IF YOU DON'T AGREE WITH THIS,FIGHT ME!!!

Yes it definitely did!!❤️

saw an elderly man bent down w his phone trying to take a photo of the purple spring flowers growing next to the sidewalk ……... hope this mental image brought u as much joy as the real thing did for me <3

Süleymân I and Hurrem Haseki-Sultân’s wedding:

The controversial union had to be announced at some point, and the run-up to the Iran campaign in spring 1534, when the contract of marriage was sealed, was an inappropriate time for festivities, especially given the mourning for Suleyman’s mother Hafsa. Now [January 1536] that Suleyman was safely home, Roxelana may have pressed to have her stature as his legal wife made public. […] The royal wedding apparently caught some in the foreign community by surprise. “This week there has occurred in this city a most extraordinary event, one absolutely unprecedented in the history of the Sultans,” remarked the Istanbul representative of the Genoese Bank of Saint George. “The Grand Signior Suleiman has taken to himself as his Empress a slave woman from Russia.… There is great talk about the marriage and none can say what it means.” […] “At night the principal streets are gaily illuminated, and there is much music and feasting,” […] “The houses are festooned with garlands and there are everywhere swings in which people swing by the hour with great enjoyment.” […] “In the old Hippodrome a great tribune is set up, the place reserved for the Empress and her ladies screened with a gilt lattice,” wrote the Genoese banker. “Here Roxelana and the Court attended a great tournament in which both Christian and Muslim Knights were engaged, and tumblers and jugglers and a procession of wild beasts.” The giraffes had necks so long that to the unaccustomed spectator they appeared to “touch the sky.”

– Peirce, Leslie. Empress of the East: How a European Slave Girl Became Queen of the Ottoman Empire 

how to write smut

 - Fire. Everything is metaphorically on fire  - All the things that are on fire are also dripping  - Name seven things in the room. Those seven things are now pulsing  - Pulsing with fiery drippery  - Someone is heaps like a swan  - Five sentences of physically implausible positions  - The transition of two of those positions would probably turn one person inside out and heaps maim the other person  - Three hundred names for a penis  - One really poorly thought out name for a vagina  - Both are on fire, but neither have chlamydia  - She didn’t think she could do the thing. She did the thing. She gasps for the thirteenth time this paragraph  - He stuck his throbbing memberpoledickpenisrodthingbishophosejackhammertool into her flowery fuckhole  - Person A is bending backwards into anatomically incorrect positions again, nobody seems to care or call an exorcist  - Person B hasn’t stopped gasping, someone should probably find an inhaler to alleviate their “swanlike neck”  - Ends in some kind of imagery of fireworks or sunset or some other really orange thing you’d see on a middle age woman’s screensaver

Classic lit + Onion-style headlines = the mashup you never knew you always wanted. Click here to see all 14!

brought to you by our resident genius, @roonil-freakin-wazlib

Theories and Analysis Masterlist

A probably incomplete list of mostly TFOTA meta from my mind to your unfortunate dashboards. Buckle up, Folks. I’m monologuing.

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trope

muslim cats to brighten your day :)