Balance

Silence

You don't know what battles I am fighting

You don't know the ones I am winning and losing

You don't know if my breakfast is sweet or bitter

You don't know if I am returning to a bed of flowers or nails

You don't know if I am having nightmares

You don't know if my mornings are even fair

You just know I speak less

You don't know that each of my actions are shouting ahead

You don't know enough because I am not willing to tell

You don't know enough because you are not the risk I am willing to take

I am an introvert, you think I like playing safe

But you don't know even privacy is like a fire play

I am getting offended by most of the things these days...

Don't know if it's my newly found self worth phase or I have crossed the thin line to enter the ego phase.

One sided friendship

I have heard a lot of people explain one sided love

But never heard anyone even talk about one sided friendship

Did you?

Honestly speaking I have been on both ends

I remember ignoring people even when they were ready to loose all for me

I remember being ignored even when I was ready to loose all of me

Did you?

Still think about going back and joining those chords

But what are the odds

Those I ignored have moved on tired of wasting their time

And those on whom I wasted my time never seemed mine

But still I wish for their call

Do you?

I find it weird how we just connect to some

I find it sad when those connections don't care and for them you are not the one

I thought love asked for a lot

but now I think even friendship's demands are not a dot

Do you?

Maybe they asked for so much that I just stayed aloof

Maybe my demands were so much that they considered me fool

Being nice and being friends are different I realised late

Not everyone you like is ready to be a part of your fate

Were you also a one sided friend at one time?

Do you also think that it was worth the time?

What if the efforts were not equal,

It was a friendship you initiated and it will never have a sequel...

It's so intimidating to see myself in a mirror because I see me and then this another person who is not me. A person who is just an amalgamation of my mother, my father and my grandparents. A person who is not one but many. And it is so amazing and frightening at the same time. The fact that like every other thing, like every other incident, and person, you also hold the potential to be beautiful and scary not only to others but to your own self too.

Sometimes it hits you exactly in your core. The realisation that you just not have that one person with whom you are never going to be angry, the person who gets your mood even before you realise, and someone to whom you can rant everything out.

What it feels like to

What it feels like to break a bond that was never there

What it feels like to wake up from a dream and realise reality is here

What it feels like to know that you are not the one

What it feels like to think someone unknown has left you abandoned

What it feels like to know you were never good enough

What it feels like to live in a bluff

What it feels like to expect too much

What it feels like to have a wrong hunch

What it feels like to consider love would come by

What it feels like when the one you like breaks all ties

What it feels like to have a void

What it feels like to not being able to avoid

It definitely feels too much

It's so much that you eventually give up

It's so elaborate that you get numb

But you still think what it feels like to...

Winners don't have such remorse

Do you ever wake up with the feeling that a lot is lost

It's summer but you still feel the frost

Everything and everyone is around

But you still can't listen a sound

It's not your life but a trap

You are actually a piece of crap

Your to do list is overflowing

Your courage to start something is slowly going

It's not like you have to start afresh

But where you are standing now, seems nothing more than a mess

Your ambitions are enthusiastically parading

Even though all your motivation is fading

You are somehow willing to leave

But just too scared to believe

Supporting hands seems to tease

Ah! hope you knew, who you want to please

Feel like you have an empty soul

You are too tired to feel not only this but all

You want to speak

Although you are scared that your secret of being a coward might leak

You are not a loser, ofcourse

But you also know that a winner doesn't have such remorse

Someone asked about my ideal type and I didn't know what to say.

I only knew a single name that I didn't want to take.

Suicide

As a child I really loved the idea of suicide and kind of glorified it in my mind. It seemed perfect in all ways, you don't have to suffer in old age, you don't have to suffer from the pain of any terminal illness. It was just like if things are not going well you can end things whenever you want. I always liked the fact that suicide gives you the right to end your life as per your wish and instead of someone or something having the ability to end you.

But now a lot of time has passed, I am an adult and very thankful that I found a reason to not do something so 'awesome' as suicide. Because now I am mature and has realised that the notion behind my glorifying suicide had no base. I have realised that Yes when we try to hang ourselves we are the ones to remove that stool from under our feet but the rope we use was given to us by someone else. In simple words we want to end our lives but only because of others and how they treat us, which is obviously wrong. One more thing I realised growing up is that like we got hundred reasons to procrastinate our work, we also got hundred reasons to procastinate the idea of suicide. And for me just a single one was sufficient to keep me alive and also to teach me how to love life.

Maybe you need more than one reason to keep up living but I know you have those reasons, so just find them and cling to it till you start loving yourself and the surrounding. If I can move on everyone can and you know if I would have opted for suicide back when I was a kid, maybe I would have never been able to face all those failures and then enjoyed overcoming them. Challenges don't make your life miserable but they make your life unique. Just like I love to wear a unique dress to a party, I also love having my set of failures and challenges which make my life unique.

Finally, when you feel like ending your life just cling to the 'some' reasons around you to live till the time you start loving your life. Because suicide is stupid and everyone definitely realises that one day.

Jim and Pam

I hate marriages I say

Because not everyone is lucky in Pam's way

It's hard to find love which never looks away

It's hard to get Jim who always stays

A person who knows that he is best for you

But steps away to let you choose

A person who always wants you to grow

No matter how many days you are away in a row

A person who accepts you all

The fierce you, the timid you, the clumsy you the beautiful you, the failed you, the successful you, and the complete haul

A person who can comfort you

A person who can love you

A person for whom your smile is a lucky charm

A person who is willing to let you sleep on his arm

A person with whom valentine's day fight also seems a plan

A person whose leaving is more painful than he being an angry man

Yes I want my children to know we are soulmates and it is no less than fairytales

I want to tell them stories of our dates

I don't know what else to say

But finding a person for whom you are not enough but everything seems like an impossible way