I Eventually Want To Write A Whole Post Or Two Talking About The Differences And Similarities Of Ollie

Bruce; Duke and Cass are my angel children. They tell me everything.

Batkids; glaring.

Cass who never told B she’s died twice and fr has done some of the most insane shit; smiles innocently.

Duke who blew up a warehouse last night and replaced Jason’s grappling gun with a slinky; Thanks B!

okay so post epic odyssey where odysseus and Penelope have surfaced from their room finally and he and diomedes are catching up I'm imagining the conversation going something like this

Odysseus: so then I gave up being merciful and became the monster.

Diomedes:....you tried being merciful?

Odysseus: Yes?

Diomedes: you did? You tried being a good merciful person? You?

Odysseus: Yah okay fuck off it was polties dying wish. I had to try.

Diomedes:.....90% of the war crimes in the Trojan war were suggested, planned out, and carried out by you. We literally stoned to death the guy you had a personal grudge against. We framed him for treason and stoned him to death. 70% of why Athena liked you was because she thought she knew all the ways to kill someone and then you'd suggest something insane and I'd see her taking notes. You literally gave Ajex a psyoctic break just being yourself.

Odysseus: shut up

Diomedes: I'm not wrong. Did you tell Penelope about your attempt to be a good person?

Odysseus: What? Of course I did. I told her everything.

Diomedes: did she laugh?

Odysseus:...shut up that's not the point

Diomedes: she did didn't she!!!

Odysseus: ANYWAY eurylochus wasn't appreciative of my return to monsterhood and he started causing problems so I

Diomedes: killed him? Yah saw that coming. No shit. I'm so shocked.

Jason should have come back to the manor post-lazarus pit and revealed himself as Jason Todd but not told the rest of the family that he’s also Red Hood. can you imagine how fucking funny that would be.

Nightwing: honestly! my family is fucking INSANE! i swear the only good one is my little brother, he died and came back and decided to ditch the vigilante life.

Red Hood: oh shit really?

Nightwing: honestly probably the smartest one out of all of us, he’s reading in bed while we’re all out here on stakeouts!

Red Hood: interesting. tell me more about how this brother is the best of all of you.

~

Red Hood: so what are you guys getting the smart handsome not-vigilante brother for Christmas?

Nightwing, Red Robin, and Robin:

~

Batman: now i need all of you to have an equal share in the clean up-

Red Hood: yeah sorry, you aren’t MY dad, so i’m gonna dip. have fun cleaning!

the funniest part is when Dick and Tim decide that since Red Hood and Jason are so similar and Red Hood CLEARLY seems to like what he hears about Jason, that they should try to set the two up.

Jason, calling Roy at 4am: i need you in Gotham within the next hour so you can dress up as Red Hood and we can pretend that I’m sleeping with myself.

Roy:

Roy: i’m gonna get caught sneaking out of your bedroom with lipstick on your helmet

Jason: this is gonna be the funniest thing we’ve ever done.

Y’all. You guys. I’m sobbing over this lyric from I can’t help but wonder

“Used to say I’d capture wind and sky for you”

Because like. HE LITERALLY DID! HE CAPTURED A STORM & HARNESSED THE WINDS THEMSELVES TO GET BACK HOME! I AM FUCKING ILL

The funny this about John Constantine is that the writers that like him and hate him write him the exact same way.

Like bastard, man whore, selfish, manipulative, self centered, con man, untrustworthy, hated, lives in a horror movie, etc.

Like the writers that like him do that and the writers that hate him think that ate with doing that but it’s just his character.

You don't understand, I want Jason and Cass to resent each other.

I want them to walk out of the room as soon as the other steps in.

I want them to scowl every time someone else brings up their name. They try not to, try to disguise it as something else, but they grew up in a family of detectives.

I want Tim and Steph to try patching things up between them by pretending they forgot they invited the other to the hang out and everyone has to play along with the frigid silence. Eventually they stop accepting Tim's and Steph's vague invites.

I want Bruce's heart to ache as he rearranges a patrol schedule because they can't be paired together, not again.

I want guilt to eat at Damian and Duke when they compliment one in front of the other because it feels like stabbing the back of The Sibling Who Gets It.

I want someone to joke exactly once that Cass should have been Jason's Batgirl and that person feels a chill like someone walked over their grave.

I want them to see the worst of themselves reflected in each other.

The Batkids play a game called “Guess Who Bruce Is Disappointed In Today” and it is a bloodsport.

It started as a joke. It is no longer a joke.

Every morning, without fail, one of them walks into the kitchen and says:

“Guess who Bruce is disappointed in today?”

And they all take turns guessing based on crime alerts, nightly patrol rotations, and vibes.

It’s become a system.

It went like:

Jason: “I knocked out a senator by accident. My odds are high.”

Tim: “I drank seventeen Red Bulls and fell asleep on top of the Batcomputer.”

Damian: “I released three bats into Gotham General Hospital as enrichment. They were bored.”

Steph: “I called him ‘Brucie’ in front of a senator.”

Cass: Just raises a finger and shrugs.

Then Bruce walks in, dead silent, pours his coffee, looks at no one, and walks away.

Tim: “It’s Jason.”

Jason: “DAMN IT.

Rules:

If you guess wrong, you have to do patrol with Damian and listen to him rant about the superiority of traditional swordsmanship for two hours.

If you guess right, you get to choose the movie on family movie night.

If Bruce is disappointed in himself, everyone gets ice cream. That’s the law.

It got so serious they made a whiteboard. Labeled it: “DISAPPOINTMENT LEADERBOARD.”

Top scores:

Tim (17 correct guesses, possible mind reader)

Cass (14, reads vibes better than Google Translate reads Latin)

Steph (11, mostly via chaos intuition)

Jason (2. constantly thinks it’s him. It often is. But not always.)

Damian (0. refuses to acknowledge he is ever the cause)

One time Dick guessed correctly for the first time in 3 months and everyone clapped.

He cried.

Alt. Version: Guess Who Bruce Is Proud Of Today.

Game cancelled due to lack of data.

I've had a DC x DP prompt/fic idea and I'd thought I'd share.

Danny, who has been dragged into taken over the role of High King, has been going through some of the paperwork that it entails. Of course, he's still baby ghost so CW and the others actually help with most the stuff, but he had some free time after being chased out of his house and injured (it'd been a few months since then).

Either way, he finds a particular line of complaints. He was never one to engage in it, but many of his subject, of which fall under the demon category, are complaining about a soul they can't collect. Danny personally finds it kind of funny. He sets those ones aside for now though, and continues doing whatever.

A few months later, he's summoned via some magic user, probably Klarion, and is now in front of the JL and a tiny wayward chaos maker. In a more eldritch form, he turns to Klarion, who very clearly did not mean to summon him specifically by the way he's panicking and called Teekel back, and just tells him he's grounded.

Thinking thatbwas that after Klarion left, he went back to his castle to do more work...and maybe play with Cujo. Really, Pariah Dark left so much paperwork, he doesn't wanna do all that!

The JL however is now steadfast on finding whatever the fuck that was. Klarion was scared of it, and it seemed more annoyed at being called than concerned about the heroes behind it. So that could be very very bad news.

Danny, after a while, realizes the JL is trying to find out more about him, which makes his life very difficult, fuck you very much, has a wonderfully stupid idea.

Going back to those papers about the soul that can't be collected, he summons a very tired and now spooked british man. One by the name of John Constantine. He wants a deal. More specifically, whatever deals he'd made, those were now the High Kings, and in return for whatever he got out of the deals, he wanted John to help him. All in all, he just got hired by the High King in return for ignoring the equivalent of taxes.

John was very confused, but hey, boy king of there is very chill out of formal settings. And also maybe he's worried about the fact that like a 16 year old is king-

Either way, there deal goes a little something along the lines of;

Danny: Keep the JL off my back, and all your debts are no longer valid and anyone that disagrees can come fight me.

John: ....okay??????

So while Danny got a "I don't wanna deal with this hero!" guy, John got a "I don't wanna deal with this demon!" guy.

My favourite thing about Talia's relationship with the batkids is that for half of them it's nonexistent.

Dick? He was there for all the relationship drama back in the golden days, and he's always been stupidly petty about it. Their rivalry is fun and lighthearted and both of them care about Damian enough to work together even if they'll never be friends.

Jason? An understanding. Kindness for the sake of it, a friendship offered in full knowledge of just how cruel the world can be. Two wary, wounded people tentatively reaching out. She remembers the sweet young boy he used to be. He remembers the time she teamed up with Bruce and Selina to fight the Gotham rogues. So much has changed for both of them, but at least when they look at each other they see that they haven't been damaged alone.

Damian? Her son, and all the complications surrounding that. Her son who was meant to grow up living a normal life and never knowing his biological parents. Her son who instead grew up just like she did, raised in a cult and expected to be the heir. She tried to save him. She failed. He couldn't save her. She killed him. It wasn't her, wasn't her hands, but it was her orders, but it wasn't her mind. They love each other anyways. They're willing to try.

The others? Well there's the other Robin. Timannie or something. Talia is pretty sure he's a boy but he could be a girl? And there's the Batgirls. Sandy or Barbie or The One Who Is All, whatever they're calling themselves nowadays. And the new mentee, Duke! He seems promising. Defeated her father along with Batgirl but Ra's seemed to respect their strength, which is always a good sign.

So basically Jason and Damian receive birthday gifts every year. Bruce receives one when he hasn't been an ass recently. Dick has never received one and never will. Tim, Cass and Duke get a present to share once a year addressed to The Other Child. It's normally some sort of training gear. Cass normally calls dibs. They're all completely fine with this arrangement. It's nice that she made an effort when she really didn't have to.

Ra's sends Bruce and Damian gifts. Occasionally sends Cass and Duke job flyers that they burn. Everyone else gets addressed as Detective because he can't keep track of their names. If Batman wanted Ra's to remember his children he should have colour coded them better. Blue eyes and black hair, he can't even remember which one Talia threw in the pit. He's a busy man with an empire to run and thousands of years of memories! They're all probably Robin, it's fine.

set sometime nebulously after infinite crisis

dick: i’m glad that jason’s getting better

cass: what?

dick: yeah, after that whole dunk in the lazarus pit thing, i’m glad the side effects are finally wearing off

cass: side effects?

dick: mhmm i think he called it lazarus pit madness or something? i’m not really sure, but it basically made him lose control over some of his actions and do some things he regrets now

cass:

cass: that’s the dumbest fucking thing over ever heard

dick: what?

cass: i’ve been in a lazarus pit, my mom put me in one after my half brother killed me and i never had any ‘madness’ because of it

dick: but… he said…

cass: jason has been lying straight to your face he wasn’t affected by some outside force he knew what he was doing the entire time

dick:

dick: i’m gonna unpack that later when i have time for my world to fall apart again, right now, i need you to go back a few chapters what do you mean your half brother killed you??? you have a half brother???

cass: and a half sister too

dick: …what…