Angryoryx - We Smokin' Penis

So long Tumblr, the tiddy is gone

Choreography for some of these parts are actually better than a lot of big budget Hollywood movies. Also you can actually see the damn action instead of a 100 jumpcuts and shakey cam

haters will hear me rummaging around the university laboratories and say christ what is that

My name is Derek and work nightshift, why am I so targeted

I love the Hive and they’re very scary and excellent villains and all, but also, they’re objectively hilariosly stupid, and, emotionally, a mess.

The Osmium dynasty’s backstory reads like a particularly sardonic episode of the Golden Girls. Oryx writes an entire poem about how proud of his daughters he is.

Savathûn, the only sibling of the Primeval Three to hold a braincell, canonically says “humdinger”, and bounces her sinister schemes off of confused children she pulls from murder-class. Because she can. Imagine you’re 5 and you’re learning arts and class and the president calls you to the White House and tells you about her really sneaky plan to trick an entire other country and also commit tax fraud and pay off the national debt.

Xivu Arath is objectively a herbo jock, but figures out how to open portals and space time before either of her objectively genius-IQ sorceror siblings do bc she happened to go “haha sword goes swoosh swoosh” just right one day and open a spacebridge with her godly powers.

The siblings used to prank oneanother by just. Blowing up the other’s ENTIRE FUCKING ARMADA if one ever let their guard down and exposed their flank.

While Oryx and Savathûn have been having conniptions and enduring losses trying to kill the Traveler and outwit and overpower the Guardians, Xivu Arath has CANONICALLY just been off terrorizing the entire Cabal Empire for centuries and winning at it.

They’re so almost eldritchly brilliant and frightening but they’re also. So stupid.

Oryx replaced one of his own teeth with an arts-and-crafts project his daughter did when she was a kid, and that’s CANON.