Nothing Like Spending The Night Somewhere Because Of The Snow, Only I Can’t Sleep And My Laptop’s

Maybe I should keep writing my weird fics for the 3 people that might like them

ok, because i just saw a terrible take, i feel compelled to say that there is no "fic market" to "oversaturate" in fandom. good gravy.

I want to be reading fanfic, not writing it. Unfortunately, I want to be reading very specific fanfic which I will in fact first have to write.

Unrelated to writing:

I relate to this so much. I know what most common injuries feel like. Often times, the pain the person is feeling is the same or less than my normal levels.

It’s hard to not seem like an asshole sometimes, because the same person who thinks I’m being mean will literally leave me behind or make my life harder and say it’s no big deal.

And of course none of this is helped by me being black fem presenting. It’s like some people still believe those old studies that we don’t feel as much pain as other people. The second I let my face show how I feel, or heaven forbid I don’t sound pleasant and polite, I have too much attitude or I’m too angry. I’ve literally had people think I was trying to fight them when I was just gritting my teeth through pain they probably couldn’t handle.

Thanks for letting a bitter black bitch rant.

people assume that being physically disabled makes you more empathetic to the pain of others, but that’s not always the case.

for me, it feels unfair when others are in pain and don’t feel the need to hide that fact, because i have internalized the idea that i’m not allowed to talk about my own. it annoys me that, while most are typically understanding if a non disabled person doesn’t operate at their full capacity due to sickness or injury, disabled people are expected to function normally as if that isn’t our every day. as much as i want to feel solidarity towards a suffering person, it feels impossible not to be envious when their illness or ailment is temporary, but i will never, ever get a break from mine.

for obvious reasons i would never say any of directly to someone, because my pain doesn’t make theirs any less valid or real. still, i can’t help but feel that my disability has made me bitter and unkind, because i can’t help but compare my own experiences with theirs.

this is the reality of disability- it does not create perfect people. many of us are broken and struggle to connect with others because of our conditions, and that does not mean we are evil people

I should be able to both read for 8hrs a night and sleep for 8hrs a night. That I cannot is very rude and, frankly, poor design.

"Came back wrong" trope but actually the character came back right. A character who, when they were living, hid and changed so many parts of themself around others to appease them and, when they died and came back, they stopped doing so and started living as who they always have been. But everyone thinks they came back wrong because of how different they are

I wonder if my body just likes to keep me on my toes. Like oh your hip is feeling better? BOOM now your ankle feels like it’s being stabbed.

#56

Writing and words are all that keep me going. I cry and bleed and yell and scream through my words, each one cutting me as sharp as a blade. 

If I cannot live the life I wanted to, then I shall live it through the sorrows and joys of words. Words and books and poems and characters for all those feelings that were never felt. 

masterlist

I’m so tired but every time I close my eyes I think of the perfect way to continue my fic. My brain keeps pumping out literary gold and it won’t let me rest.

i swear my writing process is just me laying in bed, staring at the ceiling, thinking "what if they kissed and it ruined their lives?"