Might Fuck Around And Walk Into A Thick Fog And Never Return Idk

REINVENTING MYSELF-Femininity

Simply put, I don’t like the woman I am now. I am a manifestation of my parents neglect, insecurities rooted in me since a child, along with suppressed and very obvious trauma. I want to see better, I want to do better, I want to attract better.

In preparation for spring (the actual “New Year”) I am currently throwing away EVERYTHING and starting completely fresh. Clothes, wigs, sheets, I even thought about tossing my diploma not a soul asked me for (not even school, everything is electronic).

This is she, me. Anew

Personality

She is mysterious, yet has a welcoming aura about her. You know she’s not the woman to step to unless it’s worth her time, but intimidating isn’t the feeling that comes over the admirer. She’s playful, actively laughing and playing with her dogs. Publicly and privately. A hopeless romantic, though a seductress first. Her love (and lust) is earned. She’s very hard to get.

Hopeless Romantic

Adventurous

Rebellious

Creative

Bookworm

Athletic

Hobbies

She’s always trying something new to see if she finds something she likes. Fear of dislike is never on her mind. As a curious spirit, she not only has hobbies but works to advance and meet those who share the same hobbies as her

Art museums

Theatre

Cooking & making recipe books to pass down

Scrapbooking

Learning about nature (plants, Survival skills, history)

Baking (for anyone)

Chess

White Wine

Astrology

Teapot Collecting

Reading research articles

Boundaries

Again, she’s very hard to get. Hard to impress. Hard to convince. Hard to plead to. As warm as her aura may be, she’s very no nonsense. She is in tune with her inner voice and intuition, who are the first to advise her about whatever you’re telling her.

No sex before substantial financial/personal commitment

Limited debates, always held with class and even tone. Never arguments or fights

Not surrounding self around people who don’t share the same ambition

I come first. My safety, my priorities and myself, period.

No unannounced guests (gift deliveries excluded)

I don’t entertain conversations with men after a certain time

I am selective about what I choose to listen to, so I cut all unproductive/negative conversations very short

Goals

She is an “overachiever”. Whatever that means.

Purchase first property

Travel to 5th country

Obtaining black dermatologist

Selling select art pieces for over ($XX,XXX)

Approved for American Express Platinum Card

Accepted into Ph.D program

Complete first few books/scripts

Learn Spanish and ASL fluently

I went deep into depth privately, and I highly suggest you do the same. Sometimes, it helps to have an organized, detail breakdown of who you are, who you want to become, and most importantly who are you leaving behind.

$TufaniTalks

I have to be alone very often. I’d be quite happy if I spent from Saturday night until Monday morning alone in my apartment. That’s how I refuel.

Audrey Hepburn (via quotemadness)

i want to be so kind it echoes backwards in time and undoes the things that hurt you. i want to be so kind it radiates from me. i want to be so kind that i make someone else find faith in humanity again. there’s not much i can do, i’m small and weak and i only know so many words. but i know i can be kind. and sometimes, i believe, that changes the world.

i don’t want a job i want to read good books and drink good coffee and get kissed on the neck

Virginia Woolf // Selected Essays of Virginia Woolf; Dafoe

Look! I know you’ve probably heard the whole “go outside, get some air” speech like a thousand times before. I’m not trying to sound like your mom telling you to go touch grass. What I’m saying is, this world is so much bigger than the walls you’ve built around yourself baby. It’s bigger than your bedroom, bigger than the little screen in your hand, and so much bigger than your fears.

I am desperately romantic when life has given me no reason to be and that, I think, is the definition of hope.

c.r.w. (via my-writemind)

I wish everyone would admit that classic literature is inherently difficult to read, and that you shouldn’t feel stupid if you don’t “get it”. Especially the dark academia/ classic lit fandoms and stuff. Like unless you have the vocabulary and pop culture knowledge of an 18th century nobleman, it’s going to be a tough read. It’ll take you longer to read; you’re not stupid if you’ve spent several months on a single book! And you don’t have to enjoy everything. It’s okay if you got bored after one chapter of Wuthering Heights, and couldn’t be bothered to read the rest. It’s okay if you want to read your favourite kids book for the 10th time instead. You’re not stupid. No piece of literature is inherently better, more “important”, more “meaningful”, or more “intellectual” than another. First and foremost, read what brings you joy.

This is a long post. Buckle up.

Recently I've been thinking a lot about how the dark academia aesthetic, whilst rich in aspects such as literature, music, and material beauty, is lacking in things such as activities.

So I've compiled a list of activities that I would personally deem as befitting the dark academia aesthetic (please do add to this list, as it's far from complete).

Sports:

Rowing (it's in literally every dark academic approved movie.)

Fencing

Tennis

Cricket

Croquet

Rugby (contrary to popular belief, women, men, and everyone in between can play this sport. It's not just for the boys.)

Polo

Equestrian sports

+ Figure/ice skating

+ Running (sprinting is handy for catching your lover when they fling themselves from a tower or something, and long distance is great for running alongside carriages that you want to rob.)

+ Boxing

+ Javelin, discus, wrestling covered in oil, think ancient Grecian Olympics.

+ Archery (how could I have forgotten.)

+ Ballet, ballroom dancing, traditional dances

+ Climbing

+ Snooker/Pool (either professionally or just for fun.)

Or, if you prefer the Oscar Wilde approach, no sports at all. That's cool too.

Games:

Chess (of course)

Backgammon

Cards (rummy, poker, blackjack, speed, whist, any game really, maybe with the exception of snap.)

Cluedo (I think it's 'Clue' in America. Don't argue with me, it counts as dark academia. It's got murder in it.)

+ Scrabble

Crafts:

Knitting (I knit socks, scarves, and am attempting a jumper. I find that it's far easier to knit your own jumper, scarf, socks, or whatever than hunting for one suitably 'aesthetically pleasing'.)

Embroidery (monogrammed handkerchiefs and shirts are so in.)

Weaving (sweet mother, I cannot-)

Making lace

Gardening

Cooking (not sure if this counts as a craft, but I'll throw it in just in case.)

Sewing (making clothes for yourself through sewing is a great way to make sure that your clothes fit perfectly, and are styled the way you want them to be. With practise, it becomes easier, and is definitely a useful skill to have.)

+ Calligraphy

+ Painting, of course. (release your inner Basil.

Outings:

Museums

Art galleries

Places of historical interests (in the UK, this might be more easily accessible with things like the National Trust. If you visit often, it might be useful to invest in a membership card with English Heritage (England), Cadw (Wales), or a National Trust card. I have a Cadw card, and I've found that it's accepted all over the UK, in the same way an entrance card specific to whichever country you're in would be too. I hope that makes sense.)

Public executions

Pubs

+ Go to a Café and sketch the people around you (I hear that charcoal or graphite is preferable here.)

Parks

Gardens

Churches, quaker meeting houses, graveyards, synagogues (sometimes the only places that are quiet are places of worship, and a lot of the time, they will be very welcoming in letting people in just to sit and think. Just remember to be respectful: don't insult people for their faith; don't scorn the place of worship; respect people buried in graveyards; don't take pictures, tempting as it may be, just to be on the safe side.)

The theatre

The opera

Concerts (classical music or otherwise)

Social events (memorial services, tours of your local university, open days, anything. It's an opportunity to learn, and spark intrigue because of your darkly mysterious and alluring demeanour.)

Things to do when you're bored.

Writing essays (it's really nerdy, but I find writing essays really interesting if they're on a topic I'm passionate about. It doesn't have to be an intellectual masterpiece, it could be 'The Top Ten Sexiest Classical Writers' for all I care. Just make it fun. Plus it's always an added bonus to that pile of messy papers that aesthetify your desk.)

Research (as above.)

Daydream about how you could have prevented the burning of the Library of Alexandria

Plan a murder / heist. Thoroughly.

Read something light (Agatha Christie, Sherlock Holmes, Wilkie Collins or Colin Dexter novels are really good for relaxing. Murder mysteries are always good for winding down a little, whilst still keeping an active mind, so I would recommend those, but really, read whatever you want.)

Dress up

Read aloud

Perform a play alone (or to a pet, if you have one)

If you play an instrument, play through all of the pieces in your repertoire

More daydreaming

Take baths

Fake your death (by murder, of course)

Draw or paint something (no, it doesn't have to be good. Just do it to relax. See what kind of things you can create, like designing Frankenstein's monster)

Write a narrative piece

Watch a movie. A whole movie. Just sit down and watch a movie, no getting up and walking around, no flicking back and forth, no checking your phone. Just enjoy a movie without distractions.

Watch every single 'Greek Gods as vines' video on YouTube and count it as studying.

+ Listen to some classical music! I have a post on getting into classicl here:

Congratulations! You made it through!

Please, add to this list. I really want this to be expanded on, as I'm interested to see whether or not I've missed things, and if people agree.