Now I Jst Wanna Kill Reader

Literally cried while writing this

and the universe said,

When soulmates are suddenly thrust upon the world, you are one in a million who wishes they weren't -- and that's before you meet the person (people?!) making your life much harder than it needs to be. And before someone asks you to sign an NDA.

genres: comedy disguised as romance and romance disguised as comedy, soulmate au, technically an alternate universe but they're still idols, fluff, angst?, short chapters

relationship(s): SVT ot13 x reader

warnings: 18+ (there will be no smut but perhaps suggestive parts and multiple references to/jokes about sex and I honestly just don't feel comfy with minors reading my writing of that stuff sorry). coarse language. everybody's a little bit very stupid. individual chapters will have their own warnings

01 "you are not alone"

02 "fuck you and your interview"

03 "this day will make the you of tomorrow"

04 "it won't make sense"

05 "trust no one"

interlude i

06 "take it slow"

07 "bro, chill"

chapter 08 status: tbd

have a question about atus updates? check the frequently asked questions tag first please!

new chapters are not on a schedule nor guaranteed. there will be no taglist. thank you for reading!

Oh Bella

Italian!Theodore Nott x Fem!Reader

synopsis - 3 times the reader teases Theo’s Italian roots + 1 time she celebrates them

cute, lazy fluff, no angst just happy vibes for a happy christmas :)

slytherin boys masterlist works

warning - internet translated Italian

(got these ideas from Ben and Fabio on instagram they’re so funny)

It wasn’t easy to date Theodore Nott. It was always rewarding but it wasn’t always easy.

For starters, Theo grew up in Italy and has one of the thickest Italian accents you’ve ever heard. There were a few times over the course of your relationship that you had to ask him to repeat himself a few times. Like when he was trying to tell you that Draco had invited you out on a double date with himself and Hermione.

You had just woken up from a nap when Theo walked into the Slytherin common room after quidditch practice. He flashed you a breath taking smile and all but skipped up to you as you rubbed your tired eyes. You felt your heart melting in your chest at the sight of your adorable boyfriend.

“Buongiorno Bella.” (good morning beautiful) Theo swooped down and delivered a soft kiss to the side of your face before plopping down next to you on the couch. “Guess what?” You hummed in response as you snuggled deep into his side.

“What’s up Theo?”

“At quidditch practice today, Draco says that you and I, we can go out double with them.”

In your tired brain, Theo’s words made even less sense. You sat up from his side and stared at him with your brows furrowed. “Huh?” Theo stared blankly back at you. He brushed a piece of your hair away from your face.

“Still asleep, Bella?”

You shook your head lightly but it didn’t convince either of you entirely. A chuckle rumbled through Theo and his chest vibrated in laughter.

“Draco says we can go double out with Herminone.”

Now it was your turn to laugh at the way Theo pronounced Hermione’s name. You’d all been friends for about two years now since she and Draco had started dating, but he still couldn’t quite pronounce her name correctly.

Finally deciphering his thick accent and slightly broken, but still cute English, realization dawned upon you. You tried to smother a smile as you stared at your boyfriend in pure adoration. “You mean he invited us to double date with them?”

Theo looked at you for a few seconds before standing up and sighing a little dramatically.

“Mio dio Bella, that’s what I said”

“Mmm of course, Theo.”

So, dating Theodore Nott was not without its challenges. But it also wasn’t without its fun.

1.

It was Mattheo’s birthday so of course the Slytherin common room was filled to the brim with drugs, alcohol, and probably the sluttiest girls in all of Hogwarts. Theo was sitting at a table off in the corner with both of your guys’ drinks and was noticeably uncomfortable in such an environment.

You’d gone to get ice for your sex on the beach when you had a mischevious idea. You scooped a little more ice into the cup and started making your way back to Theo.

You caught sight of Mattheo what was sitting on one of the large couches dead center in the room. He had three girls all over him right now and Lorenzo was giggling uncontrollably as he passed him a joint. Mattheo caught your eye and winked playfully. He liked to flirt with you to rile Theo up a little bit every once in a while.

You finally made it back to your table where Theo was swirling a deep red wine in a glass. His lips quirked up in a small smile as you took your seat next to him. Without speaking, he reached out and pulled your chair impossibly closer to his before throwing an arm around your shoulders.

“Ciao Bella.”

Your entire body bloomed at the sound of his thick accent over his husky voice. Warmth settled over you like a fluffy blanket on a snowy morning.

“Ciao Theo.”

The surprise on Theo’s face was more than enough to make you happy that you’d taken up Italian recently. You practiced with Lorenzo in some of your free time and he was a pretty good teacher. You made eye contact with Theo and winked before settling into his side.

Theo immediately became suspicious as you were known for your antics.

“What are you up to Il mio piccolo piantagrane, hm?” (my little troublemaker)

“Nothing Theo, relax.”

He stared at you suspiciously for a few seconds before his body finally loosened.

The opportunity was too great to miss.

You leaned over both of your drinks and dumped ice into your sex on the beach before then dropping a few ice cubes into Theo’s wine.

His reaction was nearly instantaneous.

“Oh! Bella, no! No, no, no!” His lips turned up in disgust and multiple muted expressions left his mouth in what you assumed were Italian swears.

“Che diavolo? Ghiaccio nel vino? No! Il vino è sacro.”

(what the hell? ice in wine? no! wine is sacred.)

A large hand came and ran through his messy curls and the laugh you’d been surprising burst suddenly from your chest. Theo’s eyes snapped to yours and you recognized the mischievous glint.

A squeal left your mouth as you leapt up from your seat and took off around the common room with him hot on your tail.

2.

The second time that you decided to make your poor sweet Italian boyfriend question all decisions to be with you was at dinner one night. You weren’t intentionally teasing him at first as you stared down at your empty plate trying to think of what you wanted.

You glanced over to Theo’s plate next to you and saw a mouthwatering pasta that he’d conjured. You tugged gently on the sleeve of his green sweater and his attention found yours immediately.

“What’s wrong, bellissima?”

“Can you get me some of that, please Theo?”

“Of course.”

He took your plate in his hands and after a few seconds his dish was sitting in front of you. You noted how he made sure there were no tomatoes in yours like there were in his. Theo knew you hated tomatoes. It was so sweet it almost made you feel bad for what you were about to do to his little Italian heart.

Almost.

Theo picked up his fork and started to dig into his food before he stopped abruptly. Lorenzo too stopped eating his own food and the pair stared at you incredulously as you shoveled the pasta into your mouth.

“Oh Bella.”

He seemed more horrified than anything else. You loaded more food into your mouth being careful to eat as much as a lady as you could.

“No.” You stared at him blankly with a sheepish look before resuming your meal. “Bella, no. Twirl. Like this,” Theo picked up his fork and expertly swirled the noodles around before bringing it up to his mouth.

You offered him a gentle grin before promptly resuming what you were doing before. From across the table Lorenzo started whisper screaming at Theo in Italian.

“Theo, Cosa c'è che non va nella tua ragazza? Lei mangia la pasta come una bambina!” (what’s wrong with your girlfriend? she eats pasta like a child!)

Theo stared at you astounded as redness crept up his face. Then it finally dawned on him that you were teasing.

“Bella per favoreee.” He dragged out his words with a small smile on his face at your teasing. You both knew that you knew the proper way to eat pasta.

“No more teasing love.” You nodded through your giggles and Theo wrapped a thick arm around your waist and pulled you into his side.

3.

So, you knew that you promised Theo no more teasing last week but when you overheard him and Lorenzo complaining earlier in the most adorable stuttered English you couldn’t help yourself. You were walking down towards the common room to get lunch with the boys.

Theo, Lorenzo, and Mattheo were sitting in the common room all having a discussion. Suddenly you heard your boyfriend’s sweet Italian symphony of a voice shift into one of astonishment. You peeked around the corner and saw both him and Lorenzo staring at Mattheo like he’d just said the most offensive thing ever.

“What do you mean you have the cappuccino in the afternoon, huh?” His fingers came to rub at his temples and you had to stifle your laugh behind your hand. “Puah! cappuccino è solo per la mattina.” (Cappuccino is only for the morning).

Mattheo stared blankly at the two. Finally you decided to step in before the vein in Theo’s forehead burst.

“Theo? I’m ready.”

By the time that you made it to the Great Hall, the boys seemed to have forgotten about their earlier conversation. Mattheo walked quietly in step next to you while Theo and Lorenzo conversed in Italian so quickly your head was spinning.

“Psst. Y/n I have an idea on how to make that little Italian boy of yours blow a fuse.”

(“Maledizione Lorenzo, non credi che se sapessi cosa regalarle non andrei fuori di testa?”)

You cursed yourself that you couldn’t understand what they were saying. After staring at the side of Theo’s handsome face for a few moments longer you let out a disgruntled noise and turned to Mattheo.

“Fine! What?”

And that was how you found yourself in this situation.

Trying your absolute hardest to keep a straight face without looking at Theo at all while you sipped on your cappuccino that you’d conjured in your cup.

“Oh Bella.”

Theo’s familiar distressed tone rang out from next to you. “You cannot be series, amore mio.”

“Do you mean serious, Theo?” Mattheo chimed in with an amused smirk.

Theo made a dismissive Italian noise and waved Mattheo off. He swore under his breath before grabbing the side of your face and turning it to him. “Bellissima, it is too late for a cappuccino!”

You smirked up at your distraught boyfriend and pressed a quick kiss to the softness of his cheek. “I know, amore.”

Theo stared at you before throwing his hands up in the air and turning back towards his lunch. Mattheo’s deep laugh burst out and you couldn’t help yourself but to laugh along with him.

You were so busy laughing you hadn’t noticed that Theo was staring at you with a smile. He was so very in love with you.

+ one time you celebrated Theo’s Italian roots

April 25th was meant to be celebratory. La Festa della Resistenza. And Theodore Nott was stuck at quidditch practice.

Meanwhile, you were scurrying around the common room with Lorenzo trying to set up the perfect surprise for Theo. With Italy’s Liberation Day approaching, you’d noticed Theo had been a little down lately. You knew that it was because he was missing his family.

Normally, his mother would prepare a big feast and the family would sing the song of the resistance, Bella Ciao. You’d taken a floo to his home in Italy and gotten some recipes from his mother directly, all his favorites. And now, you were trying desperately to teach a group of first year Slytherins how to sing the song that you’d been practicing for weeks.

You sighed deeply as you realized the little buggers you bribed with a few galleons each were not at all going to get the song down in time. You conjured your purse and shelled out a few galleons to each child before shooing them out of the common room.

By the time Theo got back from quidditch practice, everything was perfect. You were standing in the center of the room in a deep red dress that you knew was his favorite. When he saw the spread, Theo thought his heart might stop. You looked nothing short of stunning.

“Oh Bella.”

It didn’t hold any of the distress that it normally did. This time his tone was thick with adoration. Theo felt a lump moving up his throat that caught tears behind his eyes. His heart clenched in his chest. This was one of the most thoughtful things that anyone had ever done for him.

Just when he was certain you couldn’t get anymore perfect, your sweet voice rang out in an impossibly beautiful symphony that rivaled Pavarotti.

“Una mattina mi sono alzato

O bella ciao, bella ciao, bella ciao, ciao, ciao

Una mattina mi sono alzato

E ho trovato l'invasor.”

Theo held you closer to his chest and pressed his forehead against yours as he joined for the next verse.

“O partigiano, portami via

O bella ciao, bella ciao, bella ciao, ciao, ciao

O partigiano, portami via

Che mi sento di morir.”

The two of you swayed as Lorenzo joined and the three of you sang the rest of the song together. When you finished, you all made plates and sat down in the common room.

“When did you learn all of this, Bella?”

You smiled gently at Theo while he stared at you like you were the most perfect being in the world.

“I took a trip to Italy to see your mother a little bit ago. She told me about La Festa della Resistenza the Celebration of the Resistance. She talked about how important it was to Italy’s history and that it marked the Resistance victory in the Italian Civil War. Then when I saw how sad you were to be away from home at this time I knew I had to do something.”

In that moment, Theo knew that there wasn’t anybody he’d ever loved as much as he loved you. He took your face in both of his hands and pressed a deep kiss to your lips.

“This is perfect, bellissima, thank you so much.”

boomshakalaka yes gawd

spoiled (and deserving)

♡ omega dabi/gn!alpha reader (established relationship) ♡ sfw! domestic life + pre-heat nesting

everything clicks together when dabi sinks into a cloud of your pillows and clothes. barely ten seconds pass before he realizes what's going on. he's nesting. he's in pre-heat.

it shouldn't be a surprise given the positive turn his life has taken. he's fed well, sleeping through the night instead on hair trigger vigilance, and most importantly, you. now his body's functions are catching up with him.

the fuzzy dreamlike state he was in faded away. dabi blinks a few times at the unfamiliar angle he's laying at and — god damn it, he's rearranged the entire bedroom.

he climbs out of the nest to assess the damage to the whole room. spare sheets folded over the windows to darken the den; the full size bed was now shoved into the corner where your dresser was supposed to be, the walls making a nice semi-enclosed space. he can definitely get this done before you come back from work. …right?

the thought of tearing down his nest stirs up something in his stomach. part of him knows you wouldn't mind him indulging in his secondary gender. but what if you don't? what if you don't want him?

"babe?" your voice comes from the other side of the bedroom door, followed by three gentle knocks. "you okay in there? i smelled something burning."

the omega's hands reflexively cup the sides of his neck. his scent glands are damaged from his burns. it takes a lot for him to produce a scent and it had to be the worst kind.

dabi clears his throat before answering in a steady voice. "everything's fine!"

you're quiet for a pause. "i've been sitting in the kitchen listening to you shuffle around for about fifteen minutes." they've been home that long?!

the doorknob turns.

he moves to intercept you but you're just a bit faster. the door opens and you stick your head in.

"um... where's the be— oh." you peek around dabi and the door. he wants to crawl into the nest and disappear.

you reach up and cup his face in your hands. like the lovesick fool he is, he leans into you. your lips curve into a smile. "so this is what you were doing?" you give him a gentle peck on the lips. "let's get you to the nest, yeah? you look you need it."

he nods and lets you guide him back to the nest. his body sinks into the blankets. safe, happy, good.

you slip the cardigan off your shoulders — your favorite, the one you wear all the time —and drape it over him.

"can i lay down in your nest?" you ask. his face heats up.

"it's yours too." he mumbles.

you slide in and gather his lanky body in your arms. the nest is a perfect fit for the both of you. you drag your hand through his hair, lightly scratching at his scalp. dabi melts with each stroke, pulling him further into sleep, saturated in the smell of dark chocolate, in the scent of alpha-mate and home.

on the precipice of sleep, he hears you whisper,

"i hope you know you're gonna get absolutely spoiled rotten." your chest moves with a soft giggle. "so be prepared, okay? you deserve it, dabi."

Quick question,if Alrfed knew the batfamily wasnt paying attention to reader,why did he do something only when reader left? Or did he try to help reader before aswell but it just didnt work out?

It's most likely because Alfred acted on his own selfish reasons so I would say that yes, it hurted him when you were so sad abt not getting the attention you needed from your family but he was there. In this fic Alfred is far from a good person as he is also part of the batfam therefore is also considered as a yandere. In the recent story he disguised his own selfish desires as being sad that you and Bruce was drifting apart when the truth was he was just sad that you and him were the ones who was drifting apart. Sure, you called him from time to time, but do u rlly think that's enough for a yandere like him? No. And it will never be

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I’m just here thinking about Mingyu kneeling at your feet, his head laying on your thighs, and he’s staring up at you, unable to look away. You’re not doing anything to him, not even paying him attention (or so he thinks). You’re sitting there reading or working or whatever, but he’s so easy for you that he’s entranced, just by you allowing him to rest his head on your lap while you ignore him.

Every time you so much as glance toward him, he perks up - literally - back straightening, eyes widening, mouth smiling. You can easily imagine a tail wagging behind him in excitement, just from the scraps of attention he’s getting.

hear me out but … afab gojo slutting himself out by “accidentally” getting stuck in a hole in the wall (he only happens to be naked waist down and already prepped)

im hearing you out nonnie 📢‼️‼️

"What the fuck."

Satoru grinned at the other side as soon as he heard you, the trail of lube coming out of his pussy continued to gush and drip as it twitched from the cold air touching the warm flesh.

Of course, you were surprised— hell, even 'surprised' was an understatement. Yet, you couldn't help but gaze at his lower part, naked lower part, and then there was amusement reflected on your face. "What are you on now, huh?"

He clenched his ass, pussy throbbing from anticipation as soon as you rubbed his pink numb. His clit becoming more sensitive from your ministrations. Come on, I know you want this, sweetheart. he'd wiggle his ass for you to fit your cock inside his loose hole. The dangerous, sinful sounds of his wet, messy pussy drove you mad.

You then aggressively tugged him apart and then layed your tongue flat against his cunt. Hot juices of his pussy leaving your soft muscle a sweet taste, diving further into his hole and then licking a stripe as you ate him lile a fucking starved man.

He continued to drench your chin with his fluids, the intimate contact left his legs trembling again and again, strings of cum visible between his pussy to your mouth.

"Mmmh, is this a-all you got?" the gut feeling of just eating out his audacity roughly seemed rather tempting, but you had to restraint yourself for that. Satoru's body twitched with every lap, thighs shook due to how harsh you're treating his sweet cunt, and then there was that bump.

"Nghh ah!"

He shot his eyes open, nails digging hard into the wall as he waited to finally cum. He waited, and waited. And waited. But it wasn't there, it never came out. Tears began to swell up due to how you handled him, he felt a sharp pain on his hips when you gripped him tighter.

"I was so close, so close! You just had to be a bitch and take it fro— anMff?!"

"Baby, who do you think started this at the first place?" he moaned as he felt a sudden pain on his pussy lips. No, you did not just— "Ah!" whines came out naturally from his lips, eyes blurry from how much slaps he got against his cunt.

"Come on, I asked you a question," he kept unmoving, tired body already giving up if it wasn't for your arms holding his hips. The tip of your index and middle exploring his sensitive flesh, tracing circles around his warmth until it reaches his— he felt you lift his hood up and then realization came. You perverted ass, you can't—

"Ahn! mmf it's m-me. I started thi— keukk!"

He had to bite his lower lips until it bled, his sensitive bud exposed and numb from the harsh slap it received. Fuck, it fucking hurts so much. Big fat tears left his eyes swollen as he started to keep his thighs close. Hips wiggling out of your touch, but no, he gave you a taste— that fucking sinful, desire to ruin such strong, respectable man.

You positioned your knee between his prying legs, making contact with his wet pussy that left your pants damp. "That's it, good boy."

Suddenly, cum splattered down to his abdomen, and then in between your and his own thighs— some even got into the wall. His eyes rolled right back his head as he felt something big and thick rip him apart. You continued to slide your cock inside back and forth, each thrusts plunging deep and hits every nook and canny of his sensitive walls.

The sloppy and aggressive movements becoming more eager and desperate to dive in the overwhelming warmth. His hole then throbbed and milks the fuck out of you. Balls hitting his fat mounds as you kept an aggressive pace and relieve your frustrations through those onslaughts.

" Ah, ah, ah mmf!" you continued to ram your swelled up cock inside his cunt, releasing all your cum all nice and deep inside. The glorious man below then squirted against the wall, feeling his insides getting filled up with so much cum, yet still hard.

He had to keep himself from passing out as you forced his entrance open again for your throbbing cock. Breath heavy and panting from how rough you're handling him.

Satoru cried out loud for all to hear from the hard fuck he's receiving. Nails dug deeper into his skin as you plunged your length again and again. His ass sensitive and red from your rough pounding.

He couldn't take it anymore. The pain grew as his consciousness began to fall as his pussy got owned up and taken. Drools and bodily fluids continued to drip, brain no longer functioning to even realize you filled him up again. And continued to do so as soon as black started to consume him.

You should've realized how dangerous this is, Toru. You hummed, cock railing his puffy cunt warm and sticky, and then plunging deep inside his warmth. You should've realized that you were like a fleeting drug to me.

had my third cup of coffee today while writing filth 🕺

jason headbutts you- not aggressively, but like a cat who’s requesting affection. youll just be laying in bed with him and he just bumps his head against yours.

“yeah, baby?” you hum, smiling at your dork of a boyfriend. “don’t make me say it.” he mutters against your cheek. “c’mon big guy, use your words.” jason rolls his eyes and pulls you close to him, kissing your nose. “can you play with my hair, please?” you tap your chin in mock thought, and he pokes your side. of course you give in, look at him. his eyes flutter shut when your hands finally comb through his hair, head resting against your chest. “can y’just read my mind next time?”