

All faded away the day she chose her lover.

Defeated

I was running when you found me

With my heart filled of thorns and your head crowned with daisies

In the field of dandelions we met

Your tired eyes looked at mine with regret

With petals in my hands, and yours filled with blood

We part ways, losing what we never have.

Run, Baby, Run

My waters are murky and most people are afraid to swim the unknown. Don't try to go in if you don't plan on staying because I can't guarantee that I can let you out. Don't try me and test the waters. I don't need that. If you want, you can observe my waves from the shore. Don't dip, don't sail. I can't give you a safe passage. You might get shipwrecked. We will end up both broken. You will sink and you might be able to salvage your pieces but I know, I know you'll never be the same. And you'll blame me and I will say "I've warned you". If you're looking for a thrill, please not me. I can't promise to let you go when you became tired of the chaos I bring. I can't control my self. I'm toxic. So please, please just stay away. If you only want to experiment if you can fix the broken, cure a person, don't, don't, don't. I'm telling you now that you can't. So please, I don't want to be responsible for another disaster, for another nightmare. So stay away, stay away. Stay safe, I don't want you to regret me. I don't want to you to have that bitterness in your mouth whenever you think of me, because all I'll remind you of is wreckage and that piece of yourself I've robbed you of. I don't want let anyone down again. So leave me alone, and I'll let you be. Let us not hurt each other. I won't want to take a piece of your soul just because I have none.

I still love you

Maybe it's time to burn those unsent letters

Let my past go through smoke and embers

And the walls you breached should be once again fortified

Regain my dignity, my freedom, my pride

Though I love you and you'll always have a piece of my heart

It is time that I move on, move forward, and restart.

-D.G. Gir// 03/26/2018

I've learned to love darkness as if it is light

Learned not to chase what eluded my sight

So before you try and make me feel okay

Be reminded that I prefer the stillness of night than the buzzing of day

I've learned to enjoy the battles, the wounds, the scars

The monster, the demons, the way they are

We clash, we fight for this body, this mind

But their company, I can never leave behind.

What I Hate Most

Often I wonder if I'll ever hear your voice again

'Cause I can no longer remember its sound, its tone

I can only feel the warmth it brings when it rains

The way it made my heart skips, the way it chilled my bones

I wonder if you still laugh the same

If my soul, your singing can still tame

'Cause all I have now is a dusty memory

One that's leaving me, leaving me slowly

So here I am, still hoping against it all

That you'll one day give me call

That once again, I'll feel that honey dripping in my ears

Just so I can be reminded, there's someone real behind these tears.