I don’t give consent for my work, translated or used in parts to be posted on any other platform, even if I am ‘credited’ for it.
Warnings listed accordingly
All fics are complete (unless otherwise stated)
Fics will be duplicated on here and other relevant master lists.
🥰Fluff // 💔Angst // 💀Death // 🤬Language // 🔞Smut // 💋Cheating // 👊🏻Violence // 🍺Alcoholism // 🥵Implied Smut // ⚠Trigger Warning
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Also blogs listed here could be 18+ to 21+
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Welcome to my masterlist. It’s mostly Bucky Barnes and Steve Rogers, with the odd mention of other characters that Sebastian Stan has played.
One Shots
The Hunt for Ice Cream
Red Dress
Dancing 101 (18+ only NSFW)
I’m deadly serious Doll
Right Hand Man
Fire Alarm (18+)
Series
The Past Always Catches Up (ongoing)
Excuse Me Ma’am (ongoing)
The Silence (ongoing)
HBC Drunk drabbles (300/400 words)
It’s just a uniform (18+ only. NSFW)
The Belt (18+ only. NSFW)
No more horror films for you
What you going to do about it? (Lance Tucker)
Taste me (Vampire!Bucky- NSFW 18+)
Professor, I have a question (NSFW +18)
Soft Touch (NSFW 18+)
Let Us help you (NSFW 18+)
Chocolate Cake
Blindfold (NSFW 18+) Biker!Bucky
USO Girl (NSFW 18+)
Respect you (NSFW 18+)
A Request (NSFW 18+)
Louder, Doll (NSFW 18+)
Steve Rogers
One Shot
The Last Brownie (18+ only)
Invisible
Series
No one is that kind, ever (finished)
Only love can hurt like this (ongoing)
Summary: When Bucky finds you living a miserable life he decides to take it upon himself to take you away from it all and give you a worry free life. A life where he can take care of you and give you all the things you need.
Parings: Dark! Bucky x Reader
Warnings: DDLG dynamics, Forced regression, over stimulation, kidnapping, non con/dub con, oral sex (female receiving), vaginal fingering, vaginal sex, unprotected sex.
Notes: This is my submission for @nsfwsebbie ’s challenge! I got @buckybarney ’s dream fic, and I hope it lives up to your expectations ;) also disclaimer, this is my first ddlg type fic, I’ve read a bunch but this is my first time writing one and it’s a bit watered down in comparison to the others but I hope that’s cool because that’s what I did… :) Also also, that^^ is th first mood board that I’ve ever made, hope yall dig it because I tried really hard lmao.
You’re a simple woman with simple tastes. You like you be left alone. You’re quiet and respectful, and you try your best to keep out of other people’s ways. But most of all, you don’t like attention.
If you had the choice you’d become completely invisible to keep people from looking at you. Their eyes are always cold or unwelcoming and the sensation of their stares on your skin always makes you uncomfortable.
Every day you try to ignore it, but that subtle pressure never really goes away. You carry on though because that’s what life is about, moving on.
As a simple woman who lives a simple life, of course you work at a simple job. A barista at a small coffee shop is about as simple as they come. The people there are often like yourself, quiet and introverted, just trying to mind their own business. Everyone is too wrapped up in their lives to take notice of you. It’s the main reason you liked working there.
The regulars never said more than ‘Good morning’, 'Can I have…’, and 'Thanks, have a good one’. The conversations were minimal, short and sweet, and never more than you could handle. They didn’t ask unnecessary questions or try to chitchat, and that’s practically a blessing for you.
But then, there are the newcomers. The ones who stop in because it’s the first coffee shop they see, or they want to try something new, or they’re coming late in the day when most of the other places are shut. You don’t like the newcomers.
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The chibi Winter Soldier keychains arrived! They come in clear or rainbow holo, and with reversible sides. DM if you're interested in one!
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Summary: You were forced to marry your father’s boss and head of the most powerful mafia family in the region, Andy Barber. After your violent wedding night you flee and go into hiding, knowing Andy will never stop hunting you. As you run from one danger, you fall right into the clutches of another.
Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3
Pairings: Dark!Mob!Andy Barber x Reader; Mob!Lloyd Hansen x Reader; brief Peter Parker x Reader
Series Warnings: Non-con, age gap, human trafficking, mentions of sex slavery, arranged marriage, stalking, kidnapping, domestic violence, virginity loss, murder, violence, prostitution, group sex, references to drug use and selling, drug use, pussy slapping, coercion, more to be added
Word Count: 3.5k
18+ ONLY - MINORS DO NOT INTERACT
Andy gently grabbed your hand and shut the door while you begged Carlyle and Big Riche to let you go.
“Look at me,” he told you softly as he put one hand on your cheek and wiped your tears away with his thumb, “Let’s go talk outside in the backyard, okay?”
You tearfully looked over at your family and your father’s jaw was clenched as he glowered at Andy. Your mother however had her hands on her hips with pursed lips and looked at you as if you were a misbehaving child. Leo just sneered at you as he leaned against the wall.
“Come on, sugar,” Andy instructed as he led you through the house to sit outside.
He pulled up a chair for you next to one of the round glass tables and sat in front of you. Andy grabbed your trembling hands in his and rubbed your palms.
“Listen, I know you must be freaked out right now, and I understand that,” he frowned, “but you don’t have anything to be afraid of. I’ll treat you well, just like I did Laurie.”
“I’m not afraid,” you gulped as your hands still shook, “I don’t know you. I don’t want you. You’re - you’re taking away my choice - my future!”
Andy let out a low growl and closed his eyes momentarily before speaking again, “I am not taking away your future, Y/N. I’m giving you a better one. And you’ll learn to love me.”
You scoffed at him and ripped your hands away. You crossed your arms over your chest and glared at him. Yes, you were afraid, but you were also furious.
“I’m not doing this,” you challenged him, “You can’t make me.”
Andy cocked his head to the side and gave you a crooked smile, “Sugar, that’s not how things work in our world. It’s already been decided, but I’m going to try my best to make this transition easy for you. Although I can only give you so much time.”
You furrowed your brow at that, “...so much time.”
“What does that mean? So much time?”
Andy sighed and stood up. His large frame towered over you as he ran his knuckles up and down your cheek, “There are expectations you need to meet and not just mine.”
“But -”
Andy shushed you and put his finger against your lips, “As for not knowing me, we’re going to spend a few weeks away after the engagement party to change that. I have a private island where it’ll just be you and me, sugar. It’ll be great. I promise.”
A few weeks away, alone, with Andy? With nowhere to run? That made your blood run cold and terrified you.
“And what do you expect…then?” you asked him, almost a whisper, knowing full well what the answer would be.
His hand moved so that he could rub your lower lip, “We can get to know each other in every way.”
Sleeping with Andy, him being the first man to even kiss you made your stomach churn. You got up instantly and bolted back into the house upstairs to your bathroom to empty the meager contents of your stomach. You dry heaved at the idea of him touching you and then leaned against the bathroom wall when you were done. You panted, your heart slamming against your chest as your head reeled trying to comprehend what was happening.
You grabbed your phone with shaky hands and dialed Peter. He picked up after only two trills.
“Peter, Peter,” you whispered frantically, “Peter, please come get me. Please come now.”
“Okay, okay, I’m coming now,” he said hurriedly, you could hear the panic in his voice, “I’ll be right there, I promise.”
“Don’t come to the front, there are people outside watching,” you instructed him, “Do you remember when you helped sneak me out to the bonfire?”
You heard Peter grab his keys and head out the door, “Down the lattice by your window, yeah. Don’t worry. Don’t worry.”
“Okay, please hurry.”
~~~
“They can’t do this!” Peter yelled as he paced around the room and ran his hands through his hair, “There’s no way, Y/N - I’m sure - I’m sure this is illegal.”
“Peter, please keep your voice down,” you said as you sat curled around a pillow. You didn’t want to disturb his Aunt May. Despite how much you loved her, she was a bit nosey.
Peter sat next to you and grabbed your hand. He looked at you with determination burning his eyes, “We’re going to figure something out, Y/N. You’re not going to marry that bastard. You’re not.”
You sniffled and rested your head against the pillow, “I don’t know what to do, Peter. I’m scared.”
He wrapped his arms around you tightly and pulled you into him. Peter was the only one who offered you what you needed that night – comfort. You felt safe with him and buried your face into his chest as he rocked you. He kissed the top of your head and tucked your hair behind your ears.
“Do you want something to drink?” he offered, “I still have that shitty schnapps I stole from May the other week.”
You chuckled lightly and gave him a weak smile, “Yeah, I would like that…and can we watch Peppa Pig?”
“We can do anything you want,” he said as he got off the bed.
Peter grabbed the bottle of schnapps and handed it to you. You took a swig and contorted your face from the burn. He handed you some boxers and a t-shirt for you to change into for the night before heading downstairs. Peter came back a few minutes later with a plate of reheated pizza and handed it to you.
“You told me you couldn’t eat earlier, so I figured you were hungry.”
You’d already felt buzzed from your first few swigs and had forgotten that you didn’t eat. Of course Peter remembered that. You scarfed the pizza down ravenously as Peter changed into his pajamas. He brought over his laptop and pulled up your favorite episode.
He sat against the headboard and you leaned against his chest between his legs as you continued eating. He wrapped his arms around you and it made you feel more at home than when you were at your parents’ house.
“I love you, Pee pee parker.”
“I love you too, Y/N.”
~~~
Andy’s nostrils flared as he glared at Scarlet and held out the small velvet box with your engagement ring in it.
“Put it on, Y/N,” he commanded her as he choked back his tears, “Now!”
Scarlet jumped and grabbed the ring to hastily put it on her finger. Andy had offered to pay her double that night for his “special” request. She wore the designer dress that he had purchased for your engagement party. The one for you would be delivered tomorrow. Her hair was pinned up with a few coils framing her face exactly as instructed.
“It’s just an act. It’s just an act,” she repeated to herself over and over to try and assuage her fear, “The money will be worth it.”
Andy’s eyes stung with tears of anger and hurt as he glared at her. How dare you try to reject him. Him.
He pointed at the ground in front of him, his voice quavering, “Come here.”
Scarlet cautiously walked up to Andy with her hands clasped in front of her and her gaze submissively at the ground. She shook like a leaf from the rage radiating off Andy.
“Look at me when I’m speaking to you,” he gritted out, “Don’t stare at the fucking floor.”
When she looked up at him and Andy instantly backhanded her, sending her flying to the ground. She grabbed her cheek and looked up at him in shock as she tried to back away quickly. Andy loosened his tie and stalked towards her. He grabbed her ankle and dragged her towards him roughly.
She clawed at the floor and shrieked, “No! Mr. Barber, please! I don’t want to do this anymore! I don’t want to do this anymore! You can keep the money!”
Andy yanked her up by her hair to face him, “What did I say about calling me Mr. Barber, Y/N? Hm? Or are you too fucking stupid to remember?”
Scarlet stared up at him wide-eyed in terror, her lower lip trembling, “I’m sorry, Andy…”
“Good.”
He picked her up and threw her over his shoulder. Scarlet hit Andy's back as she tried to fight his grip. He flung her down onto the bed and pounced on top of her. He grabbed her wrists tightly and tied them to the bedframe with his tie.
“Stop!” Scarlet cried as he tore open her dress and ripped off her underwear, “Andy, please!”
Andy’s eyes were black with rage and lust. His tongue darted out to lick his lower lip as his thumb started to rub circles around her bundle of nerves. Scarlet’s body jerked at the sensation and he smacked her pussy hard in response.
“Stop it, Y/N,” he growled at her, “Be a good girl and I might just let you cum.”
Scarlet let out a soft sob as he slapped her cunt again and again, before he crawled up her body. He gave her a rough claiming kiss as he held her jaw tightly.
“Open your mouth,” he ordered as he pulled away.
She obeyed with a whimper, opening her jaw wide before Andy spat in her mouth. She flinched but then promptly swallowed it before he even told her too.
He smiled and kissed her on the forehead, “Good girl.”
He ran his hands roughly up and down her body as he stared at her lecherously. He grabbed the soft flesh of one of her breasts and then twisted her nipple hard. She squealed and tried twisting out of her restraints.
“Uh uh,” he chided her sternly, whacking her tit, “Y/N, are you going to be my good girl?”
“Yes, Andy,” she eked out as tears streamed down her face like a waterfall.
“Good girl,” he murmured before gently kissing her on the forehead.
He sat on his heels and started to rub her clit again slowly with his thumb. A small whine escaped her lips and Andy smirked. He added more pressure and her body tensed as the circles he made against her quickened. Scarlet’s breath became uneven and her pussy quivered as Andy brought her closer and closer to her peak. Her hands gripped her silky restraints as she started to arch her back. Then Andy stopped as she was near the orgasm.
Andy removed his clothing and grabbed a condom from the nightstand. He pushed Scarlet’s leg’s wider with his muscular thighs and lined up with her slick entrance. He kissed the tears from her face gently as he prodded her folds.
“You have no idea how much I’ve wanted this, Y/N.” he rasped huskily into her ear before pushing his large thick cock into her with one slow thrust.
He groaned and his body trembled as he closed his eyes, imagining that he was inside of you instead of Scarlet. He started to move and buried his face in her hair. She could feel his hot breath against her neck as pounded into her.
“I can be so good to you, Y/N,” he grunted as he snapped his hips, “if you just stop being such a spoiled little bitch and a cock tease.”
Scarlet squeezed her eyes shut as he continued speaking to her as if she were you. She tried to block out his voice and focus on how his large veiny cock massaged her inner walls to finally orgasm. Andy gave her a sharp smack on the face.
“Eyes on me, sugar. Eyes on me,” he moaned as he wrapped his hand around her jaw, “I wanna watch you come apart on my dick.”
“Can you do that for me? Can you cum for me, sugar?”
Andy moved a hand down to grab Scarlet by one of her ass cheeks and pressed her against him to drive even deeper. She tossed her head back at the new angle as Andy gazed down at her eagerly watching. She quivered around him and he rutted into her faster and harder. The sounds of her squelching pussy drove him wild and it took everything in him to not cum right then.
Her body began to tense around him as her breathing became uneven. Scarlet’s body shook and she clenched around Andy like a vise. Her nails dug into her restraints as her back arched off the bed and her thighs tightened around Andy’s hips.
“That’s it, Y/N. Cream all over my cock,” he panted, “Good girl. That’s it. Good girl.”
He hammered into her frantically to chase his own release, “Tell me you love me. Fuck! Tell me you love me!”
“I love you, Andy,” Scarlet moaned in almost whimper, “I love you.”
“I love you so much, sugar.” Andy groaned as he came. His body shivered as he fell on top of her, “You’re so fucking perfect.”
After a few minutes he finally got up and untied her hands. Scarlet winced as she rubbed her bruised wrists and then wiped the remaining tears from her face. Andy looked at her remorsefully before pulling her into him and laying down. He stroked her hair gently and gave her a soft kiss on the lips.
“I’m so sorry I did that, Y/N,” Andy apologized, “You know how crazy I am about you.”
~~~
The house bustled with courier after courier delivering flowers, jewelry, shoes, purses, and clothing to your house from Andy. Designer shopping bags littered the middle of your living room. Your mother was still asleep, but Leo and your father were awake to collect the extravagant gifts.
Leo rolled his eyes as the bags kept coming, “She’s not even going to appreciate this, dad.”
Your father looked at him incredulously, “Cut her a little slack, Leo,” he scolded him, “This is a big adjustment.”
“Hah,” he scoffed at his father, “She’s going from being your ‘princess’ to Andy’s. That’s hardly a huge adjustment.”
Your father pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath to calm himself, “Leo -”
“No, dad! You know I’m right. All she has to do is this one thing for our family and she doesn’t want to. You know that I’d do anything for us.”
Your father shook his head and walked away from Leo with a huff. Your father loved you with all his heart and it was no secret that you were his favorite. But your mom was right. Andy didn’t have to offer your family anything in exchange. He could have just taken you and your father wouldn’t have been able to refuse. Andy’s offer was merely an attempt to soften the blow.
“Princess,” your father gently called to you as he knocked on your door, “You awake?”
He knocked a little louder but you didn’t answer. He slowly turned the handle to peep inside and walked towards your bed. He was about to gently shake you when he realized something was wrong and flipped back the covers to find pillows instead. He looked and saw the window open, your curtains billowing from the wind.
He sat down on your bed and put his head in his hands. He knew you ran away to Peter’s house and would need to come get you. He cleared his throat and wiped a few tears from his eyes to clean himself up. He hated every part of this, but didn’t know what he could do that wouldn’t end terribly for all of you.
“Leo, come here,” he called from the top of the stairs, “Quick! Now!”
Leo dashed up the stairs and your father signaled him to be quiet.
“Your sister is gone,” he whispered, “I’m going to run out and grab her. Do not tell your mother. If she asks questions, just say that I went out to run some errands with her.”
Leo sucked his teeth as he ran his hands through her hair, “I’ll go and get her, dad. Peter’s I assume? It’ll look suspicious if you leave alone and the security sees you come back with her. Andy will know she ran.”
“And how will you going to get her solve that?”
“They won’t question why I’m leaving and I’ll sneak her back in through the window.”
Your father paused as he contemplated Leo’s offer. He knew you two didn’t get along and was worried he would fuck this up.
“Dad, let me do this, please,” Leo argued with him, “Let me fix this.”
“Fine,” your father relented, “Be quick about it, son. Don’t screw this up or we’re all fucked.”
Leo grumbled to himself as he walked down the stairs to grab his keys and go collect you. He waved at the two men who were watching your house for your family’s “safety”. He tapped on his steering wheel frustratedly before pulling over two blocks away from your house. He opened up his glove compartment to pull out a little vial of cocaine and did a bump.
“Don’t fuck this up, Leo,” he imitated his father as he started driving again, “How about Y/N not fuck this up? Her and fucking princess bullshit!”
He continued angrily ranting to himself until he pulled into Peter’s driveway. He checked himself in the mirror to make sure he didn’t look high before approaching the door.
Aunt May answered with her usual warm smile, “Leo! So great to see you!” she reached out to bring him in for a hug.
“Fuck!” Leo thought to himself. He’d always had the hots for her for years even though she was older.
“Is Y/N here?” he feigned ignorance, “She was really upset by something last night and ran off. I’ve never seen her that way.”
“You know what, she is here and she was just so distraught when I saw her last night. Do you know what happened?” May asked with genuine concern.
“We don’t know,” Leo shook his head and lied, “That’s what we’re trying to find out. I came to take her home. My parents are worried sick.”
“Oh, sweetheart,” she clutched her chest and looked at him sympathetically, “I’ll go get her right now. Just a moment.”
A few minutes later as you trudged down the stairs slowly in defeat. You clutched your backpack as Peter stood at the bottom of the steps. His eyes narrowed at Leo and his fists clenched at his sides. He was seething and nearly shaking with rage.
“Y/N! Oh my god!” Leo rushed towards you and pulled you into a suffocating hug.
“Do not make a fucking scene,” he whispered menacingly in your ear so that no one else could hear, “You're going to get in the fucking car and we're going home.”
Leo’s words sent a chill down your spine. You looked back at him devastated, your lower lip beginning to tremble, but you pulled yourself together.
“I have to go now,” you said quietly to Aunt May and Peter, “I’ll be okay. Thank you for having me.”
“Any time, sweetheart,” she told with her arms wrapped around peter.
You gave Peter one last look before turning reluctantly to leave with your brother. Leo said nothing to you as he backed out of the driveway to make your way home. You only made it a few blocks before he started viciously scolding you.
“What in the fuck were you thinking, Y/N? Huh? You want to fuck this up for all of us?!”
“You’re not the one who has to marry someone you don’t love! Some fucking old pervert!”
Leo angrily clutched his steering wheel and his cheek twitched, “You are so selfish. Do you know that? Dad fucking coddled you. Even mom agrees.”
“I’m fucking selfish?! I’m fucking selfish?!” you looked back at him wild eyed.
He turned to you barely looking at the road, “Do you think I wanted to go to fucking law school? Fuck no! But I went because I knew what dad did for a living and that he’d need me. He’d need me to protect us,” he seethed resentfully, “I did that for our family. I did. That’s because I care. I do what it takes – And you – you just fucking –”
“ –then why don’t you fuck Andy?!” you snarled at him, “If you’re so eager to jump on his dick!”
“Because that’s your job,” Leo responded coldly.
You snapped and started hitting him and screaming at him, “FUCK YOU, LEO! FUCK YOU!”
The car swerved dangerously as he tried to get you off of him, “ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY?! YOU’RE GONNA KILL US!”
You grabbed the steering wheel and he accidentally elbowed you in the face. He got the car under control as you wiped under your nose and saw blood.
“You made me do that,” he quickly said without an ounce of remorse as he stared at the road, “That was your fault.”
You were taken aback by his behavior and curled away from him to your side of the car. You were both quiet for the rest of the drive. You would have cried then and there, but you had no more tears left. Leo slowly pulled up behind your neighbor’s house and leaned over to open the passenger door.
“Better get to climbing, princess.”
Chapter 5
Taglist: @eralen, @rededfoxy, @straywords, @rebekahdawkins, @daniphantom1, @kellhems, @buckysteveloki-me, @before-we-get-started, @rose-bliss, @alexakeyloveloki, @patzammit, @charmed-asylum
Great thing is if it’s listed in the beginning, I won’t even bother reading it, but if they don’t list any specific race for reader, then begin to list features that are usually associated with white or Latino skin features, it pulls me right out of the story.
fic: bucky x rogers/stark!reader
my asian ass:
Since it’s the Holiday’s I thought why not do another challenge! These requests will be bumped up to the front of my request list!
This challenge runs from December 1st till December 17th (gmt time)!!!! Any requests sent in before the 1st will be deleted!
There will be pre-written imagines for this;
Sweet Pea/Reader; Dialogue 7 (December 6th)
Veronica Lodge/Reader; Idea 11 (December 14th)
Bucky Barnes/Reader; Idea 5 (December 4th)
Natasha Romanoff/Reader; Song 9 (December 12th)
Fred Weasely/Reader; Dialogue 13 (December 8th)
Theo Raeken/Reader; Song 15 (December 10th)
Support My Writing?
Rules:
Specify it’s for the Holiday Challenge; by using the abbreviation ‘HC’ at the beginning of the request or the ⭐️(star) emoji
Regular Rules Apply
Requests must be from the ones listed below, or simply putting a ⭐️ and a ship (either character/character or reader/character) and letting me run wild with it
Specify which list a number is from (Song, Idea, Dialogue) having just a number will be deleted
Request Format:
⭐️ Reader/Stiles Stilinski
HC Steve Rogers/Bucky Barnes
⭐️ 5 from songs; Reader/Sweet Pea
HC 7 from the prompt list and 3 from the songs for Reader/Theo Raeken
⭐️ 5 from prompts; Reader/Steve Rogers, reader proposes
HC 15 from the songs for Sweet Pea/Fangs; Fangs serenades Sweet Pea
Ideas:
Going to a Christmas party and getting stuck under the mistletoe
Having crushes on each other and getting stuck under the mistletoe
Baking Christmas cookies together
Meeting each others family for the first time
Holiday proposal
Marathoning cheesy holiday movies
After a disastrous attempt to set up decorations/have a meal alone character/reader shows up to help
Getting snowed in
Holiday pregnancy announcement
Home Alone style trapped in the wrong city over the holidays
Reader/Character ends up stuck in a small town and relearns the magic of the holidays (hallmark movie style)
This is the only place open and I need coffee/a drink
A fight leads to someone storming off, return just in time to celebrate
Fake dating to get family off of character/reader’s back
Having to be each others secret santa’s
Songs: Feel free to specify a specific artist if you want
Baby It’s cold outside
All I want for Christmas is you
I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus
Santa Baby
I’ll be home for Christmas
White Christmas
Rocking around the Christmas Tree
Christmas (Baby Please come home)
Happy Christmas (War is Over)
Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas
Last Christmas
Fairytale of New York
Two queens in a king sized bed
This is Christmas
Santa Tell Me
Dialogue:
“When I said Christmas surprise this isn’t what I had in mind.”
“Are you really dressing up as Santa for the whole day?”
“Nightmare before Christmas is not a Christmas movie!” “It has Christmas in the name.”
“No I was supposed to bring Turkey, you were supposed to bring cookies!”
“Merry Christmas to all and to-” “If you finish that quote I’m going to smack you I’ve had to watch that for the past month..”
“Merry Christmas?” “You don’t get to say that after what’s happened!”
“I’ve decided I’m not going home for the holidays.”
“This is the only shop open, please tell me you have some wrapping paper..”
“Is this an okay Christmas present?” “It’s so much better than I thought”
“A little weird it’s going to be our last Christmas alone, soon we’ll have another little stocking up there.” “It might not be; I’m in labour.”
“I hope whatever was in that box wasn’t expensive”
“Happy holi-gay. day! I mean day! Happy holidays!”
“Please tell me we didn’t sleep together at the work holiday party” “Why else would we be naked in bed together?”
“My parents will love you! they’ve forgotten all about last Christmas!”
“I thought you forgot to get me a gift…” “How could I forget the most important gift of all?”
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