Birbsforkirbs - Breezu

A h h h h h

I love this fandom

Edgeworth: If you bite it and you die, it’s poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it’s venomous.

Klavier: What if it bites me and it dies?

Edgeworth: That means you’re poisonous.

Athena: What if it bites itself and I die?

Edgeworth: …That’s voodoo.

Apollo: What if it bites me and someone else dies?

Edgeworth: That’s correlation, not causation.

Phoenix: What if we bite each other and neither of us die?

Larry: That’s kinky.

Phoenix Wright cooldown doodle

“Wow… I-It’s so big, Nick.”

Apollo freezes, his hand hovering an inch away from the doorknob. He doesn’t need Athena’s ears to hear the conversation going on on the other side. He leans a little closer to the door, wondering if he’s almost walked into what he thinks he has.

“It’s not that big, Maya,” he can hear Phoenix say, then in a teasing sort of way, he continues. “Are you nervous?”

“Yes, very,” Maya replies.

“Is this really your first time?”

“No, I’ve been nervous before.” Apollo furrows his eyebrows. He’s still not quite sure what exactly he’s listening to.

“I mean your first time… doing this,” Phoenix says, and he’s quieter this time. Apollo can still hear him, but just barely.

“Y-Yes,” Maya says.

“I’m kind of glad,” Phoenix says. “That’ll make it a bit harder for you.”

Apollo hears Maya take a deep breath in and then blow the air back out her mouth quickly. “I’m just not sure it’ll fit in my mouth. It really is so big…”

“Why don’t you just give it a try? I know you want to.”

With that, Apollo stands up straight, turns around, and heads back down the hall. Whatever his boss and his boss’s assistant are doing in there, he’s sure he doesn’t want to walk into the middle of it.

…

Inside the office, Maya is staring down at what might possibly be the biggest piece of meat she’s ever seen. She looks back up at Phoenix, who nods at her.

“Come on,” he says. “Give it a try.”

“You’ll really give me fifty bucks if I can do this?” she asks.

He nods. “A bet’s a bet.”

She takes another breath to prepare herself, and finally picks up the triple decker hamburger sitting on the plate on the table in front of her. It’s three burgers high, piled with cheese and bacon and every other topping Maya could possibly want. Just looking at it makes her mouth water. She knows she’ll have no issues finishing it off, but she does have to wonder how she’s going to get it into her mouth to start.

She looks at it strategically, and prepares for her first bite. Before doing so, she looks back over at Phoenix.

“You’re going to regret making this bet with me, Nick.”

Based on this.

phoenix: the defense is ready, your honor

edgeworth: the prosecution has been ready for a while, your honor

phoenix:

The great Scottish egg rant...