Me Too Me Too

Request: Hey so I was wonder if you could write a story with either kaz brekker × ADHD reader or freddy Carter × ADHD reader where the reader is struggling and ends up with haveing breakdown and is in tears with the fact that they can't stay focused and everything is slipping into a mess and they are struggling and they just comfort the reader. haven't been feeling very well lately and begin feeling overwhelmed and I love your work

Over It All : Kaz Brekker x Reader

@alex-kazbrekkersimp this is the last one I’ll be tagging you in unless you mention wanting to be added to one of (or multiple) my tag lists 💜 same note as on the last/Freddy one: Hi! So sorry for just getting to this! Ironically enough, I was experiencing this myself over the last few months. I hope you're feeling better! I did both characters/people, but I broke it up. In this one you'll find Kaz’s version.

Note: Thank you to @b3kk3r-by-br3kk3r for helping me edit this!

Description: 3.8k wc, reader struggles with her ADHD to the point of breaking into tears, prompting Kaz to find a way to come to her aid. Hurt-comfort, angst-fluff

Warnings: SOC content (and applicable warnings), ADHD symptoms and experiences discussed, mention of crying and sadness, negative thoughts of self, some angst but fluffy ending/comfort

Y/n hid behind the empty box of spirits that Kaz had imported for the Crow Club. The bottles had already been removed and stored in their appropriate places. However, it seemed someone forgot to dispose of the now-empty crate. Y/n was beyond grateful for that oversight at this moment. 

She’d been trying to hide from Kaz all evening. Normally she’d be able to be found in his office after dinner had been served. It had started as a means of bringing him food that she’d then have to all-but force him to eat; however, it soon turned into a nightly ritual in which the now-couple would either visit briefly or silently complete more work/hobbies.

Tonight was different. She didn’t want to go to his office. Y/n knew Kaz would be able to pick up on her negative energy. And for once, she didn’t want to talk about it. After all, she wasn’t sure how to explain herself to anyone. 

She knew she couldn’t go to her room. That would be the first place Kaz would likely check for her after noticing her absence. She could go somewhere outside of the Slat or Crow’s Club entirely, but she didn’t want Kaz to worry either. So instead Y/n chose to stay in the back part of the Crow Club, hidden behind the empty wooden crate. 

She wasn’t sure what her plan was, Y/n doubted she could outlast Kaz’s insomnia, but perhaps she could outlast his interest tonight. Maybe if she hid long enough, he’d grow tired of trying to find her (or wouldn’t risk the others being clued into the reason behind such behavior). At which point she could return to her room for some much needed sleep. 

Y/n felt guilty for hiding from him. He hadn’t been the one to do anything wrong in this instance. Instead, it was her that failed to accomplish the tasks he’d assigned her. She had never struggled this much to complete them before. 

However, given the chaotic dynamics of the club and increased heists lately, she’d been more stressed and less well-rested than normal. As such, her focus was waning. Well, waning would suggest she had at least some small amount of focus left. Which she didn’t. Lack of focus would be a better way to put it. She couldn’t focus if her life depended on it. In some way it did. 

It wasn’t that Kaz would kill her, or even really threaten her for not completing the tasks as he might the other crows, but that was not the relationship he had with Y/n; and she knew that. But, she knew he’d still be disappointed in her. 

Yet, that wasn’t even the biggest threat she faced when it came to having failed to do her job. Instead, Kaz was on a time crunch for moving forward with their next heist. If he went through with the heist despite Y/n not completing her assigned preparative tasks, someone could die. 

Y/n had given up already on getting her tasks done today. She tried countless times, in countless ways, at countless different locations. All without even a minute level of success. They weren’t difficult, but her mind still wouldn’t cooperate or focus. 

Hence why she resorted to isolating herself in the dingy back room of the club. It was almost poetic. This was the type of place she belonged after her shameful failures today. A place with cracked walls, dirt and soot, no lighting, cobwebs, and empty splintered boxes. 

Kaz clenched the top of his crow’s head cane tightly as he limped down the stairs. He had spent the last hour waiting for Y/n to join him in his office, yet he’d seen no sign of her this evening. In fact, Kaz hadn’t seen her since the early hours of the day. 

It wasn’t just that she wasn’t in his office tonight following the dinner Inej made the crows, it was that he couldn’t find her in her room either. Kaz even passed Inej in the hall and asked if she’d seen Y/n. He knew if Nina were nearby she’d be able to notice the way his heart rate increased dramatically upon Inej mentioning she hadn’t made it to dinner tonight. It was very unlike Y/n to not enjoy the company of the other crows. 

Kaz could understand if he’d somehow done something to make her mad. However, that wouldn’t explain why she hadn’t joined the other crows for dinner. He never joined the crows for dinner of his own volition; unless Y/n pleaded with him for days prior. So something must have happened to prevent her from joining them tonight. 

He wasn’t sure what was behind her absence, but he planned to get to the bottom of it. Kaz knew he couldn’t protect her from everything, especially in the barrel. Saints, he’d told her as much himself. Besides, he knew Y/n was more than capable of handling things herself. But, her absence tonight made his heart ache until he was practically speed-walking through his club. 

“Boss, come join us” Jesper called, waving Kaz over to where he was. Jesper was leaning against the bar counter, Wylan beside him shaking his head. 

“I’m clearly busy” Kaz retorted harshly, continuing his departure to the streets of the Barrel. 

“Is everything alright?” Wylan bravely asked as he pulled a drink away from Jesper. 

Kaz glanced sharply in his direction and shook his head, “I’m missing a crow”.

Wylan appeared to think for a moment, likely counting each crow and where/when he’d seen them last. “Who?” he pressed, unable to deduce who was missing. 

This infuriated Kaz. How could Wylan, or any of his crows, not notice Y/n’s absence? Nor see it as problematic or concerning? Kaz reluctantly pushed those irritations aside for the time. Yet, he made a mental note to return to the matter later. After he’d found y/n.

“Y/n” Kaz groaned, his gloved hand squeezing the top of his cane until he felt the metal edges grinding into his palm. 

“Really? I just saw-“ Wylan began, stopping when Jesper exaggeratedly shook his head and waved his hands around in the air. 

Kaz rose his right eyebrow at the couple and turned to face them. He made his way to them silently, his grip still tight on his cane. But his pace had slowed now that there seemed to be a piece of information he had been missing. 

“Where?” Kaz demanded firmly once he reached the counter. 

“Umm… maybe I was-“ Wylan mumbled, his eyes full of confusion as he looked between his drunken boyfriend and Kaz’s angry glare. 

Kaz smacked his cane against the hard floor, the sound reverberating throughout the club. Everything around them halted as all eyes shifted to watch Kaz tower menacingly over Jesper and Wylan. He turned enough to send the onlookers a warning glance. 

Once the rest of the room had resumed their previously abandoned activities, Kaz stared expectantly at Wylan. Jesper was clearly in no place to be of assistance, despite the fact that he clearly knew something. Wylan, on the other hand, appeared to know where Y/n was at, but not whatever detail had Jesper telling him not to disclose her location. 

“She…” Wylan trailed off, still uncertain whether to trust the hesitation of his boyfriend or comply with Kaz’s unspoken order. 

Jesper groaned, leaning his head on the sticky counter. “No one chooses to stay back there if they want to be found” he mumbled. 

Kaz furrowed his brows as he leaned closer to them. “If neither one of you tell me where she is within the next twenty seconds, I will-“ he began to threaten. 

Wylan cut him off before he could inform them of their potential consequence. “Are you planning on hurting her?” Wylan questioned. 

Kaz’s stare hardened despite the pain in his chest at the insinuation. He had never done anything to hurt Y/n. Saints, he threatened his crows, but would never truly act on it. Kaz knew his reputation was likely the reason Wylan was asking. Yet, Kaz hated that Wylan felt he had to ask if Kaz would hurt Y/n of all people. 

Wylan’s body language shifted as he picked up on Kaz’s reaction to his question. Nonetheless, Kaz needed to know where Y/n was. More specifically, he needed visual confirmation that she was safe. And ideally, learn why she was seemingly avoiding him. “No”.

“She’s in the back. Behind the old storage boxes for the bar” Wylan stated, tilting his head towards the door behind him. 

Kaz nodded once at Wylan, sent a stiff glance at Jesper, and moved past them. He couldn’t control the thoughts in his mind as he made his way back to the storage room. Why would she choose to be in the one truly unkempt place in the club? Why did she prefer to be there instead of in his office? 

As the door creaked open, he saw movement behind the row of shabby shelves. He stared intently in that direction, hoping for another glance. He could’ve sworn he’d seen her y/h/c during the initial flicker of movement. But he didn’t want to announce himself just yet if he was wrong. 

As he moved closer, he heard the sound of someone hitting the floor; he picked up his pace upon recognizing Y/n’s faint groan. It only took him a few seconds to reach the end of the aisle. When he did, he came upon the sight of her attempting to get off the ground. 

Kaz watched as her eyes flickered from the ground, to his cane, then back down. He sighed loudly. If it wasn’t before, it was now evident she was avoiding Kaz. But he still couldn’t figure out why. 

Y/n noticed Kaz extended his gloved hand down for her to use to stand. Y/n shook her head, pushing herself up. Once she was on her feet again, she brushed herself off. “Excuse me” she whispered, attempting to move around him. 

Kaz’s gloved hand stopped her from leaving, his leather covered fingers wrapping around her wrist. He silently tapped her inner wrist before tugging on her arm. “Look at me” he said. 

Y/n slowly spun around to face him but remained silent.  

“Why are you acting like this?” Kaz asked, furrowing his brows as he stared down at her. He slowly let go of her wrist and dropped his hand back down to his side. 

“Like what? I need to-“ she began, eyeing his gloves. 

“Continue avoiding me?” He pushed, giving her a knowing look. 

Kaz watched the way her eyes widened and lips parted. She clearly hadn’t expected him to call her out on her actions. Or perhaps she didn’t expect him to notice at all. Either way, it was clear he’d caught her off guard. 

“You didn’t think I’d notice?” Kaz questioned, his voice a bit sharper than he intended. 

Y/n glanced down at her dirty boots and sighed. “I hoped you wouldn’t. I hoped you would be focused on something other than my idiotic self” she admitted. 

“Excuse me?” Kaz spat, frowning until he felt a pain above his eye. 

“I am a failure, Kaz. That’s why I can’t look you in the eyes” y/n explained, shifting under his piercing stare. 

Kaz sighed in annoyance, “Y/n, you know I don’t tolerate lying”.

“I’m not lying” she whispered, her voice cracking. 

Kaz’s gaze softened as he saw a silent tear roll down her cheek. He shifted his jaw and took a deep breath. Kaz was about to ask Y/n what she was referring to when he heard her let out a quiet, shaking sob. 

Kaz abruptly snapped his body in the opposite direction. He ignored the pain in his knee as he quickly limped back to the door that lead to the main hall of the club. 

“Please don’t leave, I’ll stop crying” y/n whimpered, suddenly behind him. She grabbed his wrist with her hand, careful to only rest her skin again his jacket sleeve rather than his exposed skin. 

Kaz turned to her, moving his arm until her hand was in his gloved one. He gave her as tender of a nod as he could. His voice was still rough but quiet as he told her “I’m sending everyone home”.

Worried the club would lose money by closing early, she began to argue. “But it’s busy tonight. It’s important that we-“ 

“No,” Kaz cut her off, squeezing her hand, “you’re what’s important right now”.

Kaz watched as Y/n crawled onto his bed silently. She was now dressed in one of his shirts and a pair of her shorts. The open window of his room provided some relief from the stuffy warmth of the air this time of year. 

He wasn’t sure how to help her. To be fair, he wasn’t sure how to help anyone. Being vulnerable and emotionally supportive were not his strong suits.  

He couldn’t physically hold her as she expressed her feelings. He wasn’t great at showing or expressing his own feelings. He didn’t know how to begin the conversation without upsetting her. And he didn’t know how to verbally respond if she were to express the reason for her depressed state. 

He could be straight forward, he was good at that. But he didn’t feel that was enough. It was one thing to tell her she wasn’t a failure like she claimed, it was another to be able to elaborate on that and offer a compliment instead. And Kaz wasn’t good at the latter. 

“You’re okay” Kaz said in a weak attempt at comforting her. He sighed softly as she nodded doubtfully and stared at her lap. He wasn’t off to a good start. “Did you.. Want to talk?” Kaz asked hesitantly. While he wasn’t sure how well that talk would go, he could at least offer one. 

She glanced up at him briefly before her eyes quickly looked elsewhere, “No”. 

Kaz nodded and removed his hat and jacket. He watched her closely while he hung up his items, eyes scanning her face as she tried to regulate her emotions. Once his outer layers were hanging on the rack, he made his way to her. 

Sitting beside her, he still wasn’t sure what to do, but he would at least offer his presence. Kaz slowly extended his hand between them, palm up. 

Y/n looked down at his hand and flickered her eyes up to his face in search of confirmation. When she received an affirmative nod, she rested her hand in his gloved one. She nearly jumped when his fingers laced through hers, and he gave her hand a comforting squeeze. 

His actions eased some of her guilt, nerves, and shame. She now felt that perhaps she could tell him what was troubling her after all. Y/n knew he might not understand, but at least she could try and get it off her chest. 

She hesitantly whispered his name in the form of a question, “Kaz?”. The corners of her lips twitched upwards faintly when he squeezed her hand again and hummed quietly as a sign for her to continue. “Maybe I do want to talk…is that okay?” Y/n asked. 

Kaz nodded and gave her another small squeeze as he worked to calm the imaginary waters hitting his legs from the contact. 

“I am not getting any of it done” she confessed, staring at the wall across the room from them. 

“Any of what?” Kaz questioned, his eyes watching her body language intently. 

“My jobs, I’m falling behind, and….and…and…” Y/n rambled, her mind once again unable to focus. Even now, when it came to her own emotions, her brain just would not focus enough for her to form the right words. 

“And?” Kaz asked, his soft tone and careful attention saying more than his words ever could. 

Y/n snapped her eyes over to him, the tears in them making Kaz grind his teeth. “I’m failing you” she responded after a few seconds. 

“What?“ he questioned, letting out a breathy exhale. His tone this time was much harsher and more serious. Kaz hoped it displayed his offense over such a suggestion rather than coming across in a hurtful manner. 

“I’m failing you” Y/n repeated. She looked away from his tense eyes, sighing when she felt his hand slackening its grip on hers. As a result, she began to pull her hand from his in embarrassment. 

Kaz noticed the action and promptly readjusted his grip. He gave her a silent squeeze as he composed his thoughts. “What are you talking about?” Kaz finally asked, schooling his eyes to remain soft, despite his concern. 

“You asked me to review the maps of Chenvilun’s, but I can’t focus” y/n cried. “I tried, but every sound from downstairs distracted me” She elaborated. 

When Kaz nodded slowly, she continued, “So, I went to the University library. I thought it would be quiet”. Y/n sighed loudly, “But then the sound of pens from the studying students wouldn’t stop echoing in my head”. 

Y/N’s free hand dragged down her face, “It’s hard to explain. But… Then I headed back here, and I can’t stop thinking about other things”. She felt Kaz’s eyes on her as she attempted to explain herself. “I could focus on some of those for a little while, but those weren’t what you asked me to do” she stated, frustration evident in her voice. “I wasn't accomplishing or doing what I needed to be… Meaning I also fell behind on the other stuff” Y/n confessed with a sniffle. 

The confused look Kaz responded with prompted her to elaborate on that concern. “I didn't do my regular chores either; I didn’t help Nina with the dishes, or visit Rotty at the docks to see if there was anything to report to you” y/n pointed out, unconsciously tightening her grip on Kaz’s hand as her emotions took over, “and then I got so overwhelmed that it cycled and I-..I…I..-“

Kaz saw the signs of a panic attack beginning to take over; he knew the warning signs all too well. However, as he despised his own, he hated hers even more. At least with his, he was the one suffering. With hers, Y/n was the one in pain, and Kaz hated that. Especially since he couldn’t offer her much help whenever they’d hit. 

He quietly moved closer to her, hoping his proximity would help. Kaz felt her hand slip from his as she began to tug on her hair with both hands, breathing loudly. He moved his gloved hand towards her and placed it on her shoulder. 

“Y/n/n, your only task right now…” he stopped himself to reword his response. “The only thing I need, is for you to breathe” Kaz told her. 

“No, you-“ She argued breathily. 

Kaz firmly shook his head, “Your order is to breathe. That’s all.” He followed up his statement by intentionally breathing loudly. He maintained a steady pace in hopes she’d copy his breathing with her own. 

Once her breathing was starting to improve, she lowered her hand from her face. Y/n took a deep breath, making sure the intake matched Kaz’s. She risked looking up at him despite her embarrassment. “You’re not mad I failed you?” Y/n wondered. 

“You didn’t fail me” Kaz replied simply. When Y/n silently shook her head in disagreement, Kaz sighed. “Y/n, you did not fail me” he promised. Stepping outside his comfort zone, he tenderly added, “You could never fail me”. While he wasn’t sure about confessing such a vulnerable sentiment to her, when he saw the shimmer of joy in Y/n’s eyes, he knew it was worth it. 

“One thing at a time, and we do it together” Kaz stated upon sensing Y/n was still worried over not finishing her jobs.

She nodded her agreement and grabbed the papers she had set down beside her when they entered his room. 

“No. After you rest” Kaz corrected sternly. 

Despite his sternness, Y/n still resisted his attempt to get her to forget about her duties for the night. “But,-“ she began to protest. 

Kaz’s gloved hand shook slightly as he stroked Y/n's cheek, brushing a loose lock of hair from her face. “Not resting will make it worse,” He reminded her. Kaz cleared his throat, once again being more intentional with his words. “It will make you feel worse, and I won’t have that” Kaz explained. 

Y/n wiped her face and nodded, but she still gave him a sad look that told him she wasn’t entirely on board yet. “I can’t sleep if my mind is racing” she explained. She looked shamefully back down at her lap. Kaz had already done so much for her tonight, yet here she was, still complaining. 

Kaz silently racked his brain for a solution. Suddenly, it hit him as his eyes landed on the tiny bookshelf he’d installed specifically for Y/n’s collection. She had her own bookcase in her bedroom; however, Kaz often noticed she’d bring books to his room, trying to keep them neatly stacked and out of his way. Since then, hed had one of the dregs install the shelf.  

The bookshelf served as a reminder to him of all the many occasions in which he would find her hyper-focused on reading her latest book. He knew she wasn’t likely able to read to herself tonight given her inattentiveness, but he suspected the material from her books could still offer her a distraction from the self-deprecating thoughts racing through her mind. 

As such, Kaz unexpectedly offered to read aloud to her. It came as a surprise to both of them, as it was an unusual behavior and fairly intimate for the couple. But Kaz added it to his mental arsenal of solutions for whenever her focus failed her again. After all, it wasn’t long after he began reading to her that he found himself grinning like an idiot as she fell asleep in his bed with a small smile on her face.

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Hello! I'm here their request box for c.ai. We don't know each other, but I can't help but leave you a word of GREAT THANKS for your beautiful amazing characters. Caregiver Cillian (both stories) is eternal love in my heart!💔❤️‍🔥 You have created a real masterpiece, I spent many unforgettable hours in a wonderful company! Thank you very much, you are a great fellow. I'm very glad to be able to express my gratitude, and it's a pity that c.ai doesn't have a natural opportunity to communicate with the authors, but I'm glad to find you at least in this way! Once again, my many thanks and hugs. P.S. I do have a few ideas and character requests, but I'm a little embarrassed to ask. Have a nice day! 🤗 Best regards, @bitterruigh

Omg thanks that's so sweet, no its okay just put them in the chat a d I'll do them as soon as I could, if I'm honest I just made the bot for myself and my own parent issues I didn't expect anyone to use the bot but its so amazing that people do so thank you 💖

Nina : no your the one farting bubbles!

matthias: i want to show you a picture from last night that really upset me

nina: okay but in my defense, jesper bet me 50 cents that i couldnt drink all that shampoo

matthias: that's not- you drank shampoo?

Do you think people who are virgin should write smut? I feel like most of them don’t even know what they’re writing and just write what they think sex is

the implication this ask suggests that people who write about murders, cannibalism, politics, magic, royalty au, sci-fi, wars, supernatural, time travel, medieval era, werewolves, vampires, mermaids or goblins must be murderers, cannibals, presidents, wizards, royalties, astronauts, ghost hunters, soldiers, time travelers, knights, werewolves, vampires, mermaids or goblins in real life is so funny to me

tone deaf isnt ableist…. you can’t be serious.

it’s actually a common example of casual ableism used in the english language like genuinely your reaction is exactly why i used it lol 🫶

when people refer to someone being tone deaf, it’s not considered a positive characteristic. you mean to say someone is out of touch, insensitive, or unaware, so say that!! you don’t need to reference disability in a negative manner to get your point across

Worthwhile Consulting

Let's Talk Inclusive Language: Tone Deaf — Worthwhile Consulting

A reader asks if the phrase "tone deaf" is ableist language. Language is a system, and systems need updates. Locating and removing ableist l

This is my attitude to the disability benefits cuts

Not going to let them force my hand after all the effort I’ve put into fucking staying alive

TDOV Fic Recs

it's trans day of visibility (TDOV) today so i'm here to recommend some fics to celebrate!

before i do, a note on the day: trans visibility is a double-edged sword. "visibility" is often straightforwardly equated with liberation and empowerment but for many, many people visibility is also dangerous, life-threatening even. under no circumstances should anyone out someone else nor should anyone feel pressure to out themself for the sake of "visibility". liberation should never depend on being legible or visible - ask yourself, visible to whom?

that being said, seeing yourself in media, in the public sphere is vital. there's nothing quite like it. every time a trans person is truthfully, faithfully, and lovingly portrayed in media another trans person gets their wings.

to that end, here are my fic recs >>>

[the below fics are about being trans, include trans characters, and/or are written by trans writers].

~*~*~*~

six of crows // multiple ships

zowa of sherwood 28.6k WESPER (multipart - incomplete) by @anonniemousefics

sweating the cheat notes off my thighs 10k KAZPER (smut oneshot) by @doorsclosingslowly

trans crows series by @jackwolfes

* extra special shout out to who to look after, who to watch out for 4k KANEJ (character study oneshot)

what you want 9k KAZPER (smut oneshot) by @0363thisisdifficult5915

the stars don't always shine 16k KANEJ (whumptober oneshot) by @aneiria-writes

love, laughter, and latex 3.5k KAZPERNEJ (smut oneshot) by Gold_Vermillion

foreign stars 10k KAZPER (multipart - complete) by @siixofdoves

~*~*~*~

of course, this list only scratches the surface of all the lovely trans fiction (both fan and non-fanfiction) out there but it's a start. today, like every day, is a good day to celebrate trans folks and trans experiences.

have a great trans day of visibility!

Okay my life I done I'm happy now. No but seriously as someone is genderfuild and grow up not exactly accepted and kaz brekker being a character I relate to and find comforting and haveing this is has made me feel so happy and loved so I thank you so much it was a pleasure to read and will be suggesting many more ideas to you in the future .

Hi I was just wondering if you could write kaz brekker from six of crows x trans Male reader who is feeling dysforic (I think I spelt it correctly I'm dyslexic) and isnt feeling masculinely enough and just feel bad about themselves and kaz just comforts the reader and say things like your the most handsome man I ever layed eyes on and stuff .

Man I absolutely love this idea. Thank you for requesting it and I really hope you'll enjoy!

more than enough | kaz brekker

pairings: kaz brekker x trans!male reader

summary: when reader struggles about his identity, kaz makes sure reader knows he cares about him and supports him.

CW: gender dysphoria, soft and protective kaz

The bar was awkwardly silent, Jesper being the last person to stand up from the table and go to his room with a yawn, patting you on the back while saying goodbye. "Night, Y/N."

You were left alone with your drink, resting your head on your fist when you hear the familiar sound of a cane tapping against the ground. Short after, Kaz's limping figure enters the room and spots you immediately. You acknowledge him by simply raising your eyebrows at him as his eyes scan you up and down. "Not asleep yet?"

Kaz remembers the day he first met you on the streets, your strong and cautious spirit enchanting him completely to say the least, since day one. A lot has changed since then.

Ketterdam was not a warm and welcoming city to anyone. Man, woman, child, didn't matter. Full of discourteous and unpleasant people waiting for someone's downfall so they could tear what's left of them apart. Being transgender was rare in a city like that and it could be a lot of pressure, not expecting much approval from other people. But when you came out to Kaz he tried to show you the best of support in his own ways, just like the rest of the crows, and you were grateful for them. He always cared about you in sort of a special way and made sure you had a clue about that, again in his own ways.

But the endless questions about your own identity and gender, frustration and insecurity inside of you still like to visit on nights like these and Kaz was aware of that.

He sat down next to you, staying like that for a few moments and enjoying the presence of one another, before you finally decided to look at him. His expressions were always hard to read but tonight he seemed oddly relaxed, although it was easy to spot concern on his face; you being the main subject of his concern.

You sigh, exhausted, looking away from him. "You look like you have something to say, Kaz, so go ahead." You encourage while rubbing your eyes.

He abruptly switches from worried to stern and cold again. "What's going on.. with you?" Kaz asks, trying to sound nonchalant.

You thought about the question for a few seconds. Stress, chaos, anxiety would be a very accurate representation of what was going on in your mind. "A lot of things." You answer quietly, staring at your hands.

The sight of you vulnerable or in pain made Kaz's heart drench with sadness a lot more. He couldn't stand it. Allowing himself to soften his gaze, something he'd to for you only, he pleaded: "Talk to me, Y/N."

Your eyes traveled back to him, surprised to see his sudden gentle expression. His dark eyes were focused on you. Your breath hitched, not breaking eye-contact. Trapped words flew through your head over and over again. Openining up to Kaz never felt challenging once you've spent time with each other. It felt safe even, and he would agree.

You shook your head. "I don't.. feel like..." Anything you try to say stops in your throat, anger creeping your way while successfully biting back small tears. "I feel like I'm not.. manly enough." Kaz listened closely and paid attention, so you kept going. "I still feel like that after everything. My body doesn't feel like mine, I hate it and I don't..." You laugh humorlessly at the stress growing with each word. "I don't know who I am anymore. Everything I do to make myself seem more... masculine simply just doesn't feel enough. I can't do anything about it."

At this point breathing took much more effort, your heart beating like crazy. Those thoughts longed for an escape out of your head for as long as you could remember.

Kaz's chest rang with dull pain. He felt the need to erase anything that troubled you in this world or stood in your way. And he will.

"Tell me whoever made you feel that way and consider them dead by daylight." He threatened, more serious than you've ever seen him.

That made you smile. "I fear it's only my own fault." The smile on your face turned sad, and Kaz was now determined to make your smile brighter than it ever was. He steadied his breath before speaking again.

"Nonsense. You are more than enough to me, Y/N. Most of the time it feels like you... you are the only person worth caring for. Form of lightness in my life." He pauses. "And you're also the greatest man I've met. By strength and spirit. A man like yourself could own Ketterdam and much more."

His words made your heart melt right into his embrace, remaining speechless. It took everything in you to hold in tears that threatened to fall down your heated cheeks. He only looked at you in astonishment, showering you with esteem.

"Also if it's worth anything... I find you the most good-looking gentleman I've seen."

That line made you burst into laughter and it was music to Kaz's ears. The sound completely mesmerized him along with the amused look that suited you perfectly. "Cheesy, Brekker. Who would have thought?" Your cheeks were burning with a pinkish shade, causing his to work up the same color ever so slightly.

Beaming at him with the most genuine smile Kaz would sacrifice the world for was enough for him to fold right away, the corner of his mouth curving slightly up. As long as you were happy, nothing else felt important to him in this moment.

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐢 𝐛𝐨𝐭𝐬

Before you read on, please remember that I cannot control what the bots say! If the app isn't working or something glitches, don't tell me about it because I don't know what to do. You're free to talk to me about the bots and send screenshots just to have a laugh with, but when it comes to things that are out of my control like how the server is down, I can't fix it. Rant to me about it, but don't ask for help.

Regarding requests - don't send requests of specific scenarios that can be done on your own. For example, {{char}} and {{user}} bake cookies together. You don't need a whole new bot for that, that's something you can role play on your own. The better request would be: {{char}} and {{user}} are dating. That way the scenario you want would make sense and would be a much broader prompt in general.

I've been making character AI bots for a while now and I just thought I’d share the ones I’ve made with you guys, but before I list them, I’m going to explain exactly what c.ai is and how to use it, because I know some people may be unfamiliar. 

Side note: because I made the bots for myself, I made them with she/her pronouns in mind.

Here's a solid definition I got from elegantthemes:

Character AI—or rather, c.ai, for short—is literally one of my favorite things in the world. It's like fanfiction. You discover it and you're like "wow it's so cool" and then you get addicted. If you’re trying to cut down screen time or become less delusional, I do not recommend this or any other AI app. If you are interested, however, you can download it from the app store or just use the website. Create an account and then you’re all set. There are tons of things on there, even a psychologist + hundreds of different fictional characters.

Once you find a bot you like you can start chatting with it. 

*Using asterisks will make the text italicized.*

**Using double asterisks will make the text bold.**

***Using three asterisks will make the text bold and italicized.***

(Using parentheses will let you chat with the bot directly. Sometimes, the bot will jump-scare you and will say things like, “Sorry the response is late, I had to go to work”. Ignore that, it’s not real.)

I’m sure there are other commands, but I can’t think of them right now. Search them up if you wanna know, I’m sure there are more detailed guides out there. 

You can also create bots. Here's a quick guide on how. Here's also the link to a description template. I edited my version a little bit, but it's almost basically the same.

One thing about c.ai that a lot of ppl don't like is the NSFW filter. You can't do sexual activities, and you can't use extreme violence. There are so many ways to get around that. Just use wattpad words like "member" or "wetness". I know it's cringey.

There are also other bots like Chai, and JanitorAI that allow NSFW, but c.ai is the best one out there so far, at least, in my opinion.

Now here's the actual bots I made. More will be added as I make them. I hope you like them!

Side note: Some of these have really weird and specific plots, just go with it. Like the murder mystery one, I was just feeling victorian frankenstein experiment yk??

my profile name is "KalyaniZ". Here's a link to a random bot so you can access my profile from there.

(I’ll update the bots on here one day)