Me In History Class

My (non inclusive) Top Moments In Early American History

- George Washington naming his dogs shit like Sweet Lips

- Aaron Burr lighting himself on fire while trying to light a candle with a gun

- America ever winning in the revolution because we were a fucking mess

- Alexander Hamilton hiding behind Henry Knox at Yorktown when a shell burst near the tent

- Congress not finding John Adams a home in New York, forcing him to live with John Jay for like two months

- Lafayette not noticing he got shot in the leg

- John Adams taking the job of presiding over the senate seriously

- Abigail Motherfucking Adams

- Thomas Jefferson breaking his wrist trying to impress a girl

- The Hamilton family basically having three names that they rotated between kids

- Jefferson inviting Madison to come live with him at Monticello and Madison responding by basically saying he needed a year to think about it and never broaching the subject again

- Literally nobody knowing shit about Monroe

- Hamilton making a bet that he would buy dinner for a dozen delegates at the Constitutional Convention if Gouverneur Morris went up and clapped Washington on the back, which he did, and was subsequently given a glare that made him want to sink into the floor

- Washington actually cutting down two cherry trees

- Admiral de Grasse calling Washington “mon cher petit général”

- Aaron Burr trying to annex Texas and being tried for treason

- the Merry Affair

- Thomas Jefferson procrastinating in calling in Virginia militia, which forced him to flee Richmond when Benedict Arnold swept the capital

- “One hundred and eighty miles in three days and a half. It does admirable credit to the activity of a man at his time of life.” - Alexander Hamilton talking about Horatio Gates abandoning his army at Camden

- Baron Von Stueben showing up at Valley Forge with an Italian greyhound and his gaggle of little French boyfriends

- Baron Von Stueben cussing out the soldiers in French, leaving Hamilton and Laurens to translate

- Baron Von Steuben

- Jefferson being given a 1000 pound wheel of cheese, which no “federalist cows” were allowed to contribute to

Such an AMAZING match!

oh ruby’s pouring pouring

Benny's Dispatch

Benny: Honk your horn if you want it!

Me: *honks aggressively*

;)

hamilton: exists

laurens: what the heck i gotta do to be with you

Horatio's favorite thing to eat are Danishes.

The legacy I leave is for all eternity