though i am a young, privileged white woman, with nothing to complain of, sobs rack my body for years on end. my picket fence and shaggy dog can’t save me from this ugly world.
i’ve sworn for years we’re connected. because every time you come i can sense it. see it in the dark, hear it a million miles away. not only love swirls between us; raw want drags us back together over and over again.
pure bliss is a high i never want to be sober of. i feel on top of the earth my feet have always been glued to. this must be that freedom the wanderers speak of.
i take a deep breath in the mirror and think about how different i am now.
he loves me, he loves me not. he loves me, he loves me not. he loves me, he loves me not. he loves me, he loves me not. he loves me, he loves me not. he loves me, he loves me not. he loves me, he loves me not. he loves me, he loves me not. he loves me, he loves me not. he loves me, he loves me not. he loves me, he loves me not.
“aliza, i’m in love with you”
“oh you poor, poor boy”
my hands dig into your thorns because i swear they look just like your flushed cheeks.
i stopped pretending you were mine today. or that you ever were.
it feels like i’ve lived three and a half lives since yesterday.
i’ve only ever seen a man as temporary. but with you, i can see my entire life fall perfectly into place.