Goddamn Does He Look Good In A Suit🖤

other scorpions have really badass tail stingers and claws, but the lesser known tailless whip scorpion has an even better defense mechanism:

just grab shit

America headcanons

• Joined the circus once. He was a clown of course.

• His biggest dream is to fly a blimp.

• Owns two Alexas to prove it to everyone the government is spying through them.

• Has a framed dollar bill in his home office. He won't tell anyone why, just that no one is allowed to touch it.

• Owns a box set of Family Guy DVDs just to burn them once the show finally ends.

• Only magic he's capable of doing is the continuous handkerchief trick. This thoroughly disapoints England.

• Surprise visits Germany every month at a randomly selected date because besides England he's the easiest to pester.

• Is convinced the White House is haunted by Martha Washington's ghost. Forwhatever reason why no one is sure.

• Also convinced he saw Elvis at Walmart once.

• Dad jokes. He's got them memorized.

• Speaking of dad, he dresses like one.

• The type to have cheesy and really bad novelty mugs that barely uses.

• Legally required to finish singing "I want it that way" after starting.

• Back in the 90s he made goat cheese for a living.

• Please don't make him say "its right here" or "over there". Stop making fun of him when he says it like "its righ' heyuh" and "ovah theruh" :(

• He's teaching Russia how to skateboard. It's going as well as one would expect....

• Orders sxx toys in bulk and sends them to France's [government] office; the only place he desperately tries to be professional at.

• Every gift giving opportunity he ALWAYS gives England a cookbook.

• Passive aggressively does his paperwork. There is no other way he does it.

• Owns a bouncy house. Blows it up and jumps in it when he's sad.

• Claims he's in a cult. Is actually stuck in a time share.

• Owns a police light that he puts on his car when he gets a call concerning nation business. He does the wee-woo sound himself.

• Always wins the ugly Christmas sweater contests.

• A real pro at Hungry Hungry Hippos but strangely sucks at Solitare.

• Do not bother him at 1AM. That's his eat peanut butter straight from the jar and play splatoon time.

• By the state of California he can legally officiate a wedding. Well anyway that's how he officiated a wedding for a couple of dogs and how technically it's legal because he might have given those dogs not only American citizenship but also social security numbers and everything else. Who gave this man access to these things!?

• Signed China up for a dating website intended for the single elderly.

• His favorite ice cream may be butter pecan but he'll always say the best flavor is cookie dough.

• Makes his own butter. Does not call it butter. Calls it smooth milk.

funny rotating man

Satan: come on Mc i wasn't THAT drunk last night.

Mc not even batting an eye: you were crying while clinging to a long white bearded old man and saying "dumbledore...you're Alive..."

Satan:...oh.

hey so send me requests for this 👀

does anyone remember the hetalia egirls because,,,

im thinking of opening up shop again

I love him 😔✨