Of Chess, It Has Been Said That Life Is Not Long Enough For It, But That Is The Fault Of Life, Not Chess.

Aida_diop_1 [ A i d a D i o p ]

📸 by saidmhamadofficial

Here is my controversial mental health take of the day: your negative emotions are not the problem, its the way you handle them that becomes the problem. You being jealous that your friend hung out with someone else and didn't tell you, is actually not the problem. It's when you choose to get angry with them, yell & lash out, or passive aggressively do something they hate to get revenge, or when you ignore them and isolate and self harm, those are all harmful ways to cope with your feelings. Rather than react, take the time to validate yourself, because it's normal to feel jealous or left out and chances are that there are deeper abandonment wounds that are triggered here, probably from your childhood. Take a moment to pause before you react. Then try a direct and open communication to your friend instead. Because I guarantee you they'll respond so much better to you opening up a conversation with, "hey, I felt left out when you hung out with so-and-so without me, can we talk about that? And maybe hang out soon?" Rather than the now laborious and torturous emotional work of having to feel guilty for your rage when you lash out or get revenge. Splitting is normal, because who doesn't get pissed off at someone you're close with? Your switching emotions from highly affectionate to devaluation are not the problem. Everyone gets disgusted & hurt by someone they love at some point in our lives, especially small offenses, I guarantee you chances are that person isn't doing it on purpose and would gladly like to know how you feel, these emotions and conversations are normal and necessary for humans to have. But the inability to clearly and directly communicate your feelings and needs to that person when you are hurt is what makes it toxic. You can absolutely learn how to handle your reactions in a safer manner, how to identify when you're feeling hurt, and how to communicate and ask for clarity and resolution rather than react and escalate. Communication is the backbone of every relationship you will ever have. This is what the emotional work of most personality disorders looks like.

There should be no boundaries to human endeavor. However bad life may seem, while there is life, there is hope.

"Never are voices so beautiful as on a winter's evening, when dusk almost hides the body, and they seem to issue from nothingness with a note of intimacy seldom heard by day."

virginia woolf

You know what. I’m starting a new aesthetic, population me.

Romantic Science, AKA Dark Academia for STEM people.

Thrifting a lab coat and embroidering it with your initials and a little insignia, whose significance is known to you and your lab partner only

Watching The Theory of Everything and The Imitation Game and Hidden Figures and basically every movie about historical scientists and mathematicians you can find

Decorating your desk with old slide rules and vintage lab equipment. Your prize possession is a set of vintage lenses you found at a thrift store

Wanting an articulated human skeleton far, far too much

Getting a set of (brand new, NOT thrifted, be safe ppl) beakers to drink from, and putting them directly onto your stovetop to boil water for tea or coffee, because borosilicate glass can survive anything.

Secretly relating far too much to Henry Jekyll and Victor Frankenstein, because you too want to do a gay little science experiment that challenges god.

Thunderstorms and late nights in the lab, the light of the Bunsen burner glistening off of your flasks and scribbled chalkboard equations

Papering your walls with vintage scientific diagrams; even if you know that our understanding of the world has evolved since they were made, looking back at scientific history is amazing

Writing code late at night and feeling, in some metaphysical way, as though Ada Lovelace herself is with you in spirit

Being far, FAR too obsessed with the concept of emergent ai sentience and how it has the potential to be Frankenstein irl

Looking through a telescope on clear nights, whispering the names of the constellations and stars, painting a star chart on your ceiling in a burst of creative inspiration

Collecting and mounting samples from everywhere you can think of to pore over in an antique microscope

Bringing a field journal wherever you go, learning how to draw and label botanical samples, preserving plants and flowers for study later

Dreaming of what undiscovered mysteries lie in the deepest depths of the sea, feeling the thrill of discovery whenever you learn about a new species and one day hoping to discover one yourself

Just. Romanticise STEM.

It’s crazy when you stop to think about how many times you’ve thought to yourself, “This is it. I just can’t bear to do it anymore. I’m done.” And yet here you are. You’re still breathing, still living, still fighting for joy, for life, for light, for love. And you are loved. For as much as you may be struggling right now, you’re here. You’re strong as hell. Don’t forget it, kid. 

― Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone, This Is How You Lose the Time War

[text ID: I love you. I love you. I love you. I'll write it in waves. In skies. In my heart. You'll never see, but you will know. I'll be all the poets, I'll kill them all and take each one's place in turn, and every time love's written in all the strands it will be to you.]

Dancing bugs. The population of an old pear-tree. 1870. Book cover.

Internet Archive

who up experiencing divine madness

good things to pay attention to more often

the color of trees

clouds and how they look different throughout the day

the different colors the mornings can have. sometimes it's an orange hue and sometimes pink and sometimes it's too misty to tell

pretty color schemes in random places (the trees and your neighbors wooden patio and the color of their car)

the states of the vehicles passing you by, dents and scratches and the different trinkets suspended from their rearview mirrors

the sound of silence

the shadows the lights cast in your home, like how sunset looks different than sunrise, and the shadows the sun casts look different than those of your lamps and candles

pretty details in buildings and houses like certain types of windows or doorknobs or archways

the movement of things in the wind. flags, leaves, flowers, people's hair and coats