My Eating Disorder Has Been Rearing Its Ugly Head, So Have This Thing I Wrote To Distract Myself From

My eating disorder has been rearing its ugly head, so have this thing I wrote to distract myself from feeling sick while I put myself back together a little.

Note and Warning: This is solely my experience with something of this nature, Eating Disorders can show in all kinds of different ways

Xeno glances at his watch, a frown pressing into his face. It was rare that he was the one ready to eat first. Usually, it's you who comes and drags him away from his work for a meal. But today, something was off.

Actually, something has been off for a few days now.

Three meals a day had fallen to two, an almost absurd amount of time passing between your breakfast and dinner. He'd been a little concerned, but hadn't thought much else about it. You both were busy, it was expected that schedules would change.

But then weren't eating at all.

No breakfast, no lunch, no dinner, not even little snacks. All the food the two of you kept has been untouched by you for two days.

Now, Xeno was worried.

Were you ill? Had he missed something?

He pushes away from his workstation, scanning the room that was otherwise empty of people, wondering if maybe you were waiting for him and he just hadn't noticed you. But no, he was definitely alone.

The sun had fallen some time ago, leaving the colony to be lit by artificial light and the soft glow of the moon above.

He asks Luna and her two young devotees as he passes them if they'd seen you all day. Luna confirms that you'd been out and about as normal, commenting that you looked at bit rough, though in that same breath, she claims that you'd insisted you were fine.

He thanks them, and continues on, moving a little faster now.

He should have been more mindful, should have paid more attention. You were in bad enough shape that others had noticed, yet it had slipped right past him. What a fool he was to neglect you in this way.

He pushes his way into your shared living quarters, calling your name as he does.

"Welcome home!" You're absolutely beaming at him when he turns the corner to find you curled on the small makeshift sofa. You hop to your feet and meet him partway as he lurches to reach you.

"Are you alright?" He asks, taking your face in his hands, trying not to grimace at what he sees.

You did indeed look rough.

"Oh, yeah, I'm fine," You say, tone a little confused.

"Good," He says. "Are...you hungry?"

There's a pause, a flicker of something in your eyes.

"No, not really."

Surely, that was a lie. There was no way you'd eaten recently at all, not with how haggard you looked, or how your body was shaking.

"When was the last time you ate?" He asks.

You avert your eyes, gaze flitting around to look at everything else but him. Guilt presses into your face.

"I had some water earlier," You say.

"Water is not food, my love," He says. "When was the last time you had food?"

Another long pause. It makes his chest ache at how long it takes you to answer a question that should not be this hard.

"I dunno."

That wasn't good. That wasn't good at all. The human body couldn't sustain itself without proper nutrition.

His mind starts racing, searching for numbers, reports, and facts that he could use to figure out what was happening to you.

The colony wasn't lacking on food. There were plenty of cows and corn and other things they'd been growing. If something had gone wrong in that department, he'd have known a long time ago.

So then, were you choosing not to eat? But why? Was it an image issue? A health problem you hadn't disclosed? A mental disorder? All of the above?

"Xee?"

If his calculations were correct, you likely hadn't eaten anything in at least a day, if not two. A full meal would cause you to be ill. So what was the best way to go about this?

"Xee!"

Something small, first. Finger foods. Something you could eat one or two of at a time.

"Xeno!"

He'd have to monitor you. Perhaps he should take the day tomorrow to help you reorient your body before you passed out and got hurt. The colony would survive without him for a short while. You were far more important.

"Xeno Wingfield!"

He snaps back into focus, zeroing in on you instantly. He could almost laugh at how you looked like the worried one.

"My love," He says. "I'm concerned about you."

"I'm alright, Xee, really."

How could you look so calm? How could you act like this was of no consequence? He couldn't understand it.

"How often do you starve yourself?" He asks. "How has it gone past my notice for so long?"

"I..." You hesitate, looking away from him. A large part of him wants to get angry, to demand your answer faster. But he couldn't do that to you, not when you were clearly already having a hard time.

His poor darling, he just wished you'd said something.

"I was getting better," You finally say.

"So this is some kind of relapse?" He asks.

"I guess? It's kind of hard to explain."

"Please try. The more I understand the better I can help you," He presses his lips to your forehead, hoping his small act of affection works as the encouragement he intended.

"It's started in high school. You remember what it was like back then. Everyone was mean and judgemental, and I didn't feel like I was enough. So I stopped eating, for a really long time. And no one helped me. My parents missed it, my siblings missed it, my friends missed it, I was totally on my own."

You sigh, rubbing your eyes, then continue.

"I was sick a lot because of it, and I think that's what finally shook me out of it a little bit. I was tired of being ill and exhausted and miserable all the time."

"Did you get treatment?" He asks, fearing he already knew the answer.

"Xee, come on, you met my parents before we were all petrified. What do you think?" You say it with a laugh, but neither of you really think it's funny.

He kisses you again, just under your eye. He didn't know what else to do, or what else to say. He just wanted you to know that you were cared for in this moment.

"Anyway," You say. "I eventually got things back in decent order, but I guess...I'm sliding back down the metaphorical hill."

"It's alright, my love. Slide as far as you need, I'm here to help you regain lost ground," He says, pressing a few more featherlight kisses to your face before pulling you close to hold you in his arms.

There are no tears as he holds you, no sniffles or weepy words. You seem so utterly numb to the situation, that he's certain this isn't the first time it's happened.

"Let's have dinner," He says. "And tomorrow, we'll spend the day together."

"I can't just have a whole meal, Xee. I'll get sick."

Ah. He was indeed right in thinking this wasn't your first rodeo with relapsing into your disorder.

"I know, my darling. I'll make you something small and easy to digest for tonight. We'll work together on returning you to eating full meals over the next couple of days," He says, already making mental checklists and plans for the future.

He'd have to get Stanley involved. He'd need his trusted friend to look after things while Xeno took the day off tomorrow. Stanley would also be the perfect person to have keep an eye on you, to make sure you were making progress. He'd tell Xeno the moment you needed aid.

There was a worry of embarassing you, though. So perhaps he'd bring up that possibility later. For now, you needed food, more water, and rest.

More Posts from Annarobszombies and Others

1 month ago

could I request touchstarved Gen Asagiri headcanons please? And thank you

Of course

Touchstarved Headcanons: Gen Asagiri

x gn!reader

General:

Pre-petrification Gen hates being touched

Sure, he'll shake hands and give weak hugs on TV, but if given the choice, he'd stay at least an arms length away

After his revival, he continues to avoid unnecessary touch as much as possible.

Though...those pats on his back when he does a good job are awfully nice, aren't they?

With His Partner:

It takes time to process how much he likes it when you touch him

For someone so observant, it goes over his head entirely that he's that severely starved for physical affection

But then you hug him. Full on, arms around him, bodies pressed together, face in his neck, and it finally clicks

You are the only person allowed to put their hands on him. He's tested it, no one else feels as good

Comes to you at the end of the day just to lay his head on your lap or on your chest and have you hold him.

After he loses the petrification scar on his face, he will have you be the one to draw it back on just so that he has an excuse to have his face in your hands

Can, has, and will continue to stick his hands under your shirt to feel more of you (also, he loves how you squeal when his fingers are cold he's a fiend)

Cold days are his favorite because it means he gets to be as close to you as possible all day with the excuse of wanting to stay warm

"I just can't help you over there today, I need to stick with my sweetheart so that I don't freeze to death."

If you share a bed, expect to go to sleep with his back facing you only to wake up with him literally on top of you

It's entirely unconscious, he seeks your touch even in his dreams

Deeply enjoys quiet early morning cuddle time, especially when you rest your head on his chest and just run your hands all over him

But be careful. He's surprisingly ticklish


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1 month ago

HELLO THIS IS 🩐 AGAIN!!! ANNND I have a request!

I've seen about your ukyo x mermaid!reader and it got me thinking I have some fics with the same theme, hear me out!!

Mermaid reader that live in the middle of the ocean, like an orca mermaid following other orcas and migrating peacefully until A DAMN GIGANTE BROWN THING APPEARS OUT OF NOWHERE IN THE SEA???? Mermaid!reader gets like: "???wtf is that, I never seen or heard of anything like that in my entire life" and then proceeds to approach the gigant brown thing that floats and moves strangely fast for something that doesn't has fins. Reader keeps approaching carefully and alert to any signs of aggression til the point she can touch the giant thing and realizes it's not something alive, it doesn't react to touch or any contact at all. She was thinking about what in the damn seas could that be when she hears noises that look like something communicating up on the surface. She emerged and started to follow the sound, noticing it comes from even above. (Skipping some stuff to get straight to the point I want , but I'm sure you know what happened in the meantime 🙏)

After finding a hole in the structure, reader was FINALLY able to see what was inside the floating island. That's when she sees the Kos talking in a barely recognizable language, it did ring a bell but it sounded odd at the same time, reader could only catch some words here and there, something about fish, catching, food, etc. She was trying to figure more words when Gen noticed a little face peaking from from the side of the Perseus, pearls eyes watching carefully while they talked, he could recognize the look of curiosity in those eyes, and he kept looking out for them, to curious to pay attention to the conversation. That's until Senku also find the light pink eyes stalking them. Reader jumped straight into the waters and submerged to keep hidden from the strange creatures, hiding down the boat hull (don't know if the spell is correct) when she sees heads looking around in the water, looking for her.

She didn't know if they were dangerous, but surely the curiosity was getting into her to follow them and see where they want to go.

(ok, I gotta go back to studying for my exams now :D, wish me luck on that. Also, do you think I should start posting my own ideas? I don't know if my writing is good enough for that 😔. Hope you have a good day!!)

Okay first of all. Fantastic concept I genuinely love it

Secondly

Yes. All of this yes. PLEASE start sharing more of your ideas I want to see them!!!

She keeps following the ship, stealing glances at the strange creatures wandering around it when she can. The more she observes them, the more she thinks perhaps she has heard of them. Stories told by her elders of Those That Walk On Two Legs.

But those things disappeared long before she was born! What were so many of them doing on the water like this?

One night, she gets brave, and taps on the small window to get someone's attention. No one comes at first, so she tries again.

Hyoga is the one on my mind currently as I write this, so let's say he's the one to finally open the window and look to see what was going on. And he just sees her staring back up at him with those big eyes, and has no idea what to do.

Sure, he could be dreaming. But he didn't remember going to bed in the first place. And if he pinched himself, he'd find he was very much awake.


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4 months ago

Rewatching MHA and remembering the Hawks x oc fic I started but never finished or posted.


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1 month ago

Saw you have a birthday so congratulations!

(ノ ^ω^)ăƒŽâˆ â€»ă€‚.:*:・'°☆

I wish you have awesome birthday and lots of happy things to come across today + in the future of course!

Thank you!!!

I've got lots of writing for these amazing Dr STONE requests to do this weekend, and honestly the fact that I have so many people who enjoy my constant yapping and are being so patient with me while I work on them all has been a blessing in and of itself <3


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2 months ago

I haven't released the fic yet, but here's another little thing for Senku and the OC I wrote for him

The first time Senku sees her, it's a picture swiped from a picture frame she claims no one will notice missing. It's a group photo, and her letter challenges him to guess which one of the four girls she was.

He picks her out instantly.

He doesn't know too much about her yet at this point, but from what little he does know, he's certain the girl who looks like she sleeps far less than was healthy was his Odie.

When he sends his response, along with a photocopy of the picture with her face circled in bright red marker, he makes the point to tell her that she should take more naps, joking that she looked worse than he did after staying up all night working on his rocket.

Hard to do when there's so much noise in my house.

He doesn't quite understand what that means until a few months later, during one of their first phone calls.


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1 month ago

I'm exhausted

Fill my ask box with questions for me to answer in the morning while I work on these last few requests I have in my drafts

okay goodnight


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1 month ago

loved depressed reader x stanxeno.

could u maybe do a depressed or mentally ill reader x gen? If ur comfortable w it ofc. my therapist <3 đŸ« 

The idea that I could be a therapist is objectively hilarious.

I'm struggling to make words work, so I'm gonna do headcanons for this, if that's okay

Gen picks up on your shift in mood immediately

Your eyes lose that familiar sparkle, you move like your limbs are far too heavy

You stop eating.

You still plaster a smile on your face, but it stretches too far.

Overcompensating for the lack of light in your gaze.

Gen has studied human psychology, but he isn't a professional when it comes to depression

All he has is his own personal experience with it

So he'll first try to help you using methods that has helped him in the past

That means no being alone for you.

If you try to go through your usual day, Gen is your shadow

If you can't get out of bed, he fakes a cough to stay in with you

He finds ways to help you keep your hands and mind busy

He teaches you card tricks, helps you gather simple materials for science work, and convinces Suika and Kohaku to teach you both how to make flower crowns and other small crafts

This doesn't mean he's smothering you with his attention.

If you need space, he's happy to give it, but he's just right over there, okay? If you need him, he'll come right back.

Figures out the best way to manipulate you into eating food/drinking water and does it throughout the day just to make sure you're still getting proper nutrition

Peppers you with soft kisses throughout the day

"Have I told you how much I adore you, today?"

"No? How errible-tay of me. Let me just get my list-"

His biggest goal is to make you laugh and smile at least once before you go to bed

If you tell him you feel like a burden to him, your friends, or the Kingdom of Science in general, Gen is quick to assure you as best he can

He understands, really, he does

He knows that feeling of drowning very well

And he knows there are others within the KoS that get it, too.

There is nothing wrong with needing extra care

He'll always be here for you, day or night, rain or shine

He loves you, so much

Even if you don't love yourself


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1 month ago

Hello!😊 i've seen that you accept requests so if it's ok with you, could you write a smut fic of a polyamorous relationship with Ryusi x Stanley with reader? And if it's not too much to ask, could you include some headcanons about the relationship. Thank u

I love your stories đŸ„°

Oh God the personality clash between those two is insane I love it

I'll do both for you, as best I can ^-^

x gn!Reader (i tried, anyway)

Warning: NSFW material

Let's start with some headcanons:

The three of you are certainly something

Ryusui and Stanley both have intense personalities, so they can be a little hard for you to keep reigned in

Ryusui is greedy, while Stanley is selfish

But they make it work

You mellow both of them out a little, which definitely helps

But look

They are

So good to you

Protective and doting

Ryusui's enthusiasm is infectious, and he can get Stanley just as excited about something as he is (even if the soldier keeps his expression relatively neutral)

It was 100% Ryusui's idea to pull you into the relationship

He's greedy, he wants everyone, especially you and Stanley

Ryusui spoils you and Stanley both

Mans has money money

He can afford whatever either of you want

Stanley is the one to insist you all live together

He wants you and Ryusui close at all times

So he can protect you both

His certified loverboy tendencies come out so badly with you and Ryusui

Both of them like to touch you and each other as often as possible

You and Ryusui get Scary Boyfriend privilege

They are two of the horniest men you could get with, so I hope you're ready for that

Now, on to the smut! (It's the beginning of your relationship :3)

Your day had started so normally. You’d woken up, had breakfast, and helped with work around the Kingdom of Science. Then, you’d had lunch, and wandered to the shooting range where Stanley and Ryusui had been working together all day. When you’d shown up, all smiles and an easy going attitude, both of them gave you their full attention. 

After that is a little blurry. Stanley offered to teach you, standing close with his hands on your hips and waist, nudging your feet with his so that you stand the right way. Ryusui at some point also got in your space, touching your arms and hands. Someone kisses you, you don’t remember who, and words of pure filth are whispered in your ear. 

You hadn’t even known they were friends, nevertheless lovers. Nor had you ever thought that they would add you of all people to the whole thing. Regardless, here you were. 

Sat with Ryusui’s face between your legs, Stanley’s hands everywhere else. 

Your whole body feels like it’s been electrified, every kiss and lick from Ryusui sending shockwaves of pleasure through you. Stanley mutters praise in your ear encouraging you to roll your hips and fuck Ryusui’s face while he watched from his spot behind you. 

You shudder, moaning as you’re pulled closer and closer to the edge of pleasure. But just before you can reach that peak, Stanley reaches around to tap at Ryusui, halting the other man in his mission to devour you whole. 

“No-wait-” You whine. Ryusui catches the hand you reach out to him with, holding it in his own and pressing wet kisses to your fingertips. Stanley kisses along your neck and shoulder, soothing you in his own way.

“We aren’t done,” Stanley promises. “Just getting started.” 

Ryusui surges forward, capturing your lips with his, the taste of you heavy on his tongue. Your arms wrap around him, pulling him closer. A gasp escapes you when Stanley’s hand slides between your legs, replacing Ryusui’s mouth with dexterous fingers. 

You jolt when teeth sink into your shoulder, your pained whine swallowed by Ryusui’s enthusiastic kisses. 

It’s all too much. Ryusui’s lips, Stanley’s hands, both of their bodies pressed against yours, it could drive a person mad. They were driving you to the edge of pleasure and insanity, and this time, they let you fall. The pressure that’s been building low in your gut breaks, your orgasm rushing through you with moans of their names. You must cry for Stanley first, though, as you can feel Ryusui pouting against your mouth. 

You’re still recovering when your body is shifted, your back hitting the soft bed below you. Your legs are hiked up, and Ryusui hovers over you. 

“Again,” He demands. “I want you to come again!” His cock slides inside you before you can reply, pulling a moan from you instead. You can’t see Stanley anymore, but you can feel his eyes. The intensity in which he stares as Ryusui fucks you makes you shiver. 

Ryusui buries his face into your shoulder, his tongue tracing over the indents left behind by Stanley’s teeth before he kisses the spot, and moves to your other side to leave marks of his own on your soft flesh. He doesn’t bite nearly as hard as Stanley, but he leaves a trail of spots that are sure to turn into hickies by morning all along your neck.

That familiar pressure builds, your moans turning to borderline whimpers as another orgasm threatens to crash over you. Ryusui grins against the side of your face, his fingers gripping your waist tighter, hips slamming into yours until that thread snaps a second time, and you’re clawing at his back as you come a second time. 

Your body shakes with overstimulation, your chest heaving with hard pants. You feel Ryusui pull out, the warmth of his own release covering the inside of your thighs. You let your eyes close, throwing your arm over your face as you try desperately to pull yourself back together a little bit. 

A grunt, and the feeling of someone collapsing next to you has your eyes snapping back open, your head turning in time to see Stanley pressing Ryusui face down into the mattress. His sharp eyes find yours, a smirk on his face.

“You rest a minute,” He says, leaning over to kiss you quickly. “But if you think I’m done with either of you, you’re dead fuckin’ wrong.”


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1 month ago

Hi! Would you like to write reader trying to arrange a nice romantic free day for Stanley and Xeno? Those two are so workaholics (especially Xeno with his eye bags!!!!) that I bet they rarely have a full free 24 hour day to relax and the reader just wants to do their best to get those two have at least one 👏work👏free👏day!

Love your writings and wishing the day treats you well 🌾

They need a vacation (and so do I)

It takes you several days, but finally, you manage it. You get up earlier than Stanley. 

He’d always been an early riser, up no later than 5:30 AM every day in the old world, but in the stone world, he’d been getting up even earlier. Sometimes, before the sun even considers rising. 

But not today. Today, he was still in bed when you wiggle free of him and Xeno and scurry as quietly as you can from the bedroom and into the living space of your tiny home. 

They’d been so terribly exhausted, the weight of building a whole colony sitting on both of their shoulders. But it was time the rest of those who lived in this compound with you pulled more of their own weight. So they were staying home today. They didn’t know it yet, but you were going to make sure it happened. 

You  had it all planned out. You were going to make them breakfast in bed, then you were going to talk to them about your worries about their overwork, and inform them that they had the day off. You’d already talked to Brody, and he had been more than happy to step up to keep things in order for today. There was nothing for Xeno and Stanley to worry about. Anything that came up could wait until tomorrow, and if it truly couldn’t, then you’d let them go.

Thankfully, the door doesn’t make a single sound as you slip through it and out into the pre-dawn dimness. The apartments in the living quarters didn’t have individual kitchens, so you were going to have to make a run for the one downstairs, where the dining hall was. If Stanley woke up and found you gone, he’d worry. And if he worried, Xeno would worry, and the next thing you knew, you’d have both of them tearing the colony apart looking for you. 

The kitchens are quiet, since the only people awake other than you were the guards along the perimeters of the colony. No one would be in here to begin preparing to feed everyone else for at least another hour, if not longer.

You had to be careful here, though. Wasting food could get you in trouble, even if you were one of Xeno’s partners, so you’d have to make something simple and easy. 

You work quickly, gathering everything you’d need and setting about your task at making breakfast for your exhausted lovers who were hopefully still asleep a few floors above. You try to ignore how much the sun has risen by the time you’re done, as well as the dirty looks the designated cook shoots at you when you burst out of the kitchen with the food you’d just made.

You take the stairs back up two at a time, chest heaving with hard pants. It had taken so much longer than you’d planned, and there was absolutely no way both of them weren’t up and wondering where you’d gone. 

Entering the apartment is a bit of a louder affair than when you’d left, the door swinging open startling Xeno who was, in fact, awake and had been standing in the living space. Stanley was nowhere to be seen, but you can hear the sound of water running through the rudimentary pipes, so you think he must be bathing.

“Darling,” Xeno says, approaching you with a smile. “There you are.”

“I was hoping to be back sooner,” You say, a pout sliding onto your expression. He chuckles, leaning in to press a kiss to the side of your face. 

“It’s alright. I take it this is for us?” He asks, hands reaching for the containers of food in your hands.

“Yeah. It was supposed to be given to you in bed, but I guess I missed my chance for that,” You say. Xeno hums, opening the containers to take a look inside. 

“Can I ask why it was so important to serve it in bed?” He asks, closing them and heading to the tiny countertop to help you dish out everything onto the clay dining plates. 

“I just
wanted you and Stan to have a chance to relax for a day. You’ve both been working so hard, and I can tell it’s been really rough on you both,” You mumble, face flushing a bit at the admission. Xeno pauses in his movements, head turning so that he can look at you. 

“Is that so?” He murmurs, more to himself, you think, than to you. Regardless, you nod a bit shyly. 

Xeno takes a breath, as if about to speak, when a pair of hands slip around your waist, Stanley’s weight pressing into your back, lips against your neck. His hair was still wet, and you could smell the soap on him. 

“What am I missin’?” He asks, his accent slipping from his lips just slightly. 

“It seems all three of us were on the same page, and somehow didn’t even realize it,” Xeno says. You look at him with surprise, eyebrows raising. 

“Yeah?” Stanley hums, pressing another kiss to your neck, then to your shoulder.

“Mm. Our darling was so worried about how much we’d been working, that they wanted to surprise us with a day off,” Xeno says. 

“Hah. And here we were, thinkin’ they needed a break,” Stanley chuckles. 

It clicks in your head finally. All of you had been working hard. All of you had been paying more attention to each other than yourselves. 

A laugh bubbles out of you, your head shaking. 

“What is it they say about great minds?” You tease, grinning. 

“They think alike. And I do believe it’s true,” Xeno says, shuffling closer to the two of you. One of Stanley’s hands release you, reaching instead to grab at Xeno and pull him into the shared embrace. 

“I had so many things planned for us today,” You say, squirming free so that you can start taking the plates of food to the small dining table the three of you had, the two of them following after you with utensils and cups of water. 

“Like what?” Stanley asks. 

“Breakfast in bed, some time by the water, oh-I found this little patch of grass just outside the borders of the colony that looked like it had some great flowers that we could collect to make more natural dyes,” You recount your admittedly vague plans, both lovers listening intently.

“I was hoping to test some modifications I made for Stanley’s rifle,” Xeno hums. “Perhaps we can squeeze that in between swimming and flower collecting.” 

“ ‘s long as I get to take a nap at some point today, I don’t give a shit what we do,” Stanley says, shoving food in his mouth with little celebration. 

“We all need extra sleep,” Xeno says. 

“Let’s take a blanket or something when we go look at the flowers,” You say. “We can pack a whole picnic or something, and nap together under the clouds.” 

“That sounds perfectly elegant, darling.”

“I’ll make sure we have our new fancy stone world sunscreen, otherwise Xee might just die.” 

“Stanley, please, my skin is not that sensitive-”

“You were a lobster for a week after the first time we went to the beach back in the old world. You need sunscreen.”


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1 month ago

Stanley Snyder is a certified loverboy no you cannot change my mind


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annarobszombies - Words, Words, Worlds
Words, Words, Worlds

Local Cryptid with chronic brainrot. I take fic requests

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