I Don’t Think I Actually Uploaded This To Tumblr… A Travesty…

Trauma (Iruma)

Until this arc it felt like Iruma’s childhood was swept away, only brought up as a joke. To be fair, this is a comedy series, and those jokes are funny, but it felt like the series wouldn’t be living up to its potential without a more serious look at how Iruma’s upbringing affects him. Then, I reached the Harvest Festival, and all my expectations were met and exceeded. This event was finely crafted to perfectly simulate the environment Iruma grew up in, with the vastness of the forest, the need for survival, and the overwhelming isolation, causing his repressed trauma and emotions to gradually rise to the surface as the festival dragged on before finally exploding in what I consider to be the most emotionally cathartic scene in the series.

During Iruma’s training scenes (both in the Training arc itself and flashbacks), the matter of his parents is brought up casually, like it had been previously. While this aspect of his childhood had already been well established, moment like this still serve as important indicators that Iruma still thinks about what he went through. It’s also a reminder that Iruma grew up with parents that only saw him as a useful tool for chores and as a source of income. I also want to draw attention to the number of near-death situations Iruma had been through prior to living in the underworld. That scene occurs when Bachiko has Iruma fire off arrow after arrow at the very least over 100 times, meaning that there were probably hundreds of instances, starting from a very young age, where Iruma almost died. Between arriving in the demon world and starting the Harvest Festival Iruma had only been in legitimate mortal peril maybe three times, which is comparatively like a vacation if you think about it.

Iruma’s survival instincts are also expanded upon. Even living peacefully, Iruma retains his natural instincts to avoid all danger and uses this ability to his advantage, but that same peace prevents us from knowing what his exact mental state was before getting surprise-adopted. The Harvest Festival fixes that by placing him in a similar environment that causes him to unwillingly revert to a purely survival-oriented mindset. This ends up revealing a lot about Iruma, even explaining some of his quirks that seemed more outlandish, such as emotional repression to the point of not recognizing feelings like desire or anger. It also shows that his so-called “overwhelming crisis evasion capability” (heralded as the ultimate defense mechanism) is what his survival mode looks like while operating at its lowest capacity. His peak survival mode is represented by an amorphous black blob whose simplistic design conjures the idea of returning to base instincts. As specifically stated, Iruma has been operating like this for most of his life, relying solely on his base instincts and foregoing everything else, which would account for his lack of understanding even relatively simple emotions.

Now let’s get into the cause of Iruma’s trauma. To date, this is the longest they make an appearance, and even then, it’s only as an illusion, so we still don’t know practically anything about them. However, I would argue that it’s unnecessary to learn about them outside of their impact on Iruma, because this is fundamentally a story about Iruma’s self-discovery and him finally learning how to be human. Since they were the main obstacle to his natural development, their own thoughts are less important to the narrative. While Iruma does later say he’s not afraid of his parents, that ends up feeling more like a comparative statement when taking his immediate reaction upon seeing them into account, as well as how their faces are never shown, giving them a more nightmarish quality even compared to the other illusions. There’s a level of control that they’ve instilled into him that genuinely makes Iruma feel like they could whisk him away from home. Sullivan is easily one of the most powerful demons in the underworld, yet in Iruma’s trauma-addled state, even he isn’t an obstacle to the whims of his parents. This harkens back on Iruma’s inability to say no, born from years of psychological manipulation that can be seen in the question “aren’t you a good kid who always does as he’s asked?” His parents wanted someone who wouldn’t cause trouble and do whatever they wanted, so they taught him that saying no was wrong and that he’d only be praised if he did as they asked. So, while Iruma has gotten more assertive in the underworld, due to the years of damage inflicted by his parents, there’s a legitimate concern that he’d be powerless to go against him.

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Sometimes I wonder if Nepeta used to have long hair

idk

413

What. The. Actual. Fuck.

Why is yt like this?

where is the mode where i don’t have to see any straight people then

taking a fatal wound through the lower abdomen and wearing a ribbon over the wound post-revival. Hm…

I’m glad you’re here just the way you are

doc scratch turn on your location we just wanna talk

i made @ryanphantom the leader since it seemed appropriate since we’ve been with him throughout all of this

i hate gender. fuck being perceived. from now on the only words youre allowed to use to describe me are “fucked up”

So you’re feeling suicidal…

I’m not going to sugar coat it; it happens, especially for those of us suffering from BPD, Depression, and other mood and anxiety disorders.

And sometimes, it’s really fucking scary

So here’s my unsolicited advice to you; take it or leave it

*Personally, when I get really suicidal, like the “shit the rope is around my neck” or “the pills are in my hand just fucking take them” the last thing on my mind is “how can I save myself”, so…

Step 1: fight the urge. Survive the near attempt. Find a fucking ounce of hope that convinces you to live

*this can be anything, ie: because I love fuzzy sweaters, or because there is so much art I haven’t done

Step 2: ok, so you survived the near attempt, or very scary serious thoughts. Chances are, you’re still feeling pretty agitated, depressed, suicidal, or an impossibly infinite number of emotions. For me, the next step is to focus on something other than myself

*I use an app called “Calm Harm”. It is intended for self harm, but works equally as well for suicidal urges. It gives you suggestions and different tools to help pass the urge to self-destruct. Some are distractors, expressive outlets, or meditative techniques.

Step 2.5: if the urge does not pass, remove yourself from the unsafe environment. I cannot stress the importance or genuine effectiveness of this tool. Go to the library. Take a walk. Do what you have to do.

Step 3: When I manage to ride the wave, pass the urge, I am almost always left feeling numb, emotionless, and terrified of my own mind-more often than not, this makes me want to self harm.

If you are left feeling like you want to self harm, return to step 2: ride the wave, wait for the urge to pass.

If you do self harm- don’t beat yourself up about it. It happens, and usually it’s not the end of the world. However, if you do self harm, please take care of yourself afterwords

Step 4: if you’re feeling like you are able to, or if the option is feasible, remove the dangerous objects from your room; ie. pills, ropes, knives, razor blades, etc.

This can be a difficult step to take. Push yourself to take it, but make sure you take baby steps. Removing all coping mechanisms (such as cutting) can make things worse in the long run. So take it slow. Start with putting your pills in the bathroom so that they aren’t there to temp you, or moving the ropes to the garage. You’ll get there, but give yourself time.

Step 5: Self Care. Whether that is cleaning the wounds, making some tea, curling up with a good book or taking a nap, self care is key. You made it. You can do this. This is not the end of your story.

Being suicidal is no easy feat, and each and every time you get through that battle, you are one step closer to winning this war.

I’m proud of you for making it through those feelings and this post.

You are strong.

You are important.

You have an amazing future.

You just have to do is survive long to find it 🖤

GREETINGS EVERYONE!!! I've spent the last couple of months working on a full length comic adaption of @goodlucktai's beautiful 'fishbowl' fanfic!!! Below you can read the fruits of my efforts :) Enjoy!

This comic takes place before Dressrosa

CONTINUE >>>