Sad Girl, Major John Egan

sad girl, major john egan

pairing: major john "bucky" egan x amelia mae

content: in the beginning stages of their relationship, amelia finds herself questioning john and the nature of their relationship.

song reference: sad girl by lana del rey

an: idk this song does something to me. should I make a tag list?

Sad Girl, Major John Egan

John Egan was an enigma. A puzzle that was impossible to solve. A language she couldn’t translate. A concept she couldn’t grasp. It angered her. It sent her into emotional overload and overwhelmed her mind. She couldn’t make sense of him and it pained her. 

She found herself in her head, swimming through the sea of intrusive thoughts that invaded her mind. He wasn’t serious about her. He wasn’t capable of loving her. That was evident by the way his eyes followed the silhouette of a pretty blonde at the pub while she washed dishes and served drinks to the armymen. He didn’t know she noticed. Why would he? To him, she was nothing but a girl he’d gone on a few dates with. They weren’t committed; he owed her no loyalty. 

Her attempts at keeping her facial expressions at bay were a failure. When she rose her head, she caught the sympathetic eyes of the emphatic Gale Cleven. The smile on her face quivered as she turned her back and continued with her task. 

And his hesitancy, oh God, his hesitancy to decline a dance from a woman broke her even further. Sure, she should have been glad that he declined the brunette’s advances regardless, but the fact that he took the time to think. To ponder. To debate, made her sick to her stomach. 

She wept like a child that night. She accepted his peck on the cheek at the end of the evening, “You alright, doll?” His voice sent a chill down her spine. It stayed with her until she went home, then wept like a child. 

She was asked about him by her best friend. If only she could describe all that he was, and all that he wasn’t. He was a complex case that needed to be studied. Dissected and picked apart like an experiment. She nodded once and said, “He is a beautiful human, truly. Bold and wild like a fire. He walks in it with pride and warms everyone he comes in contact with.”

Her friend sensed the sadness laced in her words. With a small voice, she asked in return, “It sounds like you aren’t too happy about that. What’s that about?”

With a sad smile pulled at her lips. Amelia shrugged and dropped her hands into her lap defeatedly. Quietly she admitted, "I don't know if he can love me the way I love him. I think...my worst fear is that he'll light me on fire and leave me to burn in the flames...."

---

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More Posts from Arayaturner and Others

1 year ago

“Being suicidal doesn’t mean that I’m going to kill myself. Being suicidal is having this inexplainable ache while you’re living. It’s waiting for your life to end, and wishing that you didn’t have to carry on. Having this ache, and incapability to feel happy living, doesn’t mean that I am going to kill myself; it just means that I wouldn’t mind dying.”

— (via lost-alone-broken)

1 year ago

Okay but Billy with an innocent reader>>>>>>>> LIKE HES SO PROTECTIVE OML

billy + innocent!reader

stop i love this. this should be an au hell i may just write more for it

tw— for use of a gun, toothrotting fluff

request

Okay But Billy With An Innocent Reader>>>>>>>> LIKE HES SO PROTECTIVE OML

"go ahead, honey. pull the trigger." billy's voice is sweet against your ear.

your face morphs into a coy apprehension, "and you're sure this won't send me flying on my rear?"

he chuckles, straightening your arms a bit, "m'right here, i won't let that happen."

your eyes focus in on the three rusty cans in the distance, set atop a dry rotting log. you know there's no way you're going to hit them all. you'd be lucky to hit one.

but billy is adamant in both that you need to learn how to shoot, and that you’ll be a ‘natural’. his driving objective, however, being that since he can't be with you from sun up to sun down, he'll have to settle with teaching you how to fend for yourself.

it's not unlike him to behave this way. in the months you've known the gunslinger, you've come to find that his urge to protect you is enormous.

his protection isn't reserved just against the infamous wild men of the west, but rather, anything and anyone. if it could possibly do you harm, physically or mentally, he's there to guard and defend.

like a knight out of the princess tales your mother used to tell you.

you let out a harsh breath before your finger begins to press into the trigger. too soft at first, the metal remains in its' spot, you muster up all your courage and pull the trigger. your eyes are screwed shut as the bullet whistles away, and you quickly turn into billy.

his arms ensnare you, wrapping you tight, "what're you hidin' for? you hit it dead center, sweetheart!"

you lift your head, staring unabashedly into his blue eyes, "did i really?"

he hums, using his dominant hand to steer your gaze away from him and toward the target. sure enough, the can on the left side has a small hole right in its middle.

billy chuckles, his chest rumbling against your back, "told you, my girl's a natural."

you can't help but grin, the tension releasing from your shoulders, "or i've got a good teacher." you tease.

he gives you a squeeze before letting go, gesturing toward the cans, "c'mon, let's see if you can do it again."

emboldened by your first success, you square your shoulders and take aim. this time, you focus a bit more, remembering the sensation of the recoil and trying to replicate it. the shot rings out, and you open your eyes to find another can hit.

billy lightly claps you on the back, "see? just like that, sweetheart."

as you reload, you can't help but appreciate the way the afternoon sun plays on his weathered hat, casting thin rays upon his lips, "m’not as hopeless as i thought."

he grins, a mischievous glint in his eyes, "do i e’ver lie to you?”

you ignore his sly remark, focusing back in on your targets. with newfound confidence, you continue to practice, the rhythmic sound of gunshots filling the air. as the sun begins its descent, casting a warm glow over the landscape.

the sounds of gunfire continue, each shot feeling more controlled and confident than the last. with every successful hit, billy's pride in your progress shines through his loving stare. he stands by your side, offering guidance and encouragement, a quiet guardian in the backdrop of your learning.

as the sun dips even lower, casting a dim hue over the landscape, you catch a glimpse of billy watching you with a softness in his eyes. he often got this way, completely lost in you. especially when you're doing things his way— not in the way you'd normally feel inclined. you're rather tame and harmless in comparison to billy, the entire west, really.

growing up away from the fast-growing townships and travelers, when you met billy he completely flipped your world upside down. you gave him all your firsts, shooting his pistol only adds to the expansive list of firsts you've given him.

you go to take aim again, eyes closing as you shoot, still too frightened to keep them open— your bullet flies past your targets, missing entirely. you've grown used to the sound of a hit and when you open your eyes to find the miss, you groan.

billy's safeguarding nature becomes even more apparent as you meet his winsome eyes, his gaze lingers on you, subtle worry etched on his features.

he knows you're inexperienced, a stark contrast to the harsh realities of the world he's accustomed to. he knows it isn't, but if this were a shootout, that big of a miss would have cost you your life.

the mere thought of you in that situation is something he's not willing to entertain.

"you're doing mighty fine, sweetheart," he reassures, a tenderness in his voice that speaks volumes, "but remember, there's more to this than cans and targets. gotta keep those pretty eyes of yours open, alright?"

you nod, appreciating his concern and the earnest care he extends. it dawns on you that learning to shoot isn't just a practical skill— it's a testament to the depth of billy's affection. he's arming you with more than just a handgun— he's giving you a piece of his own resilience and determination.

as the sun sets, casting long shadows across the landscape, you take a moment to stand side by side with billy, appreciating the warmth of his presence. the sky paints hues of orange and pink, a picturesque backdrop to the bond that's been forged between you.

"thanks, billy," you say, sincerity lacing your words. "for teaching me, for being patient."

he smiles, a softness in his expression that contrasts with the rugged exterior, "my pleasure, sweetheart. always want you to be able to take care of yourself."

with the last rays of sunlight fading, you holster the gun, feeling a newfound sense of empowerment. billy wraps an arm around your shoulders, guiding you back towards the homestead. as you walk together, the echoes of gunshots in the ears serve as a reminder that you're not just learning to shoot— you're learning to navigate billy's world, and with his protection, you're sure you'll do just fine.

—reblog and like if you enjoyed, let ur local writer know you like her work !

10 months ago
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1 year ago

Octavia deserved SO much better than how everyone(especially Bellamy) treated her in seasons 5-6. She was instantly being judged because of the bunker without anyone trying to understand what she’d been through and what she’d had to sacrifice or even just showing a little bit of empathy. She was cast aside in season 6 like she was worth nothing with barely anyone caring. And what’s worse is that Bellamy, after he abandoned her, had the audacity to act all sad about it and use that as an excuse for treating Echo like shit. And the only thing Octavia did wrong in season 5 was burn down the farm and even that was understandable. Like a lot of people view it as a decision she made because she was power hungry and I disagree. The bunker is the source of Octavia’s greatest trauma, it represents all the darkest parts of her and it’s the place that forced her into becoming something she never wanted to be so that her people could survive. Of course she’s not going to want to stay there. Octavia needed Wonkru to reach Eden and she needed to be the one to lead them there because if she didn’t then her sacrifice was for nothing, she turned herself into Blodreina for nothing. She needed her sacrifices to mean something good for her people, that she didn’t suffer and that her people didn’t suffer in the bunker for nothing. Ever since Octavia became Osleya, people had been telling her that she was going to be the one to lead them to salvation after the bunker (Gaia in the dark year episode) and Octavia believed that and internalized that and she used that to drive her through those years in the bunker. Octavia was hurt, and she had lost her way, but that didn’t make her evil. It didn’t make her undeserving of redemption or sympathy or understanding and I hate that they treated her that way in season 6.

3 months ago
I Love His Lil Pout 🖤

I love his lil pout 🖤

3 months ago

This man listens to Avril Lavigne in the car btw so imagine what mix he has going on 😂

This Man Listens To Avril Lavigne In The Car Btw So Imagine What Mix He Has Going On 😂

The ironing board kills me.

1 year ago

"Come home to me" kind of love

1 year ago
Art & Photos Are Not Mine - Cr:
Art & Photos Are Not Mine - Cr:
Art & Photos Are Not Mine - Cr:

art & photos are not mine - cr:

♡ top left is Testing the waters by Kim Cogan (2009)

♡ top right is Late Night Shower by Sasha Hartslief (2021)

♡ bottom picture is Interlude by Jeremy Lipking @lipking

~ Lila x

1 year ago
“is This All You Got? They Locked Me Under The Floor For Sixteen Years Just For Being Born!” - Octavia
“is This All You Got? They Locked Me Under The Floor For Sixteen Years Just For Being Born!” - Octavia
“is This All You Got? They Locked Me Under The Floor For Sixteen Years Just For Being Born!” - Octavia
“is This All You Got? They Locked Me Under The Floor For Sixteen Years Just For Being Born!” - Octavia
“is This All You Got? They Locked Me Under The Floor For Sixteen Years Just For Being Born!” - Octavia
“is This All You Got? They Locked Me Under The Floor For Sixteen Years Just For Being Born!” - Octavia
“is This All You Got? They Locked Me Under The Floor For Sixteen Years Just For Being Born!” - Octavia
“is This All You Got? They Locked Me Under The Floor For Sixteen Years Just For Being Born!” - Octavia

“is this all you got? they locked me under the floor for sixteen years just for being born!” - octavia blake

favourite characters one / three the best of the hundred

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arayaturner - Bride of Depravity
Bride of Depravity

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