Aneternallyexhaustedpigeon - Living For The Smut

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Loving Hajun

Was loving someone supposed to be so hard? Trying to be angsty and a lil' bit fluff. I don't have a proofreader so enjoy this in it's raw, uncut glory.

Loving Hajun was easy. Almost too easy, as if he was part of your very existence that had been missing until the moment you found each other. After dating him for almost a year, loving him had evolved into the most unbearable pain. Every single "I love you." was met with silence and a lowered gaze as he couldn't look you in the eye whenever you openly expressed your love for him. After spending countless nights begging the universe for Hajun to tell you that he loved you as you wept from the gut-wrenching sorrow you had slowly become mired in, you knew. You couldn't bear to love him any longer. There was no pain in the world that could equal the ache you felt in your heart at the realization that you would need to let him go before you lost yourself.

Before your heartbreaking realization you were constantly over at Hajun's place, either playing with his little brothers or even helping take care of the puppy that Hajun had recently adopted. Hajun had become accustomed to coming home and finding you in the middle of cooking or washing dishes as if you belong there. Your parents joked that you were practically living the married life already. Which would have been a dream come true, if only Hajun loved you…

After several days of crying in your bed at your parent's home, you knew that this would be the day you would be saying goodbye to the one man who you loved more than life itself. Hajun was surprised when you didn't walk right into his home after opening the door upon hearing a timid knock at the door. "..Why didn't you just come in, y/n..?" Hearing your name almost broke you, Hajun's voice was raspy from just waking up while you had not been able to sleep at all last night. Tears filled your eyes in seconds as you were unable to look at his face while you sniffled before taking a steadying breath. "Thi-this isn't working out.. I-I think we should break up…" Your voice was barely louder than a whisper while doing your best to not start openly weeping from the knife you drove in your own heart from the words you brought into existence. Muted silence grew between you as you waited for Hajun to say something, anything. It didn't seem like anything would be said as the moment started to last minutes longer than expected, Hajun really didn't love you. Tears poured silently from your eyes as you turned away from the man you held so dearly in your heart.

"You.. Said you loved me.." Hajun's voice was soft, filled with hurt as he couldn't bear the sight of you walking away from him. Not like this. You paused as you looked to the ceiling, doing your best not to scream that you would rather die than live without him. "I- I love you s-s-s'much. So damn much…" You wiped at the tears still falling in an endless stream from your eyes, frustrated that you couldn't be more mature at a time like this. "But.. You don't love me, Hajun.."

"I never said that. I would…" Hajun paused while tentatively wrapping his arms around you and resting his head on your shoulder. "I would never say that I don't love you." You couldn't help from shaking from the intensity of your emotions. Wait, no.. You weren't shaking, Hajun was shaking! His whole body was trembling as he held you from behind, you could feel hot tears soaking your shoulder. Your hands gently gripped his own before you turned to look at him, face to face. You had never seen Hajun look so upset, you felt another fresh wave of tears overcome you as you softly brushed the tears from Hajun's cheeks with the sleeve of your shirt. "Don't cry, please. I can't bear to see you cry… I love you, Hajun." Hajun's eyes closed tight as more tears slipped out and he looked away from you for a second before taking in a deep breath before looking you in the eye.

"I love you…" Hajun's response was all you ever wanted but now it felt like you must have wanted it so long that you misheard what he had actually said. "Wh-what did you say?" "I love you." "I love you." "I love you." Hajun pulled you close and continued to whisper 'I love you' into your hair as you wept into his chest. He loved you. Hajun loved you too this whole time.

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