This Was Absolutely Brilliantly Done.

“splatoon is literally the exact same game over and over again” wrong! with every new title it gets gayer

so I found something

hello to like, the 30 people that enjoy dedf1sh, I found something. TLDR im in a discord server and someone sent this.

it's all the signatures outside of hotlantis, right? but I noticed something very important

THEY GOT OUT OF THE DEEPSEA METRO!! THEY SURVIVED!!

THERE THEY ARE!! THEY'RE REAL!!

HOLY FUCKING SHIT CALLIE HAS HAD ENOUGH

All of my incorrect quotes as Splatoon!

It took days but it’s done.

run, save yourself.

Neo3 -“Leave me, Four, save yourself.”

Agent4-“Oh. Okay.”

Neo3- “FOUR!!!!”

Agent4-“alright alright I’m coming back.”

Marie- “Are you high?!”

Cap3- “What?”

Marie- “High?”

Cap3- “Hello?”

Cap3- (About 8) “She’s so pretty”

Neo3- “don’t be jealous, you’re pretty too!”

Cap3-“ I wasn’t being jealous I was being gay”

Agent4-“I know exactly what you’re going through my friend. It’s called; Being Gay!“

Neo3-“Oh.”

Agent4-

Neo3-“OOHHHHHH!”

Agent8- “I’m breaking up with you and here’s a puppyyyyyy!”

Cap3- “Aww- wait what?”

Agent8- “His name is Marvin I need my keys back and he’s very cuuuute!”

Cap3- “Do you think I’m not hearing the bad parts of those sentences?”

(they ended up not breaking up)

Pearl-“I like um movies that talk about the- *glanced at Marina* that- that talk about-“

Marina-*snickers*

Pearl-“FPHG What? What? WHAT???”

Marina-“NOTHING! I just like you!”

Pearl-“BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAGAHAHAHAHAHA”

Neo3-“Can you tell what this word says?”

Agent4-“Pw- wait- Pwmoly…?”

Neo3-“I don’t think that’s it.” 

Agent4-“Okay, wait, let me use my imagination. That could be a backwards A, and that could be a U, so Puamo- it’s still Pwmoly!”

Neo3-“So? What do you think?”

Cap3-“I think it has 3,600 pages.”

Cap3-“I have a life, I have a family, and until I read this, I had a will to live.”

Agent8- “Blood. Seas of blood.”

Agent4- “Nightmares?”

Agent8- *more annoyed* “Ennui? Blood! Fire and blood!”

Neo3- “Time!”

Agent8- “You fool! It was birthday parties!”

Agent4- “BIRTHDAY PARTIES?!”

Pearl- “HEY ASSHOLE!”

Callie- “It would appear Pearl has read the article.”

Marie- “It would appear he has.”

Cap3- “Agent 4 is above reason but they are of Inkopolis. And they are my sibling.”

Marina- “They killed 80 Octarians in two days.”

Marie- “They’re adopted.”

Cap3- “And I’m like boom, you looking for this?”

Agent4-

Marie-

Cap3- “Boom? You look- why do I even talk to you guys? Everyone else that story kills.”

Marie- “That’s the whole story?”

Cap3- “Yes, it’s a war machine story.”

Agent4- “Oh it-it’s very good then.”

Agent4- “Lets rande-voo at our Junk Shop!”

Neo3- “We jammed the door closed, but we’ll kick it open!”

Marina- “Shelldon left very clear instructions, Four. Did you not see the very clear instructions?”

Agent4- “I saw the note.”

Marina- “And what did it say?”

Agent4- *looks at note reading “Four, you are still too young to drive the truck.”

Agent4- “It’s ambiguous.”

Marina- “I’m not overriding the controls for you.”

Agent4- “Please?”

Marina- “NO.”

Callie- “If you had 24 hours left to live, what would you do?”

Marie- “Say goodbye and mend my relationships.”

Pearl- “Something illegal.”

Neo3- “I’d message ten people on FaceBook saying that if they don’t forward the message to ten people I’ll die tomorrow.”

Cap3- “Jesus, kid.”

Pearl- “That’s awesome, can I change my answer?”

Octavio- “Where’s your sense of self-preservation?”

Cap3- “GONE BABY!”

*Later*

Marie- “We’re having a talk.”

Cap3- “yup.”

Agent4: *running towards 8 with open arms*

Agent8: *moves out of the way*

Agent4: Hey, why'd you move?!

Agent8: I thought you were going to attack me.

Agent4: I was going to hug you!

Agent8: Why would you hug me?

Agent4: WHY WOULD I ATTACK YOU!?

Marie: How petty can you get?

Pearl: I once edited a Wikipedia article to win an argument I was wrong about.

Neo3: Why does Agent 8 have you in her phone as BBG?

Cap3: How about we stop talking for a little while.

Cap3: One time, I had a crush on an ally of ours but I didn’t know how to deal with it so I just wrote them a note that said “Get out of my house.”

Agent8: THAT WAS YOU?!?!

Marie: So, did everyone learn their lesson?

Neo3: No.

Cap3: I did not.

Agent4: I may have actually forgotten one.

Callie: Also no.

Marie: Oh good, neither did I.

Marina: *Exhausted sigh*

Agent8: Captain is too tall for me to kiss them on the lips. What should I do?

Agent4: Punch them in the stomach. Then, when they double over in pain, kiss them.

Pearl: Tackle them!

Marie: Dump them.

Neo3: Kick them in the shin!

Captain: No to all of those! Just ask me to lean down!!

Neo3: Bye Captain! Bye Miss Callie! Bye Miss Marie! Bye Agent4! Bye Captain!

Agent8: You said ‘bye Captain’ twice.

Neo3: I like Captain.

Mr. Grizz: Man, they look like a real handful. How do you deal with them?

Marina, watching Agent4 and Pearl screaming, Captain trying to set a sleeping Neo3 on fire, and Callie choking on air: I don't know either.

Pearl: Rules were made to be broken.

Marie: They were made to be followed. Nothing is made to be broken.

Agent4: Uh, piñatas.

Agent8: Glow sticks.

Neo3: Karate boards.

Callie: Spaghetti when you have a small pot.

Pearl: Rules.

Marie: -3-

Captain: Crud, we have a flat tire!

Agent4: Ah crud! 

Neo3: What are we gonna do? We're still really far away!

Agent4: Don't worry guys, I put a spare in the trunk!

Marie: ...Four, I swear on the Cuttlefish name, if I open the trunk and there is bowling pins set up back there I am going to throw you to Splatsville.

Sheldon: *glaring at 4*

Callie: *staring at 4*

Captain: *glaring at 4*

Agent4: ...

Agent4: Don't open the trunk

Callie: Cap won't come out of his room

Neo3: Just tell him I said something

Callie: Like what?

Neo3: Anything factually wrong

*a few minutes later*

Captain, bursting into the room: Did you say the sun is a pLANET

Marie: Three, what is this called?

Neo3: A mop?

Marie: Now tell him what you think it is

Agent4, close to tears: Wet broom 

Agent4, very high/tired, to Neo3: "You're so full of yourself" is such a weird expression like, what else would I be full of??? Bees??? Styrofoam???”

Neo3: ????

Marie: “You’re dating him.”

Agent8, painfully: “I know.”

Marie: So what's the new rule here?

Callie, Pearl & Agent4: No daring Three to do stupid stuff

Captain: Why?

Neo3, muttering: Because I have no regard for my personal safety

Captain: Right

(On the teacups)

8, Marie & Marina: *spinning calmly and talking about things*

4, 3, Cap, Pearl & Callie: *zoom by at lightning speed, screaming loudly*

Marie: Whenever I’m mad at Pearl I tighten all the jars in the kitchen so they has to come to me for help.

*sound of glass smashing*

Marie: It hasn’t worked yet but I’m staying hopeful.

Marie(about 8 to Captain)- I thought you said she was JUST trying to kill you.

Pearl- Wow, quick turnaround.

Agent4- No kidding, it took me MONTHS to stop trying to kill Captain.

Callie- I’d say it took me a day, day and a half.

Neo3- I’m still on the fence.

(Insert offended Captain here)

Callie- That sounds bad

Pearl- That looks bad

Marina- That IS bad!!

Marie- So I come home and see my brother’s made this cool thing so I pick it up to look at it and he goes, “HUH. That’s neat!” And I said “what?” And he said “I WASNT SURE IF THE WHOLE THING WAS GONNA BE ELECTROCUTED OR NOT!” I mean like what? Were you just gonna let me be a Guinea Pig is that what was happening?!

Sheldon(faintly)- yes

Pearl- *choking*

Marie- Can you die a little quieter I’m reading.

Agent4(laying in hospital bed very much sedated)- I’ll tell ya. They did that real quick, they just went right in there, and they snippidy snip snipped it. They did THREE snips.

Agent8- Three snips?

*Empty stretcher moves by*

Agent4- That guy didn’t make it.

Agent4- HAWAII? HOW DID SHE EVEN GET HER CAR HERE? ITS ILLISOIS?!

Neo3- WHAT THE HECK?!

Agent4- AAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Neo3- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Agent4- When you go to a bbq joint and there’s twelve rolls of toilet paper, you kind of question the food

Marie- He’s a grown man that eats apple sauce with his fingers! Even 4 doesn’t do that, right 4?

Agent4- I-I do that too.

Agent4- if you’re American when you walk into the bathroom, and you’re American when you come out of the bathroom, what are you when you’re in the bathroom?

Neo3- *glances at Captain*

Agent4- European!

Captain- The darkness gets closer to consuming me with each passing day-

Sheldon- That gives us 41 hours until the destruction of all organic life on Earth.

Callie- All organic life?

Sheldon- Yeah, like the animals, the plants, the insects. You know, people.

Marina- Alright time for lunch all peanut allergy kids come with me!

Callie- But I wanna eat with my friends!

Marina- And be at risk of dying?

Callie-…yes?

Marina-No.

Agent4, aggressively throws water bottles: HYDRATE OR DIE-DRATE!!!

Marie: Help! He’s trying to yell mental health and wellbeing into us!!

Agent4: I APPRECIATE ALL OF YOU!!!

Captain, crying: It's working

Agent4- my brand just overheated

Neo3- it’s pronounced “brian” dummy

Captain- it’s pronounced “brain” morons

Captain(hasn’t slept in days)- Last night, I saw three woman walking down the street that way. And I asked them, “Hey you three ladies! Why are you going that way? There’s nothing down there?” And then they flew away, and I said to myself, “them were some birds.”

Marie-

Callie- *wheeze*

Neo3- One large pizza, extra fishy.

Callie- You must be hungry.

Neo3- No, I’m ordering for two.

Pearl- *spits out drink* NEWBIE IS PREGNANT?!

Neo3- Freaking out isn’t going to help! We gotta be chill.

Captain- HOW CAN WE BE CHILL LOOK AT ALL THAT ICE!

Marie- That’s it! Christmas is cancelled!

Captain- You can’t cancel a holiday.

Marie- Keep that up and you’ll lose New Years, too.

Agent4- What does that mean?

Marie- MARINA! Take New Years away from Captain and Four!

Agent4(heavily sedated(yes, again))- I guess I’m just too tough to cry.

Agent8- Just today you were crying about snakes.

Agent4- They don’t have any arms!

Marie- And crabs?

Agent4- *sobbing*THEY CANT HOLD HANDSSSSS

Agent4- What happened? Did Neo fall and break his butt? Haha.

Captain- That’s not funny.

Agent4- …I know.

Neo3: I have a plan. It might get us both killed, but if it works, it'll be a totally boss story. Cool?

Captain: What? No, not cool!

Neo3: Cool

Captain: I SAID NOT COOL! 

Agent4- Dr Pepper please

Neo3- Is Pepsi okay?

Agent4- Is Monopoly money okay?

Captain- What are you, twelve?

Agent4- YEAH.

Captain- ON A SCALE OF ONE TO TEN.

Marina- Four! Captain said not to!

Agent4- Cappy needs some help from the Love Doctor~.

Pearl- And his assistant!

Marina- Get back here!

A- I have to tell my something parents, can you wait here for a second?

B- Don’t you mean tell your parents something?

Neo3- LOOK. my mosquito bites spell out “beware”!

Captain- That says “bewarb”

Captain- So I heard you like bad boys.

Agent8- Who told you that?

Captain- Pearl. Anyways, *hair flip* I just want you to know I’m bad at everything. ;)

8- 

Cap- *still ;) but def about to break a sweat*

8- Pick me up at seven

Captain- What country are y’all from where they got this garbage at

Neo3- Jersey

Agent4- I KNEW IT 

Agent4- Just let go! Be in the moment!

Neo3- I am in the moment! ITS A TERRIBLE MOMENT!!

Neo3(telling Agent4 about Mr. Grizz)- I handled it like a champ.

*3 hours earlier*

Neo3- *uncontrollable sobbing*

Neo3- Sir, you’ve misplaced your five dollar bill directly into my palm.

Cuttlefish- You fight almost as well as a man!

Agent8- Funny! I was going to say the same thing to you!

Agent8- How do you make someone fall in love with you?

Agent4- Well, There's The Usual Things: Flowers, Chocolates... Promises You Don't Intend To Keep

Pearl- This year, I lost my dear husband Marina.

Marina- STOP TELLING EVERYONE IM DEAD

Pearl- Sometimes I can still hear his voice

Callie: "Sorry it took me so long the bail you out of jail"

Pearl: "No it's my fault, I shouldn't have used my one phone call to prank call the police,"

*a few hours earlier*

Captain answers their desk phone: "Officer Sango speaking"

Pearl: "is your refrigerator running?"

Captain while still on the phone turns to glare at Pearl:

Agent4- I can’t miss a photo op with you and a pile of trash

Cap- Oh, A, you’re too hard on yourself!

Callie- If you don’t like my tuna casserole then you’re a liar. Or worse, VEGAN.

Neo3- STOP BEING SUCH A KAREN

Agent4- I can’t be a Karen what kind of Karen likes anime?

Neo3- tch

Neo3- KAREN JAEGA

Marie- I’ve been looking for you everywhere!

Agent4- What a coincidence! I’ve been avoiding you everywhere!

Callie: Hey, can we stay in your room tonight?

Marie: Why? 

Cap: Four fiddled with an ouija board and cursed Three’s. 

Callie: Three doesn't know how to banish spirits, so they just throw salt at them and yells "DOES THIS LOOK LIKE A HOTEL TO YOU?!"

Marie: I've not slept in the past five days.

Callie: I worry about Marie, he's got awful sleeping habits.

*interview gets interrupted by Captain stumbling in the background squinting from the bright lights as he grabs the entire coffee pot and then leaves*

Callie:.......I take that back. All of them have awful sleeping habits.

Cap- “Listen, I need you to do something I was never strong enough to.”

Neo3- “Fulfill my destiny, right?”

Cap- “No.”

Cap- *wheezing* “Get therapy…!”

4- you think I don’t like you? I do! I’d kill for you! Please-ask-me-to-kill-for-you

Cap- first of all, let’s calm down.

4: Three, we've been together through thick and thin

Neo3: We have

4: Three, when we were six and I fell off my skateboard, you were there by my side

Neo3: I was

4: And when we were ten and I burned myself trying to make pop tarts

4: you were there by my side

Neo3: True

4: And when we were twelve and my favorite action figure tragically broke

4: You were there right beside me

Neo3: Yes

4: And the night I was thrown out of a window

4: where were you? Tell them

Neo3: By your side

4: By my side...

4: Three, you're a fucking jinx

8- “Can you guys get Captain? She’s kinda bleeding a lot.”

Cap- *incredibly strained* “I’m bleeding a normal amount, thank you.”

Pearl- BY THE TIME I’M FINISHED, YOU’LL BE WHISTLING OUT OF YOUR BUTT!

4- “Argue with me-“

Neo3- “But you’re wrong!”

4- “Dont argue with m-“

Neo3- “BUT. YOURE. WRONG.”

4- “That’s why you’re the slowest in your class.”

Neo3- “That’s why you don’t have a girlfriend.”

4- >:0

Neo3- >:)

4- “I’m about to end your whole career. You know Santa Claus isn’t real right?

Neo3- :0

4- >:)

Neo3- “What?”

4- “Right, Hm?”

Neo3- “What?!”

8- “Why would you say that?!”

4- “he had it coming!”

Neo3- “MISS MARIE!!”

4- “DONT CALL MARIE NOW!”

Neo3- “he said to bring it to my parents.”

Cap- “So you brought it to me(????)”

Neo3: So, what was your childhood like

4: Oh, you mean my tragic backstory that you must be at least level 3 friendship to unlock? 

Neo3:...What level am I at? 

4: Ten. So it all started-

Marie- “I bet Captain has a six pack.”

Neo3- “For eel? Can I see?!” <- has never seen a six pack before

Captain- “Okay sure! Did you mean the six-pack of twinkies or soda?”

Callie- :0

Neo3- :o

Marie- :”)

Neo3: We’re going to defeat you with the power of friendship. 

Cap: We’re not friends yet. 

Cap: We’re going to defeat you with the power of incredible violence.

Marie-

Callie-

4- “Sup’ guys Cappy couldn’t make it I’m New Cappy! Insert random grumble here!”

Marie- “GRAAAAAAAAAAMPS!”

Callie- “I dunno I kinda like New Captain!”

Neo3- “Where’s Captain?!”

4- “Wherever she is, I’m sure she’s trying to save us right now!”

Cap- *spamming the elevator close door button*

Marie- “When was the last time you slept?”

Captain with eye bags the size of the Grand Canyon- “Would you believe me if I said last night?”

4- “And I said, ‘What’re you gonna do? Stab me?’ ”

Neo3- “So I stabbed her.”

Marie- *deep breath*

4- “WAKE ME UP”

Neo3- “Wake me up insiiiide~”

4- “CANT WAKE UP”

Neo3- “Wake me up insiiiide~~”

Captain- “SAAAVE MEEE!”

Cap: *staring pensively out of a window*

Neo3: So wise, so knowledgeable. He really is a born master

Cap, to themself: Is cereal a soup?

Cap- “Can you be serious for five minutes?”

4- “My record is four, but I think I can do it.”

Octavio- “As some of you know, I took a bit of a break last year-“

Pearl- “You mean when you hooked up with that old man and then he dumped you?”

Octavio- “Let’s move on.”

Marie- ”Gramps sure did.”

Cap- “So…Who broke it? I’m not mad, I just wanna know.”

Marina- “I did, I broke it-“

Cap- “No, no you didn’t. Pearl?”

Pearl- “Don’t look at me, look at 4.”

4- “Huh? I didn’t break it.”

Pearl- “HUH. That’s weird. How did you even know it was broken?”

4- “Because it’s sitting right in front of us, and it’s broken.”

Pearl- “Suspicious.”

4- “No, it’s not!”

Marie- “If it matters, probably not, but uh Shiver was the last one to use it-“

Shiver- “Liar! I don’t even drink that crap!”

Marie- “Oh really then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?”

Shiver- “I use the stirrers to push back my cuticles, everyone knows that MARIE.”

Marina- “Okay, let’s not fight, I broke it, let me pay for it Captain.”

Cap- “NO. WHO BROKE IT?!”

4- “Cappy… Frye has been awfully quiet-“

Frye- “REALLY?! OH MY GOD!”

*everyone arguing*

Cap*in the next room with 8*- “It was me. I broke it. Burned my hand so I punched it.”

4- *holding up photo* “D’you know what this is?”

Marina- “It’s a weed plant.”

4- “And now did you know that?!”

Marina- “…it’s labeled…”

Captain- “Boys be like “Oopsie Daisy!” WHOS DAISY.”

4- “Girls be like “No way José!” WHOS JOSÉ”

Neo3- “HOLA BITCH”

Captain- “God give me patience.”

Neo3- “Don’t you mean god give me strength?”

Captain- “If god gave me strength you’d be dead right now.”

Callie- “We’ll just have to agree to disagree.”

Marie- “I don’t agree to that.”

Pearl- “Me either!”

8- “I need relationship advice.”

4- “Break up.”

8- “At least listen to me first.”

Please reblog this so that I can get a bigger sample size, but DO NOT include anything in the tags about the results, as that could influence other responses

working

All these little guys together + not very pleased Morgana

Dissonant Melody: Part #10

Sometimes I forget that, in-universe right now, they’ve only met up to practice O N C E…

Comic Archive

The second to last panel features several guest characters that I’d like to give some shoutouts to! From left to right:

@yumeparadox ‘s sona: A wonderful member of the Splatoon community full of positive energy, and an amazing voice actor to boot! @aeorys ‘s character Lena: The winner of my Tumblr art raffle and an artist with a ton of cool Splatoon OCs. @whethervane ‘s OctolingTartar design: A new friend I met via this comic who’s ready to Stan and Share obscure pairings, extensive world-building, and quality storytelling~ @spinningrobo ‘s sona: A long-time reader who’s shown amazing support for this comic and who’s comments brighten my day. @butteryb ‘s avatar: A new friend who I automatically vibed with over Cuttletavio, and who’s always down to share that sweet sweet lore. Lastly, the announcer on page 1 who looks suspiciously like Croix Meridies from LWA is for my lovely partner @teir3s , whom inspires me to keep making art and telling stories every day ❤ 

Dissonant Melody: B-sides #1

Here we go…

Comic Archive