Bleedingfromthisworld - SHIMI SHIMI

I have been Waiting for This

(That's a lyric from the song for this fic [Higher by The Score] but also applies to you eager readers haha)

Talia's POV of Burned my Wings. (Read Chapter 1 for more context; it's Jason's POV)

Rating: M [tw: non-graphic blood, violence, depression/bad mental state]

WC: ~3.7k

Many thanks to @skypalacearchitect who beta'ed for me and made this smoother!

Also from sky is this lovely meme, which partly started this whole thing.

Jason @ Jason deciding to have himself killed in front of Bruce:

5+1 Times Jason Gave Talia A Headache

Talia busied herself making tea in Jason's apartment while he slept quietly in the next room.

She'd broken in less than an hour ago after her mother's intuition pinged yesterday, letting her know one of her sons was doing or planning on doing something stupid, reckless, or both.

She had first checked on the son she actually had some control over, finding Damian going through stretching with his trainer.

"Ummi?" His wide, innocent eyes looked up at her as she laid a hand on his shoulder.

"I just wanted to see how your flexibility was improving, habibi. Have fun, and be good for your trainer."

Damian nodded, his cheeks still puffy with baby fat that she wanted to pinch sometimes.

She had finger-combed his hair out of his face and left the room, wondering what Jason was dreaming up now.

This specific feeling showing up this strongly usually meant that her oldest son was doing something that would cause her and Bruce and sometimes Father a headache.

The first time she experienced it, she had been uncertain about the cause.

A week later, she got a shaky phone call from Jason, who confessed that he'd decided to kill his latest trainer after finding out the man also dabbled in trafficking kids.

Oh, and since he hadn't completed his training with him, the trainer had overpowered him and managed to fatally wound Jason before succumbing to his own injuries.

Oh yeah, he was perfectly fine now, but he was pretty sure he'd died again? His voice had given out over the phone after he admitted it out loud and Talia immediately packed and flew to him.

Two days later she dropped him off to train with the All-Caste, hoping that they could help Jason with his existential crisis.

Talia had already suspected that Jason was semi-immortal, at least from young or violent deaths, but Jason was still recovering from his first death and this second one had made him spiral again. The poor boy was questioning his existence and if he was even supposed to be alive or if he was just a freak of nature, some vermin that just couldn't stay down, like a cockroach.

Talia was having none of that, but knew she was not equipped to properly help him work through it, so she called on Ducra and the All-Caste to help.

When Ra’s had found out what had happened with Jason, he had complained but eventually accepted it, and she talked him into renegotiating things.

They ended up both compromising. Talia agreed to take on more responsibilities in running the League despite her reluctance towards assassin work, and in exchange Ra’s would relax some policies regarding the Shadows.

Now those who wished to leave would be allowed to do so, with the agreement of surveillance to prevent them selling secrets, as opposed to Ra’s past policy of hunting down and killing any deserters.

They also came to an agreement about Damian.

Talia would allow Ra’s to give Damian more training but with concessions such as being allowed to take him to relax (and Jason, when he returned) whenever she wanted as long as it didn’t exceed a certain duration. Talia was glad they could take vacations more easily now.

After all, it's hard work organizing people's murders.

2. The second time her mother’s intuition tingled that badly, she immediately called Jason to her room.

He’d finished his training with Ducra and the All-Caste and returned home much calmer and more balanced.

She had an idea that this feeling was related to the small smirk that was constantly on his face since he’d returned.

"Jason, as thrilled as I am that you have returned and seem to be somewhat at peace now, why do I have this sense that you are plotting something?”

To his credit, he immediately spilled the beans. “I want to go back to Gotham.”

“Why?”

“To make Bruce kill the Joker.”

Talia sighed and languidly waved her hand at her desk. “Show me your plans.”

Three months later, once she had double-checked his plans, she and Damian waved him off as he flew back to Gotham.

This wasn’t going to end well.

Summoning her head guard, she ordered a contingent of Shadows to watch over Gotham and report any anomalies to her immediately. In an emergency, they were to jump in and help the new Red Hood. Revealing League affiliations was of no consequence if they could protect her eldest son.

3. Jason entered the living area from his workshop excitedly. Her niggling headache returned in full force.

“T, look! I modified my helmet to blow up if someone unauthorized tries to take it off!”

Talia gaped at him, wondering how her brilliant tactician had come up with such a…stupid idea.

"While it’s on your head?”

He nodded. “I’ll come back, but they won’t, so my ID will be perfectly safe! It’s brilliant!”

Talia supposed that at least he wasn’t viewing the gift of resurrection as a curse anymore. Still, she’d have to keep a closer eye on him to make sure he didn’t go around recklessly playing with such a delicate matter.

She sighed. “I can’t stop you, can I?”

“Well, I mean, you could…”

She shook her head. “Although some of your ideas…give me pause…I still support them. You are certainly trustworthy and trained enough for me to support them. I just wish you weren’t so reckless with this blessing you have.”

Jason put the helmet down carefully. “I really appreciate how much you trust me, T. I’ll try to keep my life-endangering stunts to a minimum, okay?”

4. Talia lifted the binoculars to her eyes.

Jason was two buildings over, a gun to Joker’s head and a gun to Bruce’s.

This was it, the final showdown after months of red herrings and cold trails and petty obstacles that Jason had thrown at Bruce.

Her grip on the binoculars tightened as she watched Bruce throw the batarang, almost as if it was in slow-motion. It knocked the gun back in Jason’s hand and she winced sympathetically, knowing the pain of a blast injury well.

The Joker started laughing on the floor as Jason’s backup plan he had set up in advance finally kicked in, and the timer for the detonation for a major explosive went off.

The building turned to rubble in a cloud of fire and smoke.

Talia dropped the binoculars and turned to her waiting squad of Shadows, barking orders impatiently.

It was a good thing she had decided to come to Gotham to watch the showdown.

As she led the Shadows to the building, she saw Bruce digging through the rubble, torn wires sparking and smoke drifting creating a moody atmosphere.

She halted, waiting to see what Bruce would do, and barely held back the wrathful urge to confront him when she saw him hauling the Joker out of the debris, but saving Jason was more important, especially as it seemed no one else would. She could ruminate on Bruce’s failures as a parent later.

The red in her vision was not only from the hazy flames licking around the concrete.

As soon as Bruce was gone, she followed the tracker to Jason’s limp form and began moving the rubble covering him.

She would not let him die in another explosion, would not let him die from betrayal of another parent.

~~~~~

Jason’s eyes cracked open a little while after the doctor on her staff had pronounced him as fixed up as he could manage and she had tucked him into bed.

“T?” he rasped, his eyelids heavy.

“I’m here, habibi. I dug you out of the wreckage and took you to the closest base to treat you. It’s only been a few hours.”

“You were watching?”

“I do not trust Bruce as much as I once did; he has changed greatly.” She wiped a cool, damp cloth over his face. “How are you feeling?”

“I think I hyperven’ilated an’ passed out from the PTSD. Thanks fer gettin’ me out, T.”

“Always. Do you want to return to the League?”

He shut his eyes and nodded. “F’r now, yeah.”

Once he fell asleep, Talia called Ra’s and asked him to prepare for their return. She would not be letting Jason and Damian out of her sight for a while.

5. “You are the most stubborn person I know,” Talia sighed, pacing her room impatiently.

“Why must you return to Gotham? You will always have a place here, and you are more than welcome to it!”

Jason looked down at his feet, spread in an at-ease stance. “I have to go back.”

“Did you not get the closure you wanted? Why must you return to such a cursed place that bodes you no goodwill?”

His fists tightened and loosened in a subtle pattern Talia recognized as a breathing technique.

“I have to go back,” he repeated stubbornly. “I need to deal with the power vacuum Red Hood leaving caused, at the very least. I promised those people help and I meant it! I know you understand obligations to help the innocent, T.”

Slightly irritated at his persuasive speaking and slightly proud of his argument, she acquiesced.

He managed to convince her to let him stay every single time she visited, and he spent the next two years in an on-again/off-again conflict with the Bats.

Every time she visited him, she noticed how heavily the animosity between him and the Bats weighed on him. Several times she found him crying or raging about something Bruce had said; occasionally he was doing both.

Every single time she reminded him of his permanent spot with her or in the League, he reiterated his thanks but chose to stay in Gotham for the crumbs of hope that Bruce tossed his way.

It pained her to see her son suffering so much because of his completely understandable desire for a relationship with his father. She understood it all too well.

Talia’s displeasure with Bruce’s actions grew every time she visited Jason and found out what had happened this time.

It seemed that once Bruce had grudgingly allowed Jason to work with him and the other Bats, he discovered some of the skills Jason specialized in. He didn’t appear to be above associating and working with a Rogue when they could help him, calling Jason in to work with him and then berating him once the mission was over for morally dubious actions Jason had performed under the Bat mantle.

She worried for Jason’s cognitive dissonance, as when he was with her he discussed how unwelcome he felt, but on her next visit he recounted how he’d done everything to Bruce’s specifications just to be a part of the pack for that mission.

+1. Talia moved around Jason’s kitchen quietly as she made tea and planned her speech, glad he appeared to be sleeping soundly.

She had decided that it wasn’t healthy for Jason to continue in Gotham and was resolved to speak with him about his health.

She wanted to be proud of him for trying to save innocent people, but she could not bear this cost to his mental and emotional health such close proximity with Bruce was causing her son. He could save people anywhere else in the world, couldn’t he?

This was the longest stretch she had gone without seeing Jason since the explosion, and she was a little concerned for him.

She heard Jason get up and poured the tea into two mugs.

He paused as he saw who was in his kitchen, then placed his knife on the counter and greeted her confusedly.

“Talia? Why are you here? I thought you were with Damian?”

“I had a feeling my oldest son was plotting something and needed my help.” She left the mugs on the counter and embraced him warmly, glad to see him looking so peaceful…and devious. Oh dear. She sipped her tea, hoping the herbs would prevent the headache she could already feel oncoming.

They sat down to eat and Talia decided that she had waited long enough. She leveled a solemn look at him, and she had to admit, she enjoyed his slightly guilty wince.

“Jason. You are not one to hold back your thoughts, habibi. What is it?”

He met her gaze squarely. “I want to perform a little experiment on Bruce, and I'd like your help.”

She looked him over calculatingly. “Go on.”

“Bruce said some things last night...I almost shot him somewhere he'd have a hard time recovering from. But then I thought, he's still never recovered from the first time I died. That's what this is all about, anyways, so what if I do something to him he'll never recover from.”

Talia stopped eating and wrinkled her brow as she stared at him, analyzing his body language.

Jason continued, “I want you to kill me in front of Bruce.”

She stood up, pressing her mouth into a firm line. “I did not save my son from that man's brutality just to kill him myself.”

How could he ask this of her, knowing how dearly she valued his life? She had gone to some great lengths to support him in his seemingly insane plans, but this was too far.

She paused her anger to finish hearing him out.

“Look, T, I'm not sayin' this lightly. I know what death is like better than most. But I need to know exactly how he feels about me, if I can realistically continue to work in Gotham or not. You and I know I'll come back, but he doesn't. I- he seems like he wants me dead and gone, so he can still mourn Robin-me. I need to know for myself.”

Talia stood in front of him, carefully scrutinizing his body language and facial expressions.

“...this is not a situation like the aftermath of your showdown?”

She had been seriously worried he would test the limits of his abilities and had made him live in her quarters for the first while after they returned to the League.

“No, T, I'm not askin' this 'cause I want to die. I'm askin' because I want to live. I don't feel like I'm really living around the Bats, always keeping an eye out for a potential problem and what I'll be blamed for next. But...I need to know just how big of a chance I have to live with them. And how much they'll look for me if I leave. I'm not asking this of you lightly, T. Feel free to say no; I'll understand.”

She felt seriously conflicted, but his words rang truthful, and he’d not yet lied to her.

“I must think about this, Jason. But if you leave, I will always help you, whether they chase you or not.”

Jason smiled and hugged her. “I know. Thanks, Talia. Take your time, I have drama to plan anyways.”

He left the room, heading for his workshop, and she stared after him, contemplating.

~~~~~

The next Saturday evening, while Jason washed the dishes and Talia dried them, she casually brought up his request.

“I’ll help you with your plan, habibi.”

Jason turned to her, dripping a few suds on the tile floor. “I’m mentally stable enough to handle you killing me?” he asked wryly.

Her lips thinned subtly in displeasure, but she was long used to his ways of speech and his use of humour as a defence.

“Something like that. Are the dramatics of your plan sufficiently plotted?”

“Almost. I was thinking I’d confront Bruce in the Batcave, if possible with his little sidekicks there so he can’t hide anything from them anymore, and then you come in and hug me and stab me in the back.”

Talia frowned. “That is a dishonourable method of killing, especially for my son.”

“I know! It’s a visual aid to show Bruce just what he did to me!” Jason whipped a page of paper out of his pocket and unfolded it. “I have some ideas for my last words to him. Ideally, they’re the last I’ll ever say, so I want them to be suitably dramatic and memorable. Here’s my top choice.”

He cleared his throat and read off in his stage voice. “This knife hurts less than all the times you stabbed me figuratively in the back with your words and inactions. My blood is on your hands.”

He looked up at her. “I was thinking you could explain what that means and then use the others’ outrage to escape with my body. I think it’s a nice ending, leaving him with actual guilt. He blames himself for my first death, but that’s not what I blame him for and he just won’t get it.”

Talia sighed, giving in to his wishes. She let her targets have their last words or wishes when she could, how could she deny her own son when she was the one killing him?

“Very well.”

He looked at his paper again, failing to hide the little smile he always made when she gave into his desires. “I think this might need a bit of tweaking, though…”

~~~~~

“Jason? Why are you here? You stormed out last Saturday and haven’t been very active lately.” Bruce greeted Jason, confused.

Talia raised the volume of her comm to better hear the conversation, so she’d know her cue.

“I had something I wanted to say to you, Bruce.” Jason’s voice came through louder.

“Which is?” Bruce sounded irritated.

“I want to work with you. You were my first family, and you helped me live longer and better than I would’ve as a kid on the street. I’ve come to terms with the fact that we will always share opposing viewpoints on certain subjects, but I still respect that you have a code. I’ve even compromised on my own views when I could to make myself appear in a more palatable light.”

Talia felt proud of how even Jason’s voice was, though she knew how hard this was going to be for him.

“But why is it always me compromising? I’m more than willing to accept your unwillingness to kill, but why must you be so coldly against anyone killing? Even if I stopped killing permanently, you’d never see me accurately, would you? I’d always be viewed through a blood-red lens. I would never be your son.”

“Once a killer, always a killer. You enjoy these executions you perform, Jason. My son died when he was fifteen.”

Talia’s anger flared to life, furious at the hypocrisy of the man she had once loved. He had come to train with her father, he had loved her, he had fathered Damian with her (although he did not know of Damian’s existence and hopefully never would), he worked with heroes that did kill or subscribed to a different belief than his, namely, that some people deserved to die, and he had the gall to say that to his son?!

She tapped in Jason’s passcode to the Cave and strode in, covering her anger with a thin layer of false calm, steeling herself for what she was about to do.

“Thank you for confirming my hypothesis.” The tiny quiver in Jason’s voice was quickly masked.

“Habibi.”

“What are you doing here, Talia? How did you get in?” Bruce asked angrily, and Talia barely restrained her scornful laugh, turning it into a carefree one instead. He had no right to be angry with her or Jason right now.

“I just had one final thing to accomplish before I left Gotham for good.” She turned to Jason.

“If this will hurt you after or you just can’t do it, I’ll understand,” he whispered.

“I appreciate your concern, habibi, but I will be alright. This is for you.” She wrapped her arms around him tightly.

She could do this for him, give him the actual closure he needed.

She lifted the dagger and heard the shocked gasps from the peanut gallery.

"Don't come any closer or I'll slit his throat," she warned, sure that Bruce at least would consider her capable of it, the ironic fact that she's about to stab Jason not lost on her.

"Or maybe you would prefer that I finish what you started," she taunted Bruce.

“Goodbye, Bruce. I will leave Gotham for good, and I sincerely hope we never see each other again."

The shocked crowd of his coworkers finally moved. Richard was the one to speak. “What does that mean, Talia? Finishing what Bruce started?” His voice was tinged with suspicion at what she had just hinted at.

Good, he was not in agreement with Bruce's treatment of Jason, perhaps even considered him wrong to be so cruel to Jason.

She smiled bitterly at him. “I would tell you to ask your father, but I do not believe he would tell you the full story. When the Red Hood confronted Batman with the Joker two years ago, he gave an ultimatum. Batman was to shoot him, or the Joker. Batman chose to walk away, then knocked the gun out of Hood’s hand with a batarang, causing it to misfire and be damaged. Explosives that Hood had prepared then denotated and blew the building up.

“Batman headed for the rubble and dug through until he found the Joker, whom he then made sure survived. He did not extend the same grace to his own son, whom he told his biggest regret was not saving him the first time. He simply left after finding the Joker. If I had not been watching the scenario out of curiosity, I would not have arrived in time to dig Hood out of the rubble myself and make sure he got medical attention. Batman did not later return to the wreckage to either save Hood or make sure he had not survived,” Talia spat.

“I love you, Ummi.” Jason said, quiet enough only she heard.

“I love you, ya albi.”

She took a deep, steadying breath and raised the dagger in her hand, swiftly piercing him through the heart.

She knew exactly where to aim to kill him with minimal pain and suffering, ending this quickly. He had a few minutes, at most.

He lurched a little in her arms, turning to face the man they had both once loved.

“This knife in my back hurts less than the figurative one you shredded me with time after time. Congratulations, Bruce, your son is dead.” He choked and spat scarlet blood at Bruce’s feet. “His blood is on your hands.”

Bruce stared at him, then the blood, still stunned at the spectacle.

Talia had considered this solely for Jason’s benefit, but seeing the emotions flit across Bruce’s face as he looked at the morbid tableau gave her a small, satisfied feeling.

Regret this, Bruce. This is all on you.

Jason’s shallow breaths had stopped after his parting words to Bruce.

Her hand rested tenderly over his eyes, brushing his eyelids closed.

I will see you soon, ya albi, happy and healthy.

She stood, brushing her robes into a semblance of neatness, disregarding the cacophanous tirade now coming from the Bats.

Her contingent of Shadows filed out of the Cave's shadows, blocking her off from the furious Bats and engaging them in combat to distract them from pursuing her.

The Cave devolved into chaos, and Talia took full advantage of that fact to gently lay Jason’s body on the ground and run to Jason’s bike and hightail it out of Gotham.

~○~○~○~

Taglist open

@tw-jumpscare you requested MOAR?

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bleedingfromthisworld

2 years ago