I Wanna Say I’m Overworked But I Actually Genuinely Like What I’m Doing And It’s DRIVING ME FUCKING

i need everyone to know that community is what will save us all in every single way imaginable. you forming a bond with your neighbour or coworker might help them move house or feel less alone or have the courage to leave an unhealthy living environment. you helping a stranger might provide them with hope. in turn, being able to lean on your community in times of need will save you. your broader bonds with your community are the revolution we need. our society seeks to divide and separate us in so many ways but we are all so much more united in our struggles and joys than you are made to believe. we need to hold onto each other very tightly.

you will feel so alive again.. like so incredibly alive. i dont know when that will be but it will be. u are gonna feel so alive that ur cheeks hurt from smiling oh man oh man i promise that day is coming. you do have a future, you do have good things coming, and you’ll survive everything that’s thrown at you until you reach that day

What exactly am I supposed to do? Be horny and stupid for the rest of my life?

i need everyone to know that community is what will save us all in every single way imaginable. you forming a bond with your neighbour or coworker might help them move house or feel less alone or have the courage to leave an unhealthy living environment. you helping a stranger might provide them with hope. in turn, being able to lean on your community in times of need will save you. your broader bonds with your community are the revolution we need. our society seeks to divide and separate us in so many ways but we are all so much more united in our struggles and joys than you are made to believe. we need to hold onto each other very tightly.

calling my lover "mine" but not in the way that my toothbrush or notebook are mine, mine in the way my neighborhood is mine, and also everybody else's, "mine" like mine to tend to, mine to care for, mine to love. "mine" not like possession but devotion.

I can’t sleep because I keep thinking of D. I had a dream about him the other night — we were in some sort of retreat together. When we finally got the chance to interact, I asked him if I actually did piss him off and he said yes. Then, I gave him my rationale that it was inevitable that I did that. He wasn’t mad mad but I felt like he got so turned off by it so I understand. Then when I think he finally came to terms with it, he started saying how he can’t believe we’re together again (not together together, but like, in the same room together). I was actually a little spooked because I thought he was already seeing someone else but he seemed so happy to be with me again so whatever.

I’m so pissed at the fact that I had to wake up before anything happened. I can’t believe this is happening. I’d like to think that I haven’t truly felt this way ever, not even with the people I actually dated. I’m so mad that I know a lot about him that, if I were sick enough, I could actually hunt him down. Of course, I won’t do that. I know my dream did not mean anything other than the fact that I saw one of his friends’ story with him in it. I haven’t thought of him in a long time because I’ve been trying not to proactively. Sometimes though, I do still wonder if I could ever talk to him again. I wonder what I’d say. I could tell him I have never felt what I felt that night for any other person. I could tell him it felt pointless to seek or even think of finding a partner when the one I actually wanted in my life has passed me by. I could tell him that I’ve only been to his place one time but the C-5/Pasig area crushes my soul every time I pass through there because it was one of the most serene moments of my life and I’m not even sure if I could ever feel that way again. I mean all of that, which is why I feel so helpless because it’s not like I could just reach out to him again. He’s been seeing this girl and I know because I saw that his music ig followed her. Right then and there, I kind of already knew. When I went to check on the girl, I found that she has twitter and linked to it was her tumblr. On her tumblr, she would post a lot about him. I hate this even more because she looks so pretty and nice and in love. And, I could never wish for her relationship’s downfall just because I have a crush on her man.

I just hope that I finally find a reason to stop thinking of him and wishing for him. Sometimes I pray for him to just get married already so that I could finally end my delusion. It hurts that this is how things are and even more so because I can’t even do anything about it.

Anyway, here’s ceilings.

“But it's over

Then you're drivin' me home

And it kinda comes out as I get up to go

You kiss me in your car

And it feels like the start of a movie I’ve seen before…”

I just got news that I’m being promoted. My first promotion in my first ever job. Bittersweet to think that this the kind of milestones I’m going for now—I didn’t realize how fast the years are going by. 5 years ago, I was lost, scrambling for my college tuition, just trying to graduate and hopefully find a job. Now, I’m at that job I didn’t take long to land, seeing my hardwork come to fruition and getting recognized for it. I’m eternally grateful for my boss for seeing whatever he saw in me when he hired me, when I had absolutely no experience under my belt, and took a chance on me anyway. Getting promoted by him also means the world to me. He has shown me nothing but kindness and support, and I feel so so blessed. I know I did all the work that earned me this promotion but I have to recognize the first person who saw that potential.

More than anything else, I want to thank God. I want to thank Him for heeding all my prayers wheneverI called and cried for Him. I give all glory and honor to Him, for all of His provisions, for the gifts that helped me get this job all those years ago, and for the strength to power through everything else that came after. Thank you, God. Always. I can’t ask for anything more than for more holistic strength and brainpower to keep going. I have goals but not one greater than my ambition to keep serving You.

I love you, Lord. Let’s keep going.