I Dont Know About You But I Think That If You Gave A Peice Of Sour Candy To A 14th Century Peasant They

Fuck You Baltimore

Will be using in my campaign

100 Warm Up DnD Character Questions

If your character wasn’t an adventurer, what livelihood would they lead?

Who in the party would your character trust the most with their life?

What are your character’s core moral beliefs?

What relationship does your character have with their parents and siblings?

Does your character have any biases for or against certain races?

What is your character’s opinion on nobility? On authority?

Describe your character’s current appearance: clothes, armor, scars they’ve picked up along the journey, etc.

What location encountered in the campaign has your character felt the most “at home” in, or just generally liked the most?

What deity, if any, does your character worship? What’s their opinion on other people’s worship?

If your character had time to pick up any artisan’s tools, game set, instrument, etc., what would it be?

Describe your character’s current relationship with the player character sitting to your right.

What is your character’s current goal, summed up in one sentence?

Does your character ever want to “settle down” with a spouse, children, house, etc.?

Has your character ever been in love?

What battle in the campaign has been most memorable to your character?

If your character wasn’t whatever class they are, what would they be instead?

What is your character’s favorite season?

What would your character’s Zodiac sign be, following stereotypical astrology?

Where in the world does your character most want to visit?

What is the biggest mistake your character has ever made?

Does your character have any noticeable scars? If so, what are their stories?

What animal best represents your character?

If your character could go back in time and change one thing about their life, what would it be?

Which other player character does your character find themselves having the most in common with?

Does your character regret any particular choice the party has made?

What would your character say their best trait would be?

What is your character’s greatest fear? Deep, irrational?

What is currently motivating your character to stay with the party?

What are your character’s hobbies and interests outside of their class?

What would most people think when they first see your character?

What stereotypical group role does your character play in the party? (The Mom, the Mess, the Comic Relief, etc. Optionally: What role would your character play in the “Five Man Band” structure?)

What is your character the most insecure about?

What person does your character admire most?

What does your character admire and dislike the most about the player character sitting to your left?

Why is your character’s lowest stat their lowest (the in-character reason, not “because there’s no reason for a wizard to have 16 strength, duh”)?

What would be your character’s theme song/favorite band/favorite genre of music?

What stereotypical role would your character play in a high school AU/if they attended a normal high school? (Nerd, jock, bully, goth, etc.)

What treasure/item/artifact that your character has collected during the adventure is the most important to them?

Is there any particular weapon, item, etc. that your character longs to find?

Where does your character feel the most at home?

Does your character care about how they’re perceived by others? How do they change themselves to fit in with other people?

What does your character think is the true meaning of life?

What is your character’s scent? (Bonus points for a description that sounds like it could be from a bad [or awesome] fanfic.)

Does your character think more with their heart or their brain?

What is your character’s most recent or frequent nightmare?

What opinion does your character have on [CERTAIN ESTABLISHED GROUPS/AUTHORITIES IN THE GAME WORLD]? (Dragonmarked Houses, royal crown, etc.)

How did your character spend their childhood? Where did they grow up/who were their childhood friends?

What aspect of your character’s future are they most curious about? (If they could know one thing about the future, what would it be?)

What colors are associated with your character?

Who in the party would your character prioritize rescuing, in dire circumstances?

Is your character the most swayed by ethos, pathos, or logos?

If your character was granted a single use of Wish, what would they use it for?

What is your character’s favorite spell? If they don’t use spells: what is their favorite personal weapon/combat maneuver/skill/etc.?

How does your character feel about keeping secrets from the rest of the party?

What type of creature in the world is your character the most intrigued by?

When they were a child, what did your character want to be, or think they were going to be, when they grew up?

The player character to your left admits that they’re passionately in love with your character. How would your character respond?

If somebody (an NPC, someone from their backstory, etc.) your character trusts/loves asked your character to do something against the party’s best interest, who would they side with?

Does your character value their own best interest more than the party’s?

What decision would the party have to make in order for your character to consider splitting off from the group?

How does your character imagine the way they will die?

What is your character’s greatest achievement?

Is your character willing to risk the well-being of others in order to achieve their goal?

What is your character’s opinion on killing others?

What is your character’s favorite food? Beverage?

How generous is your character? Especially to those they don’t know?

What is your character the most envious about, regarding anyone in the party?

The player character to your left and the player character to your right are both telling your character two different versions of the truth. Who does your character believe?

What is your character’s sexuality/relationship with sex?

What is your character’s biggest pet peeve?

Describe how your character feels about the party’s current situation/objective/etc.

Who in the party would your character trust the most to keep an important secret?

If your character knew that they were going to die in a month, how would they spend the rest of their life?

What makes your character feel safe?

If your character had the chance to rename the party/give the party a name, no questions asked, what would it be?

What memory does your character want to forget the most?

If your character had to multiclass into a class they currently aren’t the next time they level up, what would it be and what reason would they have for doing so?

What television/book/video game/etc. character would your character be best friends with? (Or: what media character is your character the most influenced by/similar to?

What unusual talents does your character possess?

How does your character feel about receiving/giving orders? Are they more of a leader, or a follower?

What does your character’s name represent to them? (Or: why as a player did you choose your character’s name?)

Is your character more of an introvert, or an extrovert?

How far is your character willing to go to pursue the “greater good”? Do they believe in a greater good at all?

What does your character want to be remembered by?

What would be your character’s major in college?

Does your character consider themselves a hero, villain, or something else?

What major arcana tarot card best represents your character?

Where does your character see themselves in 20 years?

What is your character’s relationship with magic? Are they scared of it, wish to know more about it, indifferent to it?

Who is your character’s biggest rival?

What is your character’s guiltiest pleasure?

What does your character hope for the afterlife?

Who in the party does your character trust the least?

What is your character’s biggest flaw?

How did your character learn the languages that they speak?

What is your character’s favorite school of magic/type of weaponry?

What is most important to your character: health, wealth, or happiness?

What advice would your character give to a younger version of themselves?

Are there any social or political issues your character feels strongly about?

What, currently, is your character the most curious about?

taken from here courtesy of @greyjediluke

til all fungi are sexy as hell i wish i had 1000 genders and no braincells

Cambell corn soup

"Look into my mouth" I say, my cold eyes staring into the depths of your soul.

You turn towards me and relucantly watch as i open my gaping jaw.

You don't notice it at first but suddenly you smell the foul oder.

"I havent brushed in two days"

A large grin on my face, my teeth all brown and mushy.

You watch in terror as my teeth slowly slide out of my mouth and into yours.

"Nothing shall go to waste" I whisper

You close your eyes because you dont want to see the scene unfolding in front of you.

Suddenly you feel a soft sensation on your tounge and a sweet taste fills your mouth.

"Corn" you wisper, a single tear rolling down your cheek.

You feel your teeth being pushed out, and replaced by something that can only be described as hard corn cernels.

You are now fully ugly crying. The only sounds are your cries, echoing in the empty starbucks bathroom.

Your eyes, being consumed by crawling corn cernels. All you see is corn, slowly replacing every part of what was once you.

You have lost all your senses, except touch and taste.

You feel as though a metal rind is being placed between you and freedom.

You feel as though you are being picked up...

"Mmm, cambell corn soup. My favorite." You hear, as a giant figure, resembling a grandmother apears in your mind.

You feel their grip upon you...

You are cambell corn soup.

You are corn.

Nothing shall go to waste.

the contrabass saxophone is such an absurd instrument

Me: "Im so sick and tired of the whole "Youre inside your skeleton" or "you're your brain, inside your skull" Like bitch im my body and my soul. Last time I checked (7 seconds ago) my skin was outside my bones. And frankly im not even certain I have a brain that can be in my skull."

Casher: "Sir please, just order something. We're a Wendy's, not a therepy ward."

Who tf is philip and why tf he makin' head skrews?

Random Wilderness Encounters (1d100)

Here’s a complete list of my Wilderness Encounters (#1-5)! After this I’ll be posting Random Town Encounters. If you guys want other environments let me know! (Ocean, Island, Mountain, Underworld, ???)

[1] A friendly stray dog appears, when asked to speak the dog has a lot to share [2] Materializing out of thin air, a magician appears claiming one of the party members is their long lost cousin. Surely this must be a mistake? [3] The sky above turns into a strange hue, birds begin flying in strange patterns in response [4] Copper sign on a large oak tree warns of a dangerous beast that hunts in the area [5] Strange traveling merchant appears selling exotic fish and unique magical spices. They’re desperate for loyal customers, surely this won’t be the last the party sees of them [6] There is a shift in the aura, the party have crossed into a large-scale summoning circle [7] A faint tune is heard, a pleasant and somewhat familiar whistling. But only half of the party can hear it [8] The trees appear to be sickly, covered in an acidic substance. The source of the infection lies deeper within the woods. It is hungry [9] Ruins of an abandoned town lie before you, only a few decades old. What awaits within the shadows? [10] A strange marketplace is stationed near a spring, all the merchants seem to be friendly but you can’t help but feel like something suspicious is going down… [11] The temperature drops to an insanely low degree almost immediately. Destroyed trees and earth lie ahead covered in ice crystals and blood [12] A carriage rides toward you in the distance, the driver smiles and waves. As they pass by, a tied up body wriggles and falls out of the carriage [13] Pointed plant spurs shower the party attaching to their clothes, they are difficult to remove and grow in size very rapidly [14] The aroma of baked goods floods your nose, it’s rich and enticing. A colossal sized monster is baking goods in a makeshift oven near a river [15] Goblins camping on a hill loudly argue about a dishonest game of cards. Looks like their betting pool is full of interesting treasure [16] Forest spirits glow and awaken as the party enters their domain. The spirits offer a safe way through the forest as long as they promise not to steal any of the enchanted flowers within [17] A wounded Minotaur rests against a tree slipping in and out of consciousness [18] Blessed by a beautiful night, the party gaze upon a shooting star. It glows brightly, increasing with size as it makes contact with the earth itself not too far away [19] Travel is pleasant until the party notices their packs seem to be lessening in weight [20] Twin travelers, no more than 6 years of age, approach the party lost and scared. They refuse to let anyone open up their knapsacks [21] A band of muggers attack the party, they are completely drunk and can barely hold a dagger [22] It seems you’ve stumbled onto the hidden base of an Alchemist, strange abominations infused with Chromatic Orbs guard the premise [23] “Huh. That’s weird, did that plant just move or was it just me?” [24] While scavenging for food, you stumble upon an adorable but frightened rabbit. Every time it sneezes it changes forms, starting with Owlbear [25] An abandoned grain mill provides some convenient shelter for the night. Inside the mill the party discover a complex mechanical endoskeleton, the rusted metal gears creak uneasily [26] Nearby, a crowd has gathered around a clay golem without a master. The crowd watches, enchanted as the golem paints masterpieces. The paint has a strange property… [27] Two Monsters are locked in combat, bloodied and breathing heavily. It seems their glorious duel is one of honor, maybe bet on a winner? [28] A Dragon flies overhead holding onto a hoard of gold and treasures. A sudden change in direction causes a piece of their treasure to fall [29] Dozens of fish with human legs crawl out of a lake. This school of peculiar fish seem to be on a mission [30] Rock music is heard in the distance followed by bouts of cheering, strange aromas fill the air. It seems you are approaching a Music Festival [31] You’ve wandered onto the premises of a camp for young Wizards. A Wizarding tournament is taking place and things get very dangerous, very fast [32] A cobblestone bridge stretches across a deep ravine. An Orc guarding the bridge demands you pay the toll, fortunately it is very small. After crossing the bridge you simply cannot remember where you are or where you’re going- Oh, a hey! A bridge! (And repeat) [33] A Mage stands in front of an unfinished tower. Upon seeing the party, they ask for assistance [34] A few hundred feet ahead, a strange house on wheels attached to two horses is parked on the side of the road. The house is somewhat destroyed but a sign on the roof is visible, “The Legendary Vagabond’s Sensational Creature Exhibit” [35] The ground below rumbles as a Monster emerges catching one of the party members in their teeth [36] In the center of the forest clearing, an abandoned field of flowers sway. These strange flowers are growing out the decayed body of a Dryad [37] A wild chicken jumps out of the bushes, it’s beak covered in blood. Surely this chicken is no threat, right? [38] Seated beside the river shore, an ethereal creature weeps. They reveal themselves as a Demigod with daddy issues [39] Hungrily, a non-traditional Chimera stalks the party. The beast is stitched together poorly [40] Inside the log of a fallen tree lies a poorly concealed treasure chest full of stolen loot. I’m sure nobody will mind if we take it? [41] Mysterious beasts occupy a dark hollow inside a hill, they want to play a bizarre game with promise of a grand reward [42] A sleeping Cyclops presents an awkward obstacle for the party, sleeping on the path. Nothing seems to be waking them and going around them is dangerous due to the environment [43] A nearby earthquake collapses the ground, revealing some glowing ore [44] Rotted flora is everywhere, upon further inspection this rot spreads out for miles [45] Wonderful! A village! Oh and everyone here is so nice… New mayors? Oh no, you must be mistaken! Oh, you’re certain? Well then [46] Lightning strikes the ground creating a dimensional rift. Certain conditions must have been met for this to have happened. Why not investigate? [47] Faint, indescribable sounds are heard from every direction. As you leave the dense foliage you discover beasts and Monsters of all types in cages. Welcome to the zoo [48] Little miss spider sips on some cider, eating her curds and whey. Along came the party, all powerful and hearty who scared miss spider away… You guys should probably apologize [49] A few tattered shacks sit beside the open road, nothing of interest is found within. The only thing to note is that they seem to be breathing… [50] Something straight out of Monster Factory is now stalking the party. Are they friend or foe? [51] A poet down on their luck bumps into the party. Did I mention they’re a Beholder? Let’s hope somebody can inspire this beast, or else [52] Just outside the village a group of angsty Bards are practicing their instruments. Their music is loud and dangerous, they don’t seem to understand a thing about Bardic magic [53] The coolest wizard you’ve ever seen dogsleds past your crew, spraying them with glittering ice. Did I mention it’s summer? [54] Just ahead, you see a ruined castle covered in moss and vines overlooking a quiet lake [55] Looks like a small creature has found its way into someone’s pack. This menace has eaten all of your rations and drank all of their booze! [56] YUCK! A swarm of bugs have gotten the best of your party. Fortunately, only one of you was bitten. Unfortunately, it looks like now they’ve developed a new, very unfortunate allergy [57] Blistering heat has rendered your whole party sweaty and exhausted, movement is quite difficult. I sure hope some baddies don’t show up right now [58] The unluckiest member of your party has their luck turned around, they found a precious jewel lodged in the dirt. They feel inspired [59] The unluckiest member of your party continues their trend of haplessness, they find a precious jewel lodged in the dirt. It whispers to them at night, haunting their dreams [60] After a hearty sleep the party awaken to find that they’ve been sleeping on top of a buried tomb [61] A large scale battle is taking place, bodies everywhere. Wait, this doesn’t seem to be a battlefield but a serious LARP session [62] Rusted weapons have been lazily discarded into a sunken pit. As the party approaches they discover this heap of weapons is actually somebody, or something’s collection [63] A drunken Necromancer attempts to impress the party by casting hazardous spells [64] Arrows fire at the party from behind. Someone’s been hired to take them out [65] For the past few hours you’ve felt as if someone has been watching you from afar. A Druid has been tracking your party. Outsiders are rare in this forest [66] A group Merchants are completely lost. Neither of them can remember anything from their past [67] Religious statues are placed haphazardly around the area, nothing is out of the ordinary until the sun goes down [68] Dozens of animated skeletons are exercising and doing some really intense yoga [69] Beside a babbling brook, a young cow drinks alone. They’re irresistibly adorable [70] An uneventful day of travel, the weather is calm the trees are- THUD! WHAT THE- The party leader has bumped into something invisible [71] All metal objects are intensely pulled toward an unknown source. Steel weapons and armor don’t stand a chance [72] It appears resting on that rock was quite the mistake. The stone rumbles and animates, grumpy and combative [73] Meditating on floating chunks of earth is a powerful looking Monk. They claim to have been awaiting the party’s arrival. The Monk issues a challenge, a test of strength [74] You’ve somehow stumbled onto a delightful Toad farm. Do you think a Witch lives around here or is there just a Toad enthusiast in these parts? [75] The morning sun stirs you awake to an unexpected scene. You and your friends have been tied up and kidnapped, seated in the back of a caravan. It smells oddly of pickled vegetables [76] A fishing contest is being held at the lake. The grand prize is a shockingly large sum of currency [77] It is a moonless night, travel is nearly impossible. As the party decide to sleep for the night, glowing is seen in the distance. When investigated the glowing creature is seemingly friendly and it attempts to guide the party through the night [78] Forest fairies are holding a festival for their gods, they invite the party to join [79] ACHOO! The pollen in the air is really strong… Wait… Are those trees growing or are we shrinking? Of course we’re shrinking! Why wouldn’t we be shrinking!? [80] In order to pass through this forest unharmed you must answer the goddess’s riddle. Unfortunately for the party she speaks a dead language, they hear only strange whispers [81] A group of Goblins attack! After giving them a good licking you run into them again. And again… And again. Maybe we should just make peace with these dorks [82] Introduce the most ridiculous NPC and have them stuck in some quicksand. Really let their character shine through, whether they are stupidly entertaining or horribly unbearable [83] A strange light glows in the distance on top of a mountain. Is this a sign of good fortune or something much more sinister? [84] A lone child plays the flute in the forest, they appear almost ethereal. It is a haunting melody [85] Shattered Gargoyles sit in an overgrown garden, a treasure chest lies among the rubble [86] Pick your favorite Cryptid and make them canonical to your world. Have the beast stalk the party for mysterious cryptic reasons. And yes, the Loch Ness Monster is an excellent choice [87] The forest clearing leads to a crystal clear freshwater lake. In the depths of the water something terrifying is waiting to be discovered [88] Two hyper intelligent, talking rabbits stop the party in their tracks. All they request are some books to read [89] A tree, twice as tall as the others appears to be growing… Weapons? (All of those are cursed, of course) [90] Next to the road, a group of Archaeologists are taking dirt samples. They’re convinced they will find some buried artifacts in the area. They are willing to pay a ridiculous sum of money if you give them some assistance, just as long as you keep this whole thing to yourselves [91] Resting through the night was very pleasant for the party leader. When they attempt to greet their comrades, they have found themselves in a bed a long ways away from their resting point [92] Dried up lake beds and decaying trees among a field of animal bones. You have reached the outside of a Necromancer’s circle [93] Orcs with a sense of humor attempt to prank the party. Their prank is perfectly harmless, it involves just a little bit of bottled unicorn piss [94] Travel is impossible on this moonless night. Unfortunately, sleeping until morning does not solve the situation, nighttime persists indefinitely [95] A colorful formation on the side of the mountain piques your interest. Inside lies the abandoned home of a giant and it is full of unique treasure. Let’s just hope something else hasn’t taken residence within the forgotten halls [96] Tons of bubblegum covers the roads, it is awful to travel through. The source of this mishap is a young Wizard with a sweet tooth [97] Crashed into the side of a plateau, a metallic construct with strange markings and glowing lights. Surely this isn’t an actual extraterrestrial? [98] While foraging for food, the party find a path of mushrooms leading into a dense Fungal Forest. Rare and undiscovered fungi grow within [99] The most obnoxious bard in the world joins the party at their campfire. They claim to be weak and in need of good company, offering booze to win them over. Did I mention this bard is an infamous necromancer on the run? Yeah, that might be important to know [100] Have you ever heard of the Adventure Zone? Well, Taako, Magnus and Merle have suddenly found themselves into your campaign. They are completely lost

Gotta find Eddy Thompsons!

If enough people see this post, it’s very likely that someone that sees it is named Eddy Thompson and will be very freaked out.

Hello, I come from the forests, ask me anything