Holy Shit

thinking about my optometrist who was treating my eye infection and said “if it hurts, you can rinse your eye with boiled water. look at me - look at me. i want you to understand that i mean water that has been boiled and has since cooled down. not boiling water. do you understand?” like i’m so grateful for this man ensuring that I wouldn’t destroy my eyes by pouring boiling water in it, because it is an adequate assessment of my intelligence

here’s your damn fish

i have a lesbian friend called Maggie who claims to be stupid but has given me some of the most powerful advice ive ever received, information that only a lesbian could deliver

Ok but his scream tho. It caught me off guard lmaooo