∅ Hi, I'm Blue! ∅ Money! I'm So Rich In Spirit!

I might be going crazy, but I think I'm going to try panhandling tomorrow. Doing gigs and odd jobs is too stressful for me. I'm not homeless, but I can't work and my disability aid is months away. I haven't done panhandling before, and I am rather terrified. But I am going to wear a face mask, a hat, and sunglasses, which will help with the feeling of embarrassment. Wish me luck.

I am sorry that I have trouble finding interesting things to say. The words just are not there. I try to think of words and there is nothing. I had to forget about my past. I have no stories to tell. I feel like I have a blank or empty personality. I am still figuring out who I am. Daily Affirmation: My name is Blue, and I am a new person.

I lost my job. Affirmation of the Day: My name is Blue, and my existence has value.

Affirmation of the Day: My name is Blue, and I have a nice smile.

∅ Hi, I'm Blue! ∅ I put the letters on the side this time. I'm so talented!

One thing that I had to learn after my fundamentalist upbringing Is that it's not always healthy to forgive people. We shouldn't always turn the other cheek, And we shouldn't love our enemies.

Okay, maybe my community is more generous than I thought. I got 6 dollars in four hours of begging. That meets my fundraising goal for today. I just want to try to make 5 dollars a day to pay for my nicotine habit. I'm sorry I went off the rails there. I hate it when my anger takes over. The anger, I think, was a response to putting myself in a very phobic situation. Rejection hurts, but I should not wish others ill. Some days, the mental illness wins.

All right, enough rest. Time to go back out there and be a public nuisance. I need to make it my mission to annoy every single person in my community with my panhandling. I realize now that nobody is going to give me any money. So my panhandling is now about finding pleasure in causing irritation to others. And if I get some money as well, all the better! I'm taking a chair this time. If nobody is actually going to pay me, I may as well make myself comfortable.

I am a former choir singer and a former church guitarist. I feel inspired to compose music again. I have a song in mind. I just need to write it down and practice it. I promise you that my voice is much better than my drawings. I'll make an anonymous Bandcamp account and post a link to the song later.

I need to work from home because I get panic attacks. Making music is my best chance at earning a living online. I have depression. I have to start writing the sheet music now, while I'm not feeling well. The mental effort will slowly improve my mood as I work. Waiting for the depression to go away never works. The depression will always be there. The only way to improve the depression is to summon the willpower to be productive. I know that the music will be good enough to earn donations. I just have to have faith and trust the process.