My Assistant: Oh, Boss, I Have To Report That Your Last 7 Posts Were... Flops. Im Sorry.

your boyfriend smelled like garlic so i crushed him with my knife and then diced him and fried him in oil. sorry. he still smells good btw

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interview w belphegor (asmodeus’ show friday night)

being friends to lovers with kaoru featuring third wheel hikaru:

you officially meeting them walking to an after school activity and kaoru ran into you trying to get away from an angry tamaki with hikaru

hikaru thought it was hilarious

kaoru did not

“I’m so sorry!”

VERRRRY embarrassed

you recognized them from your class because they're loud and obnoxious 🙄😒

they took off when they heard tamaki yell

you could hear hikaru making fun of kaoru while they were running away

when you saw them again hikaru actually saw you first and nudged kaoru like an asshole while haruhi rolled their eyes

poor baby was a lil bit red when he saw you

exchange numbers this time

kaoru texted you when he was done with the club

you guys didn’t stop texting till it was late

y’all really hit it off omg

hikaru was jealous tho

it was funny to him when his brother was embarrassed but now boy wants attention

hikaru starts to like you when he catches you trying to pull a prank in your friend

“need help?”

you and hikaru become best friends like that 👏

sarcastic besties

kaoru surprised but happy his brother finally likes you as much as he does (but hopefully not as much boy is starting to REALLY like you)

you suggest that you go to the host club and they BEG you not to

boys don’t want to see their friends expression when they find out what really goes down in the club

they're also lowkey surprised you HAVENT already been to the club but they're thankful

you say you won’t go but do anyways because you’re evil and very curious why they dont want you there

one word.

TRAUMATIZED

you can’t get the voice of kaoru saying “hikaru!” out of your head 😪💔

they were LIVID

you were also livid

you definently do think it’s hilarious tho

sometimes when your bored you mimic how kaoru says hikaru and they glare at you.

well kaoru definitely glares at you hikaru snorts everytime you do

second time you went there haruhi waved to you and you hung out with her

tamakis ecstatic haruhi had a “girl figure” in her life now and yall find it weird asf

you keep going to the host club to be entertained but not in the way it’s intended

you and haruhi have the one normal conversation yall can in the host club atmosphere and watch tamaki chase the twins before the twins drive you home

some times at the club you and hikaru bad mouth the guests (but mostly tamaki)

“did you see how they did their hair?”

“i would rather die then do that to myself”

you actually learn fashion tips from him when he makes fun of someone

you're actually very thankful hikaru has never said shit about you because SHIT IS THAT BOY AN ASSHOLE LMAO

kyoya tells hikaru to get back to hosting🙄🙄

the day theres finally some devopment with you and kaoru is when the club is low on flowers and makes yall get more from the garden club

kaoru kept seeing you glancing at a certain flower

and being the sweetheart he is when you weren't paying attention he asked if he could have it to give to you 🥺

when he gave you the flower the way your eyes LIT UP

he was very glad he saw your expression jesus he will forever remember it

smiling he asked what your favorite thing about the flower was

you, BEAMING, explained why and got a little embarrassed after you realized you were rambling and ended with you just like beautiful things and you're glad you get to be around them.

kaoru nodded and said that’s how he feels about you

it took a second for both of yall to process what he said

he then starts digging a deeper hole for himself by saying how he didnt mean he just wants to be near you because you're beautiful and how APPARENTLYYYYY you're an amazing person but you dont buy it 🙄🙄 LMAO

MF THEN SAYS HE REALLY FUCKING LIKES YOU AND HE WOULDNT WANT TO BE WITH SOMEONE HE JUST FOUND ATTRACTIVE

THE WAY THIS MAN KEEPS GETTING PALER AND PALER REALIZING WTF HES SAYING LMAOO

you decide to and his misery and put you're flowers down (while rolling you're eyes obviously)

he looks at you thinking he’s dead and also puts down the flowers he’s holding (like holy shit how much does the host club need)

you walk to him and kiss him

kaoru.exe has stopped working

he doesn’t know where to put his hands after the kiss turns into making out

you have to put his hands where you like

when y’all are done boy is a blushing mess

you pull away smiling but obviously seeing the opportunity you ruin the moment by mimicking how he says hikaru cause your the reason why your friends can’t have nice things

he groans

BOY TAKES THE FLOWERS AND LEAVES

you have to run to catch up

kaoru doesn’t speak to you for the rest of the day 😪

he’s questioning why he likes you💔💔

you tell hikaru what you did

he thinks it’s hilarious

and oml obviously hikaru knew that you liked kaoru 😒

you and hikaru have weekly sessions or "meetings" as you call them when tamaki is mad yall are splitting off from the group mid hosting LMAO

yall basically both do each others nails and complain about tamaki being annoying 🙄

he talks about whatever the new trend is and you both tell each other drama

yall fucking love it fr fr

but hikaru found out you like kaoru ‼

hikaru despite popular belief knows when kaoru likes someone

so he wasn’t surprised when you said kaoru liked you because duh the fucker already picked up the signs

hikaru tricks you guys into going on a date

MULTIPLE TIMES LMAO YALL ARE PRIDEFUL

yall FINALLLLLYYY come out happily together after the third time

tamaki is more happy than you guys are because yall “found true love” or something 🤨🤨

you and kaoru pretend to break up in front of tamaki a lot

LISTEN ITS FUNNY LMAO

WHY IS HE ALWAYS SO UNICONICLY DRAMATIC EVERYTIME?!!?

he always believes you guys for some reason!?!?

hikaru laughs about how stupid tamaki is

honestly your friendship with the twins is just playing jokes on everyone

because y’all are assholes ‼‼

Opinions on lesbians with big muscles? 🤯

opinion on sunshine and laughter? what do u think

7/15 happy birthday to izuku midoriya!! his final birthday while the series is still ongoing 😭😭😭 i luv u son

Does anyone have good wlw book recs?? Specifically with one of them at least being masc? I'm so sick of going on tiktok looking for books where it's just two fem white women. 😭 I want more then the same 5 books yk??

he’s literally soaking wet hanging from a clothesline do you guys even care

men need know that ellie is for the girls only