"I'll Get A Day Of Community Service If I Swear So Lets Leave It At That" 👀

He was so shocked! 😂

”MATE! Oh my god..”

Nico Rosberg talking about Checo’s mental health, how important a driver’s mentality can be, how it would be stupid to put a rookie in the other red bull, how Hulk has deserved better cars than he got and Hulkstappen friendship, how Hungary has always been one of Lewis’s favourite tracks and talking about his records once again, how he only calls James Vowles by his surname because that’s how James referred to him, how he’s consistently praising drivers rather than criticising them (especially George).

Real F1 commentary is back. Here’s hoping we see more of him this weekend!

merc and ferrari and mclaren and red bull watching pierre go P3

If there's a red bull seat open next year and it doesn't go to Yuki I might go to Milton Keynes and maul Christian Horner and Helmut Marko myself

Q2

Out: Gasly, Albon, Stroll, Ocon, Perez (P15-11)

Tsunoda goes third fastest, Daniel Ricciardo makes it into Q3 just barely (less than a tenth faster than Perez in P11, who had an unfortunate bump on the first chicane)

Verstappen and Leclerc exchange fastest time after fastest time

Imola GP Quali

Q1

Out: Sergeant, Alonso, Magnussen, Zhou, Bottas (P20 to P16)

Oscar Piastri investigated for impeding on Magnussen

Logan Sargeant's lap time deleted for track limits, drops from P17 to P20 :(

Hulkenberg goes third fastest

Both Williams and Alonso hit the gravel, turn 18 also almost caught out Verstappen and Norris

Both Alpines and RBs into Q2!!

Verstappen went fastest in Q1 in the last few seconds

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN I AM HAPPY TO ANNOUNCE THAT LOGAN SARGEANT IS NOW P20 IN THE STANDINGS 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

I was supposed to be going to sleep but I’ve laughed myself back to full wakefulness.

2024 Chinese GP: Recap + Results

Another one! Fair warning that it's the longest one so far, but I blame that on the 3 safety cars

P1 is Max Verstappen, who takes his first Chinese GP win, leading by about 14 seconds!

Yes the car is great, but the guy behind the wheel is also having to deliver - Crofty about Verstappen post-race

Red Bull also sets the fastest pit stop of the race, double stacking Verstappen and Perez under the full safety car and setting 1.9 and 2.0 seconds respectively.

Lando Norris is P2, his best finish since 2023 brazillian GP. He was also voted DOTD, winning just ahead of Hamilton and Alonso, who were also fan favourite picks. He was a little unhappy after he missed out on pitting under the safety car, but all ends well for him.

He [Norris] is not a happy bunny - Crofty, probably, about the missed pit stop

Woop Woop! I told you we would get past the Ferraris. - Norris, after crossing the finish line

Checo Perez places P3, yet another Red Bull double podium! There was an interesting 5 second gap from him to Norris, likely due to Norris having fresher tires. At the beginning though, he pulled some nice moves, regaining his position from Alonso within a few laps of him losing it.

P4 and 5 were the two Ferraris, Leclerc finishing in front of Sainz for the first time this season. They had a bit of a clash at the start, but nothing that the broadcast really focused on.

P6 was George Russell

P7 was Alonso, who was placed on an interesting strategy for the last several laps. He pitted for mediums, allowing him to overtake Ocon, then Hulkenberg, then Hamilton and Piastri.

P8 was Piastri who, keep in mind, has never driven at this circuit before

P9 was Hamilton, who is DOTD in my heart. He struggled with his tires at the start, being only one of four drivers on softs (everyone else on mediums, except Magnussen). He seemed to fare better after pitting for mediums, making his way to finish P9 after starting P18 :)

We also got a few moments of Nico Rosberg trying to be on some sort of wavelength with Lewis while commentating:

He's Lewis Hamilton, so yes he can…get into the points…im sure he'll move up fine - Nico Rosberg

I'm making no ground with this tyre - Lewis Hamilton That's not what we want to hear - Nico Rosberg

I can't even catch him, Mate. This car is so slow. - Lewis Hamilton That's exactly what I was going to say - Nico Rosberg (Lap 17)

P10 was Hulkenberg, yet again managing points for HAAS

P11 was Esteban Ocon

P12 was Alex Albon, who had a complaint about Ocon "moving like a ---- everywhere on the breaks." on Lap 1

P13 was Gasly, who set the slowest pit stop (19.3 sec) after an incident in the pits where a loose tire hit a mechanic when he was set to be released.

Is he okay? - Pierre Gasly All good here Pierre - Alpine

An unfortunate no-points finish for Zhou, who places P14 at his home GP, but still a very emotional day for him.

This is a dream to me as a kid, so thanks for all the Chinese fans here and back home watching TV and thank you to my team…let's keep working. - Zhou Guanyu, after he gets out of the car

Sauber, as always, had issues with their pit stops. Zhou's first one was quick compared to their previous ones, at only 3.0 seconds, but his stop under the physical safety car was the second slowest at 5.3 seconds.

He had a short fight against Sargeant and picked up some damage after contact with Magnussen near the end, losing his front wing end plate in the process, which couldn't have helped his position.

P15 was Magnussen, who always seems to be at the scene of the crime. He also picked up a 10 second penalty for infringing on the safety car.

P16 was Stroll, after picking up a 10 second penalty for causing a collision. He also had a battle for 16th with Magnussen, which was pretty interesting.

P17 was Sargeant, who was doing pretty well for the most part. Then, he stacked up a 10 second penalty for the same reason as Magnussen.

DNFS

The first yellow flag was also the first DNF of the race, caused by Bottas whose engine reportedly failed. The FIA changed the yellow flag to a virtual safety car, then a full safety car, all within a minute or two. Truly a testament to their amazing decision making skills.

The second yellow flag was caused by Yuki Tsunoda's spin out at lap 27, after contact with Kevin Magnussen that led to Tsunoda having to DNF and Magnussen going into the pits for a punctured tire.

Just minutes later, his teammate also DNFs, as Stroll collides with the back of Daniel Ricciardo's RB under the safety car. This was likely due to the fact that Ricciardo was the only one who hadn't pitted for fresh tires during the last safety car, as well as the fact that he was trying to avoid bumping Piastri, who was trying to avoid Russell, who was trying to avoid Alonso. Stroll recieved a 10 second penalty for causing a collision, but Daniel retired on lap 33 after reporting floor damage.

This idiot just slammed on the brake! Check wing damage - Lance Stroll

I've got no fucking rear on exits - Daniel Ricciardo

Before that though, his drive was going "superb" (in the words of Nico Rosberg), as he was P9 and had made a switcheroo overtake on his teammate at turn 3.

F1 drivers and constellations I'm assigning them

2019 rookies - the Summer Triangle (ik this isn't a constellation just keep reading)

Lando Norris - Aquila (The Eagle)

The constellation is easy to spot, flying opposite the celestial Swan (Cygnus). It's located in the fourth quadrant of the northern hemisphere.

Its bright star is Altair, which forms the 'Summer Triangle' with the bright stars of Cygnus and Lyra.

Alex Albon - Lyra (Lyre)

Lyra is a small constellation that lies in the northern sky. The constellation was often depicted as a vulture or an eagle carrying Orpheus’ lyre in its wings or beak, and called “the falling eagle” or “falling vulture.”

Vega, it's brightest star, was the first star other than the Sun to be photographed.

George Russell - Cygnus (The Swan)

Cygnus is also sometimes identified as Orpheus, who was transformed into a swan after his passing and placed next to his lyre in the sky. The lyre is represented by the neighboring constellation Lyra.

Charles Leclerc - Columba (The Dove)

The constellation’s original name was Columba Noachi, meaning “Noah’s dove.” It was named after the bibical dove that was sent from the Ark to see if there is any dry land left after the Great Flood. The bird returned holding an olive branch in its beak, signalling that the flood was receding.

Lewis Hamilton - Phoenix

Ovid wrote in his Metamorphoses that the Phoenix lived for 500 years. When it reached the end of its life span, the phoenix would build itself a nest, then ignite it and meet its end in the fire. A new bird would be born from the ashes.

Daniel Ricciardo - Apus (Bird of Paradise)

Apus is a small constellation in the southern sky. It represents a bird-of-paradise, and its name means "without feet" in Greek because the bird-of-paradise was once wrongly believed to lack feet. 

Max Verstappen - Leo (The Lion)

Leo represents the lion and is usually associated with the Nemean lion in Greek mythology, who lived in a cave near a town and set upon the local inhabitants. It could not be defeated because of it's impenetrable golden fur.

Carlos Sainz - Hercules

Hercules is the fifth largest constellation in the sky, but has no first magnitude stars. It is named after the Roman hero, who had to carry out a series of tasks, one being the slaughter of the Nemean lion. He only managed to kill it by trapping it in it's cave and strangling it with his bare hands.

Might continue this but I'm not quite sure what to put for the others so drop suggestions

Anybody that's feeling worried about Daniel's current quali performance and in particular his gap to Yuki (especially after having to listen to Will Buxton repeat every ten minutes on last weekend's broadcast that "Daniel's average quali gap to Yuki is the exact same as NDV's") needs to have a look at this brilliant data analysis by u/tomedunn on reddit.

Obviously Daniel ideally still needs to find a decent chunk of time vs Yuki in quali, but it's nowhere near as dire as Buxton (and many others) are making it out to be, and I think it does also corroborate Daniel's claim that this is not in any way a McL situation.