@mbirnsings-71

Incorrect Batfam Quotes

Clark (as a reporter): Mr. Wayne, have you ever thought of having more children?

Bruce: You mean, adopting?

Clark: Adopting. Abducting. However you got the last four.

Bruce: …

The Babs and Steph Oracle and Batgirl era was so fascinating in a way like you are in college, your mom is finally doing well and your relationship with her is improving. Then your best friend/situationship dumps Batgirl in your lap and leaves the country. You're not happy with this. Her own mom figure is not happy with this. She ends up mentoring you anyways. You actually start to form a bond. One of the smartest people in the world is now helping you fight crime and probably giving college advice too. You went from the most horrific high school experience possible including torture and literal death to having two adults you can actually sort of trust to have your back and a relatively happy daily life as a vigilante. And it only happened once you reached adulthood yourself. Never when you needed it most as a vulnerable child/teen without a single solid parental figure to rely on.

Like its wonderful that Steph got all that. She deserved it. But you can't tell me there wasn't a part of her that looked at Crystal and Babs sometimes and wondered: Why not sooner? Why did every adult in her life let her down back when she was actually a child and their responsibility? Is it the fact that Bruce is dead? That Cass is gone and both Steph and Babs are trying to fill that space in their lives? Why did it fucking take so long for anyone to notice that this kid needed help she wasn't getting, to the point she isn't even a kid anymore when it finally arrives?

I don't think that the civilians in the DC universe are picky with regards to who's saving the day, per se, but they are very attached to their respective local superheroes and are extremely sensitive and scrutinizing if someone unfamiliar shows up. Like there is a general understanding that superheroes aren't tied to their respective cities 100% of the time, but there's also a very intense Local Civilian Vibe Check if you're superheroing on someone else's turf.

POV: You have just stopped a rampaging supervillain in downtown Metropolis (You are Booster Gold):

Cass: Can I have your burger.

Dick:??? No I'm eating it. You have your own right there.

Cass: Remember when you abandoned me to Slade when I was drugged and mind controlled and then after I got free the first thing you did was punch me in the face.

Dick, sliding his burger over: You KNOW it's more complicated than that. You know it.

Tim, watching this all go down: Hey Jason remember when you broke into Titans tower just to beat me up?

Jason, taking a large bite of his own burger: Keep annoying me and this time I'll do more than just leave you unconscious.

Tim: :/

Cass, whispering to him: You gotta go for the ones with guilt complexes. It doesn't work otherwise.

Tim: Gotcha, good to know.

Cass:... Soo remember when I was drugged and brainwashed and you did nothing but accept it for months?

Tim, grumbling and sliding his own burger over to her: I never accepted it! That's just not true!

Cass, now eating three burgers at once: :)

Steph: You ever think about how Cass could be in this very room watching us at any moment and we would never know? Tim: Well I'm thinking about it now. Thanks. Damian: I would know. Cass: No you wouldn't.

Cass's civilian identity being paper thin is so important to me actually. Barely anyone on the street knows Bruce Wayne's daughter and any of the press who are interested can't uncover a single thing other than him adopting her when she was 19. It leads to a whole lot of speculation but no actual facts.

Meanwhile you have assassins who are the best of the best, the cream of the crop, and anyone who is someone in the evil assassin underworld knows all about David Cain and his daughter who turned rogue and became Batgirl.

Which means most of them see her with Bruce Wayne and are like ohoho a clever plan by Batman indeed! Putting Batgirl undercover as Bruce Wayne's daughter to guard and protect Wayne, who's a key part of all the recent projects to improve Gotham City. Masterful gambit Mr Batman sir, you also get a spy who reports on everything Wayne's doing whenever you need it.

This gives Cass the freedom to not even try to hide herself behind some sort of helpless civilian persona. Attempted kidnappings of Bruce Wayne and his kids have dropped by 90% since she got adopted, as the first one to try and take a fancy party hostage got the shit kicked out of him by Cassandra Wayne while her father watched proudly.

The next attempt brought a gun and she disarmed him then broke his hand. Finally they sent a whole squad of mercenaries to kidnap Bruce and Tim on the way to a W.E business meeting only to find Cass in the car with them. The kidnapping did not go as planned and the goons have several questions as to why the fuck Bruce Wayne's daughter is a metahuman who dodges bullets. They never get answers.

She's the only batkid who never has to fake her abilities. Damian is highly indignant about this but she just pokes his forehead and tells him it's a skill issue when he complains.

Bruce, introducing his kids at a family Interview: This is my eldest Dick, my second eldest Cassandra, then my son Jason, my second youngest Tim, and my youngest Damian

Bruce: That's my daughter-in-law Barbara, and my other daughter-in-law, Stephanie

Tim: ??? Steph and I broke up forever ago?? How is she your daughter-in-Law?

Stephanie: I may not be dating any of you anymore but I'm the State of daughter-in-law. Daughter-in-law is not a family title, it's the friends you make along the way

Jason: I'm not high enough for this shit

Golden boy Dick Grayson: Me fucking neither

Jason: what

Dick: what

Bruce: ??? What do you mean she's not my daughter-in-law anymore?? I was counting on her marrying into the family :C

Steph: Sorry B, unfortunately your son would rather kiss superbitch than me

Dick: TIM IS KISSING WHO NOW

Bruce: >:( We'll talk about that later, right now-

Tim: I don't think that's necess-

Bruce: We'll talk about that later. Right now can't any of you date her?? Jaylad, you're sin-

Steph: HELL NO

Jason, already on his second blunt: You're so funny, old man. I'm literally co parenting my best friends kid. I'm literallyyyy be gay do crime. Haha.

Dick: YOURE WHAT WITH WHO NOW

Bruce: CAN ANY OF YOU JUST DATE HER

Cass, slowly raising her hand like in Hunger Games: I volunteer

Bruce: ...

Tim: ...

Dick: ...

Bruce: This is why you're my favorite daughter 🥹

Cass: Father, I'm your only daughter

Tim: Untrue. I did drag one time, that has to count

Steph: Does this mean I have a girlfriend

Damian: This family is a disgrace

Interviewer: ...

cass and jason are an underappreciated duo who deserve more rep. this ain't a debate, it's a fact

just imagine

Cass: *signing sorrowfully* i have been battling my own inner demons, brother. my childhood . . . my past . . . it calls to me, tugs at the scars on my skin and the blood painting my soul. it tells me that I shall never escape, not truly jason: cass: jason: that was poetic as shit, sis, and I think you should definitely write a book, but all I asked was "how was school"

jason: hey! how's everyone doin'? tim: *wathcing a movie* we're good-- cass: *turns movie off and glasres at jason* have you bandaged it yet? jason: *looking away* i don't know what you're talking about . . . cass: THE BULLET HOLE IN YOUR ARM jason: how the fuck did you even see that. my armor covers it cass: I SEE ALL. THERE IS NOWHERE IN THIS EARTHLY PLANE OR THE NEXT THAT YOU ARE CAPABLE OF HIDING FROM ME, TRY AS YOU MIGHT jason: jason: i'll go get this bandanged jason: *mutters as he walks off* definitely not running from whatever the fuck that was . . .

cass: *tears in her eyes* my ballet recital was cancelled . . . the penguin bombed the street leading to the school . . . jason: *Grabbing his guns* that motherf- cass: jason: -ffffuudger cass: jason: jeezus please put the sad eyes away, i cant take it cass: you can fucking curse, jason. i am not a prim and proper Victorian woman who will tell you to pardon your fucking french. jason: cass: a FLIGHTLESS-fucking-AVIAN in a shitstain of a THREE PIECE SUIT just FUCKING BOMBED MY BALLET RECITAL, if anything the cursing HELPS jason: jason: this is an alternate dimension. that's the only explanation.

Okay imagine this; Cassandra with the same exact upbringing but the family somehow doesn’t know. She learned to talk and did the whole Shiva thing before meeting Bruce, and she knows Shiva is her mom.

Batman (talking to an assassin who he had to track down because for some reason every big name is staying away from Gotham, not that he’s complaining, but he’s worried); why is everyone staying away from Gotham?

Assassin (small enough to be scared but big enough to have helped train Cass); I am NOT getting near that psychopath! I don’t know how she got away, there, or even learned to talk! No way am I taking that risk, fuck off Bats, I’m more scared of her than I am of you!

Now the fam is even more confused. Everyone is trying to figure this out, Cass is laughing in the corner. (Maybe with Dami)

A few days later, Talia storms into the cave and bitch slapped Bruce, she turned and hugged Cassandra.

Bruce (holding his cheek because that woman has a mean slap); what was that for?!?

Talia; not telling me my daughter is okay! I should do more than slap you! My poor daughter, I’ve been so worried, so has Nyssa. I should have murdered him and taken you as my own the second we met. Of course, father would be furious, but you are much better than him. I assume your mother knows, considering my beloved is still breathing.

Cass; yes, mother knows, approves of Bat. Says it good branching out, got away, yay!

Talia; I did not expect that. Anyways, if you have trouble with your grandfather, just call. You left fair and square, I shall protect you, not that you need it. Be good, my child.

Cass preened under the praise and watched one of her adoptive League mothers leave. Talia and Nyssa were always nice to her, wanting to help but not being able to, she loved them. She refused to answer questions.

Saddest DC members in my opinion with no explanation and there will be people missing because I haven’t read that many comics;

Cassandra Cain. Hal Jordan. John Constantine. Helena Bertinelli. Kara Zor El. Oliver Queen.

Will probably add more to this and please comment your thoughts.