The Relationship I Have W A Little Life Is So Complex I Hate It I Love It I Would Never Recommend It

the relationship i have w a little life is so complex i hate it i love it i would never recommend it to anyone i think the last 100 pages will never leave me in a way that is terrible and beautiful and endless i have sm beef w hanya yanagihara but this is the single most beautiful paragraph i have ever read in my life and i think about it often

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Joy Sullivan, “Tomatoes”, Instructions for Traveling West

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“Eventually soulmates meet, for they have the same hiding place.”

— Unknown

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b-luish

1 month ago

My boyfriend did not die in 1991. I told a lie and it turned into a fact, forever repeated in my official biography. He died on Christmas Day, 1990, when his family disconnected the mechanical breathing machine. He was a composer in the school of music. We were working on a piece for voice and strings. I liked writing the words under the whole notes, hyphenating them to make them last. I liked sitting on the bed in his apartment, writing on the sheet music—bigger paper, thicker, how it sounded when it fell to the floor when we got tired. It was winter break, friends in town, we hopped from party to party, catching up but separately. It was late, the night was clear, the roads were empty. The four of them were sober, the driver in the other car was not. I was a few miles away, in a bar, waiting. When the bar closed, I left him an angry message for standing me up. A few hours later, a friend called and told me. He suggested I break into the apartment and start removing things before the family arrived. For several minutes I didn’t understand, then—evidence. He hadn’t told his family and it didn’t seem right to tell them now, to suggest that they didn’t really know him. I drove in the darkness between the accident and dawn. I climbed through the window. I couldn’t figure which things looked suspicious and which things would be missed. I was sloppy, rushed. I grabbed the wrong sheet music. It was a piece that had already been performed. A few days after Christmas there was a memorial. I sat in the back. As part of his speech, his father mentioned the missing music and made an appeal for its return. I couldn’t give it back. On New Year’s Eve, in a black velvet jacket, at a party in the lobby of a downtown hotel, with a drink in each hand—one for him, one for me—I kept asking where he was, if anyone had seen him. I had his passport in my back pocket. I shouldn’t have taken that either. It was the only picture of him I could find.

cover story by Richard Siken

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b-luish

1 month ago

it’s kinda fucked up that you’re only an age for a year. I didn’t know how to be 23 yet, let me try again

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b-luish

1 month ago

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b-luish

3 weeks ago

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b-luish

1 month ago

Joy Sullivan, "Teeth", Instructions for Traveling West

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b-luish

1 month ago

“I’ve wasted a lot of time in my life. I’ve thought too much about what people will say or what they’re gonna think. And sometimes it’s over silly things like going to the grocery store or going to the post office. But there have been times when I really stopped myself from doing something special. All because I was scared someone might look at me and decide I wasn’t good enough. But you don’t have to bother with that nonsense. I wasted all that time so you don’t have to.”

— Julie Murphy, Dumplin’

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b-luish

1 month ago

Ada Limón, “To Be Made Whole”, On Being with Krista Tippett

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b-luish

1 month ago

(i) Moneyball (2011, Dir. Bennett Miller) / (ii) The “miracle Mets” Win The 1969 World Series / (iii)

(i) moneyball (2011, dir. bennett miller) / (ii) the “miracle mets” win the 1969 world series / (iii) roger angell, the summer game / (iv) an 11 year old’s letter to baseball / (v) ted solotaroff, ‘the summer game’ review / (vi) chicago cubs win the 2016 world series for the first time since 1908 / (vii) the screwball times

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