I Already Know I’m Yours. Still, You Should Prove It To Me 🐯

sometimes there’s this…

Imagine me softly jerking you off, my hand over your mouth muffling your moans.

Usually, I’d love to hear you darling, but today, I want to see how quiet you can be.

I want to touch your pretty cock until you cant take it anymore, looking at me, begging for permission to cum.

this is what edging feels like to me. It’s like I’m standing on this precipice and at any moment something you say or do could be the thing that tips me over the edge. If you touched me tonight I would probably cum instantly

Imagine keeping yourself in low sustained arousal all the time... Waking up in the morning and finding your thighs wet and sticky, your chest being sensitive to the lightest touches, being one teasing comment away from ruining your underwear at any moment? Exactly how you're meant to be.

I’ve had this thought before 😈

"I like your voice" ok the let me read to you while your head rests on my chest and i scratch your head until you fall asleep

I think we do both pretty well ☺️

You can have both

This used to be a serious fantasy of mine. I mean, it probably still is, but now it’s hard to say whether this is just hot in theory or if I’d actually like it in practice. One the one hand, I do think the notion of doing some risqué and potentially getting caught is exciting and arousing. But my concern is that the fear of getting caught and facing real life consequences would kill the fun of it. I’m curious if there’s a way to simulate the mental states of a scenario like this while actually being in a controlled/consequence free environment.

oh you want me to fuck you somewhere risky huh? me dragging you to a stall and pulling your wet panties to the side while telling you to better shut up unless you want to get caught and force myself inside your cunt sounds good, right baby? i’ll use you so good that you can’t even try to keep your filthy sounds in. i wanna see you panic when someone comes in and watch your shaky hand covering your mouth. i’ll lean down to whisper in your ear “don’t try to act like you’re something else than a whore, sweetie. if you were actually decent, you’d be pushing me away but yet… your pretty pussy is sucking me in even more, she doesn’t want me to pull out hm?”

i’ll slow down to let you catch your breath and tell you to calm down cause the person outside is already gone. you’re so dumb and easy you’ll believe me but you’ll feel your heart drop when i spank your ass so hard that a voice asks “is everything okay?”

I so love the dynamic of you standing over me while you use my body. Dominating me just with presence alone 🥵

pretty

this is called argument to moderation or the middle ground fallacy! It is truly one of the most easily debunked fallacies out there, and this graphic does a great job of achieving exactly that. But it did get me thinking about why the fallacy is so common in the first place.

my best guess is that a significant amount of time and effort goes into embedding children with the values of compromising, sharing, and reaching common ground, and in the elementary school setting, that approach is pretty dang important.

i.e friends Sally and Jenny spend recess together. Sally wants to go on the swings but Jenny wants to go on the slides during recess. Solution: what if the first half of recess they play on the swings and the second half they play on the slides. this line of thinking works incredibly well in the elementary school setting because it’s very rare that people of that age range are ever coming up with inherently “wrong” options or viewpoints. There’s nothing (from a moral values standpoint) that makes swings better than slides so there’s nothing wrong with treating them equally and creating a 50/50 solution. The trouble comes when we don’t move away from this line of thinking as thoughts develop and people can (and do) come up with morally wrong viewpoints. Having the skill of compromise in one’s tool belt is valuable, but it is not a standalone skill. It must be accompanied by an understanding of how to investigate which viewpoints are worth compromising for. It may feel uncomfortable, but knowing when not to relent is just as important as being open to change. I love the middle ground fallacy. thanks for coming to my ted talk 👹

it was a bad day

I’m trying something new. My default reaction to unfavorable outcomes is to damage control the bad emotions quickly and put as much distance from the situation as possible. To me, the negative emotions that I may experience are ephemeral, and if I just give myself enough time, they will naturally resolve with minimal effort. I imagine that’s why I have such a difficult time viewing journaling as an effective coping method. It immortalizes a bad experience when all I want to do is forget about it.

With that said, I think there are some valuable things to gain from doing it, so I want to attempt it here. Today was a bad day. Realistically, I think there have been various bad events recently that aggregated to make today feel really shitty.

1) I was rejected from Stanford and Boston University. At no point in this process did I think that I would get accepted to Stanford so I was mostly unfazed by the rejection. Boston University, however, did feel within my reach so getting that email stung a little more.

2) there’s been this relentless feeling of having so many restrictions/limitations on doing the things that I want. Between frequently getting held up at work, the days being shorter, needing to balance my time between friends, family, and my boyfriend, I just get the overwhelming sense that there aren’t enough hours in the day. 3) I feel like I should be improving in so many aspects of my life, but I’m not. I told myself that once I was done with my secondaries, my schedule would just open up and I’d be able to do all the things that I’d set aside in favor of prioritizing medical school. And yet here I am with no secondaries to do but still feeling like I’ve made no measurable progress in certain arenas of my life. (2 and 3 feel related)

4) I continue to struggle with getting my relationship with my sister to a place that I’m happy and comfortable with. Because of that, time devoted to her and my nephew sometimes leave me feeling agitated. This agitation can then extend to my parents. 5) I went in for my annual physical and I got my covid booster and flu shot. The shots in combination wrecked me and left me feeling physically ruined for about 48 hours. After the aches and pains subsided though, I developed a sore throat that has been lingering. Mild enough to not be debilitating but significant enough to annoy me. It’s not the end of the world, but thinking that I may be sick during the Orlando trip is probably upsetting me more than I want to admit. 6) I broke a nail and I got a hole in one of my favorite shoes 😕

All of these things in combination resulted in me reacting poorly to a rather trivial situation this morning. While I was on the phone with my boyfriend during my commute, my mom called to do our morning check in. I answered her and she proceeded to vent some of her frustrations about my sister and her divorce. The conversation was brief and I quickly called my boyfriend back. I had it in my mind that I would tell him the details and he would weigh in on the situation with his opinion. Especially considering that last night we didn’t get a chance to talk about some of the things that I wanted to. But the conversation was steered in a different direction and I found myself frustrated at how asymmetric the conversation felt. At the time, I was simmering in my frustration, unable to redirect the conversation to a place that I was happier with, withdrawing more and more as time went on.

At the time, I blamed the outcome of the conversation on my boyfriend’s personality, citing that his ability to mobilize his thoughts quicker than me allowed for him to dominate a conversation and fill it with endless thoughts of his own choosing. Now I realize that while that may be true, it’s hardly the entire picture. A conversation doesn’t end like that because he can think of more to say in a quicker timeframe. It ends like that because I never make it known to him that I have something that I want to say. No person, not even the love of my life, is responsible for knowing what I want at any given time. It is my responsibility to make what I want known. The difficulty that I have with being able to ask for what I want is a different beast and one that I’ll be saving for a different journaling attempt. But for now, I’m happy to have identified something that needs improvement.

So it was a bad day. But I’m glad that it was because it means that we have work to do. But it also proved that the two of us are in this together to do that work. That is exactly the kind of relationship I want ♥️❤️