Latest Posts by albondiguilla007 - Page 5

Happy Birthday 🎂

Happee birthdae Harry!

I think it's time to fetch a midwife...

AND YOU LEFT JAMES OUT IF IT'S FOR HIM TO FAINT AGAIN!

THIS IS BIBLICALLY ACCURATE PERIODT

Headcanon ❗ (but real to me)

The Golden Trio are very affectionate friends. Like annoyingly so.

Always reaching out for a high five or a pat on the back. Arms around shoulders. Greeting with a hug. Harry gives great neck massages. Ron likes to sit shoulder to shoulder. Hermione guides them around with a hand on their lower back (and so they don't wander off).

Ron taps Harry on the ass whenever he walks by. Hermione trims their hair during the school year because she insists it does a better job than magic. Harry could fall asleep anywhere and regularly dozes off in class with his head on one of their shoulders.

If they're sitting at a table together, chances are their legs are all tangled together underneath or stacked like pancakes. Hermione holds onto their arms when they walk through a crowd. Ron props his chin atop their heads when he stands behind them.

Preach

It's interesting how it's more acceptable to be an "evil" character with redeeming qualities than a "good" character with flaws. Both are morally gray, so what's the difference? Aesthetic?

(Ex: Draco vs. Ron, Regulus vs. Snape, Narcissa vs. Molly)

And for another monthly fic recommendation…Drum rolls….

DRARRY

(The art was done by the talented @littlewinnow)

And The Illusion that One Can Get Things Right

119k, Complete, Explicit

The synopsis: Blindsided by Ginny's sudden departure from his life, Harry struggles to care for his family—replete with a new baby. The situation plummets from disarray to pandemonium just as Draco Malfoy arrives to drop Scorpius off for a visit, because of course it does.

IT WAS SO SO SO CUTE

James, Albus, Lily and Remy stole my heart. The friendship between the Potters and the Malfoys felt so natural and tender ugh, I loved every chapter with them on it. Seeing Harry try to do his best as a recently single father, trying to give his kids the love and attention they crave after Ginny left WITHOUT neglecting his other duties? Juggling with the needs of a newborn baby, two moody teenage kids and an adorable ten year old girl? Poor guy was STRUGGLING.

And then, so organically you can’t help but be in awe of the author’s skills, Draco and Scorpius enter their lives: restoring the natural order of things with small gestures and every day domesticity. IT MADE ME MELT 💕

I loved the way Draco helps Harry carry the heavy burden on his shoulders, all without losing that iconic Malfoy sass. AND THEN THEY START FALLING IN LOVE 😭 So slowly and naturally, like it was meant to happen from the start. STOP IT 😫❤️

This fic felt like a warm hug, so tender and fluffy and spicy at the same time. One hundred percent recommended.

exactly how I picture Auror Harry though, ten years down the line

redraw of this piece that’s been going around again,, had to redeem myself 🚶

you’re a life saver ❤️

Do you have any eighth year drarry fic recs? I’m struggling to find any I haven’t already read!

eighth year drarry? yes of course

this is probably in my top five favourite drarry fic tropes so i’m always on the lookout for new fics to read! here are some of the notable ones i’ve read that aren’t the already super well known fics out there!

Smoke and Sweets by BiscuitBrunch

Draco spends his eighth year at Hogwarts under a study contract, working the Hospital Wing with Madam Pomfrey.

He should have foreseen how often that meant bumping into Harry Potter.

(In which a touch-starved Draco has a praise kink that Harry is delighted to indulge.)

Eager For The Sky by @oknowkiss

It was announced, just as the Triwizard Tournament had been, at the start of term feast.

A year-long, international Quidditch varsity match — the inaugural Wizarding Academy Cup.

In which Harry is Hogwarts' star Seeker, Draco is on the bench, and they both have a thing or two to learn about playing for the same team.

The July Tree by @oknowkiss

Neither rain, nor snow, nor sleet, nor hail… nor well-meaning friends, nor questionable communication skills, nor seven years of hating each other’s guts can keep Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy from falling in love.

OR: It’s Eighth Year, and Harry Potter has detention. What else is new? Well, since you asked: Greenhouse Four and the Tree of Life, for a start, and then there’s the new shared Eighth Year common room, and Harry’s sexuality, and these pesky dreams he keeps having about a blond man pushing him into things…

To Sleep, Perchance to Wake by shrugs

Harry sleeps through the first two months of eighth year. He wakes up for Mandy Brocklehurst's birthday party and finds his friends- and enemies- changed irreconcilably.

Nobody Pinch Me by @dracoladon @lazywonderlvnd

A mysteriously locked door keeps Harry and Draco trapped in the room where they're serving detention.

He Was A Skater Boy by @m0srael

Harry Potter intends to spend his eighth year at Hogwarts avoiding the endless stares, whispers, and nosy questions that never seem to leave him be. He wants nothing more than to hide in the quiet solitude of his dorm room, keep his head down, and wallow in his grief.

At least, that's his plan right up until the moment Draco Malfoy kick-flips his life upside down.

Tell Me Love Is Endless by alexmeg, RewriteParagraph

In an unfair world like this, sometimes people fall in love with their soulmates after they are dead.

Just like Draco Malfoy does.

To Serve Malfoy by VivacissimoVoce

Harry loses a wager with Draco, which means he must spend the summer at Malfoy Manor as Draco’s personal servant.

When I Put My Eyes On You by Zzzara

When a hero defeats a villain, there's supposed to be a happily-ever-after... but when did anything ever happen to Harry Potter the way it was supposed to? Having sacrificed himself to the greater good, Harry is left alone in the darkness, blindly groping for the shreds of the life he knew.

When the enemies meet, how is the story supposed to go, once they learn there's more to it than the eye can see?

A story of pain, hope and things we discover, once we stop looking for them with our eyes.

It’s No Great Mystery by agentmoppet

Who on earth decided that bringing back the Yule Ball for their eighth year would be a good idea? It feels like the worst day of Harry’s life, watching everyone get glammed up like the war never happened, like the last Triwizard Tournament wasn’t such a colossal failure.

And then it happens again. And again. And again.

Arms Wide Open: Hogwarts by Sita_Z

Harry did not expect his Eighth Year to involve any more investigations of abandoned bathrooms. Nor did he expect to come across Draco Malfoy there, alone, bleeding and in late-stage labor.

Thank you for having me! I had a great time seeing what everyone wrote ❤️

Welcome to Day 17 of The Tortured Poets Fest!

Click the links listed below to check out all of the content our lovely Tortured Poets have created for all of us today! (and go to our bio to access the rest of the AO3 Collection)

✍️ cloud of sparkling dust by billi_mausi @billi-mausi

Ship(s): James Potter/Regulus Black, Marlene McKinnon & James Potter, [Minor or Background Relationship(s)] Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Marlene McKinnon/Dorcas Meadowes, Mary Macdonald/Lily Evans Potter, Barty Crouch Jr./Evan Rosier 

Rating: T

Summary:

"He loves me?" "He loves me not?" "He loves me not."

James knew unrequited love was painful, sad and heartbreaking, but he never knew it would be flowers-wrapped-around-his-heart-and-lungs-blocking-his-air-supply-making-it-hard-for-him-to-breathe-and-live painful, but, oh well, what can James do if he doesn't like James back, he might just die it would make no difference.

OR James is in love with Regulus, Regulus doesn’t love him back. Now he is coughing up flowers and petals because this time, feelings might actually be fatal.

🕯 New Gods by @thecouchsofa

Ship(s): Sirius Black/Harry Potter

Rating: E

Summary:

It rocks Sirius to his core every time he thinks about it, because they aren’t the same – Harry and James.

Sure, Harry pushes his glasses up with the knuckle of his pointer finger. James used to do the same thing when he had dirt or sugar or random potion essence on his hands. Other people do that too. Sirius has never seen it, but they do.

🗝 you sacrificed us to the gods of your bluest days by albondiguilla @albondiguilla007

Ship(s): Harry Potter/Hermione Granger

Rating: M

Summary:

Who, she wanted to ask. Who, she wanted to cry. Whose ghost is haunting you right now? As if his parents’ death wasn’t enough tragedy, as if the nineteen year old boy trembling in her arms hadn’t experienced enough pain to last a lifetime.

Tell me who you’re crying for and I’ll cry with you. 📜 In fifty years, will all this be declassified? by birbsletter

Ship(s): Mary MacDonald/Peter Pettigrew

Rating: M

Summary:

In her horror and regret, mornings like these felt like a slap, a cruel show of how beautiful life would be if she wasn’t broken, like a clockwork toy smashed against the wall by a spoiled child.

the aftermath

🖌 I Choose You and Me, Religiously by shewritesmaybe

Ship(s): James Potter/Regulus Black

Rating: E

Summary:

James and Regulus played together one time seven years ago and for the next five years they pretended it meant nothing. After two years of dating but still playing with others at their local BDSM Club, they're going to have one last hurrah before committing to monogamy.

“If any of the other players give you an order I don’t like, I’ll step in and stop it or you can use your safe words any time. Otherwise, I expect you to be obedient, pleasing, and silent. Understood?”

“Yes, Daddy.”

“Good. Stand back up so I can kiss you, love, and then I’ll put your blindfold on.”

**************

Be sure to check our page for Day 18’s reveals! Until then, Tortured Poets <3

🩶 Your mods,@wolfpadx @multiimoments @heartsoncover @lemonlans @mercurial-witch @steveahoi damagecontrol & shewritesmaybe

Reblogging cause it’s on theme

Wanted to share this Golden trio fluff:

Who was Harry Potter anyways? The Chosen One? The Boy-who-lived? The Saviour and Golden Boy of the Wizarding World?

Did the press actually got it right when they wrote pieces about him? Could they know what kind of person he was just by the major events of his life? Coul he?

Did Hermione and Ron knew who his best friend was? During those nights filled with dread when the dead became living and the living bled to death in the most excruciating ways. When they were there for him, did they know?

When they took his hand and slept right there besides him, whispering sweet nothings until he fell asleep again. Could they describe who he was with the same certainty one would talk about the lush and green hills in Scotland?

Mione watched him with that look of hers, one of unwavering faith. Her eyes softening as she lulled him to sleep.

The moonlight filtered through the tiny gap between the curtains back in his room in Grimmauld Place, illuminating the seven freckles scattered in her nose and cheeks. A hundred years could pass and he’d still be able to trace those freckles to memory, like one traces the starts and constellations in the nightsky. She’d stay there for hours, stroking his hair and drawing silly patterns in his skin. Like a mother would. Soft fingertips and soothing lullabies.

With the tenderness of a mother, the devotion of a lover and the undying loyalty of a friend.

In those moments he could be sure of one thing: Hermione Granger knew exactly who Harry Potter was: His best friend, the person looking back at her with grief and open adoration.

And Ron. Ron held him while Mione grounded him and brought him back to Earth with them. Soft breath tickling his neck. He was too tall for the bed, so his feet stayed dangling from the edge most of the times.

Ron was home, Ron was family.

Ron was the first person to ever say I love you, his chubby cheeks bouncing as he smiled, honest in his love like only kids are.

There wasn’t much of that Ron in the 6’2 ft tall man that layed besides him. Except maybe his eyes. They were blue, blueblueblue, round and big and completely sincere. Every emotion he felt reflecting back on them.

Violent but oh so soft. Harry had never seen the ocean, but he reckoned that’s how it looked like.

His presence was enough to make the world stop spinning, so he stayed with them: A hand in his arm or a leg tangled between Mione’s.

Always touching.

His silence saying more than a million words could.

I’m not going anywhere Harry. Not today, not tomorrow. Not ever again.

But so they knew? Did they even care?

You’re every Harry love, the ones you like and the ones you don’t

Harry Potter was the guy that passed the Auror official test in record time. The one that later on had a flashback in the middle of a raid and almost got everyone killed.

Harry Potter was the man who stayed alone in New Year’s Eve changing napies and falling asleep besides his godson as he burnt in fever.

It was the five year old boy that one day came home from school with a carefully written card he’d dedicated to his aunt on Mother’s Day.

It was the boy who loved to fly. That felt more free in the air than any place on Earth. That enjoyed the breeze against his hair and the feeling of wood under his fingers.

It was the man that spent half a year in muggle parties with his best friend’s sister fucking his way through London. High with the thrill of anonymity and pissed out of his mind.

The person that loved to control, to humiliate and to hurt: The man more scared of his own shadows than he was of any threat out there.

The one that stood in front of Voldemort when he was 17 and killed him like he was born to do so.

Harry Potter was the man scared of dark and cramped spaces. The man that fell apart in his best friends’ arms and sobbed for hours like he couldn’t do anywhere else.

It was the little boy who looked just like his father, that had his mother’s eyes.

It was the man who loved with every fiber of his being, that loved and loved like it was a race, that burned and consumed and desperately wanted to be loved back. It was the man that remembered Molly’s favorite way of taking tea, that visited Goerge on the weekends at the shop. The one that discussed muggle phones with Arthur. It was the man Andy could always remember his daughter with

Harry Potter was the boy that walked to his death on a cool May evening because he loved, and wanted his friends to live and to be happy more than he wanted it for himself.

And so Hermione stroked his hair, and Ron hid his face in the crook of his neck, and so they’d remind him.

I love all of them Harry, each and one of them

You’ve carried enough burdens mate, leave some of them to us alright? We’ll carry them too

Harry Potter was Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley’s best friend. And sometimes, that was enough.

Harry James Potter, Ronald Billius Weasly, and Hermione Jean Granger.

I’ve fallen so stupidly in love with these characters over the past year, it’s crazy. No matter how many new characters appear, how many ships become fan’s favorites, how many times writers decide that Ron was a horrible friend, that Hermione was better off without her boys, that neither of them deserved Harry. Now matter how many years pass, I’ll continue loving these three with the same intensity.

They are human and so impossibly imperfect, but they try their best. They try to be there for each other even when their personalities clash, when they don’t understand the other’s motives. To forgive each other when they fuck up, to console and provide comfort when times are dire. To protect, and defend at any cost. I adore every fic that explores their dynamics and the complex interactions between them.

I adore them. Just them.

And I adore @blvnk-art

Golden Trio

It’s inspired by the song So Long London. It’s a short story, probably around 8k. Features angst, relationship’s break up, mentions of depression and ptsd and very strong friendships. Help me out pleaseee.

Have you read Inevitabilities by EclipseWing?it's a Tom and Harry attend Hogwarts together but not time travel it's an awesome fic! A time travel fic that I love is Game On,Your Move by Ailora!

Hellooooo! Oh my god, I can’t believe I didn’t see this message sooner!

I haven’t read Inevitabilities before, but I’ll definitely give it a try. Game On, Your Move is that one fic where Tom thinks Harry is planning to kiss him instead of killing him isn’t it?

It’s hilarious, hot, and Tom is so stupidly gone for Harry hahaha. He’s like, how on Earth could anyone not be attracted to me? Specially this beautiful green-eyed boy??? He should be attracted to me! I am attracted to him, never mind he wanted to kill me!

Anyways, thank you for the recs 🙏🏻

Helloooo! So I’m looking for a beta or just someone in general that’s interested in reading over some chapters and commenting ideas before I post them. For anyone in the Harry Potter fandom that reads this and feels interested, please write me a message! I’d really like to exchange some thoughts. Thank you!

PLEASE PLEASE YOU NEED TO READ THIS FIC.

I’m getting sucked back to the Drarry spiral omg.

I read this fic with the dumbest smile on my face for the entirety of it. It’s hilarious, it’s hot, they’re both dumb cops. Ughhh I love them. Both Draco and Harry are so sassy on this one, they banter so much they have the whole DMLE *exhausted*. Their boss is DONE. He wants to sack them but these two idiots just don’t care. They’re soooo horny for each other.

Also, those small moments of vulnerability and introspection Harry goes through are beautiful. They balance the fic so much. It’s a romantic comedy, but also an incredibly realistic portrayal of normal life…like? Aside from the fact that they live in the magical world of course. Harry’s pondering on the war, on his friends and on feeling lonely just made it a hundred times better.

Anyways, read it 😾

This one scene was so iconic to me and i couldnt get it out of my head so i drew it quick in a feral state.

(Rookie moves by peu a peu)

STOP I LOVE THIS

Ron Weasley (ageless), “I’ve come here in support of my best friend, and my older brother, Charlie. Though, I think my wife is a little bit too.”

A Deep Dive into JKR's Terrible, Amateur Writing - Part Two

Welcome to my ballsy series where I will prove to you, dear reader, that J.K. Rowling, author of the Harry Potter series and resident Twitter TERF, is actually a very, very poor writer.

And when I say ‘poor writer,’ I’m talking about her prose, her sentence structure, and her scenes. I am not going to discuss anything about the HP world nor the overall plot of the books. 

This is all about the nitty gritty in the craft of writing itself.

Part One Link.

Disclaimer for all readers of this series: 

I’m going to sound very confident in my posts where I work under the assumption I’m a better writer than JKR; because I am. My apologies if this rubs you the wrong way. You’re simply witnessing the culmination of over two and half decades of experience with the intensity from a neurodivergent who is hyperfocused on her special interest. I didn’t just learn how to create stories; I learned the craft of writing to a minutia of details.

I’m not a perfect writer. No one is. I’m not a talented writer either. I’m experienced and skilled through years of study and practice.

I don’t care about J.K. Rowling. At all.

If you’re triggered by the concept and fact that JKR is a terrible crafter of writing, then you might want to take a step back and self reflect on that personal issue.

I still very much love and adore Harry Potter; you’re still allowed to love Harry Potter.

This is not a series to bitch or bash. This isn’t a shitpost. This isn’t an attack on JKR, no matter the disgusting bullshit she spews forth on Twitter. However, my hope is people awaken to the fact that JKR isn’t the goddess of writing we’ve all been led to believe.

This is a place of study and learning, where the purpose is to help students gain critical thinking skills and writing analysis tools to become better in their craft.

And, sorry, one more disclaimer for this specific post: 

Fanfiction is written for fun and is posted for free. I put most of my effort into my main fanfic, Terrible, But Great. (Yes, I intend to update Moon Rite soon, too) However, I also have two fanfics that are cowritten with another author; thus, the style of Shall I Stay and Badger Prey are understandably different. I spend three to four times the hours to edit a chapter versus drafting it. My process for fanfiction: I draft. I do one expansion edit. I do one proofread edit. I post.

However, if I were to publish a novel where people are expected to drop money on said book, my work flow would be vastly more extensive. To be clear, I’d do all of the following myself. I would not outsource. My process for published novels: I would draft. I would do three to four expansion edits. I would do two to three cutting edits. I would do three proofread edits. 

See the difference?

Because I don’t go through a cutting edit for my fanfiction, I’ll often come back later and see things I think are weak. I’m constantly seeing where I can tighten my work. There’s always room for improvement.

Remember: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix is a paperback book that costs $10. My fanfics are free. If I, someone who writes for free and puts what she considers the bare minimum of effort into them, have a higher standard in the quality of my writing than a paid traditionally published novelist, there’s a problem here. 

All right, with that nonsense out of the way, buckle up, my writing friends. Grab a snack. Hydrate. Remember to take what resonates and leave what doesn’t. Let’s begin.

Class is in session.

In this post, we’re going to discuss these five pages from HP5 and dissect one paragraph and a line from page 731. All dialogue is highlighted in blue.

(My favorite book in the series, btw. I fucking love fifth year the most. JKR did a damn good job with Umbridge.)

Since a certain anon lacked the skill to comprehend the difference between too much dialogue and stories driven by a high saturation of dialogue, let's go into further depth about dialogue.

What did I mean last week when I said: "Too much fucking dialogue!"

Today’s lesson will focus on the overall issue in JKR’s dialogue and in the prose surrounding those dialogue lines.

And since, apparently, I “lack the self awareness” to know most of my fics are “oversaturated with dialogue,” I’m going to use weaker examples of my own writing. Chapter 24 of TBG is heavily driven by dialogue with twenty-one named characters to juggle, something that's very difficult for me to manage. Though the chapter is lovely, I do feel it's some of my weaker work. In the end, I just didn’t have the energy to edit it a second time nor go through cutting edit.

Here are three different pages (some connected, some not) from Chapter 24 of Terrible, But Great. All dialogue is highlighted in blue.

You can already see the difference, I'm sure.

So, what’s the difference between a scene that has 'too much fucking dialogue' versus a scene that is highly saturated with dialogue?

Because there is one.

Let's set the scene for HP5. In the middle of an OWL exam, Harry received a vision from Voldemort, showing him that Sirius has been captured. He's being tortured to get something from a shelf, but Sirius refuses. Harry believes the vision is real. He tells Ron and Hermione, then asks for their advice on how to rescue Sirius. Ron and Hermione are both like, pardon, wtf, sir? (As they should be.)

We have five pages of this fight between them. These five pages are mostly dialogue with very little else surrounding it.

Also, note the final page where it has the worst sins of adverb usage. That page is what triggered me to begin writing this series in the first place, btw.

There's too much dialogue here. There's no description. I'm being told stuff, but I'm not being shown anything. There are no emotional anchors to Harry either. The more I reread this scene, the more I realized what was wrong.

There’s an emotional disconnect from Harry in the prose.

Do not misunderstand me: it is NOT to say that Harry isn’t emotional here. It's that the prose doesn’t grip me, the reader, by the chest and twist my heart with his overwhelming emotions. The prose doesn't prove anything, doesn't show me anything. This is an intense, terrifying moment for Harry. It should feel visceral. It should feel tangible. I should be able to taste his fear.

We also don’t get too much information about the emotional states of Ron and Hermione. We have hints, of course. But we can’t feel them. The emotions of the scene are dampened, muffled, dull even.

With an untrained eye, you might disagree. It's okay. You'll see what I mean soon.

Page 731 exact quote:

"I dunno how," said Harry. "But I know exactly where. There's a room in the Department of Mysteries full of shelves covered in these little glass balls, and they're at the end of row ninety-seven...He's trying to use Sirius to get whatever it is he wants from in there....He's torturing him....Says he'll end by killing him..." Harry found his voice shaking, as were his knees. He moved over to a desk and sat down on it, trying to master himself.

(Btw, punctuation issue: you do not use an ellipsis and a period together and there should be a space after the ellipsis.)

This is the only instance in the five pages where we get any information about Harry's physical state.

And it's written in such a weak 'telling' instead of 'showing' way, too.

How and where was his voice shaking? How are his knees shaking? Are they knocking together in a weird way that's kind of physically improbable? Or was it actually his legs were shaking? Isn't he leaning against the door? If his weight was resting against the door, then there'd be less shaking in his knees or legs because his knees would be locked to brace his body against the door. His arms and hands would be shaking, though.

How does Harry master himself? What does that look like? Slow breaths? Running a hand through his hair? Rubbing his face and eyes? How is Harry mastering himself? Is it mentally? Then, where are those mastering thoughts? What are they and why do those thoughts in particular help Harry 'master' himself?

What's Harry's tone as he talking about Voldemort threatening to kill Sirius? How is Harry feeling about this? Give me MORE!

The dialogue is presented to the reader in a bland, empty fashion. Harry is relating something to Ron and Hermione. I could switch the dialogue out with anything and it'd still make sense.

There is little surrounding the dialogue to anchor it.

So, let's rewrite this, shall we?

"I dunno how," said Harry, letting out a shaky breath. His hands clenched into fists against the door of the classroom. "But I know where—they're in a room in the Department of Mysteries that's filled with rows of shelves holding these... weird little glass balls. They're in row ninety-seven. Voldemort, he's—" Harry's voice broke. His breath caught in his throat. The memory of the vision returned full force into his mind, the image of Sirius on the floor at Voldemort's feet stark in his mind. He ducked his chin; his chest inhaled in a desperate breath and the edges of his eyes burned. He's torturing Sirius—I can't just wait around. I can't lose him. Harry looked up at Ron, whose face had grown pale, while Hermione stared at him with wide, terrified eyes. The strength in Harry's legs weakened. "He needs Sirius to get whatever it is he wants and he's—" Harry sucked in a gasp, his voice trembling like an autumn leaf in a thunderstorm. "—he's torturing Sirius... says he'll kill him in the end." His knees buckled. Harry stumbled to the nearest desk; Ron reached out with a steadying hand on Harry's upper arm and silent gratitude filled Harry's heart. With shaky arms, Harry lifted himself onto the desk to sit and twisted around to face Ron and Hermione. He licked his dry lips, rubbed his eyes with a hand, and took slow, deep breaths to master his fraying emotions.

The original canon text has 57 words of dialogue with a total of 83 words.

My rewritten version uses 56 words of dialogue with a total of 247 words.

I'm going to drill this concept into your heads, my lovely students: this is what I mean when I keep saying JKR's writing is both bloated and underwritten.

I only rewrote a single paragraph and its following line. The five pages I've provided are filled with this kind of empty dialogue.

So, what have I done here? Can you see the difference? Can you feel the difference?

Let's analyze what I focused on in this scene to show Harry's body language and his thoughts. I upped the physical effects on Harry's body. His fear causes his voice to break in the middle of explaining what's going on. He's terrified of losing Sirius, the only father figure he's ever known. Voldemort might take another parental figure from him. 

And now the prose reflects these feelings, not just in his thoughts, but also in how he speaks and reacts to what is around him. He is not just speaking at the reader.

Harry exists in his world. 

And you can feel it.

When he stumbles to the desk, Ron is there for him. Hermione reacting could also be added here. There is a lot that can be added to this scene, if one wanted to expand this further. 

Yes, what I've done has increased the word count, yet it strengthens this short moment—and I'd do this for the entire scene.

What I did to the scene is merely one version of its potential. It could be rewritten in a multitude of ways and go in various directions. I spent 10mins to 20mins on it. I haven't edited it or refined it.

Can you finally see what I mean now?

If you compare the highlighted pages of HP5 to the highlighted pages of Chp 24 of TBG, you can visually see the difference in the density of the dialogue. JKR is the one whose writing is oversaturated with dialogue. My writing will always be highly saturated with dialogue because my stories are character driven. I prefer stories like that. But I also need the dialogue to be interesting and engaging, where the character feels alive in their world.

When I say there's too much dialogue, this scene is such a good example of this because Harry, Ron, and Hermione are all over the place in their interactions with each other. Yes, you want your characters to sound realistic, but you're also the author curating an experience for the reader.

There's a balancing tightrope act between having realistic dialogue and unnecessary dialogue.

There's a thin line between showing too much and telling too little.

Lastly, if I were to improve the overall scene, I would center the focus on Harry's desperation to rescue Sirius. As Ron and Hermione try to talk him out of it, where Hermione delivers that iconic line of 'you have a people saving thing,' I'd have Harry explode with something like this:

"You don't know what's it like! You both have your parents—I-I don't... You'd feel the same as me if it were either of your parents being tortured by Voldemort, yeah? I can't lose him—I can't lose Sirius."

I'm not bothering with description around it right now. I just wanted to give the baseline dialogue to show you the theme I'd carry through this scene. It's all about Sirius. It's all about the fear of losing him. It's about showing the emotion of the character and making the reader feel that deeply.

And that's what matters the most.

All right then.

We have come to an end of Part Two in this series. We have discussed fives pages in JKR's Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. The pages in question are 731 - 735 should you wish to look it up and study the scene yourself.

And so, please do the world the greatest of favors and write better than J.K. Rowling. I promise, it's not that hard once you see the differences.

Until next time.

Isa

some 8th year DADA classes :3

Commission for @okay-sky, thank you so much! ♥

Exploring Harry’s trauma

Ginny suddenly twirled around to face Gracie, waving her arms around. “You saw that guy didn’t you? The one that came with me?”

Gracie nodded slowly, afraid of angering her any further.

“He is handsome isn’t he? I saw you looking at him.”

She flushed, not meeting Dudley’s eyes over Ginny’s shoulder.

“He doesn’t look like he’d be scared of many things don’t you think? He’s a, what? Policer? Police man? Is that how you say it?” She ran a hand through her hair, messing up her ponytail.

“He’s seen a lot of scary shit, believe me, stuff that would give anyone on their right mind nightmares for days.”

Ginny turned around towards Dudley again, clenching her fists. “Yet you know he gets panic attacks when he’s in cramped places? The strongest man I know, and he can’t stand to be in dark small rooms for more than a few minutes”

Dudley flinched again, and Gracie felt bile climb to her throat. Jesus Christ, what on Earth was happening?

“You know that man? The man that is so nonchalant about his own well being that he’ll spend a whole day without eating if no one reminds him?”

Gracie saw guilt flash in Dudley’s eyes, and she knew Ginny saw it too. She was praying on him like a cat prays on his food.

“Oh, but you know why already don’t you? You know the reason his eating habits were so fucked up as a child they carried onto his adulthood. The guy that is so terrified-”

Her voice cracked, and she took on a deep breath before continuing.

“So terrified of being a father given he never received love as a child. Terrified that when the time comes he won’t know how to give it back. The guy that still has a scar on his sternum from when you and your friends pushed him down the school stairs.” Ginny’s voice was a poisonous hiss, getting Dudley to turn a shade paler with every word.

She stopped right in front of him, breathing harshly. She took something out of her pocket, a piece of paper maybe, and slammed it against his chest.

You could hear a pin drop. Gracie thought with a touch of hysteria on Petunia’s red face when Dudley snapped at her. If she carefully stepped around Ginny to get inside and dry off would she notice? Would she kill her with all the righteous fury of an avenging angel?

After a couple of seconds of excruciating silence she spoke again, softer this time.

“That’s his address. I know you were a kid, and I know you shouldn’t carry your parents’ sins, but if you’re just a bit sorry for what your family did to him, you’ll get in touch, and you’ll apologize for everything.”

She backed away, clenching and unclenching her fists.

“It's the least you can do.”

Read the rest of the story on ao3

Stop this is so perfect

i have this headcanon (that’s literally my roman empire rn) that harry ron and hermione have a way of instantly calming each other down if one of them is panicking

harry’s the center cus he’s.. got the most issues let’s be honest

but they have a secret hand gesture that they make to the other two when panicking, putting their hand on their chest and rubbing in circles (please in sign)

ron will slide behind harry and wrap his arms around his waist, and hermione will come to his front and bury her head in his neck, and everything else won’t matter anymore

it’s something about ron holding him and hermiones hair being in his face, her scent enveloping his senses and he just feels.. safe. like nothing else matters

his two people are here and everything is going to be okay

Harry Potter is Really Magically Powerful

So, in continuation to this post, and my desire to show some love to Harry James Potter, this post is dedicated to showing how magically powerful Harry actually is in the books — which is insanely powerful. Harry doesn't think of himself as a great wizard, but he is — definitely powerful enough to be Voldemort's equal (and Dumbledore's for that matter).

Under the cut are some quotes from the books that prove this.

Accidental Magic

Let's start with Harry's childhood accidental magic. Tom was considered prodigious for being able to steal things with magic and make animals obey him intentionally. Neville, as a late bloomer, bounced when thrown, which is the bare minimum of childhood accidental magic young witches and wizards should be doing.

Now he came to think about it…every odd thing that had ever made his aunt and uncle furious with him had happened when he, Harry, had been upset or angry…chased by Dudley’s gang, he had somehow found himself out of their reach…dreading going to school with that ridiculous haircut, he’d managed to make it grow back…and the very last time Dudley had hit him, hadn’t he got his revenge, without even realizing he was doing it? Hadn’t he set a boa constrictor on him?

(Philosopher's Stone, page 44)

Harry has:

Apparated out of Dudley's reach when in danger to get away - advanced magic only allowed to practice from the age of 16!

Growing back all his hair from not liking the bad haircut.

Disappearing the glass of the Boa Constrictor case and leashing it

not even when he’d had to take a school report home to the Dursleys saying that he’d somehow turned his teacher’s wig blue.

(Philosopher's Stone, page 84)

4. Turning his teacher's hair blue.

We see Harry is capable of aparation, transfiguration, and various charms at a level that is considered prodigious. Harry was incredibly advanced as a child according to his feats of magic before even knowing magic was real. And while he wasn't as intentional as Tom, he was aware enough to know odd things happened when he was "furious or upset" that the odd things responded to him.

Intuitive Casting

I wrote later in this post about this, but I do want to write a whole essay about how magic works in the Wizarding world, but like, really in short, emotion and intention matter in magic. A lot.

And we see Harry make use of this fact to great effect. Using spells with intention to change the way they behave and they work for him because of how magically prodigious he is.

Harry raised his own wand. “Protego!” Snape staggered; his wand flew upward, away from Harry — and suddenly Harry’s mind was teeming with memories that were not his — a hook-nosed man was shouting at a cowering woman, while a small dark-haired boy cried in a corner. . . . A greasy-haired teenager sat alone in a dark bedroom, pointing his wand at the ceiling, shooting down flies. . . . A girl was laughing as a scrawny boy tried to mount a bucking broomstick — “ENOUGH!” Harry felt as though he had been pushed hard in the chest; he took several staggering steps backward, hit some of the shelves covering Snape’s walls and heard something crack. Snape was shaking slightly, very white in the face.

(Order of the Phoenix, page 591)

This is from the last of Harry's and Snape's Occlumancy lessons. What's interesting here is that from Snape's words, it seems the protego spell isn't supposed to work like that. Harry is magically powerful enough to make protego (shield charm) to defend him from Legilamancy, turn the Legilamancy onto Snape and disarm Snape.

No wonder Snape is shocked, it really isn't supposed to work. Unless you're Harry Potter, that is.

He did say in their first lesson the rules of magic don't seem to apply to Harry.

“Reparo!” hissed Snape, and the jar sealed itself once more. “Well, Potter . . . that was certainly an improvement. . . .” Panting slightly, Snape straightened the Pensieve in which he had again stored some of his thoughts before starting the lesson, almost as though checking that they were still there. “I don’t remember telling you to use a Shield Charm . . . but there is no doubt that it was effective. . . .”

(Order of the Phoenix, page 591)

What I marked here is the fact in all their occlumancy lessons, even the first, Snape always placed a few memories in the pensive. He chose memories he didn't want Harry to see and place them there.

Okay... so why is that a big deal?

Snape repeatedly belittles Harry's magical skills, and yet, he fears Harry would turn the Legilemancy connection back on him. Legilemancy as Snape explained is no easy skill:

“Only Muggles talk of ‘mind reading.’ The mind is not a book, to be opened at will and examined at leisure. Thoughts are not etched on the inside of skulls, to be perused by any invader. The mind is a complex and many-layered thing, Potter . . . or at least, most minds are. . . .” He smirked. “It is true, however, that those who have mastered Legilimency are able, under certain conditions, to delve into the minds of their victims and to interpret their findings correctly...”

(Order of the Phoenix, pages 350-351)

As such, he doesn't expect Harry to be capable of it. But that’s a lie. He clearly thinks Harry is skilled enough to be a threat in this situation. That Harry just might be able to turn this around and glimpse his own memories, which is no easy feat.

And Snape is many things, but stupid isn't one of them. If he thinks Harry is uniquely magically prodigious to be capable of this, then Harry probably is. Especially considering how much Snape hates Harry and how much he'd rather think he's stupid, useless, and unskilled.

“SHE KILLED SIRIUS!” bellowed Harry. “SHE KILLED HIM — I’LL KILL HER!” And he was off, scrambling up the stone benches. People were shouting behind him but he did not care. The hem of Bellatrix’s robes whipped out of sight ahead and they were back in the room where the brains were swimming. . . . She aimed a curse over her shoulder. The tank rose into the air and tipped. Harry was deluged in the foul-smelling potion within. The brains slipped and slid over him and began spinning their long, colored tentacles, but he shouted, “Wingardium Leviosa!” and they flew into the air away from him. Slipping and sliding he ran on toward the door.

(Order of the Phoenix, page 809)

Okay, so can we talk about this Levitation Charm? Please?

Like, get this, he uses Wingardium Leviosa, like a shield charm that sends multiple magical projectiles away from him. This isn't how this charm works, but it is if you're Harry Potter. (again, this is that intention use I mentioned)

The point is, that Harry is magically powerful enough to bend the way spells are meant to work to fit his will and situation.

And when Voldemort possesses him at the end of the fight in Order of the Phoenix:

He was gone from the hall, he was locked in the coils of a creature with red eyes, so tightly bound that Harry did not know where his body ended and the creature’s began. They were fused together, bound by pain, and there was no escape — And when the creature spoke, it used Harry’s mouth, so that in his agony he felt his jaw move. . . . “Kill me now, Dumbledore. . . .” Blinded and dying, every part of him screaming for release, Harry felt the creature use him again. . . . “If death is nothing, Dumbledore, kill the boy. . . .” Let the pain stop, thought Harry. Let him kill us. . . . End it, Dumbledore. . . . Death is nothing compared to this. . . . And I’ll see Sirius again. . . . And as Harry’s heart filled with emotion, the creature’s coils loosened, the pain was gone, Harry was lying facedown on the floor, his glasses gone, shivering as though he lay upon ice, not wood. . . .

(Order of the Phoenix, page 816)

Harry kicks Voldemort out.

As I mentioned, I have a a whole theory I'm drafting about magical theory and how magic works in the Wizarding World, but emotion as Harry describes in this scene is part of it. Emotion drives childhood accidental magic. Emotion is required to cast the Patronus charm and any of the unforgivable. Because of how emotion is tied to magic in this world, this instance is Harry's magic kicking Voldemort in his full power out of his mind.

Which is an impressive feat of magic.

Advanced Charmwork

“Oh — yeah —” said Harry, quickly forcing his thoughts back to that first broom ride. “Expecto patrono — no, patronum — sorry — expecto patronum, expecto patronum —” Something whooshed suddenly out of the end of his wand; it looked like a wisp of silvery gas. “Did you see that?” said Harry excitedly. “Something happened!”

(Prisoner of Azkaban, page 238)

This is the first time Harry cast a Patronus Charm. On his very first try of this complex charm, most adult wizards fail at — he succeeds. It isn't a perfect casting. His happy memory isn't happy enough, but the problem isn't Harry's skill.

The fact he succeeded in casting it at all with how crap his life has been up to this point is a testament to his magical talent.

Hatred rose in Harry such as he had never known before. He flung himself out from behind the fountain and bellowed “Crucio!” Bellatrix screamed. The spell had knocked her off her feet, but she did not writhe and shriek with pain as Neville had — she was already on her feet again, breathless, no longer laughing.

(Order of the Phoenix, page 810)

Harry, at age fifteen, casts the Cruciatus Curse for the first time. An advanced piece of dark magic that is tricky to cast. Sure, it wasn't the best cast Crucio, but it did work.

It did land.

It worked enough for Bellatrix to stop laughing and start taking Harry seriously.

Harry raised the hawthorn wand beneath the cloak, pointed it at the old goblin, and whispered, for the first time in his life, “Imperio!” A curious sensation shot down Harry’s arm, a feeling of tingling, warmth that seemed to flow from his mind, down the sinews and veins connecting him to the wand and the curse it had just cast.

(Deathly Hollows, page 452)

Like with the Cruciatus Curse, Harry succeeds in the Imperius curse on his first try (and the second try that happens immediately after). In general, Harry learns to cast most spells (even the advanced ones) incredibly quickly — like, on his first try. That's insane!

As Amycus spun around, Harry shouted, “Crucio!” The Death Eater was lifted off his feet. He writhed through the air like a drowning man, thrashing and howling in pain, and then, with a crunch and a shattering of glass, he smashed into the front of a bookcase and crumpled, insensible, to the floor. “I see what Bellatrix meant,” said Harry, the blood thundering through his brain, “you need to really mean it.”

(Deathly Hollows, page 502)

And he gets better over time, both with the Cruciatus Curse, as we see here and his fully corporeal Patronus which is considered an unbelievable feat for a fifteen-year-old:

“Your Patronus had a clearly defined form? I mean to say, it was more than vapor or smoke?” “Yes,” said Harry, feeling both impatient and slightly desperate, “it’s a stag, it’s always a stag.” “Always?” boomed Madam Bones. “You have produced a Patronus before now?” “Yes,” said Harry, “I’ve been doing it for over a year —” “And you are fifteen years old?” “Yes, and —” “You learned this at school?” “Yes, Professor Lupin taught me in my third year, because of the —” “Impressive,” said Madam Bones, staring down at him, “a true Patronus at that age . . . very impressive indeed.”

(Order of the Phoenix, page 141)

I agree Madam Bones, Harry is impressive and is Voldemort's equal magically. Harry isn't just Expelliarmos. he's clever and talented and very magically capable with every spell he tries his hand in.

@the-sinking-ship Your welcome love hahaha. I just saw these two and I thought of Draco asking Harry to help him quit his smoking habit (even when we all know he’ll never achieve it), and of Harry doing absolutely nothing to help him cause those sunrises on the rooftop where they share a cigarette after a whole night out partying is their favorite bonding time and I-

😭 I love them stop

Stop this is so them in Never Mind the Bollocks

Please please give it a chance, it’s one of my favorite Drarry fanfics, and The_Sinking_Ship @the-sinking-ship is ✨amazing✨ Easily one of my fav Drarry authors, she’s written the most beautiful, spicy and fleshed out fanfics I’ve read.

(also @ijlii what the hell those drawings are breathtaking)

A short Hinny one shot cause I’ve been obsessed with @blvnk-art and the way they draw the pairing. Their Harry and Ginny are beautifully portrayed, so realistic and full of life, and with more chemistry than in the seven movies together. Go look them up, you’ll love their drawings.

“Race you to the Whomping Willow Potter”

“Your ruin Weasley”

Ginny sets off towards the stairs, dropping her bag and spilling all her books over the floor.

“Oi, what about your things!?”

She barely glances at me, continuing to run like a bloody maniac, but I see a hint of a smirk before a wave of red hair hides her face. I chase after her, ignoring the protests and surprised yelps of students walking in the halls as we rush through them.

“It’s a shame you’re still the Quidditch team’s Captain! You’re bloody slow Potter!”

I scoff, skipping the steps of the stairs two by two. I’d answer her, but I’m running low on energy as it is. Fuck, I do need to train more.

Her black robe billows after her, blazing long hair flying against the air coming in from the courtyard as she continues running. The startling blue sky blinds me for a few seconds, and I put a hand against my forehead to protect me against the light. The grass dances with the breeze, emerald green reflecting the rays of sun. My breath is coming in short gasps, but I don’t stop, stubbornly chasing after the sneaky little minx.

She’s ten feet away, sprinting towards the Quidditch Pitch as fast as she’s on air, laughing with mirth. I close the distance between us, five feet, three feet away until she’s at reach.

“Hah, got you”

She wriggles against my arms, groaning when I just tighten them against her waist. “It was a race, not a dare to catch me you idiot”

I laugh in the crook of her neck, smelling her coconut body wash and a hint of something sweet. Maybe a new perfume?

Her skin is smooth as a baby, and I unashamedly rub my nose against it. Ginny elbows my ribs and I let go with a startled yelp.

“You were enjoying that too much Potter”

The corners of her lips curl in a teasing smile, and for a moment I’m struck speechless by how beautiful she is. I’d been so blind, focusing on my best friend’s little sister to realize how fucking stunning she’d become on her own right. Brilliant, harsh and aggressively beautiful, Ginny Weasley was a force of nature.

“Well, you are my girlfriend after all”

She snorts and continues walking backwards, never taking her eyes off me. She has pretty eyes, I realize, almond shaped and a beautiful shade of brown.

The sun illuminates her skin, a jumble of red freckles covering the bridge of her nose and a bit of her cheeks.

“Not if you continue being that slow no, I can’t have my boyfriend embarrass me in front of the whole school”

I smirk with malice, happy to bring her down a peg or two. “Something you’d know about, Miss Eyes Green as Fresh Pickles Toads”

That makes her stumble, and I take the chance to close the gap between us and wrap a hand around her neck, warm with embarrassment under my fingers. Her lips are soft, and all that attitude vanishes in a second as she sighs against my lips, curling her hands around the lapels of my uniform. The low murmur of students chattering inside the castle reaches my ears, the cheerful tune of birds chirping and the rustling of leaves in the border of the Forbidden Forest.

I feel Ginny’s lips curve in a smile and I can’t help smiling back, even as we break apart and I rest my forehead against hers, breaths mingling together.

I’m gonna cry 😭

A life together.

Open at Close.▕⃝⃤

Tomarry recs Part II

(go here for part l)

So, these fanfics are not all time travel, but they still are Tomarry, meaning Tom Riddle x Harry. If you’re interested in the time travel trope go ahead and check those out, they’re all amazing and really well written. Some of these have a different dynamic, but they’re still pretty good. Enjoy!

- [ ] A Dangerous Game: Incomplete, 283k. The whole Chamber’s mess happens in Harry’s fith year (I think) and Diary’s Horrocrux realizes Harry is one too, so he kidnaps him. Hilarious, smutty and vulnerable Tom, really good. https://archiveofourown.org/works/13059681/chapters/29871909

- [ ] What He Grows to Be: Incomplete, 266k. So, Harry goes back in time to change the future and adopt Tom to hopefully influence positively on him. He does, kind of? Tom’s still a manipulative homicidal asshole, but he is obsessed with Harry so he is willing to make concessions. The whole adoptive father/son is not everyone’s cup of tea, but nothing happens while Tom’s a minor. (From what I remember sorry 😭) https://archiveofourown.org/works/19042240/chapters/45228508

- [ ] Death and the Devil Child: Incomplete, 93k. Sassy, powerful Harry and whipped Tom. The dynamic between them? The sexual tension? The way Harry completely wipes Tom’s ass from day one? He travels back in time as Master of Death with Death at his side cosplaying as a teenage girl. Really good, give it a try. https://archiveofourown.org/works/51578491/chapters/138645514?selected_id=130367584&commit=Go

- [ ] if we were lovers: Complete, 266k. Muggle au, dark academy, inspired on If We Were Villains. So completely different from anything I’ve read before, an amazing spin on the trope. https://archiveofourown.org/works/51875998

- [ ] Everything We Dream Can Be Real: Muggle au, dead dove, do not eat. Complete, 51k. Harry wakes up in a world with no magic where he doesn’t know his friends and goes batshit crazy. Serial killer Harry and detective Tom. (They’re both crazy honestly). Be aware of the tags. https://archiveofourown.org/works/33828601/chapters/84101440

- [ ] And the Living will Envy the Death: Incomplete, 80k. From the writer of What He Grow to Be. Time travel to Hogwarts 1942, they are both the same age. We need the author to update 🙏🏻 https://archiveofourown.org/works/43500502/chapters/109361971?view_adult=true

Harry, blushing in the background: Bloody fucking Malfoy

It's That Time of Year 🎄

A school project based on Harry Potter and the Prisioner of Azkaban

and my husband, of course

Hi! not sure if you take fic recs- but i really enjoyed Forever, preferably by JoWithTheFlow on ao3. Its a pretty typical tomarry time travel au fic, and i think its massively underrated. I can't find the author on tumblr, but they are amazing.

Hellooooo. Yess, of course I take fic recs love, thank you! I’ll give it a try and update soon. 💕