Tony: 50 Bucks Says I Can Make Steve Blush Like A Schoolgirl

it would explain so much about Gotham economics if it turned out the only employers who pay a livable minimum wage are 1) Wayne Enterprises duh, but mainly 2) all of Gotham's assorted villains.

sure henching comes with shitty working conditions, but the benefits package is crazy competitive. they have dental

"A warlock patron can be a warlock themselves, it's called a pyramid scheme."

my brother kept playing with two ssds so I said "aw you're making them kiss" and he answered "yeah. and there's a 500 gb difference between them. barely legal" I'm going to blow him up

So I had a hysterectomy today (hooray!) and I brought along my stuffed orca, Shamu, as a comfort object. And everyone i interacted with during my pre-op was like "Oh! Who's this?" so I was telling them all about him, how he's been with me since I was 9 and gone on every single vacation and road trip, and they were telling me about their own stuffed buddies (one lady said she still has hers after 40 years!) and all of this while I was signing consent forms and providing a list of the things I'd brought with me, you know, small talk.

So then a nurse comes over and goes "Okay, I've got some stickers I'll put on your things so we know they're yours" and I'm like "OK cool" so she puts a sticker on my coat and stickers on my bags of clothes and then she turns to Shamu and I'm like "oh I guess he gets a sticker too"

But no. She pulls out a hospital bracelet that's an exact copy of mine and slaps it on his tail, like so:

And i was delighted by this, so I took a picture to send to my friends, who were equally delighted, and were cracking me up with their reactions (like so:)

Anyway, they take me back and put me under, and when I awake groggily a few hours later it takes me a minute to get my bearings, so I don't notice Shamu at first. But then I realize he's tucked up next to me in the gurney, so I grab him, and my hand touches gauze.

And I'm like "huh?" so I look at him and I realize

They gave my fucking orca a hysterectomy

“I’ll never talk” ok that’s cool. didn’t really expect you to. I’m not gonna torture you for information—I have an elaborate espionage network for that. everyone knows torture is an unreliable means of extracting information and anything obtained from it is not to be trusted. I’m not an idiot. I’ve read all the torture science. if there’s one thing I can’t stand it’s the foolish notion that torture serves a practical purpose. no, my torture dungeon exists for good, clean fun. it’s all about the love of the game. strap ’em to the rack, boys!

Hating yourself is harming others. Like, almost always. Even if you don’t mean it to.

Loving yourself enough to take care of yourself and be kind to yourself is what makes you more capable of helping others and doing good.

You’re not going to shame and hate yourself into being a better friend, a better spouse, better parent, better person, better service to the world. That’s done through love and gentleness. I promise.

And I know it’s work! There is no switch to flip that takes you magically from self-hatred, self-denial, insecurity, and depression to self-love, self care, gentleness, and joy! It takes work and, for many people, seeking outside help! But it’s worth it worth it worth it, not just for you, but for everyone around you.

I love animals that are, like, the opposite of cryptids: we know for a fact they exist and have a clear idea of what they look like because we have photographs and individual specimens, but we haven’t the faintest idea where they’re coming from - they just keep showing up out of nowhere, and the locations of their actual population centres are a complete mystery.

love snarky daud who does not give a fuck that his whalegod patron has a favourite human pet, all he really wants is for the black-eyed bastard to fucking ADMIT it already