when i first read fire punch i was a bit appalled by how absurdly grimdark it is to the point where i questioned how much of it was really neccessary to convey how fucked up and evil this world is. but after all of that and agni was told that he didn’t have to do anything violent anymore it had this extremely profound effect on me
and i still believe that it’s not something that someone should read if they are not the target audience, because the target audience is very clearly a group of people who are traumatized to the point of non functioning (that includes meeeee :3)
but i don’t really feel as though that much of the taboo and awful topics depicted have a level of “necessity” to them anymore because like, it fucking sucks to see those things happen. but i think that’s part of the point, as is the case with a lot of other media i’ve been seeing around lately (lisa the painful, fear and hunger, project moon games)
it’s got tw lists higher than the tower of babel because knowing how personal tatsuki fujimoto gets with his works, that is most likely what he feels. what he felt every day of his life, which can only be conveyed through all of that plus the visual of being set on fire for 8 years and feeling every second of it
and i don’t know, i... i just think that’s powerful. it’s what i needed to hear in my life when i first read it. that this awful and horrible pain, despite how bad it hurts, should not stop you from living.
this constant pain and suffering isn't "just life", it doesn't even have to define *your* life. you can be who you want to be past the pain.
you have to live.
god its so sad how criminally underrated Throw It All Away is. The first minute alone is one of the hardest fucking tracks to ever hit the franchise, let alone the entirety of the song. It doesn't even really have any cool remixes, like how Supporting Me gets one every 5 minutes. Literally only the collection room track in Shadow Generations that you can barely even tell is a remix of it lmao.
consider : you put me flat on my stomach and rail the absolute fuck out of me until i can do nothing but make those little ah-ah-ah sounds and try not to completely embarrass myself on your dick .!!
if you wanna understand why transmisogyny is so horrifying you have to understand the sorts of social and cultural patterns it takes to abuse someone until they will happily fulfill the role of the fetishized tokenized tranny bc any other option means isolation and death.
patriarchal society needs its sacrificial hypersexualized disgusting living sex-objects, and transmisogyny is how it tries to turn a human into that. i keep thinking abt this 4chan thread i read ~2013 shortly after i came out, in which a chaser talked about how he specifically liked dating trans women because “they have such low self-esteem that you can make them do anything”. he went on to talk about how he specifically looks for trans women with “dead, lifeless eyes” (aka dissociated from ptsd) because “they’re like a doll you can mold into whatever you want, then discard when you’re done, and there will always be more desperate for love”
that’s what transmisogyny is: a systematic pattern of abuse applied to a small sacrificial portion of the population to create a class of women with no claim to community or personhood, who will never be defended or avenged, who can be safely sunk into the attrition of patriarchy’s darker desires to protect the cis women, who after all could one day be mothers or some other kind of person. we are the class sacrificed to men’s violence and cis women’s violence. the socially unimportant. the weird and ugly. the punching bag. the blowup doll that talks. the mad artist that produces something great and then must burn out cause who could support that eccentric through life? the activist who makes huge steps for the better but stumbles on a community that would rather rape and abandon her than admit that it needs her. the queen of the dance who gets beaten with sticks as she’s leaving it and no one helps.
and its easy to do this, by painting the class as predatory, by making us hate and fear our own genitals, by indoctrinating us with an absurd amount of self-hatred, by giving us no out, no safe community, no one we can ever turn to. every cis person becomes a beartrap just waiting to swing shut and take out a chunk of flesh. and with fear and trauma we start to disappear from the world. we commit suicide, we overdose on heroin, we starve quitely in rooms playing videogames, or we become the tranny they want, deadeyed and always compliant and always ready to soak up blame. but whatever happens its the same: over time, we cease to exist. the person we are withdraws from the world until there is little to nothing left.
i don’t know how to stop it, but this has to stop. this is not something anyone ever should have to go through.
I've been in severe depression isolation BUT i got like 99% of these fuckers pretty quickly. Currently stuck on Palkia since I had BD and fucking Mesprit because I wanna shiny hunt it and I haven't even gotten shiny Azelf yet. I DID register Azelf though. I've literally been just GTS trading Azelf and Mesprit back and forth for the last like week hoping someone will send a BDSP originated version of each lmao.
I really want my shiny Manaphy but I'm being reminded how sloooooooow BDSP is in like literally every aspect and it's making the pokedex grind so unpleasant ;A;
For reference, this is what I'm missing. Unfortunately I cheated and dragged everything over when I was doing the in-game dex so I have a LOT of unnecessary holes to fill in
fami just showing back up again is fucking hilarious actually