Gregory: The Love Of My Life Is Going To Marry Another Man :(

i love that i’m like a little side character on my housemate’s blog and that his followers find me funny >:)

@qvietspvce

pretty boys

okay but, hear me out here, i actually had a relationship and it lasted and i wasn’t depressed

ummm here’s a little something, idk if you’d call it a poem but oh welll

wrong place, wrong time

it happened quite fast

i didn’t really mind though

until it came to an end

an end i didn’t want

and i’m truly not mad

in fact i feel so selfish

because although you’re not ready

there just isn’t anyone else for me

how can i forget the calls and the facetimes

our first date, you wanted to meet my dad probably just to wind him up

i hope you keep the keyring i gave you

i can’t stop glancing at my phone

just in case you call or message

but i know that won’t happen

so for now, i’ll just miss you

this is the bridgerton version of the haley from stardew valley edit to good luck, babe

cressida fighting her demons (lesbianism)

Me : alright, time to sit down and write...

My brain : *silence*

Me : I said, 𝙩𝙞𝙢𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙨𝙞𝙩 𝙙𝙤𝙬𝙣 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙬𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙚!!!

My brain : oh look a new video by your favourite yt channel!

Me : WHERE?!?!

🌹 a flower for everyone not feeling their best today

At Jimmy Pesto’s Pizzeria, Trev puts up a “Closed Indefinitely “ sign up on the window. He then runs away crying.

Across the street, Linda and Teddy are watching the whole thing from inside the restaurant.

Linda: I can’t believe Jimmy Pesto got arrested. Serves the bastard right for helping organize that raid against the mayor’s office. Who hates the mayor? He’s great. Those bunch of freaks, hating the mayor.

Teddy looks to the kitchen window, hearing Bob whistle as he grills.

Teddy: Eh, I bet you’re happy, Bobby! With there being no more Jimmy Pesto and all.

Linda: Oh, don’t even get this guy started. They arrested Jimmy right across from us last night and I haven’t seen Bob happier since the kids were born.

Bob: Oh, come on, Lynn. I like to think that I had a quiet dignity to it.

Linda: You kidding? You and the kids went friggin nuts.

Flashback to last night. Jimmy is being led to a police car just as Bob sticks his head out of his home window.

Bob: Hey, Jimmy! How’s it feel knowing YOU will be out of business first?!

Jimmy just grunts, not acknowledging Bob.

Bob: What’s wrong?! No ZOOM?! Oh, that’s right! You’re too busy ZOOMING yourself to jail!

Louise pushes Bob out of the way.

Louise: Dad, please. Let a pro handle this.

She sticks her head out the window too.

Louise: Hey, Jimmy! If you’re lucky, you’ll be made the cafeteria cook! Your cooking should taste about the same as prison food!

Bob: Haha! THAT’S my little girl!

He scoops Louise up and kisses her cheek. She pretends to hate it.

Bob: I am so PROUD of you! You’re getting ice cream tonight!

Louise: Yes!

Gene: I want ice cream too!

He comes up to the window too.

Gene: Hey, Jimmy! Just a reminder that you got to poop in your jail cell! So get ready for people to see your Italian sausage!

Bob: Yes! Gene! I mean, DON’T ever say that again, but YEAH! You get ice cream too, pal!

Gene: Yeah!

Tina comes up to the window now.

Tina: Hey, Jimmy Pesto…You’re the worst!

Bob: Ha! He IS the worst!

Louise: And you’re a terrible father!

Gene: And LOVER! I assume!

Bob: Gene.

Tina: The best thing you made was Jimmy Jr!

Louise: And that’s not saying much!

Tina: Wait, what?

Bob: Oh, my god, I love my kids! You ALL get ice cream!

The kids: Yay!

Gene: Italian sausage!

Bob: Gene!

Flash forward back to the restaurant.

Bob: Okay, so I might have lost a bit more of my mind than I thought. But who cares? Lynn, it’s Jimmy Pesto! He’s gone for good! The nightmare’s over and we’ve WON!

Linda: Wha? What did we win?

Bob: We won at LIFE!

Linda: Oh, yeah.

Bob: WE’RE the ones with a successful—Well, GOOD business, a happy marriage, and great kids! Meanwhile, JIMMY is sitting his stupid butt in jail, his business is going to drizzle out of business—

Teddy, trying to match Bob’s energy: And his kids are going to be super traumatized!

Bob: What?

Linda: Oh god.

Teddy: Haha! Like, first their parents got divorced, which is a, uh, a thing that scares kids!

Bob: Teddy.

Teddy: And now their dad’s in jail! Never to see him in a normal environment again!

Linda: Aw…

Bob: Teddy, you just—

Teddy: What?

Bob: You’ve ruined the mood.

Teddy: What? No, I didn’t.

Bob: You did.

Linda: Yeah, you did, Hon.

Teddy: I was following your energy!

Bob: That wasn’t the energy.

Teddy: I was following your energy, Bob!

Bob: Celebrating traumatized kids isn’t the energy, Teddy!

Teddy: Bah!

Bob: YOU bah!

Linda: You DO gotta feel a LITTLE bad for the Pesto kids.

Bob: Well, yes, obviously. Because unlike TEDDY—

Teddy: YOUR energy, Bob.

Bob: I DON’T want kids to be traumatized. It’s not their fault that they’re Jimmy’s kids. But for Jimmy himself? SCREW him! It’s the end of an era! The JIMMY era! Now, it’s the start of the BOB era! And it starts with THIS!

He then runs outside.

Bob: Hey, everybody! In celebration of the greatest thing, EVER, Bob’s Burgers is now fifteen percent off of EVERYTHING!

Random Passerby: What’s Bob’s Burgers?

Bob: It’s—My restaurant. It’s right behind me!

Random Passerby: Oh, the across from Jimmy Pesto’s. Hey, do you know when HIS restaurant will open again?

Bob: Oh, my GOD!

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