I just want a freaking free day!!! ๐ค Do you ever get so tired of studying and school that you don't know how you're going to last another 30 days?? That's why I am right now. I can't. I just can't right now.
I so want to just say f it and go take a break for a day, but I also feel like I can't. I also don't work like most people, and nighttime is my friend. But then, I can't even enjoy a relaxing night because I need to do work... Make it make sense. Why do I feel punished in society simply by being a night owl? That's not fair.
Grievances aside, only 1 more day of this workshop, and I seriously still don't know how much I'm learning. I'm not sure if this will feel worth it in the end. Maybe I need to reevaluate tomorrow morning before I decide to go.
Me feeling angry (also exhausted and frustrated) at the whole world rn:
โ Full-day workshop โ Check and respond to emails โ Clinic note revision โ Grocery shopping โ Phone call with partner โ Dinner and snacks โ Watch Me Before You (I cried my eyes out for this ๐ญ) โ Phone call with parents โ Clinic notes x4 โ Add article summaries to class notes โ Read research articles for thesis (30 minutes - that's all the energy I have for today) โ Shower (finally!!!)
I cut out some original plans cause I overestimated how much energy I had lol. Full-day workshop is a energy-drainer... Time for bed ๐ด
Starting my studying at home at 10:32pm... It's ok, I'm just going to do my best until I let myself start getting ready to go to bed in an hour. I will need the sleep, and I cannot wait to rest because I have worked hard lately =)
โ School โ Staff meeting (1.5 hours...) โ Part-time job โ Nap (2 hours ๐ฎโ๐จ) โ Dinner/snack โ Clinic document (so proud! I've been procrastinating on this since Feb lol)
โน๏ธ Clinic report results 1 โน๏ธ Clinic report results 2 โน๏ธ Shower (I'll consider this in the morning ๐ )
Kinda still feeling frustrated that my professor docked points because I have been getting to class late, but I literally have accommodations for that. I hope it's just that he forgot. I'll need to talk to him about it, and I'm not enthusiastic about it...
[End of study: 12:08am] Ok, I'm calling it a day because I don't want to push my sleep back any further. Good night, lovely humans ๐ฉต
Tapped out the past 2 days because depression is hitting me and I think I'm having pms. It feels really difficult to do anything when the end of the semester hits. Like there are so many tasks and assignments I need to get done, and I don't even have more time to do all of them. Ugh... why is life hard sometimes? Thankfully, I pushed myself to reach out to my friends and partner. I feel better today =)
Not sure if this happens to people or not, but I find myself starting something that gives me instant dopamine when I'm the most stressed/overwhelmed. Like this Friday, I told myself I needed a day to relax, and I ended up starting this 24-episode cdrama and y'all I'm on the last episode today... I'm so committed when the thing makes me happy and gets me hooked.
Anyway, I hope to continue updating my progress so I don't just give up. Thanks for giving me a space to feel supported and safe (even in the not-so-great times) ๐ฉต
โ Walk my dog โ Yoga (Haven't done it since the accident and it actually felt nice) โ Breakfast โ Watch Perfect and Casual (Such a simple and cute contract to love story! Definitely a rewatch when I need something wholesome and heartwarming๐) โ Clinic notes x4 โ Discussion post
โน๏ธ Thesis: revise section paragraphs โน๏ธ Clinic report results x2 (hopefully I can get through more if I have the energy)
Let's trust that I will get through another day feeling at peace, relieved, and proud of myself ๐ฉต
[End of day: 12:30am] I basically lost motivation after reviewing my advisor's feedback on my latest thesis draft... He wants me to revise my writing and add more details and find more updated citations. I feel like I just want to pull my hair out. I don't know how I'm going to do this, and I'm already exhausted at this point. I feel like giving up because this thesis seems never-ending... I wish I could just escape into the drama world and call it a day.
Started the day slow because I need it ๐ค
Music ๐ง: Pop, Rock, Selena Gomez
โ Shower
โ Breakfast
โ Part-time job
โ Advocacy meeting
โ Read and reply to school emails
โ Write clinic notes
โ Send clinic emails
โ Finished A Sign of Affection anime ๐ญ
โ Review and write group project paper 1
โน๏ธ Pay bills
โน๏ธ Review and write group project paper 2
โน๏ธ Working on thesis (2 hours - it'll go by fast so I can do this!!)
If your semester is ending soon and it is exam season, I wish you all the best! Sending good vibes ๐ฉต
End of day reflection (1:11am): I didn't have time to finish everything, but I am proud of myself for not running away from writing my group project papers. This is my first time doing a group project that involves writing a paper together. It is harder than I had expected, and I'm not a fan of not knowing how the paper will flow until the very end. Anyways, it was a good day today. Looking forward to writing more tomorrow =)
Ugh March is almost over, and it freaks me out๐ตโ๐ซ I feel like this is the first time I don't know exactly how things will go and how I can get through with all my work and wrap up my semester... Maybe I've been here before, but every semester is a blur at this point.
Take it one day at a time, one day at a time. I need to keep repeating this to myself so I don't feel so terrified of the unknown that I run away from everything. Anxiety and stress are no joke.
Anime atm ๐: Earl and Fairy
โ Video call with a friend
โ Breakfast
โ Surprise party for friends
โ Watch repair (it took me a year to take it somewhere to fix lol)
โ Lunch
โ 1 episode of anime
โ Group project 1 paper
โ Rewatch Skip Beat ep 19 (iykyk)
โ Thesis (1 hours ๐) - I FINALLY DID IT!! SO PROUD!!
โน๏ธ Group project 2 paper
โน๏ธ Pay bills
I'm not letting myself go to bed unless I work on my thesis for 2 hours. My phone is locked away, so I know I can get it done. It really doesn't have to feel like a struggle every single day. I have finished harder things in the past ๐ค
Me with my thesis:
The day didn't go as bad as I had imagined. Started working on some school assignments on my to-do list after eating a nice breakfast (more like lunch) and watching an episode of A Sign of Affection =)
Here's to the possibility that I will face the more daunting task of continuing to write the literature review part of my thesis. Cross my fingers that I finish the day strong and satisfied!
This graphic is so real lol. I would also add "adulting" which takes up 10-20% of my life depending on the time of the year...
I had to go to a medical appointment this morning and it feels like I have already used up most of my motivation and energy for the day ๐ซ . But I know I can't (or should I say I recently decided that I won't) give up this easily, so I am hopeful that it will be another day I can celebrate at the end.
Sending love to all you wonderful humans ๐ฉต
I feel like yesterday wasn't that bad, so today should start pretty well too... Guess I was wrong / not as accurate as thought about my own behaviors.
I ended up waking up and checking social media, and it sent me down a spiral of starting this new online novel about werewolves and fated mates. They know me too well lol.
Now it's past 3pm and I have a long list of to-dos, combined with what I didn't get to yesterday. Will this kind of life ever end? Will I ever decide to not push away what I need to do right now and enjoy the instant gratification that causes me long-term despair?
Decided to take it chill today. And truly, I keep reminding myself that I deserve it. Yes, I can study more, always. But do I want to not let myself take a break and rest after finishing 2 group projects? No. I need to take care of myself and relax before I can keep going, especially since the semester ends in a month and not a week.
Me seriously needing a facial and massage to take off some stress:
โ School
โ See clients
โ Part-time job
โ Nap
โ Dinner
โ Play A Little to the Left
โ Check and reply to school emails
โ Go to bed before 12am (finally!!)
Hope you are giving yourself permission to rest as well ๐ฉต
Spent some time with a friend and started working on a minor task that I had been procrastinating on. Feels good to finally get it done, even though it is not that important in the grand scheme of things.
I feel a little bit more in control when I feel like I don't need to be a couch potato 24/7 (no judgment if someone chooses to be this way). I just realized that I need something to distract me from falling into a dark hole of depression and self-pity. I think today hasn't been too bad =)
realizing life is a constant progress to be the version of me I choose to begrowthblr | phd | psychology | โ | overthinker
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