People Are Like ‘why Would The Freshman Hate Neil??’ U Guys Need To Remember. Neil Is An Asshole.

things to do when u realize u feel shitty

so i have alexithymia (emotional blindness or challenges in recognizing, expressing, sourcing, and describing one's emotions) and i often dont realize why, whats causing me to feel that way, or even if its mental or physical shittiness. so here are things i try to do to reset.

so the first step is obviously realizing the feeling at first, is your brain making you feel bad about yourself? do you feel like theres no point in doing things? do you feel stuck? or has there been any drastic change in energy in a short time? these may look different for you, but learning to notice even something as small as do i feel Good or Bad, you dont need to get caught up in what specifically it is.

FIRST and foremost, medications. did you take your meds? vitamins? please do so if you can. if you've missed the time window that you are meant to or cant for another reason, no guilt please, its ok we all forget.

move! change locations. even if its just where you are sitting in bed from one side to the other and sit up if you can. i try to move to my desk chair. sometimes just sitting up can change the way you feel drastically.

this could also mean move as in take a walk around your room, stand up on your phone instead of laying down.

do a Task, or Activity. copy a journal spread from pinterst even if it takes like 3 hours. write some lists, make a bracelet, play a game. focus on something you like. very cliche advice i know but its great to allow yourself to do something you like.

get a snack/water. unfortunately hydration is important even tho its annoying. make it super cold, put some lemon or mint in there if you want. its all about making it a) more fun and b) different sensory experiences. if you are hungry go down a mental list of most to least effort meal and find what you can do (cook from sratch, add stuff to ramen, eat it plain, get a handful of nuts or fruits, etc)

open the curtains/blinds, let the outside in a bit. even if its dark out open them and look around and close again.

face feels gross? do some level of skincare, exfoliate your lips and put on some vasesline, brush and floss your teeth (love floss picks). if you have bangs wash them in the sink.

if weather + mental permits, go outside. even for 2 seconds to look at it

shower=full reset and rebirth. not a bath, a shower. let the water hit you and soak your hair. do as full of a shower as you can. use so much moisturizer (if you can) with a scent you love. sensory goodness is very helpful. this usually works for me to pull me out. often the reason why i feel shitty is actually just me not realizing my hair is dirty, or i need alone time, etc which is acheived by showering.

aligned with that, put on new clothes, either comfortable and lounge clothes that are good sensory, or you need a new fun outfit because you have been wearing the current one for too long and its irritating you in a way you dont notice.

clean something, same as the food go from most to least effort and find out what you can do. organize 1 drawer or your whole house. my go to is usually rearraging my bedside table top and drawer. because for me thats where i keep things like my journal, headphones, letters from friends, body butter, etc its a chance for me to help future me access this little self care station.

make your bed so you have a clean cozy place to lay and sit, unfortunately a made bed is more comfortable

in general, treat yourself like a littel guy, talk to yourself like a toddler even if it feels silly, the part of you that feels bad is basically a toddler throwing a tantrum tbh. silliness is often a precursor to feeling Good. these things feel so so hard but each time you do them despite feeling bad it will get easier i promise you, you will get good at what you practice so practice trying.

if all of these things seem too hard, or you cant do them, the main thing is thats ok too. and if you dont feel 100% better after doing these things, that is also ok. the truth is some days things will be hard and that is your body telling you to relax, or sleep, or that it just wants to have an off day. no day is wasted if you are still here to see it.

(a lot of these tasks can be made easier by doing prep when you are feeling Good, which is part of the reason why i made this list, but i might do another post on prep stuff. )

Good friends make life worth it. And a fresh glass of water after a long day makes it all worth it. Today I watched all the dogs pass me by. The lovers radiating with a beaming smile. I am sharing an almond tart with friends. I am dreaming of a bright future. “The Quran writes, “And the future will be better for you than the past.” I know this is true. I feel it in my bones. 

hey hold on a sec. we talk about what baltimore was like for kevin, neil, andrew, but can we talk about wymack for a second. Can we just.

the year before the twins and nicky signed at psu, two of wymack's foxes, ian and kirk, died in a car crash.

the next year, kevin day broke his hand and went to wymack, the only person he thought would keep him safe.

the year after that, seth gordon, the only surving member of wymack's original lineup, overdosed after he was so nearly clean, and it almost destroyed allison.

months later, andrew was attacked in columbia and committed to easthaven. aaron killed someone. andrew was gone and the others came back shattered.

then neil claims to go home for the holidays, they don't hear from him all of christmas break, and on new years, neil calls him and asks wymack to pick him up from the airport. he's there instantly and god, he looks half-dead. neil sees the 4 tattoo and tries to cut it off his face. all he can say is that he didn't sign to the ravens.

then there's the blood in the locker room. wymack can't push away the feeling that something's getting closer, something is coming to hurt his foxes and there's nothing he can do to stop it.

then. the game at binghamton. neil looks on edge but wymack doesn't ask what's wrong. neil and andrew are above his paygrade. then the riot. he can't see any of his kids in the crush. he finally pulls them all out, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight–

neil's gone. neil's gone and they can't find him. andrew can't find him. neil got taken by someone. what was that like for david wymack? did it feel too familiar? did he look at his kids and think not again, i didn't lose another one again. does it ever scare him. does it terrify him. when aaron came back from the police station in columbia, twenty four hours in holding and he couldn't look wymack in the eye, did he think what if i can't save these kids? when andrew was lying in a hospital bed, too drugged to react, did he think what if i can't give them their second chance? when neil grabbed that knife, when he fell to pieces on wymack's kitchen floor, when he came back to them in baltimore, bloody and broken, did wymack think why am i always too late?

Chai tea bag + lil but of brown sugar + apple cider packet + 16 oz. mug of hot but not quite boiling water

it will not Fix You but like. maybe. maybe.

i think im getting better! :) [another event occurs]

Genocide lover, crying their ass out: "Boycott doesn't work! Stop it!"

Me, sipping their tears from a wine glass: "Mmhmm, tell me about it. Can you cry harder? I want refill."

how to deal with going from talking to someone every day to reverting to basically strangers:

don’t build them up in your head and idolize them as more than another human being. take off the rose colored glasses.

talk to new people and be open to being vulnerable again.

slowly learn to enjoy the time you spend with yourself.

write down things you want to say to them but can’t and just keep them for yourself to go over later.

go places you used to go to with them and make new memories.

be patient with yourself.

remind yourself that some relationships aren’t meant to last but that doesn’t mean you have to forget them completely.

Natalie Babbitt, from Tuck Everlasting

Palestine Masterlist 

Introduction to Palestine: 

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IMEU (Institute for Middle East Understanding):

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The Gaza Strip

The Palestinian catastrophe (Al-Nakba)

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The Hundred Years’ War on Palestine: A History of Settler Colonialism and Resistance, 1917-2017 (book)

The Ethnic Cleansing of Palestine (book)

Nakba Day: What happened in Palestine in 1948? (Article)

The Nakba did not start or end in 1948 (Article)

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Books:

A New Critical Approach to the History of Palestine

The Idea of Israel: A History of Power and Knowledge

Hidden Histories: Palestine and the Eastern Mediterranean

The Balfour Declaration: Empire, the Mandate and Resistance in Palestine

Queer Palestine and the Empire of Critique

From Haven to Conquest: Readings in Zionism and the Palestine Problem until 1948

Captive Revolution - Palestinian Women’s Anti-Colonial Struggle within the Israeli Prison System

Palestine: A Four Thousand Year History

Except for Palestine: The Limits of Progressive Politics

Before Their Diaspora: A Photographic History of The Palestinians 1876-1948

The Battle for Justice in Palestine Paperback

Uncivil Rites: Palestine and the Limits of Academic Freedom

Palestine Rising: How I survived the 1948 Deir Yasin Massacre

The Transformation of Palestine: Essays on the Origin and Development of the Arab-Israeli Conflict

A Land Without a People: Israel, Transfer, and the Palestinians 1949-1996

The Iron Cage: The Story of the Palestinian Struggle for Statehood

A History of Modern Palestine: One Land, Two Peoples

Where Now for Palestine?: The Demise of the Two-State Solution

Terrorist Assemblages - Homonationalism in Queer Times

Militarization and Violence against Women in Conflict Zones in the Middle East

The one-state solution: A breakthrough for peace in the Israeli-Palestinian deadlock

The Persistence of the Palestinian Question: Essays on Zionism and the Palestinians

Fateful Triangle: The United States, Israel and the Palestinians

The False Prophets of Peace: Liberal Zionism and the Struggle for Palestine

Ten myths about Israel

Blaming the Victims: Spurious Scholarship and the Palestinian Question

Israel and its Palestinian Citizens - Ethnic Privileges in the Jewish State

Palestinians in Israel: Segregation, Discrimination and Democracy

Greater than the Sum of Our Parts: Feminism, Inter/Nationalism, and Palestine

Palestine Hijacked 

Palestinian Culture:

Mountain against the Sea: Essays on Palestinian Society and Culture

Palestinian Costume

Traditional Palestinian Costume: Origins and Evolution

Tatreez & Tea: Embroidery and Storytelling in the Palestinian Diaspora

Embroidering Identities: A Century of Palestinian Clothing (Oriental Institute Museum Publications)

The Palestinian Table (Authentic Palestinian Recipes)

Falastin: A Cookbook

Palestine on a Plate: Memories from My Mother’s Kitchen

Palestinian Social Customs and Traditions

Palestinian Culture before the Nakba

Tatreez & Tea (Website)

The Traditional Clothing of Palestine

The Palestinian thobe: A creative expression of national identity

Embroidering Identities:A Century of Palestinian Clothing

Palestine Traditional Costumes

Palestine Family 

Palestinian Costume

Encyclopedia of World Dress and Fashion, v5: Volume 5: Central and Southwest Asia

Tent Work in Palestine: A Record of Discovery and Adventure

Documentaries, Films, and Video Essays:

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GAZA 

Wedding in Galilee 

Omar

5 Broken Cameras

OBAIDA

Indigeneity, Indigenous Liberation, and Settler Colonialism (not entirely about Palestine, but an important watch for indigenous struggles worldwide - including Palestine)

Edward Said - Reflections on Exile and Other Essays

Palestine Remix: 

AL NAKBA

Gaza Lives On

Gaza we are coming

Lost cities of Palestine 

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Last Shepherds of the Valley

Voices from Gaza

Muhammad Smiry

Najla Shawa

Nour Naim

Wael Al dahdouh

Motaz Azaiza

Ghassan Abu Sitta

Refaat Alareer (murdered by Israel - 12/7/2023. Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'un)

Plestia Alaqad

Bisan Owda

Ebrahem Ateef

Mohammed Zaanoun

Doaa Mohammad

Hind Khoudary

Palestinian Voices, Organizations, and News 

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Times of Gaza

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Muna El-Kurd 

Electronic Intifada 

Dr. Yara Hawari 

Mariam Barghouti

Omar Ghraieb

Steven Salaita

Noura Erakat

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Palestine Museum US

Artists for Palestine UK 

Eye on Palestine 

People fail to understand the degree of insane bloodthirst and dehumanization taught to 'israelis' like the one in front of this image. She genuinely sees the woman in the back as vermin and finds fun in tormenting her. This is a core tenet of their culture. They will humiliate Palestinians in whichever way they can on any given day ranging from petty to lethal. Their textbooks have caricatures. They draw unibrows on themselves and dream about Disneyland in Gaza on TikTok. They make fun of dead babies by comparing them to food.

This photo is 'israel'. There is no peaceful conversation with people whose heart's desire is to do this. There is no peace or dignity while the occupation lasts.