Fitzgerald Is A Money Addict

people who don't wear glasses are so weird like you just wake up and your eyes are pussy fresh??

Me: *looking at a porcelain hand in the home decor aisle of a store* if I lost my hands in some kind of tragic accident, I’d decorate my entire home with hand-shaped things. Then I’d invite guests over for like, dinner parties and such and sit there expectantly just basking in their discomfort.

My boyfriend: Do you hear what you say when you talk? Do you know what you just said to me?

Early scenarios joongdok dynamic 🔥🔥🔥

Guess who got a cold? Meeeee!! Guess who threw up? Also me!! Guess who also almost fainted?? That's right, me!! One last time, guess who spent all day sleeping because her blood pressure was low and her stomach was feeling like cramping?? If you guessed me, you'd be correct!!

Update: I've thrown up again. Though I was fine but...

I love talking to kids about disability bc

1. they often just Get It, and

2. they have 0 concept of disability as a tragedy or something pitiable.

I've watched kids get into an argument with a teacher bc they thought wheelchairs were cool. I told a kid that I can't stand for too long sometimes and they replied, "That's okay, I can't do cartwheels sometimes, but I just do other stuff then. You can sit down with me if you want". Today a girl asked me what the headphones on a classmate's desk were for and I told her that headphones are important for some kids because noises bother them, and she said she wished she had headphones at home, because her baby brothers make a lot of noise and it makes it hard to think. The idea that different people could use tools at different times is intuitive and simple and when accessibility aids are explained neutrally, kids don't see them as bad or unfortunate, they're just things that are useful.

Even mental disability!! In Kindergarten the other day one of the kids asked me why his table partner got stickers when nobody else did. I started off by saying, "Well, when you do your work well, it feels good, right? That's your brain giving you a reward," and the kid just right away went, "Oh, and the stickers are like his reward?" YES! You are 5 and have a better grasp on ADHD than most adults! Kids blow me away every day.

Constantine has been put in charge of finding out where Phantom's body is and putting it to rest.

And, well; the easiest way to find something like that is to ask.

Except the answer Phantom gave him is kind of freaking him out.

The kid looks at him, all smiles and dead eyes, and just says

"If you want to find my body, you're going to have to redefine your definition of a corpse."

Well. Okay. Alright. That wasn't horrifying at all.

Bitter and lonely straight men who feel unloved by women do not seem to understand that women do not love men the way they think women should love men. Women who love men romantically don't love them with admiration, as a wise authority figure or someone they can rely on like children rely on their parents and belivers trust in their god. They love men the same way that they love cats.

Their weird hairy little house gremlin whose thoughts and feelings are occasionally utterly incomprehensible and expressed in strange ways, but who still clearly tries, and still clearly loves. Women love them despite of the home renovations they unpromptedly do.

Dick finding out JayRoy are dating:

Dick, glaring at Roy:

Roy: ...

Roy: Uh, sup?

Dick, being serious: I don't care that you've been my best friend longer than Jason have been my brother but sleep with one eye open if you ever hurt my little brother.

Roy, sweating because he knows Dick is serious and would actually hurt him: Duly noted.

Jason: *bursts out laughing*

“Welcome to BatBurger. Home of the BatBurger. How may I take your order?”

“With a smile of course!” The Joker cackled as he pulled out a canister and threw it at the cashier.

“Nuh-uh.” The cashier deadpans before throwing the canister back.

“The fuck you mean ‘Nuh-uh’?” Joker yelled throwing the canister back.

“Don’t wanna.” The cashier replied while smacking the canister out of the air and directly into the Joker's hand.

“Why you little!” The Joker threw the canister on the ground and lunged at the cashier.

🕐🕑🕒🕓🕔🕕🕖

“And what happened after that?” Commissioner Gorden asked the young man in front of him.

“He tripped.” The young man said with a shrug.

“Uh-huh.” Gorden hummed as he looked over where the body bag was being pulled out of the restaurant. “And the holes?”

“I guess the canister finally went off. It's such a shame really. I didn’t even get to deliver a decent punchline.”

“Right… And what was your name again?”

“Oh, it’s Danny. Danny Fenton. But you won’t be able to find me if you look me up.” The young man, Danny, said with a shit-eating grin.

“You know you’re not supposed to admit to going by a fake identity right?” Gordan asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Ya, but it is my real name. You just won’t be able to find it.” Danny said as he shifted his gaze to the shadowed figgier in the nearby alleyway. “Not even you, Big Bat. But you're free to try.”

“Hn.” Batman grunted before stepping back further into the shadows and disappearing.

“Why do I feel like you are about to be… and he’s gone. Why do I even bother?” Gordan sighed as he looked away from where the Bat vanished and back to where Danny was supposed to be. He grumbled as he put his notebook away and started for his car. His car, that now had a little green sticky note on it.

"Your days of villainy end here," Wonder Woman declares, leveling her sword at Phantom.

She's heard from the locals that, while Phantom favors the form of a young boy, he is far older than even she. There are records going back centuries of his existence.

Phantom, however, looks confused.

"Villain....? Oh! Okay, you want to fight Dan! Yeah, lemme just go call him real quick."

"...Who?" Wonder Woman asks, now sharing the confusion.

But Phantom already has a phone out and is calling someone, promising that it won't be but a moment.

"Hey, so...yeah, I know you don't wanna talk to me but...no but someone wants to fight you...gimme a second to specify and I'll....Wonder Woman. Wonder Woman wants to 1v1 you."

Phantom holds the phone away from his ear as what can only be described as a triumphant war cry almost breaks the speaker.

Then it's just a dial tone.

Phantom smiles at her.

"Okay, he'll be here in like, four-"

"Fight me!" Another ghosts interrupts, landing in front of Phantom.

He's huge; bigger than Superman, with fire-like white hair and excited red eyes.

He looks very, very ecstatic for the opportunity to fight her.

And, well...Diana does love a good fight.

Very well!

She will fight this 'Dan' instead!