I Would Love A Quiet Realization For Jay Rather Than A Big One. Like Something Subtle. Maybe A Distracted

i would love a quiet realization for jay rather than a big one. like something subtle. maybe a distracted ras telling jay to go find something in the ninja's quarters, and when he goes there he comes across something small, like nya's side of the pendant and realizing it matches with his. Or another small yellow pin that he goes with the one he used to have.

And when it starts coming together in his mind slowly, he looks back to ras, whos talking normally with cinder or jordana about something. jays whole world falling apart and no one notices.

cinder might clap him on the back, asking if he wants to go for a drink. Jay shrugs him off. And later maybe, in the dead of night, when Cinder offers Jay a drink in his room -

"What would you do?" Jay taps his pen against the mirror, "if you find out everything was a lie?"

"Find a way to un-find out, probably," Cinder takes a drag of his cigarette. "There is nothing better than ignorance in this world."

got kind of fic-y but still.. just the quiet turmoil going on inside jays head in the middle of a battle when ras slips up and says something he shouldn't have, when something matches up a little too well and the battle wages around him, people fighting - and jay just standing there. Feeling sick.

Maybe he won't even try to find out more. Maybe he'll concoct his own delusion, his own world to escape the horror of his reality. So deep in denial that nothing can break him out of his fantasy realm.

The other wolf mask warriors will say it's a waste, probably. that such a pretty face - jay's face, a face made of all sharp edges and porcelain and looking like he was wielded with deadly precision - is bestowed upon a person who's fucked in the head.

It won't matter to cinder, though. He just prefers Jay that way.

HE WOULDVE MADE SUCH A LOVELY BRIDE WHAT A SHAME HES FUCKED IN THE HEAD!!!!!!!!

cant believe taylor wrote champagne problems about jay walker actually

but yes yes yes, id love for it to be a slow realisation.

i actually like an interpretation where walker knows he used to be a ninja, even before the tournament.

Thats why he resents nya and the others. And one thing about jay is that hes an excellent liar when he wants to be.

jay knows that used to be his family and he sees them with new kids, going on walks hand in hand with new people, and all he can think about is the wounds he suffered from after running away from admin. because in all this loving, powerful family, after half a decade none of them searched for him. none of them found him and none of them saved him.

he was alone, without even a ghost of himself, planning his way out of the realm of madness, running from the entire world that wanted to kill him until ras saved him.

i think he slowly pieced it together. a post online here, a person at admin talking about a blue ninja there, an archived photo from a pre merge magazine.

none of it brought any memories back. not a dream, not a feeling of recognition.

no memories dont stop the cold anger when ras slips up. knowing ras is lying to him in his face. no dreams of them dont stop him from laying awake at night, tracing his scars and tattoos and wondering which one of them patched them up. no recognition doesnt stop him from fury when seeing them for the first time.

but yes i believe hes very fucked in the head and most of the wolves think of him as the crazy one of ras entourage. the mastermind behind ras, someone you can trust to plan extremely well and someone you do not want to piss off unless you have a death wish.

and yes i think cinder loves all sides of walker - the cold and calculating, the white hot rage, the shaky confusion. he enjoys all of him. simple as that.

and gods thank you for "there is nothing better than ignorance in this world". such a good quote for cinder characterisation.

but also the mental image of jays world falling apart around him and no one noticing - spectacular and i hate how vividly i can relate