Bluethornprincess - Life.in.progress

Day 1 ~ in recovery ~

A friend came over today to talk about my feelings and maybe get some work done for myself.

It's been 2 days since I last turned on my laptop and looked at my semester to-do list. I still haven't done it yet, and I feel intimidated by the potential workload I have waiting for me once this break ends and everything should go back to "normal." Is there even going to be a "normal"? I don't know. I feel very conflicted right now, but maybe this shows that I need a reality check. To ground me, not terrify me.

Journal

I got into a car accident with my friend today... This was my very first one with an actual collision. Crazy enough, I was in shock at first and cried, but then once I realized what was going on, my brain decided to shut out my emotions and be logical about all the things I needed to do and all the people I needed to contact.

I don't know, I feel like I need to be the strong one in this situation. I can see how distressed my friend is and how guilty she is for the accident, and I just can't bring myself to make her feel any worse. There's a lot on my mind now... Are my pain and bruises going to go away soon? Are my travel plans for Spring Break going to work out? Is my dog going to be OK after the accident? Am I actually suffering from internal bleeding? Lol I realize I have a morbid sort of humor as well.

Tbh writing this out makes me feel really sad about my progress with thesis. I was literally started a routine and tracking how I am doing each day, and then "bam!", life hits you in a way you never expected.

I mean, yes, I am grateful I survived (especially my friend and my dog) because someone could have died. And then what? Where do my emotions go? How do I process all of this? How can I express my feelings while not feeling like I'm hurting my friend?

It's going to be OK. That's what I keep telling myself. I truly believe in it. I just don't know how that's going to happen. We shall see...

03/17/2025

Proud of myself!

I started working on school stuff again after everything that's been going on. It was nerve-wracking at first, having to go through a lot of emails and reply to some from weeks ago. BUT... I got through them all!

Completed Tasks:

✅ Read (and organized) my school emails

✅ Research team meeting

✅ Review weekly task list

✅ Eat

✅ Take care of my dog

✅ Therapy session

✅ Finish 1 exam

✅ Added article summaries to class notes

What a relief! Now I can hop on Xbox to play with my partner and enjoy my dinner!!

Day 1 End

I'm so proud of myself!

I actually did some thesis writing tonight. It took me a little bit to start, but I think I have a clearer direction now that I know it is just small blocks that build up my entire paragraph, and then making up a section.

Tracking my progress is nice. Thanks for this space!

03/25/2025

Tired school days pass by the quickest... Finally sitting in front of my laptop at 10pm to do more schoolwork (according to my planner), and once again, I wonder how my brain wandered off to a different space and time since 6pm.

Current mood 🙃:

Completed

✅ Doctor's appointment

✅ Classes

✅ Part-time job

✅ Food

✅ 30-min nap with my dog

✅ Randomly listened to an audiobook ad on YouTube for 1 hour...

✅ Clinic note

✅ New semester survey

✅ Check school email and reply

✅ Group project highlight

✅ Group paper section outline

To-Dos (still...)

⏹️ At least 1 hour of thesis writing

Venting: It's hard to not feel disappointed in myself for not working on any actual thesis writing in the past 2 days, especially when I keep telling myself that today is the day. I seriously just want my brain to not run away from my thesis because I feel like time is running out. I'm so exhausted both physically and mentally at this point that I just want to sleep for a whole day before doing anything. But I'm not sure if this is actually feasibly. I just feel so stuck in my brain right now that I just want to dump all my anxiety and fears out so my mind can shut up and do the actual work. Why is it so hard??? Ugh, and now I feel like I am not being kind to myself... But I really need to complain a bit. Life has been rough recently with school and it's not something that someone can solve for me.

Energy Periods

OK, I have to note this down because I just recognized an energy pattern that I have! What a win!

3-6pm: my peak productivity time

when it is easier for me to focus and concentrate

especially on days when I have not done anything at this point, I feel like doing something so the day doesn't slip away completely

helps when I have time to ease into a slow morning and make food for myself (and exercise on some days)

12-2pm: potential medium to medium-high energy

I know that it is possible for me to start doing tasks at 12pm, so this might be a period where I can start with easier tasks and feel good about some small wins

I think this will be a good time where I build up the momentum to do my higher tasks later in the day

9-11pm: medium energy

there have been days when I can still complete school tasks or even write parts of my thesis during this period (tbh I can push until 12am but I really need to get some sleep before a full day of classes)

hopefully this will be a period where if I have not been able to get to my thesis tasks during the week, I can save 2 hours just working on it before I go to bed

I usually sleep better the next day if I do work on my thesis task the day before

My schedule doesn't always allow a ful-day of research/thesis work, so hopefully this will help me organize my time based on my energy instead of what I feel like people keep telling me to do. I'm definitely not an early bird, and I think it makes sense to follow my own energy/rhythm at this point so I can actually reach my goal of proposing my thesis by the end of April.

04/09/2025

Started reading this Webtoon called "Ex-Love Review" and I couldn't stop until I can find the latest chapters. So I'm just gonna finish one task and head to bed...

Completed

✅ School ✅ Part-time job ✅ Phone call with partner ✅ Quiz ✅ Dinner ✅ Read Ex-Love Review ✅ Clinic report results x2 (finished in 30 mins?? Amazing!!)

To-Dos

⏹️ Shower (I'm gonna shower in the morning, I promise 🤞🏻)

[End of day: 1:05am] Got more done than I expected, but I definitely neglected some things 😅 I think I'm starting to burn out, which is why I started reading on Webtoon to get a dopamine hit. Need to figure out how I can better rest and do schoolwork at the same time... Good night 🩵

04/14/2025

A new day, a new plan. Trying to stay optimistic and ground myself with inner peace today. I'm not sure what will happen in the future, so all I can do is to take one step at a time and focus on today =)

Completed

✅ Walk my dog ✅ Yoga ✅ Breakfast ✅ Inspirational videos (they're helpful to give me hope and motivation 💖) ✅ Pay bills ✅ Thesis: revise 1 section (took me 3 hours in total to add citations and draft an email to my advisor lol; but it's DONE!) ✅ Group project 2: find presentation slide template ✅ Therapy ✅ Dinner ✅ Play Xbox with partner ✅ Case presentation: background information ✅ Shower (gonna go shower now~)

To-Dos

⏹️ Clinic report results 3 ⏹️ Clinic report results 4

I have quite a bit to finish today, but I am hopeful. At least there are also some things to look forward to 😊

[End of day: 12:26am] Basically finished around 11:45 but I didn't want to stop watching drama trailers to find my new show lol. Then my internet decided to give me issues so now I will go shower and call it a night 🥱

Introductions ~ take two ~

Hello stranger! Glad you found me and I hope you get what you need from here (encouragement, inspiration, rant, etc.). If you don't find my content interesting, I hope you picked up some good vibes and have a wonderful day =)

Original Idea:

My initial idea for this blr was to keep track of my master's thesis writing progress. Unfortunately, within a week, I got injured in a car accident over the holidays and things are no longer the same.

Updated Content:

I decided today that this blr will now be a mesh of things. I will continue to post about my thesis writing progress while adding other studying stuff here (i.e., a studyblr). I will also talk about things I do in a psychology PhD program in the US (i.e., a phdblr). The part that I am most excited about to start posting here is my reflections and inspirations! I pick up on a lot of meaning and wisdom from daily life so I hope to share this with y'all and maybe help others who are struggling like me 🩵 (maybe I can call it a growthblr?) A random idea that popped up is to use this as my 2025 vision board! I have been having a hard time creating an entire vision board at the beginning of the year, so maybe this would be a place where I can add pictures and quotes that inspire me and lead me toward a new direction and be in flow this year =) (so exciting!!)

A Little About Me:

Nice to meet you, lovely humans! I am a PhD student in psychology, in my 20s, a dog mom, an astrology/tarot lover (I'm a ♉ sun), a couch potato during breaks, in my healing/spiritual journey, and have ADHD/depression.

I'm usually a private person, but I love sharing my inspirations and wisdom with others =) I hope that this will be a safe and non-judgmental space for all of us, and to be authentic while respecting each other.

Given that I am in a psychology program and I see clients, I do not plan to post anything identifiable here, including my real name. That means that unless you know me irl, you will not know the people I mentioned in this blr. If you have concerns about identifiable information of your own or someone you know being posted here, I strongly encourage you to reach out using the "AMA" button on this blr so I can correct my mistake.

Disclaimer: There is a chance that I will not consistently write here. If I have not been active for over a month, I might take longer to respond to posts and AMAs. That is just the nature of my life rn.

✨Sending lots of love and light ✨

04/08/2025

Starting my studying at home at 10:32pm... It's ok, I'm just going to do my best until I let myself start getting ready to go to bed in an hour. I will need the sleep, and I cannot wait to rest because I have worked hard lately =)

Completed

✅ School ✅ Staff meeting (1.5 hours...) ✅ Part-time job ✅ Nap (2 hours 😮‍💨) ✅ Dinner/snack ✅ Clinic document (so proud! I've been procrastinating on this since Feb lol)

To-Dos

⏹️ Clinic report results 1 ⏹️ Clinic report results 2 ⏹️ Shower (I'll consider this in the morning 😅)

Kinda still feeling frustrated that my professor docked points because I have been getting to class late, but I literally have accommodations for that. I hope it's just that he forgot. I'll need to talk to him about it, and I'm not enthusiastic about it...

[End of study: 12:08am] Ok, I'm calling it a day because I don't want to push my sleep back any further. Good night, lovely humans 🩵