Trigger Warning: Blood, Scary

Thinking about Techno's newest vid.... ha ha

Techno, I love your content and all, but dude, IM DYING HERE WHY IS YOUR UPLOAD SCHEDULE SO PAINFUL

Wait. That's right...

I've felt and thought for as long as I have breathed. I feel the world say "no," right as I start to grow. I hear myself say "no," simply because I shouldn't grow.

I have taught myself that I don't matter. That everyone deserves the privilege I have Except me.

Or that I don't deserve Love and loyalty Freedom and Rights because I'm a sick bee that will bring down the hive I see myself to be selfish and ignorant and cruel.

I try to do everything perfect. Everything "right." I try to fight, even when I know I can't fight.

Wait. That's right...

I'm not fighter, I'm a writer. I make my own world, With my own rules. I conquer lands and start bands. I learn from others for my own story's progression. Why am I obsessin' over my perfection?

But then...

What should I be if not perfection? Am I an academic? A scientist? An artist? A queen? A princess? A lover? A woman? A thing?

Maybe Just maybe I'll simply be ... me

counting outside of yarn art and basic maths is for those with confident and better long term memory

The thing they don’t tell you about yarn art is that you will learn that you don’t know how to count.

Okay, you can't show me a best friends story like this and not make me think they're a couple with this cover.

I'll believe it here. I'm a person who likes touch with friends I'm familiar with. but.. even I don't put my hand over a friend's hand to help them paint. So. I have to wonder....

Control

God of myself, Demigod of my life.

aw. thanks. :}

it takes little to make me so happy I feel like my life has been fulfilled.

For reference, my uncle is kinda a serious guy, so he doesn't smile as often. When he was coughing on something, I said, "Don't die, it's bad for your health." Terrible joke. Once he could breath again, my uncle gave a genuine smile and told me it was funny.

I still smile at that memory today

People need to know these, for a child or not

This also works with an anxious spouse, friend, or family member.

Born to be...

I have so much to say, But I'm afraid words wouldn't be enough. Actually, I'm afraid of a lot of things. Possibly everything. Everything but one.

I'm afraid of love. I've only learned how to hate myself, So how could I possibly learn to love If I hate myself too much? No matter how good I feel, Whether I'm told I'm beautiful or gorgeous, In the end, I only know how to criticise myself.

I'm afraid of laughter. Do you laugh at me? Or do you laugh at someone else? Is it true or fake? It's much too easy to fake, And reassess choices once made. I can switch moods in the matter of seconds. You probably wouldn't recognise who I was when I shift.

I'm afraid of life. You can make so many mistakes, Fall so many times. Once of them might change your life for better or for worse. That's why I criticise myself. That's why I can't choose choices, But to choose perfection that I despise so dearly.

But I'm not afraid of Death. It's so small, yet so crucial. I don't understand why people are afraid of it. It's coming, so why not face it head on? Is such a fear why most turn to religion and faith? To reconcile themselves that they will be safe? If so, then so be it. As long as it doesn't hurt one's reason to live, Then I'll respect that opinion.

All I want is to breathe in a world, A world that can take it's time and move forward. Not backwards. So, though I'm afraid of a lot of things, I'll continue to see the stories beyond my own. Because that's what I was born to be.