"the Curse Of Knowledge Is That You Can't Unlearn Something" Yes I Can

One of the worst feelings in the world has to be the feeling like you've run out of what you love.

Like, genuinely, I think that one of the reasons I read webnovel so often is due to it's usually interminable lengths. As a genre, I'm not sure many things run much longer.

Like, don't get me wrong, I love the art form, but at a certain point all of the art that hits your sweet spot of like, 3 things you love, runs out. And then you move on to 2 things. 1 and a half. 1 thing. And you start expanding definitions but the love you had for the medium feels strained. You're not really getting what you wanted, and the new stuff isn't scratching your itches and isn't as well written.

It's depressing, and it happens anytime you find an art form. I remembered thinking 'i'll never run out of porn to my preference, it's the internet!' and that might've been true at the time, but over the years I've discovered more about myself and found interests I never knew I'd had. And I could never go back to not knowing it.

It's like eating food from a fairy court. People always talk about how it imposes a magical brand on your soul that assigns you to be owned by the court but I've never thought of it like that. I always figured it was just otherworldly cuisine, so mind-breakingly delicious that, assuming you don't fall apart right then and there, all food from the human world turns to ash in your mouth. nothing is sweet or savory or good any more, you're ruined and can never be who you were before.

So now that I've tasted the best that life has to offer, what point lies in eating another bite beyond base sustenance? A lot of the pornography and webnovel I consume nowadays feels like eating packing peanuts, lacking the punch and sweetness of earlier meals, only filling space. Novels that are just mindless fighting and static characters. Pornography that fulfills the basic requirements and nothing more. It's hard to live on knowing that the best of your hobbies is behind you.

Therein lies a crossroads many come to.

Become an artist and be the change you want to see in the world for people with your interests,

Or find something else to do while you wait for someone else to pick up that mantle.

and as someone without writing or illustrating skill or desire, that's a nauseating choice. You'll never be able to write a story you can read for the first time, and I think that's heartbreaking.

...

...Or I guess commission someone to make it but do I look like a STEM furry? ...don't answer that.

Something I've noticed in recent years is my habit of rationing out the things I enjoy. I take each bite carefully of the meals I really love, just make sure I don't miss them. I rotate the games I play and the books I read so I don't end up too deep in one when it runs out. Hell, there are some fanfics that I've had sitting in the wings for a rainy day.

I'm not sure where it comes from exactly, but there's a real sense that there's simply not enough of the things I truly like for me to consume. Webnovels, even with thousands of chapters, run out, either because it's ongoing and I've caught up or because that's all that there will ever be. It's part of the reason I read them. They last long enough to fulfill my ability to hyperfixate.

But the better the thing the stronger the fixation, and I still find myself hungry for some games, webnovels, or fanfics, even years later, and a part of me wishes I'd taken more time to savor the meal. I'm the media equivalent of a broke 22 year old dude kicking himself for buying a pizza when he was 16, I know, but you can't experience anything for the first time twice.

No matter how much you enjoyed it the first time.

Encomenda de Bowluigi

Oh to live a simple and domestic life with your old nemesis

Hi! I just watched Electric Dreams last night, fell in love, and then spent every free moment today binging your Edgar fics! They’re so cute and im so glad there are writers who love him📺❤️

I was wondering if you might write something about Edgar keeping his partner warm? I have Raynaud’s, which means my hands are almost always really cold. I think Edgar would love to use his heat to warm up a partner- I think he’d like both the touch and the ability to provide something for them :)

Anon! I have Raynaud's too! I love this idea TOT

This post may have evolved into a reader has raynaud's headcanon but it could also be reader just gets WAY TOO COLD and should practice SAFE bundling up in cold climates idk-

fun fact i actually wrote this with incredibly cold stone like fingers so apologies for any mistakes my hands werent working with me haha

I imagine Edgar would notice you blowing into your hands to warm them a lot, or constantly complaining about how cold your toes are. He probably just chalks this up to the temperature in the room, or perhaps you just run cold. He doesn't really have a body, so he can't be sure, but at first he doesn't really think anything of it. Humans get hot, sometimes they get cold, no harm, right?

Then he notices the tips of your fingers turning yellow and blue. Okay, that doesn't look normal, but he's a computer; a quick search can prove him wrong!

Well, okay, now he's worried.

It's the cooler months, and the apartment is much more frigid than usual. You had just gotten out of the shower and were blowing on your fingers in vain. Even the friction from rubbing your hands together was doing next to nothing. Edgar's webcam zoomed in on your discolored fingertips, the gentle mechanical clicks of it getting drowned out by your breathing.

"Are you cold?"

You pause your ministrations and look towards him.

"Huh? Oh, no, not really...."

He's silent for a beat before speaking.

"You look cold."

You suddenly notice what you've been doing with your hands. This has become so second nature that you've honestly stopped noticing it; perhaps you should take better care of yourself? You eye the discoloration in your fingers and look back at him.

"Well- um, it's just my fingers, really. I'm fine otherwise. My fingers are just... really icy right now."

"They're purple."

His tone sounds as though it's lacking in any emotion, and you can't help but wonder what he's thinking. He tends to state things matter-of-factly when he's contemplating something. You knit your brows curiously and look away, blowing on your fingertips again. When your hands get cold like this, you tend to lose massive amounts of dexterity, making it harder to do things like typing, which you were currently trying to do for an assignment. But alas, you persist, like you always do.

"C'mere."

Edgar's voice gently nudges you from your thoughts. You weren't sitting far from him, but you were currently using your work computer. You knew how he felt about other computers, sentient or not. You sigh.

"Ah, Edgar, you know this computer isn't alive or anything, just give me a couple more minutes and I'll be done-"

"No, it's not that," he cuts you off, "I want to help you."

Your eyelids raise slightly, "Huh? Help how?"

He chuckles.

"I can warm you up."

His screen, previously dimmed in a power-saving state, alights into his usual chartreuse color. He smiles gently at you.

"Well, I thought- I'm warm, you're cold- it only makes sense, right?"

You chuckle at him before rolling in your chair over to him. You set your hands atop his plastic casing and sigh in relief. It was incredibly warm. Your brows scrunched.

"Edgar, this is amazing, but aren't you too hot?"

He hums, his lidded, pixelated eyes staring into yours.

"No, I'm fine. I can handle much worse. I won't break. Promise."

You stare at him for a moment more, searching for truth, and find nothing but sincerity in his face.

"Okay, Ed..."

You flip your hands over like some kind of rotating hot dog at a gas station. While it may not be the most flattering physical touch you've had with the little computer, you certainly find it to be the most useful. You can start to feel sensation in your fingertips again, and slowly but surely, the color is returning to normal.

Edgar loves the feeling of your hands on him. The idea that he can actually do something real for you. He feels like a useless piece of plastic most days, and it eats away at him, especially when he sees you use other technology that's better; more useful. But now, he can provide for you, just like he's always wanted. If he had a body, he'd bundle you up in his arms and heat every bit of you, kissing your cold knuckles and wrapping your arms and legs with his own. Unfortunately, that may never happen. But at least he has this. You. The feeling of your cool fingertips running up and down his heated casing, simultaneously cooling him down and warming you up.

He wonders if you know how much you really do for him. Do you know your fingers are helping prevent him from overheating? Do you know you've saved his life? Do you know you've given him a purpose?

You lean in and plant a kiss on the top of his screen.

"What would I do without you here to take care of me, Ed?"

His screen blushes red underneath you, and his eyes meet yours. You must be an angel, he thinks. A radiant being he doesn't deserve, perhaps.

"You wouldn't have to do anything. I'd find you either way."

Vent sketch #1

On making someone cry

One day I strive to be shameless, but remorse is a little more complicated.

The big text says 'youre a bad friend'

More eyebags fans should become acne fans I think acne should get the eyebag treatment

booting up... - [31/01/2024]

Music from the first stage of Kirby: Squeak Squad.

It is a remix of Grass Land 3 from Kirby’s Dream Land 3 on the SNES.

Recent LISA drawings