I Think About This Constantly. Hendrik Is Only 36 Years Old And He’s Endured So Much Trauma, Both Physical

I think about this constantly. Hendrik is only 36 years old and he’s endured so much trauma, both physical and psychological. He was alive for long enough that he has memories of his homeland and of his father teaching him how to dance. I imagine that he was only six or seven years old when Zwaardrust fell. Maybe not old enough to remember everything, but old enough to remember the darkness and the screams and the unyielding terror. At the same time, do you think he remembers waking up alone and scared? Do you think he remembers seeing the helmet of the Helidorian knight that dug his body out of the rubble? Do you think he remembers the shock in their voice when he coughed, when they realised he was still breathing, that he’s alive? Do you think he remembers his own birthday?

Hendrik’s service to Heliodor is simultaneously all he has to live for and a constant reminder of what he lost. If things were just a little different, he never would have been here. But what can he do about it now, y’know? He owes his life to King Carnelian, to Jasper as well frankly. According to the official character book (iirc), he was skin and bones, still crying for his family, and only fell asleep after Jasper shared some sweets with him and read him storybooks. What a privilege to grow up alongside such a patient, ambitious, utterly brilliant prodigy. What a fraud I am, standing next to this genius. Hendrik’s undying dedication to his oath is a fight for his life, for the right to feel as if he’s even worthy enough of a man to fight in the name of Heliodor, of a king who shaped the course of his life in ways he would never imagine.

I also think it’s not unrealistic that his trauma, the consequences of it, and how he’s processed it inadvertently contributed to his rivalry and fallout with Jasper. Obviously that doesn’t make it his fault, but things tend to affect other things like that.

The fall of Dundrasil was probably so horrific for Hendrik. Being knighted as a general afterwards probably felt entirely undeserved. Growing up, training at Puerto Valor, putting his soul into becoming a valiant knight, all for what? To let a kingdom die? He was forced to confront a question he never asked and always feared the answer to.

“If I were stronger, could I have stopped it?” No. No, you couldn’t.

Also I’m sure it wasn’t fun finding out that king carnelian was possessed for at least 16 years and exploited Hendrik’s ignorance of the fact while also exploiting his fractured relationship with his childhood best friend

Do you guys ever think about how Hendrik survived the fall of both Zwaardsrust and Dundrasil? The fact that they both fell due to monster attacks must have been horrible for him.