Bernhard Leitner ➖ Sound:Space

Hong Kong after dark / Liam Wong / twitter.com/liamwong

 frank ocean - blonde   //   AESTHETICS pt. 2

As I fly and travel the world, my longing to share my experiences with you continues to grow. I stare out the window and picture what our life would look like together. Our dynamic together, what our kids would look like, how many people we would impact with our work. I believe our lives would be incredible. Although you're not picturing your life with me, I will continue to stare out the window and dream of the day I don't have to look outside a plane window to see a beautiful view but instead, stare into your green eyes and know that my entire world is sitting right in front of me.

“Isn’t it strange, to create something that hates you?”

EX MACHINA (2014) dir. Alex Garland

METROPOLIS (1927) dir. Fritz Lang

Walk by faith.

Solace, Or so I think it is. It got to the point where the pressure inside a pot decided to explode. We finally had our conversation, "The Talk." We spent five hours on the phone discussing how we did not communicate with each other.  It was illuminating and comforting on my end, but you remained the same. This makes sense because I was the over-thinker. The emotionally unstable one, you let me know once again that you are in NO position to be in a relationship nor, are you seeking out to be in one. And I got an understanding that our previous flirtation was just a mere made-up imagination. Created by me.

 But... You heard my side of the story and my confusion. and my emotion. You understood me. You answered my questions and for that, you're a great guy. But we know that already, even though I've been friend-zoned again. I oddly feel peace in my heart. And I thank you Lord for that. And I thank you Lord for not allowing me to lose my Best Friend. Although I fully respect his mentality. Deep inside, I have a hopeful feeling that something might happen in the future. But it's in God's Will and not mine. I'm going to remain still. And Appreciate the blessing of still having you in my life. I do pray tho. Once you are ready and your cookie dough turns into amazing cookies. I pray that you wouldn't forget me. I pray that one day, you do miss me when I go off to work. Or you care about my feelings. I pray that one day, you realize how much I love you and I would never stop loving you. I don't judge you for your imperfections but see them as beautiful qualities that make you perfect. I pray that one day I'd be able to experience what it's like to hold your hand and feel the warmth of your arm wrapped around mine. Blessed, Invested, and Raised in the Lord. As of now, I will remain still. I will enjoy our friendship to the end of time. I thank you for not giving up on me. I'd rather swallow my feelings and live in turmoil than live a lifetime of pain, knowing I lost you. So for now, I'll remain your pal. Thank you, Lord, for the many blessing you have given me. Again, Lord, I pray for healing, for stillness and solace. Overall I pray for D, and that one day he receives the answers that he's looking for. The justice he deserves. I pray that you continue using him as your light and that he achieves the shower of blessings that you will give him. So please continue to work on his heart and soften it. Make it receptive and open-minded to anything that gets thrown at him. One last thing, Thank you, Lord, for keeping my heart intact with tape and glue cause you know it's broken.

We are only here briefly, and in this moment I want to allow myself joy.

HER 2013 › dir. Spike Jonze

Cyberpunk 2077, Night city.

Music :  unwanted