Hey Friends, I’m Lu And I’m A Creative Writer. I Use She/her And They/them Pronouns And I Am 21.

just because you wish to be sweet and full of leaves and flowers does not mean you must be defenseless. even the gentlest of forests is full of teeth. you are allowed to be both the rose and the thorn. you are allowed to bite back if anyone grasps you with unkindness.

you know you really love someone,

when you don't hate them for breaking your heart

Untitled Rambles

I feel sick. Again. Not in control. Again.

Shaken, misplaced, irregular

I have all the words ready to spew out from my faucet,

But they won’t come out, not right now,

And not right. Just jumbled word vomit that smells like grief, aching, and anxiety.

My insides feel all torn up.

All messed up.

Just like my mind.

I’m currently trying to find out if I’m even alive.

This stupid ringing in my ear,

This stupid voice in my head,

This stupid way that I look at him.

Pushing my feelings aside. No longer shoving them down his throat, just my fingers that he loves to suck.

My body that he loves to touch.

My body that is hard for me to touch.

Looking around to see others wanting me but I’m not sure if I even want myself anymore.

Cause he used to want me in a way that made my heart fucking flutter. He used to want me in a way that proclaimed love was real.

I promised to put myself first.

I promised to love myself.

I used to put myself first.

I used to love myself more than I loved anyone else.

I met him and fell down a landslide.

Is it me wanting to get pleasure because it’s so easily accessible, or is it me wanting to get pleasure to erase those feelings, to take me to an out-of-body experience, to just make my brain empty and my body full? I want to be loved, and I want to be cared for. By him. But it’s not possible, not right now, perhaps not ever, just not in the way that I love and care for him. So I’m putting myself first. I will be organized, I will be on time, I will take my medication, I will make my bed and do yoga and see friends. I will have sex for pleasure and to fill that void. I believe that love just isn’t on the menu for me right now. Not right now. I know it will come, I vow it too. But I stop my beckoning. I hold off on the searching and the begging. I’m young. It’s about me.

DATE WITH FATE 

To live, to see your face in the future 

One day will all be worth it. I know you 

Will bring me COUNTLESS smiles, so all the 

Hard work now is worth it and brings me one 

Step closer to you, to know one day I will 

Get to hold your hand again makes 

Everything worth it. Someday yeah, but fate

Will bring us together.

Let me be your shore,

You the captain of the boat

You know where to find me

You know where you can dock safely

Like the wife of a soldier that leaves for war

I’ll be waiting

Call me stupid, I’m stupid for waiting but I’m not wasting away,

I’m putting myself first,

You are what i want and I refuse to give you up

Call me selfish for wanting to be called yours

Heaven knows I’ve never been this desperate before.

thank you to trees and also rain

Remember that first butterfly?

That night we went bowling, then to

Sonic, then to Cook Out for some reason.

You had released that little guy

From your jar of hearts, then

He fluttered into mine

It was the migration of

Monarchs, an extraction of

Honey. A swarm of bees and things

When we first met.

“Let us live for each other and for happiness; let us seek peace in our dear home, near the inland murmur of streams, and the gracious waving of trees, the beauteous vesture of earth, and sublime pageantry of the skies. Let us leave ‘life,’ that we may live.”

— Mary Shelley, “The Last Man”

the eve defense up on my substack

"fuck you my child is completely fine"

your child reads classic literature for fun